Chapter 9 – Everybody Hurts

She half slept in his arms as he held her, allowing her tears to crust up the shirt he was wearing. He didn't seem to notice, or care. She laid close to him, still not having told him any details. But he wasn't pushing the issue. It was the kindest thing he could've done right then, because her strength was slowly slipping away with every moment that passed. But at least she was there with him now, she had made the trip. It was the right thing to do. And she had to tell him so.

My hands still shake

I reach for you

The reality of her condition suddenly confined her to the space that sat between them on the bed that Christmas Eve. She lowered her eyes as she went to speak, having to draw up the strength from deep within to even get out any sound. Everything was beginning to fade. "I'm not who you remember am I?" she asked, a whisper all that came out.

He shook his head, but still smiled down at her as she reached up and went to stroke his cheek but didn't quite make it. Instead, Evan grabbed her hand with his own and her fingers melted into his palm as he gripped her frail hand tightly. "I regret everything we never did Jonesy," she sobbed so quietly he almost didn't realise she had begun crying again.

"So do I," he whispered in his own reply.

She shook her head sadly, and her pale features became more prominent than ever in the dimly lit room that felt cold and still despite the summer weather in the outside world. "I just never said what I should have…" she admitted, her heart burning in disappointment. She longed to go back four years and right every wrong, and maybe tonight she wouldn't be in the position she was in.

Evan rushed to reassure her. "It's ok Suse," he comforted her quietly, even though he hated so much the fact they had never worked. It wasn't ok. He hated himself for not trying harder and he hated her for not saying everything she should have. Things could have been so different. Their relationship was one big regret that they could never ever rid themselves of. "Don't worry it now," he told her wistfully.

But it was all she could think of as the inevitable approached. She stared up at him again, more blankly than ever, but never a sadder look in her worn-out eyes. "I wanted to marry you, you know?" she cracked a tiny smile. "I wanted to have kids with you, have a mortgage, and a dog, and a station wagon…" He chuckled quietly at her dreams. He had wanted that too, but for so long had never known if the thoughts were reciprocated, and so never made a move. Now it was too late.

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

It was then that the tears started to fall from Evan's eyes as he realised what was coming, and how he could not stop it. He had to do it before it was too late and he never got the chance again. He sobbed into their linked hands and whispered a barely audible declaration. "Just remember that I love you Suse," he kissed her hand inside his and then placed his lips on hers and cursed whatever it was that had taken away her livelihood so cruelly and so quickly.

She lowered her eyes again as their lips parted and as the tears fell down her face silently, he held her as she slipped away.

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear