Rachel looked over at Monica and the two friends melted into each other's arms. Chandler came back holding the coffee and then Monica told him the fatal news. "He's gone Chandler." At that moment, Phoebe Buffay Hannigan and her husband Mike, came running up to the small group. "We heard what happened. Is he alright?" Phoebe had ran out of the house when she heard the friend she spent all of last night trying to help was shot. Monica looked up and then said it slowly. "He's dead Phoebe. He died on the operating table." Phoebe saw who she needed to be with. Rachel was sitting on the couch, clutching her coffee and shaking like a leaf. Phoebe walked over and then she put her arm around her. "I'm sorry. You know he loved you very much." Rachel began to cry again. "I know that, that's why I came back." She weeped.

Monica was holding on to Chandler as the twins slept soundly. Phoebe had Mike make all the necessary phone calls to Long Island and Joey again. When Joey arrived, he immediately ran to the gathering in the middle of the waiting room. They were waiting for the nurses to clean Ross up , before he would be taken to the morgue.

The friends found comfort in each other. They would certainly need it in the days to come. For some they had lost a good friend, maybe their best friend, others this tragedy would touch them even more, they would have lost a brother or a father, the two children would definitely be hurt the worst. But the one person who felt the pain more than the others was Rachel.

"Mommy, I'm so glad you're here." Rachel said as she saw Sandra standing in the waiting room holding Emma. Emma was dressed in a little tee shirt and shorts.Rachel grabbed Emma from her mother's arms and began to swing her back and forth. She couldn't get enough of this little precious one. And now this toddler would be the one thing that tied her to Ross forever. A piece of him would live on. Sandra rubbed Rachel's back as she carried Emma back to the couch.

The silence was broken again as Judy and Jack arrived. Judy was still crying and yelled. "I want to see my baby." Monica put her arm around her mother. "Mom, they are cleaning him up. " she said stoically. Mother and daughter forgot the past and joined in a hug.

"He's ready." A nurse said as the friends broke apart and began to decide who would go first. It started with Phoebe and then went it 's way on down. Finally, it was Monica's turn. She ran out of the hospital room crying. By now Carol and Susan had brought Ben. He was too young to understand what was going on. Rachel took a deep breath, and took Emma from her mother.

"Rachel. She's too young." Sandra protested.

"Mom, she is going in to say good bye to her daddy. I want her to remember what he looked like when she is older and I don't want her to have any regrets." Rachel said strongly. She got up from the chair and walked into the room, holding Emma's hand.

It was deadly silence as the floor was littered with bloody gauze and the iv stands stood by empty, The lights were still blazing down on the lifeless body laying on the table. Rachel was literally shaking as she moved the cotton cloth covering his body. He was just lying there so peaceful.

"Daddy asleep?" asked Emma curiously. Rachel looked over at her baby girl 's innocent question. "Yes, Emma. Daddy's asleep. He is going to be that way for a long time. " she started to cry again. She bent over the white clothed figure and then screamed. "Why God? Why? You didn't have to take him. He had so much to live for. We were going to be together. I hate you God! I know I am not a religious person. And you know who else I hate ? I hate you Ross. " her tears wouldn't stop at all. "I hate you for leaving me. I am going to have to raise this little girl without a father . She won't even remember you. Her only memories of you will be pictures and videos. It's so not fair. " she screamed. Emma looked over at her mother as she bared her soul.She hugged her and then said. "Mommy, don't cry." Rachel smiled through her tears. "Okay Emma, I won't " Rachel decided that she was going to have to be strong, at least for Emma. She turned around and then said to her daughter. "Tell Daddy night night." Emma looked at her father's closed eyes and peaceful look. "Night , night Daddy." She said innocently. Rachel knew she would have her goodbye later.She knew she had to get out of there now.

With everyone now saying their goodbyes, two men came into the room and then took the body away. Luckily by then, everyone had decided to come over to Monica and Chandler's .The move was going to have to wait. Within hours, flowers and food started arriving at apartment 20. Rachel looked down at her clothes and Emma's She went over to Ross' apartment. Emma was in her stroller fast asleep. She prayed her clothes had been sent back. She was going to need some outfits for the memorial service and the funeral itself. As she climbed the stairs, a memory faded back into her mind.

"PIVOT ! PiVOT PIVOT!" she heard Ross scream as they tried to move the couch up the stairs. She couldn't help but stifle a giggle. It would be these memories, the ones that made her happy and made her laugh that would get her through.

As she opened the door with her key, she slowly opened it and walked in. There it was. Everything that was him. Then she went to the bedroom , her clothes had been returned.

Thought you would need these. Love Mom. Rachel began to sort through the boxes and looked for anything black. Black what a fitting color for a funeral. Death. The death of a loved one. Rachel was playing the part of the grieving widow. But what was so ironic, was that she wasn't Ross' widow. They weren't married, but there was a connection that was so deep. It was like they had known each other a million years.

"Mommy?" Emma said from the other room. Rachel ran to her child's side. "Yes sweetie." Rachel cooed and running her fingers through her blonde hair. Emma didn't say anything , she just wanted to be around her mother. Rachel took her from the stroller and held her as she walked to the kitchen. She looked in the fridge , and found her some juice. Emma started to clap her hands as she was handed the juice box. Another memory began to play in her head.

