Author's note: I need feedback. Seriously. I had to feed on the the feedback I've had so far to write this one. And though I loved the feedback I've had so far, it ain't all that plenty, you gotta admit. SO GIMME MORE!!! I'm a needy needy writer. Humor me. Although I do want your honest opinion.
Oh and I have an extremely short attention span so even if this chapter sucks ass, I'm proud I got it done. Hurrah for me!
Faith's POV:
We hung out all day. And all things considered, we had a good time.
And maybe it was just me, but it didn't feel awkward. You know, not like it usually does when your best friend confesses a love for you other than platonic. I was really grateful for that.
Anyway, we ate and by the time we were done, Sunnyhell had gotten a whole lot darker and it was time for me to get to work.
I could feel my whole body starting to buzz. Mike, on the other hand, was exhausted but desperately trying to stifle his yawns. He failed miserably though.
I notice he's not walking beside me anymore and turn around.
"Um. The cemetery's that way, Faith. See that arrow over there with the word 'Restfield Cemetery' painted on it?" He speaks slowly, as if explaining something to a small child.
I am less than amused.
"Mikey, you can barely walk. You need some sleep, and that's why we're going straight. See that sign over there with-.. Okay so there isn't a motel sign here but the motel's over there and that's where we're headed." I nod my head to that direction.
He just stands there. Pouting. Most of the guys I know wouldn't be caught dead pouting but to Mike it is a well-honed weapon. One he doesn't use often but when he does, he hits the bulls-eye. Every fucking time.
Not this time though. We're talking life and death here.
"No, seriously Mike. I can't take you patrolling." I'm about to continue walking but he doesn't move an inch.
"Aww, c'mon Faith, I just wanna see one little vamp. I wanna see you beat it up." He has a subtle way of kissing my ass.
"Fine. Five minutes. If we don't meet a vamp or anything by then, we're heading back." I try to keep a straight face but his grin is so wide it might just split his face.
Four minutes later, the grin is nowhere to be seen.
"Dude. So this is why there's only supposed to be one Slayer. What's the point if there are no slayees?" Mike grumbles.
I shrug and check my watch.
"Time's up, we're outta here." I grab his arm and walk towards the gates.
"Wait, what's that?" He struggles to break free but he's got no chance in hell.
"What's what?" I let him go and peer at where his finger is pointing.
"Somethin was moving back there." He looks at me expectantly. "Slaying time?"
I shake my head.
"No. It's time for some investigating. Stay close and be quiet." I crouch and sneak towards the bushes Mike pointed out. He mirrors my actions and I nod approvingly.
Suddenly something jumps out of the bushes and runs. And shit, this thing can run. I can keep up, but barely.
The vamp apparently wants to go to the abandoned mansion but fuck me if I'll let it.
I crank the speed up a notch and I can feel my muscles protesting under the strain they're in. I push down the pain and I'm nearing the vamp.
With a huge amount of strength and effort I jump and land on the vamp's back.
It yelps.
No, really. A yelp. A girly yelp.
We fall on the grass. I'm on top of the vamp, which by now I have identified as a female. I grab its wrists and hold it behind its back.
"You're pretty fast, babe." I grin. But I'm faster.
"Fai geh off me!" Huh?
I jump up startled. B?
"B?" I ask.
She looks up at me from the ground, her hair all messed up and she seems a little embarrassed.
"Faith." She stands up and brushes herself off.
What the hell is she doing here? And what the hell was she doing sneaking around in bushes? And why the fuck was she running?
I cock my eyebrow at her, confused.
"Uh... Good going Faith." She smiles nervously.
"Huh?" Yeah, I guess I'm not that articulate when I'm confused.
"I was trying to sneak up on you to uh... test your reflexes."
Oh, well that's convincing.
She laughs a little.
"Hehe...Well done. You know, cuz you caught me and stuff. Heh."
... Right. Well... whatever you say, B.
"Sure, whatever you say, B." I say sceptically. I help her up.
"Damn.. Faith. I need to get me some of that Slayer speed." Mike has caught up and he's completely out of breath.
I slap him on the back while he coughs.
"Yeah, it's pretty fierce, huh?"
Buffy's looking everywhere but at me. She seems incredibly uncomfortable.
"Unless this is a vamp, which I doubt, what with the conversing with it and everything, are you gonna introduce us?" Mike seems to have more control over his lungs now.
"Oh. Right. Mike, this is Buffy. Buffy, Mike." I'm glad it's dark cuz I can feel a little blush forming on my cheeks.
Mike holds out his hand and B accepts, still smiling nervously.
"Oh, the other slayer. Nice to meet ya, Buffy." His smile is genuine and do I detect a hint of amusement there?
"Uh, yeah, nice to meet you too...uh...Mike."
Jeez, what's up with B?
Everything's quiet for an unbearable total of ten seconds.
"So..." Mike begins.
"So..." Buffy repeats.
"So." I state.
What? Some weird shit is going on here.
"So I'll let you two talk while I uh... Go stand over there." Mike says.
"No!" Buffy and me almost shout.
What the fuck?
"I mean... It's not safe. Right, Faith?" She looks at my arm. Um. Okay. Aren't people usually supposed to look at your face when they talk to you? I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere.
"Right. With the non-safety." I nod to myself. You know, since no one's even looking at me.
Mike and B are just kinda looking at each other weirdly. I don't like it. It's confusing and strange and fucking annoying.
"Uh... I hate to break it to you Slayer folk, but there's absolutely diddly squat of danger here right now. Unless I stumble over a gravestone, I'm basically safe." The guy's got a point. But I still feel like punching him.
I don't wanna be alone with B right now. It feels awkward and I don't know why and I'm getting real pissed off.
"How 'bout I go look around in that big-ass mansion? Vamps can't get in houses without getting invited, right?"
