Chapter 13: Solace

Neither Duo nor Wufei commented when Quatre and Trowa strode into the room hand in hand. The conversation ceased for a moment; Duo paused in mid-sentence. But as soon as Quatre and Trowa had filled the empty spots in the circle Duo, Wufei, and Dr. Gus were sitting in, he continued what he had been saying.

"Then he just went rigid and he wasn't there anymore, you know?"

"You are saying that Heero retreated into his own mind?"

Duo shifted uncomfortably. He had avoided mentioning Quatre's part in this so far, but it was becoming harder and harder to do so without actually lying. He chanced a quick glance at Quatre, but his ashen face only made his decision harder. Duo couldn't compromise his friend like this. So he pursed his lips, and stayed silent.

But Dr. Gus wasn't having any of it.

"Duo, the reason I'm asking this question is that I'm sure there is something you aren't telling me about what happened today."

"Well of course there is!" Duo blurted out. "Everyone in this fucking school has something to hide. That's why we're here! So Heero had a bad day. Why is it so important to you to squeeze every last detail out of us?"

Dr. Gus sighed and rubbed his temples.

"Look, supposing you were telling the truth—"

"I never lie!" Duo declared hotly.

Resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose as well, Dr. Gus reordered his thoughts.

"Alright. Supposing that what you told me was everything that had occurred…"

When no outraged reply was made, Dr. Gus continued:

"Heero was told he had a failing grade. His intense fear of failure, brought on by unspecified incidents in his childhood, triggered a flashback. The memory was violent, and Heero became very distressed, and told Ms. Smedley that he was awaiting punishment. At this point, Duo, you leapt up from your seat and tried to pull him out of the flashback. You held him until he stopped exhibiting signs of distress, and then discovered that he had retreated into his own mind."

After a period of silence, the counselor pressed on.

"The reason I'm so adamant about the truth, is that if Heero actually had a flashback so bad that it caused him to retreat into his own mind, it could be very difficult to get him back out. It could take months of therapy just to get him to speak again."

Duo was wrought with indecision. No real damage could be done if he just let Dr. Gus believe that was all there was to it. Heero would wake up in time, and though he would undoubtedly be upset and angry, Dr. Gus would see that Heero hadn't really broken down. On the other hand, if he did tell Dr. Gus what really happened, God only knew what would happen to Quatre. Newtype abilities weren't always welcomed, and empathy was a trait many people feared. While empathy itself wasn't against the law, the possible repercussions against using the ability, like Quatre had earlier that day, were enormous. Quatre could be sent to prison, or even executed for manipulating Heero's mind, regardless of his intentions. The legislation in place to protect people from such mental intrusions was hard and unforgiving… but if he confirmed Dr. Gus' version of events, it would be the first lie he'd told since he'd made a promise to Sister Helen that he would never lie again. He had kept that promise for 10 years; had made it through the entire war without telling a lie. But now? He had to betray someone, it was just a question of who. Coming to an agonizing decision, he opened his mouth to speak.

I'm sorry, Sister.

"Well—"

"No!"

Quatre's shout rang out over the room, and Wufei immediately went to see whether Heero had woken up. Shaking his head at the others, he took his place beside Duo in the circle.

"Duo, I can't thank you enough for caring so much about me. But I'm just not worth it."

"Quatre—"

"No, Duo, this is my problem. I won't let you compromise your promise to Sister Helen."

"Quatre, you could be killed!"

Quatre smiled gently at Duo.

"The chances of that happening are very low, Duo. I'm a minor, I used to be a gundam pilot, and I have friends in very high places. Besides, capital punishment is hardly ever used in this day and age."

Wufei spoke up next.

"Duo, your willingness to compromise your personal views for Quatre's protection makes you a much stronger person in my eyes. You have my respect and love."

Turning to Quatre, he said:

"I hope you can forgive what I said in haste earlier today. I have come to the realization that you were trying to protect Heero from himself, and that furthermore, you succeeded. If you are, as I suspect, going to reveal yourself, you can count on my love and support."

"Wufei!" Quatre gasped as tears came unbidden to his eyes. He swallowed hard.

"Thank you, it means a lot to me."

He felt Trowa squeeze his hand and knew that he was at last ready. He would delay no longer. It was time.

"Dr. Gus, there is something we haven't told you about what happened this afternoon…"

There was a pregnant silence, and Dr. Gus nodded uncertainly at Quatre.

"I always knew I was different. When I was small, I cried more easily and more often than any of the other kids. I also smiled, laughed, and screamed, sometimes for no apparent reason at all. My father tried everything he could think of. He took me to specialists, made me sit through analysis after analysis. Always, the diagnosis was the same.

'Your little boy is perfectly healthy, Mr. Winner.'

