Disclaimer: NOT MINE

RATING HAS BEEN UPPED TO M

With a beer in his hand Luke plopped down on his leather sofa and drank. The only sound in the room was the occasional swishing of beer inside the bottles, and the clicking of a new bottle being opened. In the course of three weeks he had managed to go through two women, the ladder of which he had had no intention of ever being with and the former of which he had had no plans to ever leave. Why was all of this happening to him? He knew that he didn't love Anna, it would always be Lorelai, no one could even compare to her. And yet he went to Anna, thinking he could make himself be with her, but it was Lorelai he imagined beneath him the one and only time he could fuck Anna. It wasn't the same, Luke only rarely fucked Lorelai, while it was always new and exciting, he had always made love to Lorelai. To her credit Anna hadn't even seemed surprised that he had been talking to her, she had even claimed to knowing it would happen. Of course she had known it would happen, when he had shown up on her doorstep three weeks ago he had looked as if he'd been run over by a dump truck. Lorelai had been unfaithful.

Now however as he downed his sixth beer he realized that he had also been unfaithful to her, not in the physical sense, but emotionally. As flashbacks of the six months that his daughter had spent in his life he could now see how obvious it was that she was miserable, that she was lonely, if only he could go back in time. As his gaze traveled around his apartment he couldn't help but feel her presence, she was everywhere, including his heart. His gaze finally came to his unmade bed, not slept in since they had last shared it, his flannel that she had worn still caught up in the blankets from their lovemaking. Tears began to spring in his eyes and this time he let them poor openly down his face.

I think you can do much better than me After all the lies that I made you believe

And guilt kicks in and I start to see

The edge of the bed, where your nightgown used to be

He had made her promise not to keep anything from him. He had sat, with her in his lap, in the chair across from him, and promised along with her to not keep any secrets from her. But when that little girl appeared in his life he did what he always did….kept to himself. His habits had not been part of the deal, no secrets meant no secrets, but no matter how many times he wanted to tell her he couldn't. He was afraid of how she'd react, and as time went by the nagging feeling his gut couldn't shake became something that he had grown accustomed to, like a sixth toe as Lorelai would say. His gut had been right, much to his discomfort and the look of utter disappointment and hurt in her eyes once she found out left him feeling hollow, much like tonight. He had asked for it by not loving her like he should, for not telling her everyday that he loved her, for not making love to her every day, for not touching her everyday. He hadn't loved her enough and he had no one to blame for what she did except himself. She had begged him to elope and he had relented, for what reason God only knows. As he sat here in an aloneness he had become accustomed to a new wave of tears hit the usually gruff man, and another beer was hurriedly chugged.

I told myself I won't miss you

But I remember, what it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

Lorelai had always been one of the happiest people he had known, she was never without a smile. Looking back at the months before the Nardini's came along he and Lorelai were hardly ever apart. He had been practically living with her since the construction crew had seen her naked so long ago, and he had loved every minute of it. Every morning, without fail, rain or shine, they made love. Luke had found that he didn't even need to open his eyes to pleasure her, he knew her. All he had to do was feel and that was enough, it was more than enough and they both knew it, both cherished it. It was the only thing they had needed to know and that's all they wanted. Before the Nardini's there wasn't but a handful of days, not including their first break-up, that they hadn't made love.

Almost every place in the diner, her house, and the lake had been marked by their groping, and they hadn't hesitated. Luke's memory drifted to a day around June of last year. She had come into the diner right before the dinner rush and sat down, her long, tan legs accented perfectly by the skirt she had chose to wear and as she leaned over the counter to kiss Luke he had wasted no time in motioning her towards the storage room, backing her against the cigarette machine, and pounding relentlessly into her. Once submerging back into the then filling diner both were smiling, sweating, and sated. Luke felt himself growing hard at the memory and undid the fly button of his jeans to relieve his discomfort.

While looking through your old box of notes

I found those pictures I took that you were looking for

If there's one memory I don't wanna lose

That time at the mall, you and me in the dressing room

As the memory began to replay in his mind Luke's hand traveled to his throbbing erection, stroking himself slowly as the memory replayed itself in his mind, seeming as if it were occurring again, it was so vivid.Grunting, he began to stroke himself, his eyes sealed tight, his left hand still gripping the beer bottle. Shuddering he released himself, not caring about the mess, only wanting to feel. "Lorelai." He breathed, finally coming back down to Earth.

I told myself I won't miss you

But I remember, what it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

The bed I'm laying in is getting colder

Wish I never would've said it's over and I can't pretend

I won't think about you when I'm older

Cause we never really had our closure, this can't be the end

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

As their conversation of earlier replayed in his mind he did up his jeans, letting his beer fall to the floor. Then and there he decided that the next time he was gonna cum, it would be in Lorelai.

A/N: Dirty I know, but will probably get worse, sorry if I offended. Song is Better Than Me, by Hinder