Title: Yesterday's Visitor
Author: Half-Human
Summary: Derek speaks with a broken-Addie. Although he tries to make up for what he did, he doesn't—something else comes up.
Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all its wonderful characters belong to the genius Shonda Rhimes and everyone who's helped put this drama together.
Author's Note: Yay, thanks for the reviews. Ok, again, this is an experimental piece. THANKS INKIE AGAIN--You rock chica! ok, on with the strangeness...
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"I don't feel good. If you can't treat me, can you get someone else?"
Derek looked up from the seat on the floor. Was he really talking to a 13-year old Addison? He shook his head. "Really. Who are you?" he asked, getting up from the floor and walking slowly toward the red head.
"Addison, I told you," she said. Her eyes drooped. It was clear that she was losing blood quickly. Derek rushed over to her. Even though he felt as if he were on the butt end of some twisted joke, he knew that the girl in front of him was truly injured.
"Ok, let me see this more clearly," he said, removing the blood-soaked gauze from Addie's hand. "I'm going to try to clean it up, ok?" Derek asked. He wanted to see exactly how deep the cut was. Addie winced as Derek applied pressure and wiped away some of the blood. "It won't be long, I just need to see what I'm dealing with," he coaxed.
"Ok…I'm fine," Addie said, taking in deep breaths through clenched teeth. She was obviously in pain.
"So…Addison Forbes Montgomery," Derek began, intent on interrogating his latest patient. He hadn't a clue of what was going on but if this was a cruel joke, he was going to get to the bottom of it.
"Yes…Dr…?"Addison questioned.
"You don't know me? How do you not know me?" Derek asked somewhat surprised.
"Your a doctor, a rather weird one. Why should I?"
"Well I know you." Derek grinned.
"Ok…?" Addie murmured.
"You're favorite season is autumn. You prefer dogs over cats, you-"
"Who doesn't? Autumn is great."
"You cut the edges of your sliced-bread off," Derek continued, "You…are scared of rodents. Really scared of rodents, because in…the fourth grade, I believe, some boy threw his pet gerbil at you."
"Woah, is that in my record? That jerk, I remember that day. I was so...-"
"You are a Red Sox fan but won't tell anyone because they all favor the Yanks."
"How did you know that?"
"I know a lot of things."
Addison giggled and Derek had to laugh too because even though she sounded different from the Addie he knew, her laughter held something in it so familiar to him.
"And you are among the brightest in your school," he continued. "You play in the band, you can beat all the boys at basketball, and you're the pride and joy of your parents."
"Not really. "
"Oh yes you are." Derek pressed on, but he noticed Addison's shoulders slouch forward. "What's wrong?" Addie remained silent. "It helps if you talk about it."
"No one cares," she stated. Derek felt a tug in his chest. He hadn't realized how vulnerable the Addie in front of him looked. She definitely seemed much more open as a thirteen year-old than as an adult.
"That's not true," Derek said reassuringly. Addison sighed.
"If I were their pride and joy they would be here for me." Derek had heard that Addison's parents traveled all the time, but he didn't know how she had been affected by it.
"Your parents are busy, your father's a lawyer, your mother is a-"
"I know, I know," Addison cut-off, "their work is important …they're just never around." Derek couldn't help but notice Addison's posture and how it reminded him of his Addie, whenever he encountered her after canceling a get-together.
"Why don't you talk to them about it?" Derek offered.
"I have. They say the same thing all the time. 'Addie, you need to understand,'" she mocked, "'We do what we do because we want the best for you and because we help people.' It's the same thing all the time…they say I'm too needy. They say I should toughen up." Derek was taken off guard. He never associated the word "needy" with Addison Montgomery, but as he treated the dejected teenager and thought back to his relationship with Addison, he realized that "needy" was an appropriate word. Throughout his relationship with Addison she was always the one to suggest outings and get excited over anniversaries. She loved to snuggle on weekend mornings, clung to him when they walked through the busy streets of midtown, left messages on his phone during work, and post-its on his office door. She dragged him along on shopping sprees and never forgot her 'I love you's'.
