A/N: Sorry I took so long to update! I'm so glad everyone's liking this so far. I promise I'll try to reply to each reviewer, your opinions mean so much to me, and I'm absolutely delighted you like this fic with all its flaws and evil cliffhangers. –grins- Some of you might think I'm portraying Kadaj a little fluffier than the harsh, ruthless cold bastard he's usually conveyed to be, but I'd like to think he's just a young, inexperienced, troubled teenager underneath it all, and I endeavor to bring out that side of him as much as I can in this story. Enjoy and drop me a review if you like it.
Disclaimer: Square Enix owns everything.
"Where is he?!? I'm gonna kill him!!!" Barret roared, barging into the kitchen, his face crimson with anger, striding towards Kadaj. Cloud followed him in, trying to quell the infuriated man, to no avail.
"Uh oh…Too late!" Yuffie gasped, tugging at Tifa's sleeve. "Do something!"
"What's going on??" Tifa was baffled.
Kadaj, in utter perplexity, retreated a step, and stared up at the livid man.
"You dare do this to Cloud!?! To us! We accepted you here; I acknowledged you as a friend, because I thought you actually gave a damn!!! You sneaky little piece of shit!!! Shoudda known better than to trust a Sephiroth remnant scum!!!" Barret fulminated, panting with fury, his left hand clenched to a tight fist, ready to knock the life out of the bewildered young man, who was fast getting pretty pissed off himself.
"You know what? I think you need to lay off the booze a little. Or did you forget to take your chill pill?" Kadaj sneered defiantly, his eyes glinting as coldly as the icicles that riddled the Northern Cave. And promptly he steeled himself for the blow. Though shaken, he stood his ground, determined not to be intimidated by the dark behemoth of a man.
"And I'd watch my mouth if I were you; this is no time to get smart." Cloud frowned at Kadaj. It was not exactly conducive to one's health to insult Barret, as Kadaj was about to find out for himself.
"Shut yer piehole spikey! I'm gonna belt the crap outta that lowlife!"
"What have you done?" Tifa asked lowly, looking worriedly at Kadaj.
"Beats me!" Yuffie began hastily, darting a nervous glance at Barret. "Reno and Rude came just then and told something to Cloud. Then Barret overheard and went all spastic and Vincent said to go find Kadaj and tell him to disappear!"
"What did they tell him?" Tifa was mystified.
"I think we're about to find out." The silver-haired youth shrugged resignedly.
"Don't muck me around you scrawny little asshole!" Barret fulminated, grabbing Kadaj by his collar and delivered a vicious punch to the coldly handsome face.
"Barret, I think you've gone a bit too far there." Cloud cut in sternly, glancing at Kadaj moaning in pain and holding his bleeding nose, one hand braced to the wall to keep his balance.
"NOT in my kitchen!" Tifa glared at both Kadaj and Barret. "Quit it both of you!" She turned to Cloud. "What happened this time?"
Cloud did not get a chance to answer. Two familiar figures stood behind him, faces devoid of emotion.
"I'll tell you what happened. Your little remnant pet there tried to escape, undoubtedly got a bit too excited about the warm reception. Isn't that right, Kadaj?" Reno snickered bitterly. Rude cast a quick glance at his partner; evidently Reno still hadn't gotten over the severe thrashing they had received from Kadaj in Healin Lodge. Fair enough, he thought, serves the remnant -or whatever he was- right.
"Is that true?" Tifa turned her harsh gaze to Kadaj. Cloud retained his brooding silence, while Barret panted harshly, red mists of anger slowly dissipating.
Kadaj angrily pushed Yuffie's hand away as the girl held out a tea towel to his blood-streaked face.
"Wouldn't you??? Wouldn't you try to run away if you were in my place? Look at the treatment I get! I couldn't think of a warmer reception!" He shot back defiantly, dabbing at his nose with the back of his hand. Strangely, the pain seemed to come from deep inside, his anger targeted right at himself…
"Hell, maybe I wouldn't. I endeavored to make you feel comfortable here. We all tried." Cloud sighed, trying to keep the disappointed edge out of his voice.
"Told you he was rotten from the start but none of yewse listened!" Barret went on.
"Oh come on, give the guy a break. He's been here for what, less than a day? It's only natural he's confused and afraid, right Vincent?" Yuffie butted in, hoping the man wouldn't ignore her plea this time and would actually back her up for a change.
"I'm not afraid!" Kadaj hissed acerbically.
"This isn't something you should excite yourself over, Barret." Vincent then glanced at everyone with an impartial crimson gaze. "We all knew this wasn't going to be easy, so we should perhaps make allowances this time."
"I'm of the same opinion." Nanaki nodded his red canine head.
"I bet you he's saying that just to spite us." Reno leaned over and murmured to Rude as he glared disgustedly at the crimson-caped ex-Turk.
