Thank you's:

Millions of thanks to: PaddyWaddy, Liz, Kimberly X, Vegas Chick, DivineDarkness, hittocerebattosai, crazysquirl, Kati, death by storm, mi me-chan, cdlowe8. You guys freaking rock! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Catchy Turn: Wow. Thanks for that lonnnggg review! Anyway, you shall find out all that stuff in due time. And yes--you are right about the Sirius voice:) Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Ardion Aklin: yeahh, sometimes Harry is quite pitiful. But only sometimes, haha! What a sad little boy. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter!

Nowwww...SPECIAL THANKS TO FIFESPICE, ONE OF MY LOYAL READERS, WHO WAS MY 100TH REVIEWER! This chapter is dedicated to YOU.. (and well, all you other wonderful reviewers who helped me reach 108 reviews! yay!)

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I Don't Want To Feel

Chapter Sixteen

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We were meant to live for so much more, but we lost ourselves.

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"He said what?" Remus exclaimed, his eyes widening. All Albus Dumbledore could do was nod. He wasn't even sure how he felt about all of it; it was all too overwhelming. Truth be told, he had not expected an answer quite like that from the young boy. "But--but...why? Why would he--" Remus continued, muttering more to himself than to the old man sitting behind the desk in front of him.

Remus Lupin sat in Albus Dumbledore's office, utterly confused.

"The way he talked to me though; the way he explained--it just doesn't make sense."

"Maybe he--"

"No. I know what you're going to say Albus, and I won't believe it. Harry was not lying to me. I know that. He was being sincere. I'm sure of it."

"Then nothing can explain Mr. Potter's sudden change of mind...again."

"There must be something. Something holding him back."

"Meaning what? That he's under some kind of spell?"

Remus remained silent for a few seconds.

"...Maybe." He finally muttered, pondering. "But I don't think so. He hides himself well, Harry does. I don't think we'll ever be sure what's really going on in his mind. He doesn't trust anyone anymore--not to open up to, that is. He has told me why he became a Death Eater; but it seemed almost rehearsed. Like the story has been told many times before. He's hiding something; and I don't think he ever plans on giving whatever it is away."

"But Remus; you haven't forgotten the reason why Voldemort is dead, have you? Why his supposed servant killed him?"

"Are we speaking about Mr. Malfoy?"

"Draco and Harry were always enemies; rivals. I've had complaints about fights between them many times. I find it quite strange that Mr. Potter would suddenly kill his own Master for someone who is not supposed to mean anything to him. You are not blind nor stupid, Remus. You know that if Draco hadn't been brought into the picture, Harry would have found a way to kill us all without batting an eyelash."

"I--"

"But Draco came. And Harry killed his Master. Everything is different now. How do we deal with someone who killed Voldemort but doesn't necessarily renounce him? Somebody who doesn't look or seem like a threat, but could suddenly lash out and kill us all?"

"Are you--"

"We must have Draco talk to him. Bring out his feelings, his thoughts. We need to know what is going on inside Harry's mind."

"Albus; you know where I stand. I want to meddle in this as little as possible."

"With all due respect, Lupin; as a member of the Order, I find that impossible." came a voice from behind Remus, and he turned around to find Severus Snape standing by the door. "Albus, if I may?" he continued, gesturing towards one of the seats. Dumbledore just nodded, and Snape swooped down into the chair next to Remus, who glared at him.

"I know where you stand, Remus; but Severus is slightly correct. You don't have to have anything to do with it, but you will not be able to stop this. Draco is the only chance we have left."

"Harry will know. He'll know that you're sending him in for information. Think about it--think about what will happen when he finds out Draco betrayed him."

"It is unfortunate, but it is a must." Snape said, not sounding like he thought it was 'unfortunate' at all. Remus didn't even look at him; he kept staring at Dumbledore, who looked deep in thought.

"Albus--you know..." Remus started, but was interrupted by an angry outburst by Snape.

"Lupin! You are blinded by trust in that stupid child! Blinded by love!" Snape spat, glaring at the werewolf. "But he is a Death Eater! He worked for Voldemort and he would have killed me, and everyone else if Malfoy hadn't shown up as a distraction! He had me pinned to the ground, for God's sake! At wand point!"

"Oh so this is about you, is it?" Remus exclaimed, a fire blazing in his eyes.

"Of course. There you go! Pinning it on me! You are just like that good for nothing James Potter! Sirius Black! The lot of you, so loyal; so forgiving."

You could tell he had gone too far. Remus whipped out his wand and stuck it on Snape's throat.