'No,' Derek thought, she wasn't needy per say, but affectionate. She was always the more affectionate one in their relationship, even though she wore that mask, that 'tough' mask. Derek had never thought twice about that strange dichotomy. Addison was seemingly tough and independent, but also warm and loving.
"I try not to be 'needy.'" Addison said, "I might as well stop 'complaining.' I mean…I don't know."
"You are not needy, Addie. If you are, you have the right to be. Your parents just don't understand," Derek suggested. "Who brought you here? Are your parents here in town?" Addison shook her head 'no.'
"Dad's in DC, Mom's in some country. I don't even know…don't even care. I guess Leeroy's mom brought be here, or Grams."
"Grams?"
"Yeah, my grandma. She's great. She's always there for me. I stay with her when Mom and Dad are gone…I basically live with her," she added bitterly.
"That's good, you see, someone definitely cares." Derek thought back to when Addison told him about her grandmother. Apparently she hadn't died yet, because he knew Addison had a rough time when her grandmother died. Addison had once told him that her grandma was the one person she confided in, the one person she'd pour her heart out to and loved more than anyone. Derek wasn't sure what was happening or who he was talking to, but his doubts about the teenager's identity and his plan to uncover the master plot against him were quickly dissolving; he found himself wholly engaged in his conversation with the young girl and his treatment of her injury.
"I guess. One person," Addie sighed. Derek had cleaned the cut enough to see that she did need a couple of stitches. He placed another gauze against her head and carefully walked in front of her. 'How could this young girl have such low self-esteem?' he thought, shaken. Was this really his Addie?
"No. More than one person cares for you." Derek wanted to scream, 'I care for you,' but he didn't want to frighten her. "Addison, you're a wonderful girl. You're smart, talented—"
"Do you think I'm pretty?" Addie looked up at Derek, her eyes were slightly red and her brow furrowed. Derek smiled.
"Addison, you're beautiful," Derek stated, giving her his McDreamy smile. Addison looked into his eyes and returned a smile. Her face turned a deep shade of red and she quickly lowered her head again. Derek missed being able to make Addison blush, and watching how the teenager before him reacted to his smile was priceless. She was Addison all right, but she was somehow easier to reach and easier to read. Perhaps her grandmother's death and her parents' absence was what really made her into the person he first met. The girl before him was the Addison he discovered, discovered well into his relationship, when he got to know her on a more intimate level.
"Aww, why are you hiding that beautiful smile?" Derek asked, pushing her hair away from her face.
"Because I'm bleeding," she said, trying to change the subject. Derek returned his attention to her wound.
"You know, I know someone just like you," Derek began. "She's bright, talented, drop-dead gorgeous, and I…I—"
"Like her?" Addie offered. Derek shook his head and laughed. Her response was so typical for her age.
"Well, it's more than that."
"Ooh, do you go out with her?"
"Yah, something like that…but, but something happened. She betrayed me. She hurt me." Derek paused. "I…don't know if I could ever forgive her. You know?" Derek let his words sink in, and thought whether he was being true to himself or not.
"No, not really…this is the weirdest conversation I've had with a doctor…what did she do? Did she go steady with someone else?" Her question prompted a flood of memories, memories that Derek despised but knew he couldn't forget. "Sorry," Addie added after a long moment of silence.
"No, its fine."
"It helps if you talk about it." Derek smirked; she had effectively shifted the focus of the conversation over to him.
Derek made sure he had numbed part of Addie's scalp before he began the stitch work. "Well, I…I don't know where to start."
"So she went with some other guy, I'd say dump her." Derek was baffled at how seemingly elementary Addie interpreted his situation.
"I wish it were that simple," he told the thirteen-year-old.
