A/N: I hope you'll all excuse me for the irregular updates lately because I've just moved out and have limited net access until I get my own connection back up. I'm so happy you guys like this Kadaj fic, I'm hoping you'll like this chap as well, tried to go easy on the cliff hangers this time and focused more on Kadaj's inner/moral struggle. Review and tell me what you think if you like. Once again, thank you so much for reading! You guys are awesome!
Disclaimer: Square-Enix owns everything.
This time there was no escape from this nightmare.
He couldn't take his eyes off the black silhouette that shuffled toward him, his darkness blocking the narrow path of moonlight completely. Warily, Kadaj tilted his head to get a glimpse of what lay beneath that black hood, straining his eyes to see into the awful depths of that blackness that hid the face…
This can't be happening…
A face terribly familiar, a face that was his mirror image, stared from beneath the dark depths of the cowl, a white face painted with a vague, hollow smile. The dull green blue eyes reminded him of the empty, desolate grey wastelands that stretched across for miles outside Midgar, except there was no echo of life in these eyes, only a ruined, faint recollection of disjointed memories belonging to someone else…Someone who had tried to destroy the planet in the name of Mother…
"Great…Sephiroth…" His mirror image rasped. "The Reunion…is…coming…"
Kadaj was caught fast in the dreadful spell of the moment, of coming face to face with this…creature that seemed to have leapt straight out of his nightmares into reality.
Then another awful question assailed his mind.
Had he looked like this to Cloud and his group, before Sephiroth had claimed his body and left him to die there atop the Shin-Ra headquarters? Had he been this fanatic, obedient, soulless marionette with no goal other than to fulfill Sephiroth's ambitions?
No, this creature was not him. There is only one Kadaj, and that's me…
"You are not…Kadaj. Kadaj…doesn't…exist. You are…the great….Sephiroth…Only Sephiroth…" The silver-haired clone hissed once more, the hideous smile etching into Kadaj's brain…
Kadaj knew he had to do something, and that he had to hurry…But he was pinned to the spot, by nothing other than his own stupid fears…
Never fear, Kadaj…
It was impossible…Kadaj had never been a Sephiroth clone, but only a sentient remnant of Sephiroth's will manifest in the physical world. Perhaps being a soulless clone was a more preferable fate than being an incomplete fragment of a soul. A fragment deprived of will and identity, a remnant with no memories and only a name that meant nothing to cosmos…
Beads of cold sweat rolled down his face, his lips and eyes frozen, his pliant black leathered body poised to attack, destroy and vanquish this nightmarish illusion and his own fear too. The clone seemed to know exactly what Kadaj was thinking, for he took the youth's face between his icy hands and leaned over, as if to plant a brotherly kiss on the cheek…
Sephiroth…
I hate you.
I hate you for making me.
I hate you for using me.
I hate you...
Kadaj pushed him away with violent disgust, cursing the absence of his Souba and offensive materia. First, he had to find out what he was dealing with; whether his own warped imagination or a doppelganger created by Sephiroth in order to confuse and break him; preparing a willing, empty vessel for himself. Or was it Mother's cells inside him fighting to destroy the flimsy bonds of humanity that tied him to this planet; his subconscious projecting the image of what he was meant to be…
His mind was spinning with a thousand visions all bearing the same face; Sephiroth's.
His memories was Sephiroth's memories, his will was Sephiroth's will, his body then, too, Sephiroth's.
Kadaj, the human…the failed remnant, unworthy of Mother's love…
What did he have that wasn't related to Sephiroth in any form? What did Kadaj have that only belonged to him?
Some silly, unsubstantial little fancy…? Feeble whispers of regret every time he wronged the Planet in some way…? A group of people who was half convinced he was better off dead?
A group of people who are your friends, your guide, your rock…
Don't be absurd…
The clone sneered, pulling back the hood and revealing his face fully, staring at Kadaj with a dark, venomous expression, eyes gleaming grey-green; pools of silver vortex; unearthly and alien, drawing him in, showing him a future that could only be altered on one condition…
"You…can…not…escape…"
"Next time, come to us. That's why we're here for. We're here for you so you don't have to fight alone…"
Vincent's words echoed in his mind, but wasn't he the enemy?
These nightmares were going to plague him forever, until the very end, until he gave up this foolish rebellion and fully surrendered himself to the One Winged Angel.
One Winged Angel…
Was Sephiroth too, an incomplete being, then?
Who am I?