"You want cranapple or grape?" he asked. "Cran grape." Rachel answered . "Okay sit." Ross commanded. Rachel sat on the fur skin as Ross turned on the system as it boomed.

"Billions of years ago…… running over he cursed the sound system and then turned on the lights as the imaginary sky was filled with a thousand stars. Rachel tried not to giggle as Ross tripped on the way over to correct his mistake. Suddenly instead came the haunting words…

I'd never dreamed I'd meet somebody like you

I never dreamed that I would lose somebody like you.

Oh I want to fall in love…

"I'm sorry about tonight. " Ross said apologetically. Rachel moved closer to him. "That's okay. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight." She cooed as she started to kiss him.

"This time you aren't laughing." Ross said as he moved his hands lower.

"This time, it's not funny." She said deadly serious as she started to passionately kiss him.

Rachel woke herself from her reverie again. Was this the way it was going to be? Every song reminded her of him . Foods and smells reminded her of him. The familiar apartment, the coffee shop, everytime she walked past that museum. Now she held in her arms, happily sipping her juice, the biggest reminder of him.

"Emma I am going to try to be strong for you. But right now, I think Mommy wants to fall apart." She started to sniffle again. At that moment, Chandler came in the door.

"I came to make sure you were alright." He said softly. "Chandler how can I be alright? Everything reminds me of him. I can't even stay here right now."she sobbed.

Chandler took her in his arms. "Rach, you don't have to do this alone. You have five friends who are willing to help you get through this. We are all going to have to lean on each other right now. If you want to stay with us, that's fine. We can put Emma and you in the guest room and the twins will sleep with us." Rachel smiled. "I would like that. I don't want to be alone right now."

By now the news had broadcast the shooting. Everyone now knew. The biggest shock of all came when while the Gellers and Monica were trying to pick out a casket, they heard a familiar voice that they thought they would never hear again.

"Hello." Came a timid voice with a British accent. "I was visiting my uncle when I heard the news. I thought that I at least should pay my respects." Emily slowly came in the door. Monica got up and walked over to hug the woman. "Thank you Emily." She said sadly. "I am so sorry." Emily sobbed. "I can't believe he's gone. He was a very loving man."

Chandler, Rachel and Emma came in the door when Rachel saw Emily standing there. Emily got up and ran to hug her. "Rachel, I am soo sorry . I know how you must feel right now. I am also sorry for the way I acted before. I knew he loved you." She said softly.Emily laid her head on Rachel's shoulder. "Thank you Emily." Rachel said. Emily kneeled down and looked into the stroller. "And who is this?" she said smiling at Emma. "Hello little one." She cooed.

"This is Emma. She is Ross' and my daughter." Rachel said , trying to be strong. Emily smiled at her. "Hello Emma." Emma just smiled and said Hi.

"I guess I had better be going, I am staying with my uncle. If you need anything, Rachel, here's my number. Even if you just want someone to talk to." Emily hugged her again and then left.

"That was weird." Said Joey as for the eighth time, he filled a plate with food.

"I know , almost spooky that she showed up." Exclaimed Phoebe.

"You guys we need to start planning the memorial service." Chandler said. He never thought that he would actually be doing it. He had a memory of when he told everyone on the Internet that Ross had been killed by a blimp accident and then he had a memorial service and no one showed up but one girl. Ross made the mistake of running out of the bedroom to tell the girl he liked her. She naturally thought he was a jerk, and told him that.

"Well we could all tell some funny stories , so people won't be so down." Said Joey. "You know Ross did do some crazy stuff."

"Like the time he wore leather pants." Suggested Phoebe. "or the time he went to the tanning booth and painted his one side too dark and the other not at all." She giggled.

"And we can tell everyone how we felt about him." Suggested Chandler as he began to choke up.

"I could always play a song." Said Phoebe. "Music was such a big part of Ross life, other than dinosaurs that is."

"You guys that would be great." Said Monica. "Mom , Dad , you take care of things and we will plan the service. " Monica hugged her mother and father who held all the folders, and then they headed toward the door. Judy hugged Rachel again. "Be strong dear." She said tearfully and then left.

Finally it was late, everyone was asleep , except Rachel. She walked into the dark living room. His robe was wrapped around her. Somehow it still gave her comfort to be able to be near him. She peeked across the street , then closed the drape. Slowly she walked over to the couch, and sat down. She was cold again, so she pulled the ancient afghan around her. The afghan reminded her of another terrible night.

What did you put it in ? Her purse?" she screamed. Ross had to admit it . He had slept with another woman. After thinking that him and Rachel were through, he got drunk and slept with Chloe the copy girl. Rachel found out from Gunther , and the result was one of the worst fights they would ever have. The night ended with Ross on his knees , begging for forgiveness.

"This can't be it." He said tearfully.

"Then how come it is?" Rachel said softly.

Then remembering will have to do

Our memories alone will get us through

Think about the days of me and you

You and me against the world

The songs Wicked Game by Chris Isaak and You and Me Against the World …by Helen Reddy.

It's me again. Yes I know this is depressing as hell, but I got the idea when I was watching a dvd the other night of the first season of NYPD Blue … for those of you who didn't know. David played a guy who was a lawyer who had a gun in his apartment. Finally the guy was trying to be a hero and he got shot. That is where I got the idea for this story and also from the movie November, with Courteney Cox… maybe also from Derailed as well.