"And how do we know he won't try to run away again?" Tifa looked unimpressed.
"We don't. That's how it works. You either take a leap of faith, or you don't." Vincent shrugged slightly. Yuffie beamed with pleasure.
"You're right." Cloud said finally, after a pause. "We all make mistakes." He darted a sympathetic glance at Kadaj.
"What? You're not going to let him off that easily now, are you?" Reno lifted his red eyebrows in mild disgust.
"Hello, earth to Reno! That's what Cloud just said!" Yuffie rolled her eyes at the Turk.
"And that's where everything goes downhill again." Barret sighed and shook his head in objection.
Kadaj riveted his downcast eyes to the floor; hoping no-one would notice the tears of frustration quickly welling up. Turquoise orbs turned sharp, cold, hard.
Kadaj did the only thing when confronted with that devastating, multi-headed monster called compassion and sympathy and kindness. He retreated into himself, his face once again becoming an emotionless mask, disguising his bitterness and deep, deep regret.
In that brief moment, he reflected on why he had tried to escape. It felt like a hazy memory mottled with the face and voice of another…He had heard his voice, and it had called to him. Sephiroth…
Kadaj was not happy about being manipulated; but the other entity seemed to be aware of this too, and it troubled Kadaj more than anything. If Jenova, -Mother, he meant- wanted a champion, she would have to choose between him and Sephiroth; because Kadaj was determined not to be a puppet again. Not for anyone. Ever.
He couldn't succumb to Sephiroth's greater will, and risk losing everything, including his own sanity on top of the list. He had to come up with a solution before the others became suspicious.
He didn't quite understand why he had lashed out at Barret earlier either; except that it had been his first impulse. A side of him delighted in provoking the man, but Kadaj suspected it might be just easier to exercise self-control and hold his tongue than having to suffer a broken nose or a jaw. The dusky-skinned big man reminded him of Loz sometimes; so much strength, impatient, quick tempered…But Barret wasn't his brother…Never could be.
What was this sudden fondness for Loz anyway? Hadn't he always treated him with nothing other than scorn? And hadn't Loz always either cried or just become silent, instead of retaliating?
So many damned memories…So many damned regrets…
"Well, I guess you're too damn proud to apologize too." Barret grumbled. "Shame I didn't catch you red-handed. Then you'd be screamin' I'm tellin' ya."
Pride…Was it the true reason Kadaj remained silent? Vincent wondered as he looked on, unaffected by the tension that infused the very air.
Kadaj seemed to be bleeding allright, but no-one could see it. And there was something…dark, something…unspeakable that crept into that silence, and surprisingly, Kadaj was fighting it. He decided to keep this to himself, and made a mental note to speak with the youth later.
"Tifa, you mentioned desserts before. What did you have in mind?" Vincent inquired to dispel the mood.
"Didn't know you had a sweet tooth, Vincent?" Yuffie blinked, apparently not getting the hint.
"I feel I am rather still peckish after such an eventful evening, don't you?" Vincent said in a detached voice.
"There are no desserts." Tifa replied peevishly.
"Liar! I saw jelly-shots in the fridge!" Yuffie grinned.
"That's not dessert, you knob-head." Reno mumbled under his breath and rolled his scornful blue eyes.
"Wow, did you just hear that?" Yuffie huffed indignantly and strode up to Reno, raising her chin in defiance. Reno looked down at the livid girl with a bored expression.
"Let me guess, that's the sound of you don't give a shit? I think I've heard that one before." He said smoothly, much to Yuffie's chagrin. She made a face at the Turk, but he didn't seem to notice.
"Don't know about you, but I'm having a jelly shot." Rude said, popping off his sunglasses and rubbing his eye with brief exasperation.
Cloud was already getting the large tray lined with red and green vodka jelly cups out of the fridge.
"Then follow me." He said, looking to Kadaj. "Coming?"
"In a minute…" Kadaj mumbled in a slightly tremulous voice.
Cloud nodded and exited the kitchen with an overly-excited Yuffie and Nanaki, Rude stepped aside politely and let Tifa pass, holding the door for her, while Reno looked on with a smirk, batting his eyelashes at his partner and mouthing "my hero". When everyone departed, Vincent turned to Kadaj, his inscrutable crimson eyes searching the youth's vacant face.
"It is him, isn't it? Sephiroth, he's trying again."
"I would appreciate if we didn't have this conversation." Kadaj sighed moodily, concealing a shudder. Vincent's insightful nature gave him the chills.
"I think you'd better tell Cloud. He thinks Aeris cleansed you." Vincent said shrewdly.
"It wasn't Sephiroth! You think you know everything, but you don't." Kadaj slanted a withering glance at the ageless man.
"Next time, come to us. That's why we're here for. We're here for you so you don't have to fight alone." Vincent said, then he too, headed out of the kitchen.