Kadaj stared back at his twin image, dark rage seething inside his skull, rushing in his veins, giving him strength and courage to kill the pain his existence was desperately holding onto. He could vaguely hear the urgent pounding on his door, Tifa's, Barret's and Cloud's desperate voices calling his name, dissipating in the discordance of the clone's silent laughter.
Not knowing what he was fighting, why he was fighting, Kadaj slammed his body into the clone, eager to put an end to this nightmare once and for all.
There was no easy way out of this, no way in fact, other than destroying himself. Indeed, he would rather die than lose control to Jenova's one and ultimate champion again…
I would rather die than betray my own soul…
And, together they crashed through the window, and plummeted down to the night-shaded street below, their voices merging in a cacophony of laughter and tears both, their hair a gleam of silver banner coalescing and flashing like a shooting star in the nocturnal darkness, their bodies intertwined in a deathly embrace, obscured beneath the rain of shattered glass, hitting the hard concrete ground with such force that the mind-rending pain was only a brief, momentary flicker of nothingness in the black void which claimed them both upon impact….
………………
"Silly bugger, if he wanted to kill himself, I would have done it for him gladly and free o'charge too. Look at this mess, there's bloody glass everywhere!" Barret was mumbling to himself in a quiet voice that had a strange, sorrowful tremble that startled his friends. With a shake of his head, he looked away when Vincent approached, his fist closed around the restore materia emitting a soft green glow. Tifa, tired and overwhelmed, leaned her head upon Cloud's shoulder as he looked on with a thoughtful, saddened expression.
"He's not dead, just unconscious." Vincent said, crouching beside the body of Kadaj lying motionless on the ground, checking his pulse again to make sure he was alive. "He's more resilient than I thought…In many ways." He added in a softer voice.
"He should have died." Tifa whispered, amazed at her sheer relief that he didn't.
"He should have died when I defeated Sephiroth, but Aeris saved him. She spared the life of her arch enemy." Cloud said slowly, staring at the Sephiroth avatar he had fought only a handful of days ago.
"Maybe it wasn't Aeris…" Vincent glanced up to the blonde man. Tifa stiffened at the vague, dubious remark. There was something wrong about all this, but she just couldn't put her finger on it.
"Just why would he want to kill himself anyway?" Yuffie asked with a troubled brown gaze searching everyone's faces. "I thought he liked it here."
"Man, this kid's more messed up than you, spikey, an that's sayin' somethin'." Barret sighed.
Cloud ignored the other man and inspected the youth for signs of struggle, but there was none. Something didn't add up…He had heard multiple voices coming from Kadaj's room, one that didn't belong to Kadaj, and to someone else entirely, someone he'd rather forget…
"But Aeris told me he deserved a second chance…She said he was to live…."
"Are you sure it was her, Cloud?" Vincent asked quietly, his face obscured by long black strands of hair. He laid a hand on Kadaj's sweat-dampened forehead. Cloud lapsed into silence.
"Hold on right there, just what the 'ell are you sayin' Vincent?" Barret looked suddenly apprehensive.
"Guys! He's coming to!"
"'Bout damn time! He's got some explainin' to do!"
………………….
Reno, for a change, was silent, and it didn't bode well in Rude's opinion. The two men paced down the deserted street, their breaths misting in the chilly night air. Apart from the occasional barking of stray dogs and low chatter of tramps in alleyways, the night was silent too.
"Where the hell is Tseng?" Reno grumbled dubiously.
"Last I saw him, he was getting a lecture from the President about Elena."
"When was that?"
"About a couple of days ago I suppose, I don't keep track of these things." Rude shrugged.
"You should."
"Well, it doesn't say in the contract that I should." Rude said in a mild voice.
"Anyone with common sense would." Reno countered harshly.
Apparently his partner was also in a foul mood, no wonder; after the fiasco at Seventh Heaven. Or maybe Reno had one too many jelly-shots. Perhaps they both had, Rude reflected, remembering the bizarre sight of Kadaj laughing and hurling himself through the window.
"Do you think he's dead?" Rude asked casually.
"I doubt it." Reno replied diffidently.
"I suppose we should see Rufus first thing in the morning."
"In the meantime, we'll go and visit our fellow Turk." Reno said.
"Who, Tseng?"
"No, Elena. Something stinks."
"As if she'd know." Rude snorted.
"As if she wouldn't!"
"Well she would have told us already."
"And we'll find out why she still hasn't." Reno said, keeping a brisk pace.