I nod hesitantly. I look at B for confirmation.
"Er... Yes, that would be uh... correct. It's abandoned but Will put a spell on it. Um. Yeah, but uh... It's very old. And um. Maybe... uh... Okay." She's a wreck.
Mike smiles.
"Okay then. I'll be over there." He walks away and god I want to punch him.
We watch him enter the mansion and the silence is overwhelming.
"Look, Faith, about this morning..."
Oh! This morning! Fuck that's a relief!
That's why she's being weird! Cuz she feels embarrassed about this morning. Shit, you cannot believe how relieved I am right now.
"... I don't know what came over me. I just... I feel so lost sometimes. But I'm glad you were there and... Thank you."
She's so sweet. But she looks so sad. I reach out and brush her cheek with my thumb.
"Hey, it's no problem, B. Any time." I feel my body heating up.
When I touched her face, she shivered. And it was perfectly clear in her eyes that the shiver was not unpleasant to her.
Suddenly, we find ourselves standing toe to toe. I don't know who moved. All I know is that she smells real good.
But then I look in her eyes and I panic.
I take a faltering step back. My legs screaming at me to run away.
"I..." can't speak.
She's hurt and I can't take the pain in her eyes. I need to get out of here.
"I have to go." I manage to choke out.
She looks at the ground and forces a smile.
"Okay." She whispers.
I quickly walk away. What's going on?
And then I feel it. Vampires. A lot of them. I see a shadow on the first floor of the mansion so I don't have to worry about Mike right now.
I turn around to face the woods. And they come pouring out. There's eight of them in total.
I grin.
"Well, boys, you've come just in time." I say it with a confidence I don't feel. I hope B didn't take off yet.
One of the vamps turns to dust and I see her standing triumphantly to my left.
"Slayers!" The leader growls and they all attack at the same time.
I jump out of the way of a vamp trying to tackle me and kick him hard in the ribs. I hear them crack but have no time to smile when another vamp jumps me from the back and I duck.
The two vampires jump up while another one kicks me. I fall on my back and roll out of the way as one of them tries to punch me. I kick his legs out from under him and stake him in one smooth move. Once I'm back on my feet again I glance at the mansion. What I see throws me completely and three vamps jump on me mercilessly.
No.
I roar and throw punches anywhere I can. Quickly I've staked another and pushed back the other two.
I'm about to run to Mike's rescue but the two vampires I pushed back grab me.
"Noo!" I scream. I claw at them and one falls on the ground, clutching his bleeding face.
"Mike!" I scream again, staking my two vampire swiftly.
B dusts her remaining vamp.
"Faith?"
Buffy's POV:
It's dark by the time the movie marathon's done and I feel a little better. I thank Willow for being Support Girl and walk purposefully towards the mansion.
I fiddle with the ring Angel gave me but my thoughts keep wandering to Faith. Would she give something like this to her girlfriend?
Looking up, I see that I'm standing in front of the mansion. This is what I have to do.
I enter the building and silently walk through the rooms and hallways. I'm going through all the memories I have of this place and Angel.
I sigh and place the ring on the floor of his living room.
"Goodbye, Angel." I whisper.
Exiting the mansion, I was surprised to find tears in my eyes.
Angel was a huge part of my life and although Faith closed it for me unconsciously, it saddens me to know that this time I'm choosing to close it for myself.
It isn't a cold night, but I wrap my arms around myself anyway. I need some major comforting right now. But I have no one to go to. How do I tell anyone what I'm feeling? What I feel for Faith?
I shake my head. I can feel a head-ache coming.
As I'm walking broodily through the cemetery, I hear voices. One male, one female.
I can't help the smile that forms naturally on my lips as I hear the deep husky voice of Faith.
For some reason, I'm crouching down and sneaking towards some bushes.
"Dude. So this is why there's only supposed to be one Slayer. What's the point if there are no slayees?" I hear the guy saying.
I push a branch out of the way and I see the guy who was holding her yesterday.
Faith looks at her watch.
"Time's up, we're outta here." She grabs his arm and turns to leave. I shift positions so I can follow them.
And no, I still don't know exactly why I'm following them.
"Wait, what's that?"
Uh oh.
Um. Okay.
Shit shit shit. What now?
"What's what?" Faith lets him go and I'm panicking.
Damn it.
"Somethin was moving back there. Slaying time?"
I should really be making a hasty exit now. Faith whispers something and I really have to get going.
I jump up and start running.
Please don't let her catch me, please don't let her catch me, please don't let her catch me.
It is my mantra, and I'm praying to anyone up there that she won't catch me.
So it comes as no surprise when she catches me.
"Oomph!" We both fall to the ground, her straddling my butt, holding my wrists from behind.
"You're pretty fast, babe." She says and I'm turning a deep shade of red. Oh my god. Ok, embarrassment later, breathing first.
"Fai geh off me!" I feel her body tense and she jumps off me.
"B?" I turn on my back and look at her.
She looks really confused.
Um. Okay, what now?
"Faith." Me smart.
She cocks an eyebrow at me and I need to say something. Apparently, saying her name isn't enough an explanation for her.
"Uh... Good going Faith." I try to smile.
"Huh?"
"I was trying to sneak up on you to uh... test your reflexes." I explain.
I doubt she buys it so I laugh a little.
"Hehe...Well done. You know, cuz you caught me and stuff. Heh."
You know what? I should stop talking. Just shut up. Not make any sounds with my mouth.
"Sure, whatever you say, B." She holds out her hand and helps me up.
"Damn.. Faith. I need to get me some of that Slayer speed." The guy from before is half running half stumbling.
Faith slaps him on the back and smiles as he tries to catch his breath.
"Yeah, it's pretty fierce, huh?"
