Heyy all! Here it is, chapter nineteen. Sorry it took a while.
I Don't Want To Feel
Chapter Nineteen
"Mister Potter?" came a small, fearful voice from outside the grand bedroom door. Harry Potter, who was lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, sat up. He grabbed his wand and muttered a quick 'alohamora', not bothering to get up and unlocking the door by himself. The door opened at a crack, and a house elf poked his head inside. "Master Malfoy requests your presence."
Harry nodded, and then fell back onto the bed. It was a few moments later that he was startled by the same voice.
"What is your answer, Mister Potter, sir?"
Harry sat up again, and opened his mouth, contemplating. He hadn't been out of his room for a week. "Yes, okay. I'll be down in a few minutes."
Nodding, the house elf quickly closed the door, and Harry sighed. What did Lucius want? Getting up slowly, he made his way to the closet to make himself at least half presentable.
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Harry made his way through the dark hallways until he reached Lucius' office, in front of which he stopped dead. His mind went back to the newspaper article lying hidden in the desk's bottom drawer, and he bowed his head. Suddenly, he didn't understand why he was still there.
He knocked on the door cautiously, and turned the handle when Lucius' voice told him to come in. Inside, he was met by Lucius, sitting on a chair behind a desk, staring straight at him. Harry stood nervously by the door, trying to look everywhere but at Lucius.
"Come sit, Harry." Lucius finally said, breaking the long silence. Harry took a nervous step forward, and Lucius almost smiled. "There is no need to be nervous, boy. I'm not going to kill you."
Somehow, that didn't make Harry feel any better. Actually, it made him more nervous. He cautiously sat down on a chair in front of Lucius' desk, and stared at the dark wood in front of him.
"Tea?" Lucius questioned, and Harry jumped at the sudden question.
"I--er--"
"Now, Harry, no stuttering. It makes you look like a blustering idiot."
"I--"
"Sugar?"
Harry looked up to meet Lucius' eyes for the first time, and was surprised to see almost no coldness in them. Still, as Lucius handed him the cup of tea, he couldn't stop the next question from coming out of his mouth.
"You're not trying to poison me, are you?" And to his surprise, Lucius chuckled. Actually chuckled.
"Now why would I do that, Harry? You're on my side." He stared at Harry. "Aren't you?"
Harry opened his mouth.
"Of course you are."
Nervous, Harry took a sip of his tea.
"Unless..."
Harry spit the tea back into the cup. Lucius stared at him, amused. He stood up slowly, and stared into the fire burning behind him, his hands clasped behind him. Harry stared down at the tea cup in his hand, debating on whether he had time to sniff it to check for poison. He didn't. Lucius turned around right when he started to slowly bring the cup up to his face.
"Your presence has been missed these last couple of days."
"Er...yes. I've been feeling ill. Nasty f--"
"Yes, it is the season."
Harry had absolutely no idea what Lucius was talking about. His confusion must have shown.
"My sons always got sick at this time of year."
Harry's heart sank.
"Aiden especially. But you don't really want to hear about him, do you?"
"I--" Harry started, his heart beginning to race. Something very strange was happening.
"Draco was always weak, however. He was always the weaker one. It was no wonder he always looked up to his brother."
Lucius turned back to the fire, and Harry nervously looked around the room, staring longingly at the door. Lucius had gone insane. Harry had absolutely no idea what had sparked the need for this conversation; since Lucius had only brought Aiden up once and any mention of Draco was an absolute death wish. Harry learned that lesson when Narcissa made the mistake of accidently mentioning him over dinner. Lucius had disappeared for a day, but only after throwing his goblet at the nearest wall, of course.
"It was no wonder I always looked up to his older brother."
Harry froze. Lucius placed a hand on the ledge above the fire place, leaning on it as if he needed it's support to stand.
"Narcissa told me about your conversation." Lucius suddenly said, turning his head slightly so Harry knew he was still talking to him. As if he needed reminding.