Kadaj stood there by himself for a minute, lost in contemplation. Mother's love had driven Sephiroth hateful, selfish, mad, and thirsty for revenge and destruction. Or so he was led to believe.
If such was the case, then Kadaj decided guiltily he was not that much of a good son, after all…
………………….
His screams could wake the entire household, Tifa thought, staring irritably at the ceiling. She shifted slightly to glance at the digital clock beside the bed; 2:30 am.
She'd been tossing and turning all night, unable to sleep. With a restless sigh, she threw the blankets off and sat up, staring into the darkness of her room, partially illuminated by the silver moon pouring in with a ghostly radiance, accentuating eerie black shadows that crouched in corners.
Another scream, a low, painful pitch like that of a wounded animal pierced the silence, echoing across the corridor. The noise was driving her insane.
She was amazed Marlene and Denzel could sleep through the whole thing; sleep spell did have its uses after all, as Cait-Sith had said. But if Kadaj continued like this all through the night, she'd have to deal with a grumpy Barret in the morning, and personally, she'd rather fight a Midgar Zolom or a Bahamut even.
Tifa rose from the bed and carefully tiptoed into the hallway, stopping in front of Kadaj's room and taking a deep breath. She clasped the handle and quietly let herself in, leaving the door ajar.
It was hard to see much in the nocturnal darkness blanketing the room, but she soon found her way across to the bed, where Kadaj was laying in a supine position, his tormented face lit softly by the moonlight, glinting in his hair and feathery lashes that flickered in a nightmare trance.
A layer of perspiration thinly covered the deceivingly alluring features. Still he hadn't taken off his leathers…
She leaned over and touched his shoulder, hating the brief contact. He seemed stir at once, snapping to full alertness with a startling swiftness. Talk about a being light sleeper…
Panting softly, he fixed his luminous blue-green eyes on her blearily at first, then intently, irately, agitatedly.
"Do you mind turning it down? You're going to wake everyone up." She hissed in a quiet, harsh whisper.
Kadaj didn't answer immediately, his gaze tracing the path of moonlight that fell across her, dancing in her tousled jet-black hair, outlining the tantalizingly beautiful body; with all its soft feminine curves and full bosom beneath the white nightgown. He dragged his gaze away from her.
He could think of a million sarcastic remarks to put her in her place, but Kadaj didn't employ words this time. Whenever he was around her, his mind seemed to shut down, leaving him at the mercy of his darker passions.
Darker passions??? Whatever that meant….
He wanted to find out how it felt like to touch that tangible warmth of her, hold that soft body, flesh to flesh, heartbeat to heartbeat, breath to breath…
He inhaled a sharply, vexed at the sudden tightening of his body. At least he could admit to himself it was only a physical attraction; a baser instinct that had nothing to do with….
With what, Kadaj?
Kadaj hated feeling like this; it made him vulnerable and weak...He resented her even more so, for having such power over him. Once, he had a cause, and that had given his life meaning, structure. He had been too preoccupied to waste time thinking about the fairer sex…
The hard, but angular jaw clenched, the soft light in his eyes sharpened. He just wished these nightmares would go away… Including the ones that tormented him with her face…He straightened into a sitting position and leaned forward, rubbing his face groggily.
"What time is it?" He whispered tonelessly, his face remote.
"Half past two." She replied, feeling slightly remorseful for snapping at him. Sephiroth avatar or not, he couldn't help his nightmares. What the hell…Nighttime always brought out a softer, sentimental side of her Tifa wished she could just rid herself of.
Had she imagined that strange, intent gaze a moment ago? A blue-green gaze that had been more like a slow, tender caress…
"Go back to bed." He closed his eyes briefly, his lips barely moving, his nonchalance eliciting an inaudible, resentful sigh from Tifa.
"Look, I can't get to sleep with you moaning all night."
"What do you want me to do about it?" He bit back tersely, not meaning to do so.
Tifa slowly sat on the edge of the mattress, staring into the blank darkness without a word. There was something about Kadaj that was reminiscent of Cloud, something warm beneath that thick layer of ice, something so breathtakingly tender…That's why he was fighting back all the harder, to snuff that tiny flame of humanity at times like this.
Suddenly, a beam of light spilled into the room through the half open door, tiny footsteps and muffled whispers echoing down the hallway.
"Great!" She huffed and stood up. "Kids are up."
Kadaj's gaze slid back to her as she walked out, her feet making no sound on the soft carpet.
Another elongated, angular shadow crept through the darkness behind her, making a quiet, slithering noise as he glided past his room. A hushed, laboured breathing followed the silhouette, one that froze Kadaj's blood.
There was an intruder in the house.
He jumped out of bed swiftly, thinking fast as he rushed to the door, which suddenly slammed shut in his face.
A whisper touched his mind from the dark and crawled down his spine.
"Kadaj…"
His hand froze on the doorknob, and Kadaj slowly turned around…