"Don't you dare bring them up. I swear, I will--"

"Remus." Albus Dumbledore finally said, having stayed silent during the entire exchange. He shook his head when Remus turned towards him.

Angrily, the Marauder got up from his chair and strode towards the door. With his hand on the doorknob, he turned around and addressed the two professors one last time.

"If you do this, you'll ruin him."

And then he was gone.

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Draco Malfoy was angry.

Angry at everything in this world...including Harry Potter.

He had walked up to Dumbledore's office to talk to him about his talk with Harry, but had stopped dead at the door when he heard the Headmaster telling someone else the story he had wanted.

Telling someone else that Harry did not regret joining the Dark Side at all.

He had fled before he heard any more.

He wasn't too sure why, but that information hurt. Perhaps he had thought that since Harry had killed the Dark Lord, he had renounced himself from the Dark and finally saw eye-to-eye with Draco. Perhaps he had thought that Harry loved him enough to renounce the people that had tortured Draco day and night, keeping him locked in a dungeon for weeks.

But no. One little "yes" had changed everything. One little "yes" showed that Harry hadn't changed at all.

'But all those talks..." Draco thought to himself, and felt embarrassed as tears began to well up in his eyes. He was walking through the halls of Hogwarts, towards the Infirmary. This was what Harry had reduced him to. A hopeless, pathetic, blubbering fool.

And he went along with it.

Because he loved him.

He loved that idiot.

He had sounded so regretful during their late night talks in the dungeon. Like he wished he could just start all over. Like if he had the chance, he would do it all again, and differently.

All that, thrown away with one single "yes".

Draco Malfoy marched into the Infirmary, ready to do some confronting, but almost had a heart attack when he found no one in the bed Harry had occupied. Frantically, he searched the other beds in the room, but stopped when he reached the window and found himself staring down at the lake. He watched as the sky grew darker and darker, meaning a storm was coming. He was about to turn away and alert Lupin or Dumbledore about Harry's disappearance when he noticed a lone figure standing by the shore of the lake. He squinted, trying hard to see who or what it was, and his eyes caught the figure's unruly black hair.

It was Harry.

Sighing in relief, Draco ran out of the Infirmary and down the stairs.

It was about halfway down that he almost ran over two people walking in the opposite direction. Two people with red and frizzy brown hair.

"Malfoy! Watch where you are going!" Ron Weasley yelled as Draco stampeded into him, almost throwing him down the stairs.

Draco stopped, and stared at the former two best friends of Harry Potter.

The Mudblood's eyes were red and bloodshot, and the Weasel had dark bags under his eyes.

They stared back.

And none of them tried to stop him as he turned away and ran the rest of the way down the stairs.

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"Harry." Draco called out, as he slowly made his way towards the young man. He could see him tense at the sound of his name. 'Or was it at the sound of my voice?' Draco thought, but pushed the thought out of his mind as he found himself beside Harry. "What are you doing out here?"

"I couldn't stand being inside for one more second. I had to come out here. To think."

"About what?" Draco whispered, trying to get to Harry. Suddenly, he felt very distant from the person next to him. The only person he loved.

"Nothing. Everything."

Draco knew he was supposed to be yelling. But he couldn't. Something was stopping him.

"Harry..."

"Why am I still here, Draco? Honestly."

"I--because you passed out, and..."

"Why did you allow them to take me? You know I'm just like a prisoner now. Sure, I'm not in Azkaban...but they're never going to let me out of their sight. I might as well be in Azkaban."

"Harry, it's different. And besides, they've let you out of their si--"

"It's not different, Draco! Don't you see! This is the enemy!"

"Harry! This is not the enemy! People here care about you!" Draco exclaimed, his mind flashing back to the appearances of two-thirds of the former Golden Trio.

"Draco! What are you talking about? Nobody here cares for me! They're keeping me here because they think I'm going to go off and kill people!"

"Well, are you?"

"WHAT."

"I'm sorry Harry, it's just--I heard Dumbledore say something."

"Oh really." Harry replied coldly, but he tensed visibly.

There was a short silence.

"Why did you say yes, Harry?" Draco finally asked, whispering. There was a roll of thunder overhead. Draco heard Harry sigh. "I thought--"

"You thought what, Draco? That you had saved me from a cruel fate? Saved me from the Dark? You didn't save me from anything!"

"I kn--"

"Don't act like you know or understand anything about me, Draco Malfoy! Because you don't. Nothing at all."

"How could you say that? After everything. Was everything just a big lie to you? Something to laugh about in a couple of years? Yes; fine, you fooled me! Are you happy? I really thought--"

"Then stop thinking! Apparently everything you 'think' is wrong, anyway!"