I so don't want to see this.
"Unless this is a vamp, which I doubt, what with the conversing with it and everything, are you gonna introduce us?" The guy looks from me to Faith and I manage to give him a little smile.
"Oh. Right. Mike, this is Buffy. Buffy, Mike."
So his name's Mike. I don't like him.
He holds out his hand and I accept. We shake our hands slowly.
"Oh, the other slayer. Nice to meet ya, Buffy." He says.
The other slayer?
Woah. I've never been referred to as 'the other slayer'. I was always THE slayer. And... Faith was 'the other' Slayer.
I guess with him, it's the other way around. Faith's The Slayer. And I'm the other slayer.
It feels weird.
"Uh, yeah, nice to meet you too...uh...Mike." So has anyone seen my brain? Cuz I seem to have lost it.
There's an uncomfortable silence.
"So..." Mike begins.
"So..." I repeat. My brain. Someone? Anyone?
"So." Faith states slowly.
She looks really freaked.
"So I'll let you two talk while I uh... Go stand over there." Mike says.
"No!" Faith and I shout.
I know why I don't want to be alone with Faith, but what's her excuse?
"I mean... It's not safe. Right, Faith?" I can't look her in the eye so I look at her arm. I'm such an idiot.
I must've really freaked her out this morning.
"Right. With the non-safety." She agrees.
I look at Mike and he's looking right back at me. He seems to be contemplating something. But then he looks at Faith.
"Uh... I hate to break it to you Slayer folk, but there's absolutely diddly squat of danger here right now. Unless I stumble over a gravestone, I'm basically safe." He says.
It is a slow night. But.. I just don't want to have to do this right now.
"How 'bout I go look around in that big-ass mansion? Vamps can't get in houses without getting invited, right?"
Faith nods and looks at me.
"Er... Yes, that would be uh... correct. It's abandoned but Will put a spell on it. Um. Yeah, but uh... It's very old. And um. Maybe... uh... Okay." I really should go to my English class more often. Maybe it'll help.
Mike smiles.
"Okay then. I'll be over there." He walks away and god Faith looks like she wants to do some major damage on him.
She hates me.
It's quiet again and I decide to start.
"Look, Faith, about this morning...I don't know what came over me. I just... I feel so lost sometimes. But I'm glad you were there and... Thank you."
There's a look of surprise in her eyes. She smiles at me sweetly and brushes my cheek with her thumb.
Cue the shivers.
"Hey, it's no problem, B. Any time." She says.
God I love her.
I love her. Oh my god.
I subconsciously take a step forward and I'm surprised to see she does the same.
She's so close to me, I can feel her warmth and if I listen carefully, I bet I can hear her heartbeat. Would it be beating as fast as mine?
But then she steps back and she looks like a trapped animal.
What happened?
"I..." She starts.
I can't help feeling rejected. The warmth that I was bathing in is taken from me as she backs up a bit more.
"I have to go."
She doesn't want to be with me.
I look at the grass because I know I'll start crying if I look her in the eye.
And then she'll feel bad and I don't want her to feel bad. So I smile.
"Okay." I wanted it to sound reassuring but it came out a broken whisper.
I can't help but watch as she walks away. I don't understand.
Aything.
I don't understand the way I feel.
I don't understand what's going on between her and Mike.
I don't understand what's going on between us.
I don't understand her.
I just don't understand.
Vampires. Eight of them. In the woods. Thank god for slayer senses.
Faith.
I run in the direction Faith left and find her standing defiantly in front of the vampires. I sneak up behind a vamp in the back and stab him.
The leader looks at us perplexed for a few seconds but then decides to do a little suicide mission anyway.
"Slayers!" He growls and the vamps attack us.
The vamps split up in two groups and I have four of them trying to encircle me. I'm rather impatient though and deliver a roundhouse kick that knocks two vamps off their feet. As they get up, I stake one and I'm about to stake the other when one of the other vamps jumps me.
We roll around the ground for a while until I'm wrestling with a cloud of dust.
Suddenly I hear Faith roar. She's prone to expressing herself vocally but this wasn't a roar of triumph or annoyance.
This was a roar of pain and desperation.
As I'm trading blows with my two remaining vamps I see Faith fighting like a wild animal, desperate to get away.
What the fuck? She never backs down from a fight.
I'm reminded to concentrate when a fist connects with my face. I duck and sweep the bitch off her feet and dust her.
"Noo!" I hear Faith scream. I'm starting to get scared. What would make her act like this?
Mike.
"Mike!" My suspicion's confirmed.
After exchanging blows with my last opponent, I see a flash of black heading towards the mansion.
I stake my vamp.
"Faith?"
I look up at the mansion and gasp. There's moonlight pouring through all the windows except one. The light's blocked by two figures.
One is hanging out the broken window, blood pouring out of a gaping wound. The other is completely ravaging the limp body.
Oh my god.
I rush to the mansion. Faith's already inside and I hear a heart-breaking wail quickly followed by fierce growls.
Finally in the mansion, I climb up the stairs and collapse.
I can't believe what I see.
Angel.
Angel is crouched naked on the floor like a rabid dog. His face is covered with blood and his eyes are wild.
Faith is standing unmoving in the shadows.
What...How? This isn't happening. This can't be happening.
Faith takes an eerily calm step forward and into the light. She's gripping her stake tightly.
I have to stop this.
Angel growls at her threateningly and she attacks. He jumps towards her. They crash in each other mid jump.
"Faith, Angel, stop!" I yell.
Angel snaps his head towards me and in the moment of distraction, receives a bone-crushing fist to the side of his face. He utters an animalistic howl and crawls quickly in a corner, his own blood mixing with Mikes on his face.
Faith takes a step towards him but I grab her shoulder.
