A/N: Thanks everyone! Im so glad you guys like the direction of this story. I've written out a long one this time, got way too excited hehe. I'm not promising any romance in this fic let alone yaoi. I am however, considering a surprise pairing toward the end. Please do not withdraw your support, and do leave me with a review if you like this chap. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Square Enix owns everything.
Upon the President's orders, a group of medics in white lab-coats pushed past Cloud and his party, entering Kadaj's room and sealing the viewing window.
"What are they gonna do in there I wonder?" Barret inquired grumpily.
"Release him." Cloud shrugged airily.
"A pity." Barret snorted, then turned to Vincent with a grim smile.
"I feel for you, man. I've gotta say though, I'm rather glad that kid won't be botherin us no more."
"Who said he won't?" Cloud began lightheartedly, with an edgy smile. "Come on Barret, he's coming along. Everyone can change, Kadaj is no exception." He continued in amiable tones. "He has a better chance of doing that with our help."
"What's it to you, you bloody little knob!" Barret began angrily, flailing his arms furiously to the heavens. "Sometimes I just want to bash some sense into that stubborn, effing spikey head of yours! I told you that boy's not comin with us an I meant it!"
"I thought he was going with Vincent…" Tifa mumbled uneasily, frowning at Cloud.
"Imagine what Cid'll say if we show up at 7th Heaven with that silver haired creep goddamit! He'd chuck the biggest ballistic you've ever seen!"
"Cid doesn't live with us, Barret, so it's not up to him. Besides I'm sure he can be persuaded to see reason, and probably sooner than your thick-skulled self ever will!" Cloud retorted a little too harshly, regretting his impatience. He was just unable to take any of this melodrama any longer.
"That does it! I'm gonna smash him, Tifa!" Barret spluttered, but did not make a move to back his intentions.
"How could you say that, Cloud?" Tifa stepped forward, her voice rising to an irritated pitch. "All of us have sacrificed so much to kill Sephiroth in order to save the Planet, and that gives us the right to have our say on the matter thank you very much."
Vincent studied his friends, taciturn and silent as ever. Everyone seemed to be on edge lately, and with good reason. Tifa had reached the end of her tether, and could not be expected to think rationally when she was in that querulous frame of mind, it was a surprise she hadn't snapped sooner what with all that hatred for Sephiroth simmering inside her. And Cloud and Barret were just a hopeless bunch… It appeared neither men had any intention of backing down at this point, and given Barret's rash, hot-headed nature and Cloud's obstinate disposition at times like these, it troubled him to think the situation could get out of hand sooner than he feared. Despite the deep, unspoken bond of camaraderie between these two, it was not unlikely they could come to blows on occasion.
"Cloud, I will have to agree with Tifa on that point." Vincent raised a hand to silence his comrades before the argument could get worse. He spoke calmly, never once losing his steely composure. "On the other hand, you all might find having Kadaj in 7th Heaven surprisingly convenient in many ways."
"What do you mean, Vincent?" Tifa demanded hesitantly.
"I know where you're coming from, Tifa, rest assured. But if we keep Kadaj at your place and keep a close watch on him at all times, it will hardly allow him the chance to do anything foolish. Like that old saying…Keep your enemies closer… Besides, I don't think it's such a sound idea to leave him here; after all, although dormant, Kadaj still retains the Jenova cells in his body to an extent, and one could only speculate about Rufus's intentions despite what he says."
Cloud glanced at the enigmatic, crimson-caped man with a deeply grateful look.
"I suppose he can tag along this time." Tifa grudgingly agreed after a long pause, while Barret thought it over with a deep frown.
"What the hell…" Barret sighed finally, dropping his hands to his sides. "Fine! But if he ever looks at Marlene the wrong way, I swear I'll kick his lanky ass into the next century."
"Deal." Cloud said, a soft grin spreading across his lips.
…………….
Kadaj zipped up his worn black boots over his blood-spattered leather pants, then slipped into his tight-fitting black trench, also zipping it up, slowly, tracing his fingertips thoughtfully over the puckered white flesh around the long, long scars across his abdomen and chest; sword-wounds left by Cloud's avenging blade. A perpetual reminder of his transgressions against Midgar and the Planet itself…A dreadful stigmata for his sins. Kadaj felt that to be fitting somehow.
With a soft frown, he flicked up his black collar, sweeping the smooth, wispy silver strands of hair back from his face with a languid motion. Casting a quick glance about, Kadaj searched the room for his sword. Of course, it was gone, confiscated; taken away from him, like his pride and his identity. He tried not to dwell on it for the moment; to do so would invite more nightmares Kadaj could certainly do without. For now, he would just go along with Cloud's laughable plans.
As if he had a choice…
He walked up to the door, eager to leave this place once and for all. Kadaj paused, catching a glimpse of himself in the small, viewing window of the sterile, bleach-fragrant room. The image was distorted by the glass, the lines blurred, the face unrecognizable.
Kadaj stared morosely at his warped reflection in the hope of catching a glimpse of the dark, intoxicating power he had once wielded. There was only a vague remnant of its fleeting presence, or so Kadaj wanted to believe.
There was nothing left of his former self, he was nothing but only a name that would some day be erased from the face of history and eventually reduced to nothingness in the void of cosmos.
Who had named him thus? Who had made him? Mother or Sephiroth? Or both? It didn't matter now, Sephiroth was destroyed, and Mother had forsaken him, in all probability she too was destroyed when Sephiroth died.
No, a part of him wanted to believe that even if Mother did abandon him, life stream hadn't forsaken him, restoring him to the world of the living with a clean slate, granting him a promise of new life and new beginnings in order to become something he had never truly been before…A human; in every sense of the word.
What a preposterous notion… sheer idiocy, Kadaj muttered bitterly to himself, there was nothing more absurd than assume he could somehow be forgiven by the Planet, or Tifa… and others for one. Where did these strange ideas come from anyway, it wasn't as if he actually wanted to be forgiven.
He just didn't want to…disappear like his brothers, fade away into an oblivion of nothingness without leaving something of lasting significance, a part of himself that would linger on long after he was gone. He didn't want to be forgotten, tossed aside like some bad memory. Which, in reality, he was, Kadaj lamented…, no matter how hard Cloud tried to convince him otherwise.
He placed a hand across his eyes, as if the simple act would force away the stream of tears that soon besmeared his cheeks. He was fast becoming a sniveling crybaby like Loz, and Kadaj despised the very idea of blubbering like a child, let alone breaking down in front of Cloud and his group.
He hated Cloud, and Tifa too, and everyone else who pretended to tolerate his presence.
He hated the meddlesome Turks and their arrogant President who had the gall to shut him up here.
He hated Sephiroth for using him and bringing him to his knees in such a degrading, traitorous fashion, reducing him to total insignificance, taking away with him the abundant power that had been his and his alone. And for what…All for nothing…
Most of all, he hated himself.
Stop.
Kadaj placed his hands on the door to brace himself, and tilted his head down, taking deep, slow breaths. The scent of leather and dried blood mixed with floor detergent made him nauseous, giving him a splitting headache.
Kadaj swore softly; when did he become so weak? Could the Turks have done something to his body while he was unconscious? Did the Lifestream simply strip away his unnatural resilience along with his bond with Sephiroth in order to restore him? He felt sick inside, sick and strangely empty.
What exactly awaited him outside the room was just another nightmare; a make-believe world of fake smiles and resentful absolution that would kill him slowly. He might as well do the deed himself and save everyone the trouble and himself further indignity.
But I don't want to die…I want to live, I want to laugh and I want to feel joy and happiness and experience all the things that weren't important to me before…
Kadaj sighed, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to seek refuge from an angry, vengeful world with that eccentric hermit Valentine, but he didn't exactly want to go back to the Forgotten City.
Right now, all he truly wanted was, strangely enough, human company, as wretched as that sounded.
How arrogant and overconfident he had been to assume that Loz had been the emotionally weakest of the pack. Kadaj, in utter bitterness, admitted to himself that this hadn't been entirely true…As he reflected on the times he had been drunk with power and vengeance, gorging himself on others' suffering and pain, the driving will behind it all had been Sephiroth's all along. He realized it was also Sephiroth's power that had banished his loneliness and weaknesses and insecurities.
He had never felt any lonelier than now…Never so miserably lonely and confused about everything, especially about himself. Without Sephiroth's guidance, a huge part of him had been stripped away, leaving him with only doubts…And regrets…
I guess a remnant wouldn't really now…
His eyes were drawn once more to the glass window, through which he saw Cloud and the others, faces taut and tense, in all probability still arguing over him. Clearly torn between the two, Tifa had her hand placed on the dark-skinned, robust man's broad shoulder, probably to calm him down as the two men regarded each other grimly. The ghostly, enigmatic one called Vincent was standing next to Cloud, though Kadaj could not make out what he was saying, the man's body language indicated he was siding with the spiky-headed warrior against the ex-AVALANCHE members. This strangely pleased him, knowing that someone was on his side.