"What's so difficult? If she did what she did for absolutely no reason..."Addison paused and took a deep breath, "What did you do?"
"I'm not sure…"
"Yeah, you are sure Doc, because if you didn't you would have dumped her. I'd say—"
"Ok, I may have done something, and I already 'dumped' her, I just don't know if I made the right choice." Derek admitted.
"So, what? Did she just stay with the guy?"
"No, she tried to come back."
"Oh. I see."
"Would you forgive her?" Derek asked, wondering how the girl would respond if she were in his shoes.
"Depends on what you did." Derek stopped, was his indifference not punished through Addie's infidelity? Did it require further punishment; did he need her forgiveness?
"I, I was…" Derek didn't want to share what he did; he didn't want to tell a seemingly neglected teenager that he had essentially abandoned his wife.
"Spill," Addie pressed on.
"I wasn't there. I got…busy. She…got lonely, I suppose." Addison remained silent. "I didn't mean to."
"You seem like a good guy," was all Addie said.
"I am," Derek said defensively, and suddenly remembered he was chatting with a thirteen year old. How had he managed to talk about such a sensitive topic with her?
" 'The opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference,'" Addie mumbled, " I kind of think that's true, but Grams says its wrong, that sometimes we simply confuse our priorities…and we forget what's important to us. I don't know about that…"
Derek shifted uncomfortably as he finished his work. If she felt so strongly about indifference Derek could only imagine what turmoil Addie found herself in whenever he cancelled on her. He was almost done with Addie's stitches but was noting some strange bruising around the stitch-work.
"Would you forgive her?" Derek repeated, hoping for an answer.
"If you feel strange about leaving her, then that means that there's something there and that maybe you did something. I don't know...will trying again hurt?" Addie shrugged her shoulders, obviously still contemplating being left alone, and it pained Derek to think that he would be the one to hurt her in her future.
"Try again?" he asked.
"Yah, you know, just go out again. Are you in a hurry or something? Do you want to give up?" she asked.
'Meredith,' Derek thought, but then he realized that he hadn't even considered the intern until that moment. After pining after her and finally being able to be with her, he didn't even have her in mind while he questioned the young patient before him. Meredith was nowhere present. As Derek thought through what was important to him he realized that Meredith was actually ranked below his work, his everyday duties, and below Addison. He cared about Meredith, but not nearly as much as he cared and…loved Addison.
"I'm not in a hurry," he voiced his conclusion. "Addie, I don't want to give up, I'm not in a hurry," he repeated with conviction. "Addie…thank you. I'm not in a hurry." Derek smiled.
"Good," Addie murmured softly. Derek wrapped up his work and turned to face Addie.
"Addie?" he questioned, worry etched on his face. Addie looked very weak, her eyes drooped once more and her head hung. She suddenly fell back. "Addie!" Derek cried. He propped her up, put his hand under her chin and patted her face. "Stay with me! Addie!"
"Huh?" she whispered, falling in and out of consciousness.
"Stay awake Addie, I know you can. You are strong," Derek checked her pulse, it had slowed down considerably. Her palms were clammy, skin cold. 'She must have a concussion or something' Derek thought grimly. He felt sweat trickle down his face and fear grip him tightly. "Addie, stay with me, talk to me."
"Ok…" she said.
"What's your favorite band Addie?" Addie didn't respond. "Come on Addie!"
"Beatles," she managed to say.
"Yes, yes the Beatles and you love botany right? You love flowers, adore them. You wanted to become a botanist but your parents…"
"Uhuh…they said no," Addie whispered. Derek nodded.
"Why do you like dogs? Because they are friendly right, because you love to snuggle with them, right?"