"Then tell me...why'd you kill Voldemort?"

"Shut up!" Harry exclaimed, looking out towards the lake.

"Look...Harry. It's about to rain, let's go inside and at least talk about this, okay?"

"I don't want to talk about this."

"Why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away?"

"You were never near me anyway."

Hurt filled Draco's eyes, and they started to well up with tears again. He stared at Harry's side profile for a while, and then turned and began to walk up towards the castle. He was about two meters away from Harry when the rain began to fall and he turned back to face the young man.

"Are you just going to let me walk away?"

There was a short silence.

"Maybe it's for the best." Harry answered, but he didn't turn around. He never saw Draco's face. Or the tears. Or the pain.

Draco started to turn around, but stopped.

"I thought you'd changed."

He turned and walked away, never once looking at the back still turned to him.

The back of the boy whose tears mingled with the rain pouring down on him.

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Harry would not allow himself to feel bad. To regret anything that had been said and done.

But that did not stop him from lying awake that night, staring at the faint ray of moonlight on the ceiling. He was half contemplating what he had done, and what he was going to do.

The only thing he did not want to think about was Draco.

But that didn't stop the image of the blonde that crossed his mind every once and a while. He couldn't help but picture Draco's face when he had told Harry that he thought he had changed.

Harry's thoughts, however, were interrupted when he heard the infirmary door open slowly and quiet footsteps walking towards his bed. Something inside Harry wished desperately that it was Draco; but he pushed that thought away immediately. He didn't need that. He didn't need weaknesses. What he needed was to get out.

Away from whoever was walking towards his bed.

Those were Harry's thoughts as the footsteps grew closer, but his eyes widened in shock when the person opened his curtains parted.

"Ah, Potter; I knew you'd be awake."

Harry Potter shot up in his head.

"Lucius!"

"Shh, idiot boy!" Lucius whispered, glaring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Harry whispered back, clearly confused at what was going on. Then, realization dawned. "You're here to kill me, aren't you?"

"Now why would I do that? And here of all places? With the enemy all around? Are you losing your touch, Potter?"

Ignoring the string of questions, Harry just glared.

"Actually, I'm here to get you out."

"Why would you do that? You hate me!"

"Yes, but you killed the Dark Lord."

"I don't get it."

Lucius rolled his eyes, tsking. "You are so stupid, Potter! But powerful. Very powerful."

"Oh yeah?"

"You did kill the Dark Lord."

"Yes, I get it. I killed him. Why is this a good thing?"

"You proved how much power you have. It seems like we've been serving the wrong Master..."

Harry's mouth dropped open.

"Are you--"

"Potter; you look like a goldfish. Close your mouth."

Scowling, Harry closed his mouth.

"Good. And no, we don't want you to become the next Dark Lord. You're not smart enough..."

"Hey!"

"And your vocabulary is abysmal."

"Wh--"

"But you can help us."

"Us?"

"Not everyone is mad about you killing the Dark Lord."

There was a short silence.

"We're not very loyal servants, are we?" Harry finally said, a grin appearing on his face. Lucius Malfoy actually smiled.

"Indeed. So, are you in?"

"In on what?"

"To do what we were supposed to do. To rid the world of mudbloods and fight for--"

"Yes yes. I've heard the speech, Malfoy."

"Yes. Well?"

"And you'll get me out of here?"

"Of course. It's not as hard as you may think."

Harry scowled again.

"I didn't think it was hard."

"Then why the--it doesn't matter. Let's go."

"What, now?"

"Unless you want to wait for Dumbledore to walk in and watch you off?"

Harry got up from his bed and threw his robes on.

"My wand..." Harry stated, double-checking his pockets, but to no avail.

"Dumbledore?"

"Probably."

"Damn."

"How am I supposed to--"

"Leave it. We'll find a way. We must leave now."

"Ma--Lucius. Without a wand, I'm defenseless."

"If they catch you--us--now, we're going straight to Azkaban. We'll find a way to get you a wand once we're out of here."

"Fine. Let's go."

Harry never once looked back.

That is, till they reached the gates of Hogwarts. They'd passed the spot where just a few hours before, Harry and Draco had been talking. At the sight of it, Draco's last words echoed through his mind.

Harry turned to look at Hogwarts one last time as Draco's voice sounded in his mind.

'I thought you'd changed.'

"So did I." Harry whispered, and turned his back on the place he'd once called home.

TBC.
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Umm...please don't kill me?
Review? Please? (insert pouty face here)