"Faith, stop! That's Angel." I look at her pleadingly. What I see in her eyes chills me to the bone.
They seem so empty.
She looks at Angel shivering in the corner, then at Mike's maimed and lifeless body. She looks at Angel again and then at me.
You know the zillion titanium walls I told you about? They're all raised now.
"I..." I start. But she's already out the door.
"I'm sorry." I say to myself.
I want to follow her, comfort her. But Angel's here. He's back and there's something terribly wrong with him.
I stand there for a while. What do I do?
Hesitantly I walk towards Angel but stop a few feet away. He's pulled his knees to his chest and rocking back and forth.
"Angel?" I ask.
He looks up at me and something changes in his eyes. It's like he woke up.
"B-...Buffy?" I kneel in front of him and nod slowly.
Suddenly I find myself in his arms. His body is shaking and he sobs in my chest.
I force my arms to wrap themselves around him.
I briefly wonder what happened to Angel but somehow my main concern is Faith.
And immediately, I feel bad about it. I gently stroke his damp hair.
"Shh, it's okay Angel. It's alright. I'm here, you'll be okay." His sobs die down but the shivering stays.
I need Giles. He'll know what to do. But I can't just leave Angel here.
He's back. He's really back. I thought I'd be happier.
Maybe it's because he maimed and killed someone who was obviously the world to Faith.
Maybe.
God, why am I making lame jokes? This is terrible. What do I do?
What do I do?
Okay, don't panic. There's a nearly unrecognisable human corpse in the room, you're holding a vampire with a soul who you killed but came back somehow. Does he really have a soul?
He killed Mike.
Yes, he has a soul. I saw it in his eyes. I'm holding Angel. Not Angelus.
Then why did he kill Mike?
He just came back from whatever dimension he was in, he could've been in hell for all I know and he was confused. He didn't know what he was doing.
Are you sure?
No.
Where's Faith?
I don't know.
Don't you want to go after her?
Yes, I do but I can't. Shut up. Let me think.
You are thinking.
No I'm arguing with you, which is me, so I'm arguing with myself. Now shut up.
So do I shut up or do you? Or do we both shut up?
I'm going insane. I need to concentrate. What I don't need, is to be having pointless arguments with myself because this is too much to handle.
I can handle this.
I need to think. Think.
I check my watch. 1am. I've been here for hours. I have to do something.
"Angel?" No answer.
"Angel?" I say a little louder.
His eyes are closed and he's whimpering in his sleep. Okay.
He's sleeping, I need to call Giles. He'll know what to do. I'll call Giles. Yeah.
"Okay, Angel, I'm just gonna be gone for like five minutes. I'll be right back so don't panic. I'll be right back. I just have to talk to Giles." I don't know why I'm talking to him since he's sleeping but I don't know anything these days.
I gently untangle myself from him and jog out the mansion towards the payphone. I put in a few coins and notice at the last moment that I've dialled Faiths motel room number.
I let it ring fifteen times before I hang up and call Giles instead.
"Hello?" He sounds sleepy. Duh. 1am.
"Giles, it's Buffy, I need your help. Right now."
"Buffy, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Joyce said you haven't been home all day. Where are you?"
"Giles, you have to get to the mansion. Now." I nervously glance at the looming form of the building.
"Mansion? Angel's mansion? Buffy, what's going on?" How the hell do I say this?
"Angel's back." I guess that's one way.
I hear him gasp over the line and some other noise, like he dropped something. Can't blame the guy.
"I- What... Has he hurt you?"
"No, Giles, he has his soul but he's messed up and sick and you have to get here."
"Give me ten minutes." I let out a relieved breath.
"Okay. Bye Giles." I hang up and jog back to the mansion to find Angel still sleeping naked in the corner.
I have to cover him up with something. He's still shaking. I find some blankets in the next room and pull them over him.
Next thing I know I've collapsed on the floor, leaning against the wall.
This is so messed up.
Faith's POV:
I took off. Everything was so fucked up I needed to go away. That or beat the un-living crap out of that Angel piece of shit and then burn him alive, just for the hell of it.
But I couldn't. Because it was Angel. The Angel. Buffy's Angel. Vampire with a soul, trying to repent for his sins.
Huh. I didn't know killing humans was part of that deal.
Sorry, I should know better. He didn't know what he was doing, right? He just came back from a hundred years of torture in hell. He was out of his mind and the beast in him had taken over. It wasn't anyone's fault.
Then why do I still want to dip his limbs in holy water one by one and crucify his un-dead ass?
And why do I feel guilty? I shouldn't have left Mike alone. I shouldn't have taken him to patrol in the first place. I should've been there.
So I took off. I roamed around the dark streets of Sunnyhell for hours. I was on a rampage. I beat everything un-dead that passed my way into a pulp. And then killed them. By midnight, though, everything made sure they didn't pass my way.
I don't know how long I was sitting on that gravestone. I didn't even hear the car screeching to a halt.
"Faith? What are you doing?" Mike's dead.
"Faith?" He's gone.
"Faith?!" Huh? I look up and see Giles stepping out of his car.
"Faith, what's the matter?" He crouches in front of me and puts his hands on my shoulders.
So much blood. I shrink away from Giles' touch as if it was pure acid, burning holes in my skin.
"Faith? I- Does this have something to do with Angel?" My eyes snap up when I hear that name.
"What happened?" He takes a worried step towards me and I take another step back. Once I start though, I can't stop. I take a few more steps back, then turn around and run away.
I faintly hear him calling after me but I don't seem to care.
Everything after that is just a blur though. I know I went to a seedy bar and drank like my life depended on it. And I know I woke up in the morning, lying next to some girl in a dingy apartment.
What the fuck?
I jump out of the bed and quickly gather my clothes. I search for the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror.