'Deny it!' screamed a voice in Harry's head, panic setting in. What had she done that for? It suddenly hit him; Lucius was going to kill him. 'Oh dear God, he's going to kill me. He's going to kill me. He's winding me up. He wants me to confess everywhere. All my thoughts...all my... feelings.'
"She was right, you know."
The yelling in Harry's mind stopped.
"Why do you think Draco is the way he is? Or, really, the way he was? I would tell him everyday; feeling is weakness. Love is weakness." Lucius paused, his back still turned. Harry didn't understand where this conversation was going. "Look where that led my family."
There was a few moments of silence, and Lucius turned back to Harry. "There will be a meeting tomorrow, at seven o'clock. I suggest you be there."
Lucius sat down on his chair, and picked up the book he was reading. Harry stared at him, confused and utterly amazed. How had the subject changed so quickly? After a few minutes of staring, Lucius looked up from his book and drawled in his usual tone; "still here, Potter?".
Not wanting to upset him, Harry quickly got up and left the room, leaving Lucius with a smirk hidden behind his book.
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Once Harry had left the office, and unnoticing, taken the wrong turn; he found himself in abandoned corridors, all the furniture covered with white sheets. Confused, Harry turned and looked back at the path he had taken. Darkness had taken over it. Confused, and with Lucius' words still echoing in his mind, Harry just continued forward. Towards the end of the corridor, which Harry realised was a dead end, he opened a random door to his left. Upon seeing it's inside, his jaw dropped. The only way to describe the room was that it belonged to a little boy. Or, had once belonged to a little boy. Harry turned around, and ran back down the corridor, back towards his room. He stopped, however, in the main hall, where the grand staircase led down to the entrance hall. There stood Narcissa, having just reached the second floor.
"Mr. Potter."
"Mrs. Malfoy."
There was a short silence.
"I--"
"Goodnight Mr. Potter."
She gave him a small smile, and began walking down the corridor Harry had just ran from. His mouth still open from the sentence he had started, Harry's eyes finally left her disappearing figure, and turned in the direction of the corridor where his room was located. He stared at it for a while, and then began to walk down the stairs, through the main doors and outside.
Up on the second floor, someone watched and smiled.
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Hidden under a simple invisibilty spell, Harry made his way through the dark halls. Upon reaching his intended destination, he didn't bother knocking, and quietly opened the door.
It was a couple of hours past midnight by now, but Remus Lupin still sat behind his desk, head in his hands, staring down at a pile of papers. The door gave a small creak, and as Harry flinched, Remus looked up at the open door.
"Who's there?" He exclaimed, grabbing his wand and standing up. "Who is there?" He repeated, and Harry quickly closed the door. Before Remus could do anything else, Harry muttered a spell, and appeared in front of the door.
"Harry!" Remus exclaimed, collapsing back into his chair. "Wha--!"
"Hey Remus." Harry whispered, his eyes meeting the older man's. "I'm back."
"I--we--yes. Yes you are." Remus muttered faintly, still staring at Harry in shock. Harry began to walk towards Remus' desk, his expression blank. "But...how?"
"Er...I apparated?"
"Yes, but... where were you?"
"The past is the past, Remus. We don't need names, do we?"
Remus stared at the boy that he had always thought of as almost his son. The boy that had always pushed him away.
"Why did you come back here?"
"Let's just say...somebody helped me realise a few things."
"I--like what?"
"How I pushed you away. How I pushed...him...away."
"You never really pushed any of us away. We've always been here... waiting."
"How did you know I was going to come back?"
There was a short silence as Remus stood up and walked towards Harry.
"I just did." Remus whispered, and Harry almost smiled. "But he didn't."
Yeahh, okay, it's confusing. I know. Next chapter... all will be explained. (and Draco makes an appearance)
REVIEW! They keep me going & motivate me to write more. Thanks for reading!