The Diary
Changes
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I affiliated with the owners of, Inuyasha
"Inuyasha," Miroku said warily, staring in disbelief at the hanyou, "What on earth are you doing?"
Inuyasha growled at him in reply and continued to scrub behind his ears in the stream. Miroku tried again.
"Inuyasha, it's midnight," he sighed, sitting on a rock by Inuyasha's clothes. "Kagome and Sango are worried. Even Shippo's less flamboyant than usual. Will you please come back to camp?"
"Not until I'm clean," Inuyasha grumbled. Miroku raised his brows in surprise.
"Clean?" He asked in disbelief. "You want... to take a bath? Is that what you're doing?"
"What does it LOOK like I'm doing, moron?" Inuyasha barked. "Excersizing?"
"But... why?" Miroku was baffled. "You hate bathing. Generally you make excuses not to bathe, and instead Kagome has to trick you into a hot tub of soap and water."
"I know!" Inuyasha snapped. With a sigh, he continued, "I know. But I'm trying to change."
Frowning, Miroku asked hesitantly, "Change what? Inuyasha, you're worrying me."
"Change everything!" Inuyasha yelled irritably. Suddenly he roared in pain as his claws got in the way of his frenzied scrubbing and he made a gash in his left ear. As he quickly cleaned the cut with cold water, he mumbled to Miroku, "Change everything that makes Kagome want to go home. And if that means changing my entire being, so be it." Miroku sat speechless on the rock as Inuyasha dried off and put his clothes back on. "Tell the others not to worry, I'm just out thinking. I need to decide what to do. And if I'm not back by the time Kagome is ready to leave, please ask her to wait. If she has to go I at least want to say good-bye." And with that, Inuyasha walked silently into the woods, leaving his Tetsusaiga with Miroku, who glanced warily at the weapon before looking again at the place his friend had disappeared into. Shaking his head, he picked up the sword and his staff and began the hike back to the camp, dreading what was to come.
"What do you mean, he's not coming back tonight?" Kagome asked in distress. "And he left his Tetsusaiga with you? Why?" Sango only stared at Miroku, who sighed.
"He said he needs to think. Kagome," Miroku took the young girl's hand in his, "please don't go looking for him. He's... upset."
Kagome snatched her hand away and stood up. "I'm not even allowed to go see if he's alright? What if it rains? What if some dangerous demon attacks him? He left the Tetsusaiga here, Miroku, and all you can say is that he's upset?"
"Kagome, I know!" Miroku said angrily, his nerves frazzled. Kagome stopped talking; Miroku could be very frightening when he was mad. "Please stop ranting at me! Inuyasha's a capable young hanyou, so don't pretend to be so worried! You just want him here because you feel unsafe, isn't that right? Inuyasha is going on some insane mission to change everything about himself to keep you from leaving and all you can do is scream at me because I let him go! You didn't see his face, you don't know how utterly helpless and destroyed he was. Kagome, just go pack your things and sleep; you need the rest." Miroku stood up and walked to Inuyasha's cherry tree, taking the Tetsusaiga with him.
Kagome collapsed on the small porch of the hut beside Sango, dropping her head to her hands. Sango reached out and put an arm around her shoulders.
"What have I done?" Kagome whispered.
"Oh, Kagome, he didn't mean half of what he just said," Sango said soothingly. "He's just upset. Miroku doesn't like to show it, but he worries about Inuyasha all the time, and when Inuyasha does something irrational he worries more. He's just scared that Inuyasha will go off and do something to get himself hurt, and since he left the Tetsusaiga here, the only protection he'll have is himself and the Robe of the Firerat. Please try to understand." Kagome sniffled.
"It's all my fault, Sango," she whispered, crying. "Miroku's right. I just want Inuyasha around because he makes me feel safe. I don't want him around Kikyou because I'm afraid he'll change his mind and decide he still loves her and realize that I'm just a pathetic little girl who can't even kill a demon correctly!" Sango sighed and pulled Kagome over to rest on her shoulder.
"Kagome, even if he did still love Kikyou, Kikyou cannot love him back. You worry too much! Kikyou is too deep in grief and confusion about why she is still here, even if she's not truly alive. She is wary of Inuyasha because she never honestly learned to trust him again after Naraku's deception, and he knows that. It hurts him, but he is able to go on. Kagome, before recently, it's been about six months since he'd seen her. You know that, because he hasn't left your side. Why would he do that if not to choose you over the priestess?"
Kagome dried her face. "I just can't handle it," she admitted. "I thought I could handle him, but I was wrong. I thought I could make him love me for me, not because I'm Kikyou's reincarnation, but he won't even come back to camp to tell me good-bye before I leave." Looking at the ground, she added sadly, "Maybe I should just leave now and be a burden from his shoulders. I mean, why wait for morning? If I leave now I can be home in time for breakfast, and then I can go to school." Sango said nothing for a moment, then spoke extremely quietly.
"If that's truly what you think is best, maybe you should," she whispered so that Kagome could barely hear. Kagome nodded and went inside to gather her things.
Inuyasha wandered into the clearing around their camp, utterly exhausted. After a long night of thinking, he had come to the decision that no matter what, he couldn't let Kagome leave. He would do anything it took to keep her here, even if it meant giving up the search for the jewel shards. Kagome was more important than becoming a youkai. As he reached the cherry blossom tree, he found the Tetsusaiga flung on the ground beside it. Wearily he picked it up, making a mental note of Miroku's disregard for his sword. Looking around through bleary eyes, he noticed that something was off entirely. Usually at this time in the morning Sango and Kagome were awake and making breakfast while Shippo looked for small branches to feed the fire. Miroku would be harrassing Sango, and Inuyasha himself would generally be a useless lump somewhere nearby. Not anymore, he thought stubbornly to himself. I'll be a whole new hanyou, helping Kagome with whatever she wants.
Slowly he made his way to the hut, deciding they must be sleeping late in preparation for the impending journey which Inuyasha hoped to stop. Reaching the porch, he found one of Kagome's arrows lying broken by the delapidated steps. Gently picking it up, he sighed; she'd need more soon. Bringing it with him to ask her if she needed him to make her any more, he opened the door of the small hut to irregular snores. Moving into the first room silently, he found Miroku asleep with his head in Sango's lap, who leaned against the wall. Shippo and Kirara lay curled up together at Sango's hip; all four slept uneasily. Quietly, so as not to wake them, Inuyasha continued on to what he knew to be Kagome's room.
Slowly Inuyasha opened the door, but it somehow made a creak anyway. Hoping he had not woken Kagome, he continued to open the door. Suddenly he heard movement behind him; he had awoken Miroku, who sat up and rubbed his eyes sleepily. Seeing Inuyasha, he gasped.
"Inuyasha, no!" He said, trying to hurry up. "I can explain, but first you need to-"
It was too late. Inuyasha had opened the door to Kagome's room to find it empty, devoid of both Kagome and her belongings. Sadly, the hanyou turned to look at Miroku.
"I guess I was too late," he whispered before passing out from fatigue. Miroku approached him to find that Inuyasha was much worse than he'd ever seen him before; his left ear was still bloody, his long white hair matted from sweat and full of brambles. The Robe was fine, but his feet had several small cuts in them and his hands and claws were caked with dried blood, which Miroku assumed was from a demon who had tried to attack him as opposed to his dinner, as he looked as though he had not eaten at all since Miroku last saw him. His closed eyes twitched in disgruntled sleep, and he had a fever. His entire body shook and sweated.
Miroku woke Sango, who helped him to move Inuyasha into Kagome's old room, and then Sango went to start a fire to boil water as Miroku undressed Inuyasha and cared for his minor wounds, wrapping the major ones in clean bandages that Kirara brought him. Once he was done with that he wrapped Inuyasha in a thick blanket, and Sango brought him a cloth boiled in hot water to place on his forehead. As Miroku watched, Sango fanned his hair out behind him and began picking out the leaves and twigs, then used a bowl of water to wash the blood from his hands. By this time some of the color had returned to Inuyasha's face and he began to breathe normally again. Miroku tried to feed him a light broth, but Inuyasha wouldn't swallow, and ended up choking on it. The only thing he would take in was water, and that only in small amounts.
