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Quotes of the day:
"Is that a front-butt?"
-Rachael, about Joanne's pants during "Take Me or Leave Me"
"I want to read about corsets and diiiiiieeeee."
-Jennifer, about the gothy people spending their time in Barnes and Noble drinking coffee and reading gothic novels
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"You move sixteen tons and what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt…." Collins sang these words over and over, unable to face his dire circumstances any longer. He no longer took hopeful glances toward the perceived shoreline. He knew it wasn't there. He was doomed to float forever in the sea of death…..as well as the literal sea. But, he wasn't thinking about that.
All he thought about was his song. His song about miners.
"Hey, you okay? You need a ride?" a voice suddenly called.
"It's the angel of death!" Collins cried, reaching toward the sunlight. "Take me home!"
"Um….like, no, but would you like a ride to the shore?" the voice wondered.
Collins turned his head to see a schooner full of teen girls, tan, bikini-clad and oh-so-friendly. He smiled the biggest smile imaginable and dumbly said, "Yes." He would much rather sing a song about these kinds of minors.
--
Mimi had "borrowed" a megaphone from the lifeguard tower to communicate with Roger. "I am not coming out there," she insisted. "There's too much seaweed! Besides, it's not deep! You can touch bottom, you're not gonna drown!"
Roger stood miserably on the sandbar. "I tried to walk through, but it's too deep!" he yelled, not knowing if she could hear him. "I went under!! I almost died!!"
"Don't be a baby!" Mimi said, rolling her eyes. "Either come back here, or pitch a tent." She threw her hands up in the air. She'd be damned if she was going to get in that disgusting seaweed again. She sat down on the moist sand, letting the waves wash over her feet while she watched a panicky Roger getting into the water.
Roger didn't want to leave the safety of the sandbar. He was really hoping that Mimi would come out to get him and give him a piggy-back ride back to shore. He wondered if she would mind asking the lifeguard to do it for her.
Roger looked at his surroundings. Lots of water. Water that caused drowning, which was bad. He was a good thirty yards from shore. He knew with his low swimming abilities that he wouldn't make it. There was a group of kids swimming a few yards ahead of him…..maybe they would help him….
"Hey, Rog!"
"Oh, hi Collins," Roger replied. He did a double-take, when he realized that he was looking at a luxurious schooner filled with young girls and Collins holding a margarita. "What the hell?"
"Hey man, you need a ride?" Collins asked. Now, it is certain that Collins preferred men (particularly pretty men) to women. But, he definitely preferred women to dehydrating on a float in the middle of the ocean.
Roger preferred women to all of these things. He clambered aboard the boat like a spider monkey and shouted, "Land ahoy!"
--
The small boat propelled all the way up to shore, allowing its two male passengers to get off. "Thanks, you guys!" Roger exclaimed, giving the girls a big smile and waving.
"Yeah, I owe you one!" Collins said.
"No problem, guys! Have a fun vacation," the leader of the girls cried, as their boat pulled off and down the shoreline.
Mimi came stomping over and grabbed Roger by the arm. "Who were they?" she demanded.
"Uhh…..they're cheerleaders," Roger replied. "They're here for cheer competition."
This did not please Mimi. "Of all the boats in the whole ocean, you just happened to get on the one with all the cheerleaders?" she demanded.
"Hey, Collins got on first," Roger said, defensively.
"Collins!!" yelled an excited Angel running down the beach. Her arms were open, ready for a hug and her eyes were big and sparkily. She wouldn't have cared if Collins had shown up on a boat full of sailors! Well….maybe sailors, but cheerleaders? Pshaw! She was just so glad to see him that she jumped on him, tackling him onto the ground.
"Woah!" Collins said, landing on the sand. He and Angel shared a kiss or two before he said, "I am so happy to see you."
Angel's lip quivered. "I was so worried! Are you okay? What happened??" she cried.
They began to walk up the beach while Collins told about his harrowing nightmare. Mimi and Roger were close behind, arguing.
Maureen and Joanne had come back to the beach and were sitting with the still snoozing Mark. The other two couples joined them, wondering what had become of the umbrella. Soon all the chattering jarred Mark awake. He opened his eyes, and for some reason this was a painful task. As Mark became more wakeful, he realized that there was a hot, stingy sensation all over him. On his face, his lower arms, his lower legs. The only parts of him that didn't hurt were the parts protected by his clothes. That could only mean one thing.
Mark sat up so suddenly that everyone else jumped back. "I'm sunburned!" Mark yelled, giving them all accusing looks.
Roger scoffed, "Well you're the one that was laying out here all day!"
"Who took the umbrella down?" Mark demanded. "It was supposed to protect me!"
"We thought you took it down," Mimi replied. "We thought you were trying to tan."
"We didn't want to disturb you," Roger added.
Mark groaned and wordlessly began walking toward the hotel.
"Where are you going?" Collins asked.
"I'm going to buy aloe," Mark responded.
--
Half an hour later, the sun was beginning to go down, so the group decided to check out the hotel's other attractions. Mark had gone up to the room. After soaking himself in a bathtub of aloe, he had buried himself in blankets in bed when he started to get chills from the fevers of the sunburn. Collins and Roger got in the pool, glad to have it to themselves, since most everyone else in the hotel had gone out to eat. Maureen and Joanne had gone to the steam room to relax and lose some of that water weight that Maureen was so obsessed about. Mimi and Angel had taken to the steamy hot tub next to the pool where they reclined and chatted.
"I'm about to burst!" Angel exclaimed. "Only twenty-seven hours until Margo Fletcher!!!!"
Mimi rolled her eyes. "Okay, stop with the countdown already. Can't we just enjoy our vacation without thinking about the hat lecture every five minutes?"
All of a sudden Angel's head rolled backward with such an inanimate detachment that Mimi thought her friend had died. Mimi was a millisecond away from calling for help when Angel's head snapped back up wigless.
Mimi screamed, not expecting this. "Angel! What happened to your wig??"
Angel's hand shot up to his head and he turned around quickly. He saw the blond wig that had once been on his head getting chopped up into chunks in the hot tub's whirring jets. "The hot tub ate it!!" he cried. He turned around to give Mimi a scary look. "Mimi, that was the only hair I brought with me!!"
Angel and Mimi gave it a three-second pause, then screamed at the top of their lungs in unison. Angel screamed because he now looked like a very odd man in a bikini, and Mimi screamed because she knew she was about to be dragged on a very tiring all-night wig-shopping excursion.
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NoV: That made me giggle. Notice that the transformation of Angel's pronouns was caused by the loss of the wig. . I didn't slip up. So, hope that was enjoyable!
Next time (!): Angel and Mimi go wig-hunting, Mimi loses something important, Maureen gets trapped, Mark gets in a pinch.