It's like a fucking six ton truck hit me. And then backed on up over me, just for kicks. I freshen up a little and put on my dirty clothes.
What time is it?
I step back out in the room and check the alarm next to the bed. Okay, so it's not morning. It's 3pm. Wednesday?!
It's Wednesday??? What the fuck happened to Sunday, Monday and Tuesday?
Mike's dead.
I suddenly don't give a shit what day it is.
"Hey, baby, where you going?" The girl on the bed sits up on the bed and yawns.
I ignore her and look for my jacket.
"Faith, baby, what's wrong?" She looks worried. I don't even know this chick.
I'm about to tell her to either help me find my jacket or fuck off when I notice the tears forming in her eyes. It takes all the self-control in me, but I manage to not bite her head off.
"Nothin', I just gotta motor. Where's my jacket?" I check in the bathroom again and when I come back, the girl's clutching it against her chest.
"Was it something I did?" She looks at the ugly orange carpet in front of me.
"No, I just really gotta go, ya know?" I hold out my hand for my jacket.
"You'll call me?" She's still holding my jacket.
"Sure." I answer.
She smiles and hands me my jacket. I quickly put it on and I'm about to walk out when she grabs my hand and kisses me on the cheek.
I stride away, in a hurry.
I feel so empty. Like there's a huge empty hole in my chest and it's taking all my energy not to break down and make it all stop.
I need to get back to the motel and sleep. I can't think right now. I need sleep.
When I get there, I see Red and Oz sitting on the steps leading to my room. They're reading some books but I just want to get to my bed.
Willow looks up and squeals when she hears me. She drops her books as she gets up.
"Faith! Oh my god, are you okay? Where have you been? Oh my god, we've been so worried! Where did you go? How are you? Do you need anything? Oh my god!" She moves to hug me but I step back.
She winces at my actions and Oz puts a hand on her shoulder.
"Too many questions, Will." He looks at me solemnly. "We were really worried, Faith."
"What are you doing here?" I ask.
"We were on Faith Watch. We've been taking turns ever since you've disappeared. Xander wanted to call it Faith Duty but we figured that sounded like we had to do it but we just wanted to. Because we care, you know and we were worried and you've been gone for almost four days. Buffy's especially worried too. She barely sleeps and hasn't been to school. She's been looking for you every night while patrolling and takes care of Angel at dayt-.." Will stops mid-babble.
She must've caught my body react to that name. My whole body tensed up.
"Oh, god, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Faith, I shouldn't have said that. I-.." Oz stops her.
"Buffy told us everything. We just want to help, Faith." He says.
"I need to be alone." I step around them and enter my room. Will's about to say something but I've closed the door already.
I collapse on the floor and the pain I've been holding in can't find its way out.
So I just sit there.
Buffy's POV:
"I don't know how to thank you, Buffy."
In the last three days, Angel's been recuperating. Which is good. No more acting like an animal. So... Hurrah.
Cuz that's a good thing.
Yep. Angel's back and not animalistic. He's still a vampire but at least he's got his soul. So things should go back to the way they were before, right?
Not right.
It's been weird. Giles could barely look at him the first time he saw Angel. He was being all stand-offish so I asked him what's the what.
Apparently, Angelus tortured Giles.
So I've basically been alone in taking care of Angel. Not that the scoobs didn't want to help Angel. Actually... They didn't. But they came over once in a while anyway.
He's looking at me with those puppy dog eyes now. I used to swoon when he did that. Now I'm strangely indifferent. And there's a slight sliver of annoyance there somewhere.
"Don't even worry about it, Angel. I'm partly the reason this happened in the first place." I give him a small smile as I place the bag with blood in the fridge.
Suddenly I feel his cold arms around me from behind.
"I'm still very grateful, Buff." He kisses my cheek and I pull away.
Puppy dog eyes.
"It doesn't work that way anymore, Angel." I say.
Well it doesn't, does it? No. I don't feel the way I did for him anymore. Definitely not.
He's really working the puppy dog eyes for all they're worth.
"I don't understand." Ugh. How difficult can it be?
"Angel, I'm happy you're out of hell and everything... But things have changed. I've changed." I think back to the first time I saw Faith.
Randomly of course. It doesn't mean Faith is when it all changed. Of course not.
"I-... Are you saying you don't want to be with me?" He really looks hurt.
"I can't be with you Angel. And to be completely honest, I don't really want to anymore either. At least not in that way." I place a hand on his shoulder.
I can see he wants to ask what's changed, but I don't let him.
"I have to go, you'll be okay?" I gather my things.
"Uh, yeah. Sure." He looks at his hands.
"Okay. Bye Angel." I hug him and walk away.
I stride purposefully back to my house. My body's aching, my head hurts and just the thought of a bed makes me drool.
But I have meet Will at the motel so I'm just gonna grab a bite to eat and a shower. Willow told me to get some rest but I want to be there.
God I miss her.
We all do. Everyone's using everyone else's real names now. Red, X-man, Queen C, Wolfboy, G-man,... I expect to hear her calling out to one of us, but she never does. Because she left and I don't know if she's coming back.
Why would she?
Does she know how much she means to us? How much she means to me?
I sigh to myself and open the door to the house.
I don't think she does.
"Buffy! Is she back?" Dawn runs towards me from the kitchen.
I shake my head, suddenly too tired to speak.
"Oh." She plops down on the couch and dejectedly watches TV.
She doesn't know all the details. She just knows that Faith's best friend was killed by a vampire and she left.
I'm worried sick. And I'm not the only one either. Mom's been in pace-mode.
A few times, when I was patrolling, I felt a little tingle. Slayer connection, you know? And I'd desperately try and find it again but it'd be gone.
At least I know she's alive.
Just as I walk in the kitchen, the phone rings.
