The auditorium was empty. Rows and rows of red velvet seats, all folded up. The floor was clean. Five statues were on the stage. From left to right, facing it, was Kagome, Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango and Suikotsu, all still frozen in stone. They had all been dressed in cabaret outfits. Their faces had all been painted white, with red lipstick and blue eye shadow. The curtain was drawn up. At the back of the stage was a replica of the CN Tower. A pool in front of it. The Floor Show was about to begin. Backstage, Jakotsu flipped the switch to turn his prisoners back to their former selves. The show started with Kagome springing back to life. She sang:

Kagome: Mama didn't really give a care.

It was as if she were unaware

That I went to that place over there,

To start a-shavin' the people's hair.

A bint's my world,

And keeps me safe from the trouble and pain.

She danced to the music, swinging her long pink boa around in the air, doing high kicks and shaking her money maker. Jakotsu laughed with delight and threw the switch again. Inuyasha was returned to his organic self. This is what he sang:

Inuyasha: Well, I've just watched the local news.

Some old couple's been abused.

And somebody's drunk some booze.

They had forgotten to tie their shoes.

A bint's my world,

And keeps me safe from the trouble and pain.

He danced similarly to Kagome, a purple boa swung in the air, high kicks, strutting around the stage in a very sexually suggestive manner. Jakotsu clapped and cheered. Threw the switch again. Miroku's turn:

Miroku: It's beyond me,

Why can't she see?

That's because she has

Been to the buffet.

What's this?

Let's see.

I feel funky.

What's come over me?

Oh, here it comes again!

He began to disco dance. Pointing his finger high in the air, shaking it like he just didn't care. A mirror ball dropped down from the ceiling and sparkled the auditorium. Jakotsu whistled, threw the switch one final time, bringing both Sango and Suikotsu back, and then dashed to the CN Tower to prepare for his part in the show.

Sango's solo:

Sango: I feel dismayed,

My husband is gay.

In confidence disarray.

Reality is queer.

It's a gas Jakotsu's started,

But it's time we departed.

This tale'll be Kmart-ed!

And lust's so insincere.

The four performers cleared the stage. Jakotsu walked out on the diving board that came from the giant CN Tower replica. His eyes were completely glazed over. Though the auditorium was completely devoid of any audience, Jakotsu could see a full house. People dressed smartly in gowns and tuxedoes, clapping, cheering him on. His heart was high. He smiled, blew kisses, and sang:

Jakotsu: Give yourself over to absolute treasure.

Swim luke-warm waters of fins and of fresh,

Delicious seafood beyond any measure.

Unusual extremes of leisure forever.

Can't you just see it?

He jumped off the diving board and into the pool. He landed in a pink life-preserver with the words "Ferry Queen" written on it. Miroku, Sango, Kagome and Inuyasha all stood at each corner of the pool and slowly waded in. The Floor Show was coming to a climactic end, with all five of them singing, "Don't seem it, scream it."

Doctor Suikotsu was still backstage. He was watching, listening to the farce that was going on. "We have to get out of here," he said to himself. "We will all be in great danger if we remain here any longer." He called out to the performers, but they were so lost in their song that they didn't hear him. The music was getting to him. "I have to fight it," he struggled. "I have to remain sane." But it was too late. He looked down and saw that he was dressed in French cabaret clothing, and he was already making his way to the pool. He joined in singing, "Don't seem it, scream it."

The song finally ended. The audience cheered for Jakotsu, for the performance of their lives. Inuyasha and Miroku on either side of him walked him out of the pool and onto center stage. Sango, Kagome and Suikotsu joined them. Jakotsu was in a daze. Never had one of his performances gone so well. They were standing, clapping, cheering. He was a hit. "Thank you," he said to his imaginary audience. "Thank you all so much!"

The auditorium door blew open. Jakotsu's prisoners were all snapped back into reality.

"What," Jakotsu stuttered, "What is the meaning of this intrusion?"

Bankotsu and Kikyo were standing at the door. "We've gotten sick and tired," Kikyo explained, "of your ridiculously appalling behaviour."

"And," Bankotsu added, "we're here to put a stop to it, once and for all."

"What are you talking about?" Jakotsu asked. Confused. He felt his heart began to sink. The audience members were no longer there.

His handyman held up a ray guy. "I'm really sorry about this, Master," he said with a smile. He scoffed. "Who the hell am I kidding? I'm not sorry. Not sorry one bit." He laughed wickedly. A scream. Kagome. A flash from Bankotsu's ray gun. Kagome lay dead on the floor. "Anybody else wanna test my reflexes?" They stood still. "Good," he said with an evil smile. "Dear Kikyo, restrain our former master." Kikyo nodded and made her way to the stage.

