The handle KryptoAngel was one I remember seeing from another fanfic, struck me as perfect for this situation so I borrowed it. :)
Here's another installment of the Lifestyles of the Buff 'n Shameless...
This week on Lifestyles of the Buff 'n Shameless –
"OH…MY…GOD, Lana!" The breathless squeal after Chloe rushed through the doors alerted Lex that something exciting was up in the world of Chloe.
Lex considered starting a research team to discover if women communicated secret information on a supersonic frequency, which defeated men's attempts to understand them. Of course, it would have to be staffed by men; he couldn't depend on women being in on that study, they might sabotage the findings. He slyly observed from behind his copy of the Smallville Ledger as Chloe the caffeine-enhanced-human-super-ball threw herself into the corner booth with her cohort in squealing.
"What? What? Tell me!" Lana exclaimed.
More supersonic squeals, he could imagine their secret conversation – 'Think anyone suspects?'
'No, they're men, and no woman would ever betray another woman this way.'
'Good, lets get our stalker-memberships renewed next week. They're throwing in bondage and captivity certification if you purchase the five year membership for free.'
'Sounds like a plan. The Mall Base?'
'Yes, your dad won't suspect anything if we did it there. I hope they brought in a new line of underwear ID's, last season's I'd swear were designed by men.'
'Tell me about it, next weekend it is then.'
"Farm chores," Chloe sighed breathlessly as she slumped against the back of the booth.
'Ah, it's about Clark again,' Lex thought.
Lana got a dreamy look on her face as she rested her chin on her palm, "Summer is great."
"Fall is better," Chloe purred softly, an impish expression flitted across her face.
Lana nodded in agreement then leaned closer to Chloe over the table, "Which chore?"
Chloe smiled wickedly as she sat up and leaned close to Lana as she whispered, "The best one!"
Lex scowled at his paper at that ambiguous answer, especially when squealing ensued followed by moony sighs. Lana was the first to recover as she asked hopefully, "Pictures?"
"Of course," Chloe answered as if it were a given, prideful in her work.
"What type?"
"Ultimate."
'Again with the squealing,' he thought irritably, 'definitely secret frequency codes.'
"How many?" Lana waited for her answer in breathless anticipation.
"At least twenty good pictures. I might be able to salvage another 10 but I've got to review them first."
"Oh my god!"
"I know!"
If they didn't stop soon his ears were going to start bleeding, then how was he going to hear more about this secret world of Clark-stalkers?
"KryptoAngel came through with the animated gifs for us."
"Oh yes!" Lana moaned softly, "In the same spot?"
"Yeah, I've locked it down to friends only so it'll be safe."
"Oh good, I'll check after my shift here tonight."
They were flushed and airing themselves when Clark walked in.
"Clark!" Chloe called him over. He gave Lex a friendly, "Hey Lex," as he passed which gave him opportunity to watch as the clueless prey interacted with his huntresses. A brief grin flickered over his lips as he gave a nod to his friend and returned to his newspaper, glad that it didn't require his full attention.
"Hi Chloe, hi Lana," Clark flashed one of his megawatt grins at both the girls he was sitting with.
"Hi Clark," simultaneous giggles and greetings.
'Uh-oh, run Clark!' Lex's mind cried out. 'They're plotting to…er, wait…that's a good thing. Yes, Clark, stay right there. Nothing's wrong, nothing at all.'
"What's going on?" Clark asked suspiciously as he shifted in his seat as if he were getting ready to run.
'No! What a time to pick up a clue Clark!' Lex bemoaned silently. 'Bad Clark! No pictures for me…' /mental pout/ Lex scowled at his newspaper and then turned the page.
"Lana and I were going to the mall this weekend…" Chloe lead, hoping that Clark would blunder into a shopping trip this weekend.
'I knew it! There is a secret spy registration base for women at the mall! Wait! What's Clark saying?'
Clark's face fell into a disappointed expression, "I'd really love to go with you guys." He sighed miserably, "But Dad said I have to wash the truck and mom's car this weekend if Pete and I are going to be able to camp out."
"Awww, that sucks," Chloe consoled sympathetically as she gave her friend a one-armed hug resting her head on his shoulder. Lex could clearly pick out the false sympathy as he often dealt in the currency when dealing with his father, but Clark was oblivious to the undertones as usual.
"We'll miss you at the mall Clark," Lana's voice was as soft as the tiny hand she laid on one of Clark's. Coupling physical contact with her victim to ensure they didn't pick up on the small gleam of excitement that had sparked in her eyes at Clark's news, Lex had to give props where they were due. As the object of a long-standing crush there was no way Clark would ever believe Lana capable of subterfuge and false sympathy. Never Lana, not his lady fair.
Clark sighed a small sigh of disappointment as he stood, "Just have a good time when you go, and let me know when you two get back so I don't worry. I've gotta get going, Dad's expecting me home soon."
After Clark left the Talon and passed out of sight Lex had to wonder what the two minxes were up to when they suddenly perked up with manic glee.
"Soapy wetpics this weekend," Chloe quietly crowed with delight.
"I'm glad you asked him to the mall. Great way of finding out what was on the agenda."
Chloe grinned shamelessly, "What can I say? I'm just gifted."
Lex made a mental note to find out whom KryptoAngel was and to have Chloe's online activities monitored. He had suspicions that Clark's pictures were being stored online. If they were…well, who was he to deny good art? No matter where it was found and in what form, he could honestly say he was a collector. He finished his coffee and made to leave once he discerned that no more information was going to be dropped about their activities. It seemed that the Talon was yielding more than money in profits…unexpected bonuses indeed.