"I'll get it!" Dawn yells.
I open the fridge and browse its contents.
"She's back?!" I hear Dawn yell.
What??
I'm standing next to her before I even realize it, with the phone next to my ear.
"Hello? What? Faith?"
"It's Willow, Buffy." Oh. Well... Spit it out, woman!
"What about Faith??" I ask.
Dawn's jumping up and down excitedly next to me.
"Uh... She came to the motel about ten minutes ago. But-"Ten minutes ago?
"What? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I interrupt.
"I... We would've called you from her room, but she kinda wanted to be alone, Buff." She sounds nervous and worried.
"Will, what's wrong?" I only realize how stupid that question is after I've asked it.
The most important person in her world just got brutally murdered by 'one of the good guys'. What wouldn't be wrong?
"She just seems so... You know that vibe Faith gives off?" I nod, although I know she can't see me.
Faith's like fire. Beautiful but dangerous if you get too close.
"Well it's not there. It's like she's a shell of herself, I'm really worried, Buffy. So is Oz." The worry is evident through her voice.
"Alright, I'm going over there, Will." I need to see her.
"Do you think that's a good idea?" She asks.
Huh? Why wouldn't it be? She can't be alone now, she needs someone. And I want to be that someone.
"What do you mean?" I hear her sigh.
"Angel."
Well that explains everything, doesn't it? It sounds terrible, but when it comes to Faith, Angel's always in the way.
Willow's right, I can't go over there. I don't want to add on her pain.
"But..." I start. I want to make her feel better. I want to see her.
"It's not good for her to be alone, Will." I state.
"I know, Buffy, but what other choice do we have? She won't let anyone come near. If she wants to be alone, what can we do?" Willow sounds almost as desperate as me to get near to Faith and just as frustrated that she can't.
"I don't know. I just wish..."
"Me too."
We sadly say our goodbyes and I hang up.
I stand there looking at the phone pensively for a total of five seconds before Dawn practically jumps me.
"Well?!"
I'm about to make sure she knows just how annoying she is when I realize that she just cares about Faith. Like me.
"She needs some time." I say.
Dawn's face falls.
"What do you mean she needs time? Time for what? How much time?" She asks.
All things I'd like to know my self, Dawn!
"Just... alone time I guess. And I don't know how much she needs." I run a worried hand through my hair.
"Girls, I'm home!"
I hear mom shut the door and Dawn rushes towards the hall.
"Faith's back!" She nearly yells.
"Oh thank god! Is she here?"
Yeah, I wish.
They both enter the kitchen and mom places the bags of groceries on the counter.
"No, Buffy says she needs alone time but that's crap!"
"Dawn!" Me and mom say at the same time.
"What? It is! It's crap." She says loudly.
She's really worked up.
"Sweetie, calm down and watch your language."
My mom gestures for Dawn to sit down.
"Buffy, what's going on?" She asks me.
Faith's back and miserable and I can't do anything about it because she wants to be alone.
"Faith's back and she wants to be alone." I answer.
"Well where has she been?" She looks at me intently and I feel like crying.
I can't help it. I'm completely clueless.
"Oh, sweetie..." She quickly wraps her arms around me.
I'm not crying though. Although it's a close call.
"Mom, what do I do?" I sniff.
"Well duh!" Dawn says.
"Dawnie..." Mom starts.
"She may want alone time but that doesn't mean it's what she needs, does it mom?"
...Uh. Yes. I know all this. Not helping.
Mom nods solemnly and strokes Dawn's hair.
"You're right, Dawn. Faith must be very upset and lonely right now. Knowing her, she'll want to shut everyone out and deal with it alone. But she's not. Alone, that is."
Well that's what I thought!
"Alright, I'm going!" I move to grab my jacket, ready for a little super friend heroics.
I can almost hear the Charlie's Angels theme music in the background.
"Uh, honey?"
Oh no. What now?
"I don't think it's best if you go." Mom looks at me with sad eyes.
Yeah, yeah, I know...
I sigh and collapse on a chair.
"I know." I whisper.
"I'm really sorry, sweetie." Mom rubs my back a little.
"Why can't Buffy go?" Dawn asks.
God, Dawn is gonna freak if she finds out.
"It's complicated, Dawn." Mom says.
Isn't it always?
Faith's POV:
Okay, pull yourself together. No biggie. Mike's dead and it's a damn shame, but you're Faith.
Faith.
And you can handle this shit. You don't need anyone and you can handle this shit.
I can handle this shit?
You. Can. Handle. This. Shit.
I feel tears stinging my eyes, begging to be let out but fuck that.
I am Faith, and I can handle this.
Not that I'm without emotion. I think my motel room is proof of that.
My hands are sticky and I don't have to look down to know that it's because of the blood.
My blood.
I release the fists I had cramped up for the past two hours. The physical pain it brings upon me should make me wince but I don't.
I calmly look around the room.
I'm moving on. Life's a bitch and it tries to beat you down.
Fuck that.
You take the blows and move on. And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
Just move on. No big.
First up on the moving on list; take a shower.
I step out of the shower half an hour later and notice my bathroom has turned into a kiddie swimming pool.
Fucking dumbass that I am, I just had to throw the tub around.
Whatever.
Moving on now.
Have to keep moving.
No pain.
Just keep moving.
Everything's fine.
No worries.
Keep moving.
I'm fine. Five by five. Have to make sure the Scoobs know that.
Damn, I feel bad for Red and Wolfboy though. They wanna help but they can't.
Cuz there's nothing here to help.
I'm fine.
I pull on some clothes and make-up. Last check in the mirror and I'm good to go.
Not exactly sure where I'm going but as long as it ain't here, it's where I wanna be.
I decide to go to B's.
You know, apologize for leaving her with the slayage.