"Now, wait just a minute here!" Jakotsu protested. "We can work this out, can't we? What do you want? Money? Fame? I can get it for you! I can get anything for you!"

"We don't want anything," Kikyo started, continuing to the stage.

"Except for you to die," Bankotsu finished, his ray gun still pointed at the stage.

Jakotsu took a step back, then ran for the giant CN Tower statue. He frantically climbed it, trying desperately to get away from his tormentors. Kikyo pointed and laughed. Sango and the others watched, not exactly sure what to do. Help, or stay back? Jakotsu reached the top of the tower. "You can't do this," he shouted to Bankotsu and Kikyo. "I won't let you do this!"

"We can most certainly do this," Kikyo shouted out to him. She turned to Bankotsu. "Dear Bankotsu," she ordered. "Kill him."

He aimed his ray gun at Jakotsu, who screamed, "No!" But it was too late. His body fell from the tower and landed in the pool.

"Jakotsu!" Miroku gasped in fear and sorrow. He ran to the pool.

"Miroku?" Sango asked in shock. She was very nearly paralyzed.

Miroku sloshed wildly into the pool, swam to Jakotsu's body and held it. He began to cry. "Jakotsu," he sobbed.

"Miroku!" Sango exclaimed. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Get back here!"

"No!" her husband yelled at her. "You're always telling me what to do! You never let me do what I wanna do!" He hugged Jakotsu's body tighter. "He let me do what I wanted," he said. "He was more of a wife than you could ever be!"

Sango put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "Oh," she said angrily, "Is that so? Well," she pointed to Inuyasha, "He was way more satisfying than any fag I've ever slept with. And apparently it's been more than one!"

"Slut!" Miroku yelled at his wife.

"Queer!" Sango yelled at her husband.

"Bitch!"

"Pillow biter!"

"That will do, people," Bankotsu said flatly.

"Whore!" Miroku called out to his wife.

Bankotsu fired his ray gun. Miroku was dead.

Silence filled the auditorium.

"Does anybody else have anything left to say?" Kikyo asked. A cricket chirped. Bankotsu blasted it with the ray gun. "Good. Now, if you don't mind," she continued, "Bankotsu and I shall say faretheewell. We've done what we came to do." She turned around and walked to Bankotsu's side. They began to walk away, when Sango called out to them.

"Wait," she said. They listened. "What happens now? What happens to me? To us?" She pointed to Inuyasha and Suikotsu.

"How the hell should we know?" Kikyo said emotionlessly. "You are not our concern." She and Bankotsu headed for the door.

"Wait!" Sango called out again. But they did not stop this time. They were gone. She began to cry, and sought shelter in Inuyasha's arms. "What happens now?" she asked him. He rubbed her back gently. He said he didn't know.

"And crawling on the planet's face," Sesshomaru says, "some insects called the human race. Lost in time, lost in space. And meaning." He has just finished cleaning his study, putting all his books in their proper spots, sorting through all his nick-knacks. His ukulele is stored on the shelf. The hot plate is turned off and put away, the pan and dishes soaking in the sink. His cd player sitting on the big armchair by the fireplace. The jewelry back in its bag to be sent back to the store. "And," Sesshomaru says as he sweeps the dust from the floor with a broom, "there you have it. That is our story." He finishes, puts the broom to one side, and walks to his chair. He picks up his cd player and puts it on the table beside the chair and sits down. A hard day's work completed. He sighs. "And what," he says, "became of Sango, Inuyasha and Doctor Suikotsu?" He chuckles. "Nobody really knows. Some say Sango and Inuyasha got married and lived happily ever after. Others say they went their separate ways. I shall leave the ending of the story up to you, the reader."

"Uh," Jaken says, standing at the threshold of the study. "I've really become worried about you, m'lord." He clears his throat. "You see, you've been talking to yourself a lot lately, and well," he motions into the hallway for somebody. "I've brought this man and his assistant in. They can help you, m'lord."

Sesshomaru gasps.

"Hello, Sesshomaru," Bankotsu says.

"How are you this evening?" Kikyo inquires.

"Do whatever you can," Jaken instructs. "Shock Treatment. Whatever. Just make him better." He leaves.

"Jaken," Sesshomaru calls out weakly to his servant.

"Now," Bankotsu says with a sadistic grin, holding up a needle, "Just relax. We're here to help you."

Kikyo laughs.

THE END!