"Yah…" Derek looked around, frantically trying to assess what materials where available. Addie looked bad, real bad, and he feared the worst. He needed help. He lay Addie down on the examination table. "Anyone out there?" Derek yelled. "I need help!" His breathing quickened. He looked down at Addie, her eyes rolled back. He slapped her cheeks lightly-- he couldn't let her pass out. "Addie! Addie, look at me," he said and he noticed Addison try to focus on his eyes. Her pupils were dilating and Derek's fear escalated. "Addie…do, do you believe in forgiveness?" he said, not really sure why he asked such a question. All he was thinking about was her health, his Addie, and the idea of losing her, really losing her.
"Grams says forgiveness is necessary," she whispered, trying to focus on Derek's eyes. Derek sighed, pushed strands of her hair away from her face, and suppressed a small cry. He felt his eyes water. He suddenly lifted the teenager and held her in his arms.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, " I'm so…sorry."
"I'm not the one …you're suppose to…say sorry to," she managed to say, through ragged breathes. Derek nodded and placed her weak body back on the table. He needed help.
"Somebody!" he cried, still patting Addie's cheeks and forcing her to look at him. "Addie, Addie…" he continued, trying to think of questions. "Addie, you love autumn. You love autumn because you love to shop. You love to shop right? Fall is when all the new clothes come out, you love that right?"
"No," Addie said.
"No?" Derek asked, heart racing. He knew Addie loved fall fashion. He knew her like the back of his hand. He knew that she was allergic to nuts, that she was a science fiction fan at heart. He knew how much she loved old romance flicks, how she hated the last scoops of mushy ice cream at the bottom of containers. He knew how the Three Stooges cracked her up and how lateness of any form really ticked her off. He memorized where she was ticklish, what would make her cry, and could always tell when she was distressed. Her smile was etched in his mind, her laugh imprinted in his being. He could visualize her every curve, every birthmark—even that small mole on her inner right thigh. He knew how to excite her and could sense when she was in "the mood." He knew when she was hungry, remembered when she preferred coffee, what made her nauseous—hell he even remembered her menstrual cycle. He had an intuitive understanding of Addie, of who she was, of what she held within... He knew that woman inside and out, at least he thought he did. The girl in front of him only proved that he had much more to learn, much more to love. He thought he knew all her quirks but realized that there was more to Addie. There was more to Addison Forbes Montgomery, and she was lying in front of him, seemingly withering away. He felt tears accumulate in his eyes and he didn't resist them. "Why…why do you like autumn, Addie, tell me." He urged her on, wanting her to stay awake and curious about her answer.
"The leaves," she whispered, "I love when they change color." Her head fell sideways on the table. He turned her head, held her face in his hands.
"Addison! Look at me. What about the leaves? What about their color?" he cried. Addison looked into his eyes and Derek held his gaze.
"They…turn color…they match my hair." Derek stared at the sickly pale teenager; her red hair screamed for attention. Her eyes, which usually balanced the wild red, were now bland, off, dulled of life.
Her breathing suddenly slowed down. She smiled.
"They match my hair," she whispered, "I like …to hide in them—the piles of leaves. I hide there…and pretend I'm invisible." She smiled, let out a breath, and closed her eyes. Derek felt his eyes sting, his tears begged for release. "You're a good guy," she said, in a barely-audible airy voice.
Silence.
"Addie! Addie!" Derek cried. He slapped her face, but her body was limp. He checked her pulse but it was barely there.
"Addison, please, wake up. You don't need to hide...wake up," he cried softly. 'She can't go, she can't,' Derek thought. "Addie, stay with me." Derek grabbed the girl's hand and squeezed, hoping to somehow awaken her, show her how much he needed her. His efforts were fleeting. She didn't respond and he was left staring at an angelic face, pale skin, violent red hair, and small parted lips. "I love you," he cried thinking about how he hurt his Addie, how he left her alone. How could he abandon such a woman? Guilt ridden and face drenched with salty tears, Derek wept.
"I love you," he whispered again, "I love you."
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A/N: ok, plz r/rit was so hard to writealmost made me cry… more to com though ;p