As I'm walking through the streets I suddenly hear my name.
"Faith!" I turn around and see Cordy running towards me.
She doesn't have it easy either with those stiletto's.
"Hey, C, what's up?" I step back as she moves to hug me.
"Woah, what's wrong, babe?" I hold my hands up, hopefully showing her I'm not the touchy feely type.
"What's wrong?" She looks at me like I'm crazy.
"Faith, we were worried sick. Where the fuck were you?"
Worried sick? Yeah, right.
"Hey, I just needed a break. No big." I give her my patented Faith-five-by-five-grin.
She shakes her head and links her arm around mine. We start walking to... uh...
"Uh...Where we going, C?"
Not a lot of people get away with being this close to me, but I like Cordelia. And she's wicked hot. So I let her.
"I'm taking you home, dumbass." She says as if I was supposed to know this.
"Wanna get down and dirty? Jeez, C, most people would ask but I'm cool with that. Kinda liking this dominant side of you." I wiggle my eyebrows at her for good measure.
She lets out a frustrated sigh and stops walking to face me.
"Faith, honey, drop the act already. You're really good at it and I'm sure your loser friends would buy it in a heartbeat but you're talking to me right now, ok?" She takes advantage of my slightly bedazzled state of mind to briefly hug me.
"Now you're coming home with me. Daddy's not home. I'll give you something to eat, cuz you look like shit Faith." She nudges my side gently.
I snap out of my daze when she drags me forward towards her car again.
See? This girl's not stupid. Oh hell no. Not that the other scoobs are. But she's just annoyingly good at seeing people for what they are and cutting through the bullshit.
"I'm still the hottest piece of shit you've ever seen though, right? And uh, I hate to break it to ya, C, but my 'loser' friends? They're your friends too." I wink at her as I get in the car.
"That may very well be, Faith." She winks back.
We drive away in comfortable silence.
You know what?
I'm starting to think this girl really cares 'bout me.
Normally I'd be running away from her as fast as I can like a fucking maniac. But I'm tired. And as much as I try to deny it, this kinda feels good.
So for now I'll sit tight and see where this 'being cared for'-thing takes me.
Right now, it's taking me to Cordy's house.
And hey, big-ass mansion with food and a clean pool?
Count me in.
We arrive at her house and C's looking at me like I have to do something.
Uh... Got out of the car?
Check.
Closed the door?
Check.
Raising questioning eyebrow to Cordelia?
Check.
Well then what the fuck?
She smiles at me.
"I knew you wouldn't be one of those people who swoon at the sight of my living arrangements."
Who cares about a fucking mansion with a hot chick like that?
"It's not exactly living arrangements I swoon for, C." I eye her suggestively.
Her smile widens and she takes my hand, leading me inside.
"I know."
We end up in this fuckin huge kitchen and she opens the fridge for me.
"What do you feel like?" She leans into the fridge.
Her sexy little ass is right there for my flirting pleasure.
But I don't think it's a good idea to be flirting too much with Cordy.
Damn I wish she was the girl on my mind, but she's not.
I think you know who I'm talking about.
Don't make me say it.
I'll give ya a hint: it sure as hell ain't Red.
Have you not been paying attention?
'Course you have. I just don't want to think about her right now.
I always fall for the wrong people.
So let's just drop this.
"Hey, spaz?"
Huh?
Oh. Cordy. Fridge. Food.
And did she just call me a spaz?!
"Uh... I'm not actually that hungry right now, C."
I let her get away with it. Damn, I'm getting soft.
"That's new and highly doubtful. I'll put a pizza in the oven anyway, just in case."
She takes out the box and my stomach growls involuntarily at the picture on it.
She looks at me, smirking.
"Uh... I changed my mind?"
I jump on the counter as she nods at me, amused, and pops the pizza in the oven.
Suddenly I hear the probably most annoying thing I've ever heard in my life.
I grimace and look around in an effort to find and kill whatever animal's dying.
Cordy grabs her purse and holds up her cell.
"This, Faith, is what people call a cellular phone; also called referred to as a cellphone." She presses a button.
"Cordelia." She says.
I roll my eyes at her.
"I knew that.." I mumble.
"She's right here."
"Who is it?" I ask.
"It's Xander." She answers.
Why would Xander be asking about me?
I mean, sure he thinks I'm hot as hell but why would he ask Cordy?
"I saw her walking and I took her home. I'm nice that way." Cordelia sounds annoyed.
"Under the circumstances, she's fine, Xander." She looks at me intently.
I just shrug and hop off the counter. I open the fridge and check out a weird little jar.
"Right now? She's sniffing at my caviar." I close the fridge and look up to see her roll her eyes.
"No, you pathetic horndog, that is not a metaphor for hot lesbian sex."
I chuckle and mouth the words 'he wishes' to her.
She just raises an eyebrow at that.
"Yeah, well, I have to go.... Yes, I will ask her. .... I'll tell her. .... I'm sure she'll appreciate that. .... No, actually I wasn't being sarcastic that time. .... Sure. Ok, bye Xander." She lets out a relieved breath after hanging up.
"God, that boy can be annoying."
I shrug and lean against the counter.
"That boy is your boyfriend, Cordy." I inform her.
She looks up at me weirdly.
No, I haven't forgotten that incident at the Bronze and I do have a slight inkling why she keeps giving me these weird looks but it's safer to play stupid so that's what I do.
She seems to be lost in thought.
"So what'd he say?" I ask.
"He told me you were back. I told him I knew that and you were here. He freaked, wanted to know how you are. Told me to tell you that if you need anything we're all there for you. Worried friends stuff." She looks at me, observing my reaction.
Which, by the way, switched from surprised to sceptical, to hopeful, to doubtful.
Just so you know.
"Get over it Faith." She says.
... ?
