Disclaimer: 'When we are dreaming alone, it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality.' Dom Helder Camara. So here I am, dreaming with all of you that this will belong to me. But since most of you won't be dreaming that this will belong to me, but rather yourselves…I'm still just dreaming alone.

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10

Over dinner, they kept the conversation light. It wasn't until they returned to the couch after loading the dishwasher that the tension raised again. She wanted to make him more comfortable, so she started their conversation, "Grissom, I have something I need to tell you."

Almost relieved, "Okay."

"I don't really know how to say this, other than to just say it. Since you're being so honest about your feelings and what happened with the Debbie Marlin case, I think it's only fair that I let you know that I, uh, I heard your speech…in the interrogation room to Dr. Lurie. I heard it all."

"What?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just didn't know how." She was starting to quickly ramble, "I wasn't trying to eavesdrop or anything, I was just…listening to you question a suspect. I didn't realize…"

He interrupted, "It's fine, Sara. It's shocking, but it's fine. So…since you have a slight insight, is there anything you want to ask?"

"The thing that hurt me the most was when I thought you didn't think I was worth the risk, and you've explained that already. But I would like to ease your mind a little. In your letter you wondered whether I'd seen myself when I looked at her, and I wanted to tell you that I did. It scared the hell out of me. So you're not a crazy person."

"Well thank God. You're the only person who's said anything to me. I was beginning to think that I'd just imagined how much she looked like you."

"No, Catherine thought so, too. She said something to me after I printed her toes."

"She never said anything to me."

"Look Grissom, I think I can understand what you went through with this case. I don't need you to go through this ordeal…"

"No, Sara." She didn't understand his compulsion for this torture he was putting himself through, but was willing to be there for him if this was what he needed. "I've hurt you so many times, Sara. How is it that you forgive me every time and never expect an explanation?"

"I don't think you're ready for me to answer that yet, so why don't you just continue with whatever it is you need to say."

"I'm ready for whatever you have to say, Sara. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be here."

"Technically, you would be here because this is your home."

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do. I'm just not sure you know what you're saying."

"Maybe it's you who isn't ready to tell me your answer."

Knowing she was letting him win, but wanting to prove that she was really right, "Because I love you, Grissom."

She was right; he wasn't ready for that. "Why?"

"I thought I was here because you have things you need to tell me?"

"You are."

"So why don't we get back to that? We can have this conversation later."

"I guess I don't have a choice, do I?"

With a smile, "Nope."

"Okay then. The only way I know how to explain this whole thing to you is to walk you through my thoughts." After a deep breath, "When I saw Debbie Marlin's face, it made me sick. All I could see was you lying there. I had to go outside just to see you. I had to prove to myself that it wasn't you lying there. Then, when I got outside and saw you, I just wanted to go to you. I wanted to wrap my arms around you and…feel you. I wanted to protect you, from what I don't know, but I just wanted to wrap you in my circle of protection from any harm that could come your way. It took a lot for me not to just send you home. I didn't want you there. I didn't want you anywhere near that place. When I saw the hurt in your eyes when I told you to take the perimeter, my heart broke in two. I wanted to explain to you, right then and there, but I couldn't."

He paused then and she silently waited for him to catch his breath. "I thought I could handle it after I saw you, but when I saw Debbie Marlin lying on the floor again, I crumbled. I thought about what I would do if I were called to investigate your murder. What I'd do if I lost you…if I'd lost you without having the chance to tell you how wrong I'd been, how sorry I am for hurting you or how much I need you in my life. God, Sara, I have so much to make up for."

"Grissom, I'm assuming that the outcome you're looking for after our talk here is for me to forgive you for the mistakes you've made, right?"

"Yes, that's part of it."

"Okay. There's only one problem with your theory."

"And that is?"

"I've already forgiven you, it's you who hasn't forgiven yourself."

He stared at her in silence, with a shocked look on his face. "How can you have already forgiven me when you don't even know all my regrets?"

"Because I love you, Grissom. I've already told you that. You've broken my spirit, my soul and my heart over and over again and I'm still here. Lord knows I've tried. I tried to run so many times, as far away as possible. But there's this one person that always kept me here. Ironically, it was the one person who just kept pushing me away. There's only one thing that can overcome that: love."

"Sara, you are the most amazing person I know. And I guess I must be the luckiest, because there is no greater joy in life I can ask for than to be loved by you. You are strong, intelligent, and stunningly beautiful. I don't deserve you, and I probably never will."

"But?"

"But…if you can help me forgive myself for the hurt I've caused you, I'd like to give us a shot."

"I'd like that. How can I help?"

"Emotionally, I think my roller coaster ride is over for the night. Maybe I could sort out my thoughts and we could continue this another time?"

"Okay. It's getting late anyway. I should get going."

He helped her with her coat and led her to the door with his hand on the small of her back. When they got to his door, he gathered her into his arms. "I've wanted to do this for so long." She felt so right in his arms. She completed his circle of life. He didn't want to let her go, but knew he had to, so he went with his second choice, "Sara, will you have breakfast with me?"

She pulled back and looked into his eyes, "I'd love to. Would you like to come to my place this time?"

"Is eight too early?"

"No. Goodnight, Gris."

"Goodnight, Sara."