After Inuyasha's fever had gone down some, the exhausted Miroku and Sango left Shippo to watch over him and went outside to make something for themselves to eat. Sitting on the porch, Miroku rubbed tired eyes.
"This isn't right," he mumbled. "It's not even noon yet and already I'm tired enough to sleep for a week."
"I agree," Sango admitted. "How could Inuyasha allow himself to fall into such a state? I've never seen him like this before."
Miroku looked at the old planks of the porch and frowned. "His heart has never been so damaged. Even Kikyou couldn't do this to him, and I think that he knows that. The knowledge taunts him." Looking up at Sango, he added, "There's not much to live for if the woman you love doesn't love you back. Life is empty without her in it." Sango blushed and looked down.
"Miroku," she murmured. "We've talked about this. I can't bear your child, Miroku; it wouldn't work." Miroku stared into her eyes, not letting her get away; not this time. He was afraid of ending up like his friend inside.
"Why not?" Miroku asked. "The Wind Tunnel is gone now, so there is no rush to have children. I'd love to have children, of course, but only with you, and only when you're ready. Please, Sango, why do you detest me so? Have I not learned to respect you? Have you not realized that I'd do abything for you?"
Sango shook her head slowly, and opened her mouth to speak. It took a few minutes, but the words finally came. "Miroku, I love you," she said quietly. "But I'm so afraid. I'm afraid that this is only a dream, that when I wake up Naraku will still be tormenting the world and you'll still be under the curse of the Wind Tunnel. I'm afraid that I'll give you a son and then you'll die when he turns ten. I'm afraid that I'll lose you, and I don't want to take that chance!" Sango tried to stop the tears filling her eyes, but it was a futile attempt; they rained down like a summer storm and she felt helpless and pathetic.
Miroku reached out to wipe a small tear from her chin. "You think I'm not afraid?" Miroku asked softly. "I've been terrified ever since I met you that I'll never be able to win your heart and I'll die a lonely old monk in a temple with other old monks who've never been loved by the ones they love. I've been scared witless that I'd only have ten blissfull years with you, but that sounded like a dream compared to never having you at all! And now the curse is broken, and I'm so scared that it'll disappear and the hope I have for a long, bright future with you will be gone." Sango wiped more tears from her eyes.
"Sango," Miroku said softly, turning to face her, "Will you do me the pleasure of becoming my wife?" Sango stared at him with big brown eyes and hiccupped. Miroku smiled, making Sango giggle.
Clasping his hands in hers, she replied, "Miroku, if I said no I'd be condemning myself to a life of pain." Miroku's eyes filled with light and he pulled Sango into a tight embrace, happiness filling his very being. Sango clung to him and laughed as she cried, wrapped deeply in his arms. Miroku raised her head to kiss her deeply as he placed a small golden ring with a diamond set in it into her finger.
Inside the hut, Inuyasha awoke, scaring Shippo so badly he jumped.
"Kagome!" Inuyasha said, sitting up. "Where is she? How'd I get here? I don't remember anything but being cold and lost and thinking of how to keep Kagome with me." Shippo tried to make the hanyou lie back down, but to no avail; Inuyasha got up and dressed and went in search of Miroku. As he walked by a window, he heard soft voices and laughter outside. Peering out, he saw Miroku and Sango, both very tired but elated, curled up on the porch, trading soft words and light kisses. Seeing a flash of light, Inuyasha spotted a ring on Sango's finger, and knew that he couldn't go out there. If Miroku had finally convinced Sango to marry him, Inuyasha didn't want to spoil it by demanding to know where his love was. It didn't matter, anyway; he knew where he could find Kagome.
Striding back to the room he had woken up in, Inuyasha passed the babbling Shippo in silence. Picking up the Tetsusaiga, Inuyasha quietly stole through a window at the back of the hut. Quickly and decisively, he strode to the edge of the forest and then into it in the direction of the Bone Eater's well.