Someone was out there sticking up for him despite his atrocious deeds against them, the Planet and all the innocent people in it. What a mess…
But the fact that these people had been his enemies only a couple of days ago, just added to his apprehension. They had plenty of opportunity to finish him off while he was out of it, but Cloud hadn't let them. Cloud, big brother…Sephiroth, the dark father…
You let me down, Kadaj…You are a failure, you are nothing…
You are everything, Kadaj…Make the best of what's given you…
"Shut up!" Kadaj growled, squeezing his eyes shut and holding his head between his clammy hands. Breathing deeply, he willed himself to calm down, and ignore the whispery voices that confused and pestered him at the most inappropriate of times.
He didn't care about Cloud, he didn't care about Sephiroth. He didn't care about the Planet or even Mother… His only priority was survival in a world that didn't want him. He had to survive. If he persevered, maybe Mother would come back to him…
Kadaj went to the sink and washed his face vigorously with the clear tap water, washing away his tears. He wetted his hair, enjoying the coolness of the water on his skin, trickling down his lashes and chin. He had never felt so painfully, terribly, humanly alive. It was a pleasing sensation, and it would last as long as Kadaj permitted.
He opened the door at last and, without looking back, shut it behind him loudly, ready to take anything the world could dish out, and embrace his loneliness in a crowd of strangers…
…………….
"They're leaving the building now, sir." The austere-faced Turk informed the young President coolly.
Inside the vast, air-conditioned office, silence prevailed. Rufus Shinra, seated at his mahogany desk, rubbed his chin slowly in deep thought, tapping his elegant fingers rhythmically on the polished wood. Through the spotlessly clean office window, he watched the platinum-haired youth exit the premises in the company of Cloud and his group.
He still couldn't believe he had authorized the remnant's discharge, all because of Cloud's delusions of redemption and similar useless sentiments that blinded one to sound judgment. He could not refuse Cloud, however, doing so would attract unwelcome and unnecessary complications.
It was a depressing thought that he was the only one with common sense. Even that thick-headed, blundering Barret had realized Kadaj was a doomed cause.
No matter what he did with his new life, no matter how hard he would try to change, Kadaj would always be a part of Sephiroth; and Sephiroth would always remain bound to his soul, lying dormant until he gathered enough strength to take over the puppet's broken body once more. All that foolishness about the deceased Cetra purifying his soul and casting out the shadow of Sephiroth was a far-fetched tale in Rufus's opinion. The nightmare would strike back again one day if not sooner, and when that day came, Kadaj would be powerless to prevent him from using his body as a mere instrument to unleash his wrath upon the Planet once more. Even if he fought against it, the Jenova cells within his body would not allow him.
And a raging Sephiroth was bad for business. If Cloud wasn't going to do anything about the matter, Rufus would take it upon himself to have Kadaj neutralized before he could be possessed again. For now however, he was content with just observing the remnant, therefore minimizing the casualties should another catastrophe arise.
He raised his deceivingly vacant eyes to the tall man clad in his impeccable black suit, standing patiently, waiting for his orders. The man's stark face expressionless, long, gleaming ebony hair brushed back from his high forehead.
Among his men, Rufus trusted Tseng the most; not because the man was more efficient or more reliable than the rest, it was because of his personal grudge against Sephiroth and all that was related to him. As far as he could recall, the murder of his old friend; that mysterious Cetra girl only heightened this profound hatred. Good, Rufus thought, it only made Tseng more dedicated, and dedication was what he required from his men. Some, had forgotten the meaning of the word…
"I've dispatched Rude and Reno to keep a close eye on the remnant." He took a small pause, his eyes never leaving the tall Turk. "Your assignment is to keep an eye on everyone, including those two, and ensure they don't neglect their duties by getting too wrapped up in their…personal dealings with Cloud and his new protégé. It goes without saying absolute discretion is well-advised." Rufus ordered. Tseng nodded his dark head in acknowledgement of his superior's instructions.
"You will not be needing Elena's assistance on this mission."
"Yes, sir." Tseng gave another slight nod. He realized Rufus had some serious misgivings about the other members' motives lately. He wondered why…True, Reno and Rude were a secretive, devious enough pair, and Elena had an unfortunate tendency to talk heedlessly and unnecessarily too much. But they were still proficient and trustworthy, and committed to their leader.
For the first time, he felt the tiny prick of uncertainty, but quashed it immediately. In his line of profession, one could not afford to worry too much. Tseng preferred working solo anyway.
Rufus dismissed him with an elegant gesture of his hand, going back to his perusal of last month's portfolio open on his desk. Tseng turned and strode out of the office.
…………