The Diary

Reunions and Farewells

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I affiliated with the owners of, Inuyasha

Inuyasha woke up early the next morning. Quietly he stole out of the room that his boss was renting to him in his house; as he left through the back door he picked up his Tetsusaiga. Warily and stealthily, the young man snuck through back yards and deserted lanes to get to his destination. Finally, he could see it: Kagome's house.

Jumping over the back fence, the rising sun at his back, Inuyasha landed softly on the grass. Today he wore no disguise; he had replaced it with his usual Robe of the Fire Rat. He snuck quietly around to the well and looked in. It just looked like a plain old decrepit well, full of nothing but dust and grime, as it undoubtedly had for many centuries now. Inuyasha sniffed it longingly, then turned and walked to the back door. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, waiting.

Sure enough, it took only a little while longer for Kagome to come bounding out, carrying a large green bag over one shoulder. She ran past the hanyou, taking no notice of him, for which he was grateful. He watched the small girl as she jumped into the well, and he knew that in a flash of light she was back in his era. And era he missed. Quietly, he followed her.

"Miroku!" The monk jumped at the angry voice, twisting around violently to see where Kagome had come from so suddenly. He was kneeling by the stream near the oddly empty camp, behind a bush, cleaning his face. "Where are you, you treacherous monk?" Miroku stood up and beamed at Kagome.

"Ah, the bright ray of sunshine is back!" Miroku teased. "What brings you here again, ladydove?" Kagome glared at him.

"Miroku, why didn't you come get me?" Miroku was honestly stunned.

"Come get you? Why?"

Kagome stomped a foot. "Because of Inuyasha! He was sick! He still is, but he can't tell; he keeps saying things he doesn't mean! He's rented a room in my own era and is working in a bookstore! He hides his ears and claws and teeth, and pretends he's shy so he won't have to look people in the eye! You should have come for me when you realized how sick he was!" Miroku shook his head.

"No, he's not," he replied. "Inuyasha is no longer sick; not the way you seem to think, Kagome. He was very ill, but his fever broke long before I trusted Shippo to watch him alone, and all he needed was rest. Which he got plenty of. He probably means everything he says, and is hurt when you don't believe him. But why are you asking me? You should interrogate the naughty child, not the tricked babysitter." And with that, he turned and strode calmly back to the hut, where Sango was waiting.

"I wish I had," Kagome murmured in a whisper.

"You still can," came the low, somewhat growl-like response from behind her. As Kagome whirled to find Inuyasha behind her, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry, Kagome. I didn't mean to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know," she replied, twining her fingers in his long hair. "I'm just so scared... that you'll realize I'm only a young girl, and that the love of a beautiful priestess would be preferable to the love of a pathetic little schoolgirl." Inuyasha laughed softly.

"I did love Kikyou," he replied somberly. "I still do. But the Kikyou I loved is not the Kikyou you know now. When she died she lost her life; when she was brought back she lost her purpose and her soul. I could never love her. Not anymore."

Kagome pulled back, tears trickling down her chin. "Why didn't you come back to camp? I wanted to see you again, even though I was angry. I wanted to apologize, even if it was hard. Even if I never wanted to see you with Kikyou again and it had hurt me, I didn't care. I needed to see you again, to hear your voice. Why didn't you come back?"

"Because I knew that," he replied, wiping a small tear from her cheek. "Because I knew... that if I came back, you'd forgive me again. And that I'd never change, and I'd keep doing it... over and over... until all that would be left of you would be tears and an empty shell. And I couldn't do that to you." Kagome smiled softly.

"I would still be happy," she replied quietly. "I'm always happy and safe with you. No matter what era we're in."

Inuyasha stepped carefully away from Kagome, closing his eyes as if he needed to calm himself. Kagome was forced to release him as he backed away a few feet out of her reach.

"Kagome," he said softly, opening pain-filled golden eyes. "I need you to promise me something." Kagome nodded.

"Anything."

"Go home."

Kagome took a step back out of surprise. "What? N-no! I won't! I won't leave without you!"

Inuyasha sighed. "You promised anything."

"Anything but that!"

"Kagome... you were right. You don't belong here."

Kagome stared at Inuyasha. The words didn't sink in at first, but as they slowly did she began to feel a new sensation... A feeling of deep loss. A promise of sadness for years to come.

"But..." Kagome whispered. "But you just said... you didn't want to hurt me. You said you still don't want to hurt me."

"Kagome, please..."

"If you don't want to hurt me, why are you tearing me up inside?" Kagome was screaming now, and no matter what else Inuyasha did, he refused to let himself hold her until she stopped crying. It would only make things more difficult.

"Kagome, please stop. It's better this way... You can grow old with people of your own time, you can have children with someone your own age, you can see your friends' children and your children go to school together... It wouldn't work. You'd get lonely for company of your own era. You'd want ramen and soup in a can and cookies in little paper bags. We don't have any of that here."

"Come live with me!" Kagome exclaimed, still rather loudly. She knew it wouldn't work, but they could try... "Inuyasha, you could live and work at the bookstore, and your boss would never have to know you're a hanyou, and we can live closer together..." Inuyasha was already shaking his head.

"I'd miss this place and time too much. I'd miss Sango and Miroku and even Shippo. I'd miss the excitement, the fighting... the Tetsusaiga. I wouldn't be able to show it in your time. This is best, Kagome... you know it, and so do I."

Kagome's head jerked to the side, and she stared unseeingly at a nearby flower.

"I suppose you're right. I'll... go back home. After I visit a while. I want... I need... to see Sango and Miroku and Shippo one more time. One last time. And... I need to hear you say good-bye... so... please stay with me until I leave." After one last glance, her eyes full of unshed tears, Kagome walked slowly back to camp. Inuyasha could hear her stop to cry by herself a couple yards from the clearing, in a small patch of berry bushes. He looked back to the stream, at his own reflection. Angrily he threw a stone at it, and the drops that splashed in the air made a light tinkling noise, as if to tease him for his loss. Inuyasha simply let them tease; he knew why he had done what he had.

Even if he hated himself for it.