Do you know what she's talking about? Cuz I don't.
"You are a very likeable person when you want to be, and honestly, even when you don't want to be. And like it or not, we care and worry about you. So get with the damn program. You are our friend, we are your friends. For real. Comprende?"
I nod stupidly at that.
I was going for a snort. But somehow, it felt like she meant it.
So I nodded.
I am going soft aren't I?
Buffy's POV:
"Hello?"
"Hey, Buff."
"Oh, hey Xander."
I lean back on the couch again. Admittedly, a little disappointed.
"Good news!"
Blah!
I mean, yes, it's good news Faith's back but she's not here, with me. And she's alone too.
She shouldn't be alone.
I don't even care if she's not with me as long as she's not alone right now. She should be with someone who'll take care of her.
"I know Faith's back, Xand." I say while grabbing the remote.
I browse channels, working my frustrations out on said remote.
"Yeah, I know you know. But did you also know that she's at Cordy's?"
What??!
Uh, no! I did not know that.
What the hell is she doing at Cordy's?
"Sniffing caviar, apparently."
Er... I guess I said that out loud.
Wait...Sniffing caviar?
"What?"
"I know! It sounds like it means something, doesn't it? But in fact, and I got this from a good source of mine, it just means Faith was sniffing caviar. Literally."
Major wiggins.
Don't ask why, cuz I don't know.
"Well... Is she okay?"
"Yeah, Cordy's taking good care of her. I said I'd call back later, check up and all."
You know that thing I said about Faith not even having to be with me? As long as she's with someone who cares?
Really having a hard time of not taking that back now.
"Good." I say icily. "That's good. Really really... good."
Yes, I sound like a retard.
Hand me my bib, I must be drooling. Because that's the retard I am.
"Yeah, it is big on the good." Xander says.
"Yup. Good good good. It's so good, I said good three times. Even more if you count all the times I referred to me saying good. So it's all really good."
Yet sounds keep coming from my mouth, forming words. Those words however, seem to be having trouble forming coherent sentences.
"Uh... Are you okay, Buffy?"
I'm fine. You could even say I'm good. Since I seem to be so fond of that word.
I sigh.
"I'm fine, Xander. Call me after you call Cordelia later, okay?"
I want to go see Faith.
Because Cordy everyone else might think they're taking good care of Faith but I need to know for sure.
See it with my own eyes, you know?
Just to be sure my slayer buddy's fine.
Slayer buddy. Hah!
So not funny, but okay.
"Sure, Buff. I'll talk to you later."
"Bye."
"Bye."
I hang up and shove my head in the pillow next to me.
Maybe I can suffocate myself and die.
Ugh.
...Or... I could grow up!
Because I'm being very childish right now. Yes indeedy.
I'm acting like Faith's my favorite toy and Cordy stole her.
Which is so not the case.
First of all, Faith is sooo much more.
I can not even stress the fact that she means the world to me enough.
This, by the way, has been a recent revelation.
I mean, I've known for a while now that my feelings towards Faith had grown way past platonic and nearing the obsessed stalker zone at an alarming rate.
But this is serious.
Faith means the world to me.
Buffy Summers, here, you can have the whole world as your playground! But no Faith.
No Faith? Screw that!
Revelation.
Scary revelation.
Really...scary.
But that's the way it is and I can't help the way I feel.
Now what to do about her being with Cordy...
We can't let that happen now, can we?
Ofcourse not.
To the main deck!
... Yeah, I don't know where that came from either.
"Mom!!" I yell.
I get up from the couch and head to the kitchen.
"Yes, dear?" Mom turns away from her cooking.
"Faith lives in a motel." I tell her.
"Uh, yes, sweety, I know. It's an awful place for a child to live." She looks at me, waiting for me to go on.
"Exactly! And I know she said she's 'cool' with it. And that everything's 'five by five'. Whatever that means, because no one knows what the heck she's talking about when she says that. I should look it up sometime. Maybe it doesn't even mean anything at all. She probably doesn't even know what it means. She just says it to confuse one and all. All and one." I trail off in my rant.
I had a point.
...Oh!
"Anyway, we should ask her to stay here!" I look at mom hopefully.
"Well, Buffy, I already did."
Wha?
No. Seriously. Wha?
Not 'what'. Because that would lead people to believe the confusion I am in is not total.
So 'Wha?" it is.
Confusion is total. No half-confusion here, mister.
"I asked her two weeks ago. She said no, of course. I didn't want to push her because I know how difficult it is for her to trust people."
Okay. Breathe.
"Fine, then this time we'll make her move in." She looks at me skeptically.
"I'm serious, mom!" I tell her.
"I know you are, but we can't force her." She sighs and turns back to the vegetables she was cooking.
"Although..."
Although what? I see a sly smile forming on my mom's lips. And let me tell you, it's an unnerving thing to see.
What cunning plan has she thought up?
"... We could send Dawn."
...
Still waiting for the cunning plan.
"I mean it, Buffy. She loves Dawn, I don't think she would be able to say no."
I guess.
But... I mean... So... She'd be able to say no to me? Cuz she doesn't love me, right?
Right.
Sounds realistic.
Stupid dreamy Buffy. Always hoping for something you can't have.
Stupid stupid stupid.
"Buffy, what are you doing?"
I look up and my mother seems to be contemplating whether or not she should get me institutionalized.
Oh. So I really was banging my head against the wall.
Not just another visual, huh?
I cough uncomfortably.
I need one of those pamphlets that say "So you're going crazy...".
Definitely.
"Nothing, mom. I just... That sounds like a good idea. We should do that." I try to smile at her reassuringly, but knowing how my body never seems to do what I tell it to do, I'm probably smiling at her psychotically.
Seriously, where's my bib? Or my strait jacket for that matter.