But on the way home, I would cry out unexpectedly, and Father would know that those doctors were lying. He tried everything he could think of to stop my abnormal behaviour. He tried rewarding me for good days, and he tried punishing me. Nothing worked. My father loved me… he really did. But he just didn't understand what was wrong. None of my sisters gave him trouble like this, and he was a busy man. Eventually, he became frustrated. He hired tutors for me because I was too disruptive to attend day school. I didn't see much of him after that."

Quatre took a deep breath before he continued.

"I was ten before I realized what was really happening to me, or more accurately, my father did. As I grew older, my erratic behaviour had only worsened, and I was frustrated and miserable. I guess when my father found me in my sister's dress, combing my hair in the bathroom, it was too much for him.

Omar Winner grabbed his son by the scruff of the neck, dragged him out of the bathroom and threw him down on the bed.

"What's wrong with you, Quatre? I give you the best food, the best tutors, the best of the best of everything, and this is how you repay me?"

There was despair and anger in Omar Winner's voice now. It was a wicked sort of anger, one that he was sick and tired of feeling but just couldn't hold back any longer. He had tried his best to love the boy, just like he had promised Quatrine. The boy had been nothing but trouble all his life and still! still Omar had loved him, had even given him private tutors when school proved too taxing on the boy's system. But now, here he was, in that dress. And he looked so much like Quatrine. It was unfair. Why couldn't it have been Quatre?

Omar regretted the feeling almost as soon as he felt it, and he was infinitely glad he hadn't said it out loud. From the way Quatre reacted, though, he might as well have. He barely had enough time to shield himself before his son flew at him, screaming bloody murder.

"You hate me! You hate! I'm your son and you hate me more than you ever hated anyone!"

"Quatre, that's not true."

"Yes it is! It is! It is! It is! I'm a disappointment to you. You wish I had never been born."

"Quatre—"

"Don't lie to me! I felt it."

Suddenly, all the pieces slammed into place. Naimah was getting ready for prom: Quatre was in a dress. Omar had the most sinful thought of his life: Quatre knew.

"Quatre, I'm sorry. So very sorry."

"That's when we knew for sure I was an empath. I've kept it secret from everyone I've met since, except for Trowa and Duo. I've learnt to control the ability. I can block out almost everyone's emotions, except for those strong emotions from the people I am closest to.

With empathy comes great power, and great responsibility. I chose to use that power today, to control Heero's outburst in class. He was so ashamed… I could tell he was intending to kill himself as soon as he got away from Duo. So I took action. I calmed him down enough that his body was able to take control from me. His sleep is a natural one, and he will wake from it more or less normally, with time. He needs to talk about what happened, though. He hasn't retreated into his mind, but he is depressed, scared, and self-destructive. He'll need our help to recover.

I know what I did was illegal. I know many people would consider it deplorable. I will take responsibility for my actions, should you wish to have me prosecuted. I did what I did because I believed it to be the only way to protect Heero from himself. He doesn't respond to sedatives and physically he is the strongest of us. I would do it again in a heartbeat."

There was a long silence in the room after that. Trowa wrapped an arm around Quatre's shoulders. His whole body was tense, as if waiting for a blow.

"I am bound by doctor-patient confidentiality not to tell anyone outside this room what transpires in here, unless I have reason to believe the information exchanged here pertains to the immediate safety of a person. Nothing of that nature has been said here."

Dr. Gus looked around the room as the boys absorbed his statement.

"Quatre, you and your friends are not bound by patient-doctor confidentiality. Therefore, I am trusting the four of you to use your integrity and discretion with what I am about to show you."

Dr. Gus took Quatre's hands in his own, and Quatre gasped as he felt a warm glow come over his whole body. Calm. Faith. Hope. Care.

"You too?"

"Yes, me too."

Getting up from the floor, Dr. Gus began writing something down in his notebook. He tore the page out, and handed it to Wufei.

"This is my personal page number. If Heero wakes up and is distressed, or for any other reason, you need my help, day or night, you may call me."

"Thank you," Duo's voice was gravelly with disuse.

"You are all welcome."

The rest of the afternoon was spent in silent vigil by Heero's bed. It was five o'clock before he even stirred.

As soon as his eyelids fluttered open, Duo was there with a cold compress, gently wiping Heero's face and neck.

"Hey, buddy. You feelin' alright?"

"Where… where am I?"

The others looked at each other uneasily, unsure of how much he remembered.

"You passed out in class, Heero. Do you remember?"

There was a long silence as it all came rushing back to Heero: the failure, the confusion, the fear. Though he did his best to hide it, the vulnerability he still felt was audible in his voice.

"I… I don't really know what happened. I mean… I know what happened, but… I don't know why I lost control like that."

"Nobody can be perfect all the time, Heero," Trowa said soothingly.

"You had a flashback, Heero," Duo said just as bracingly, "We all have them."

"I guess I thought I'd put that time in my life behind me."

There was nothing, really, that anyone could say to that. Instead of responding, Duo got up from his stool, and sat down beside Heero on the lower bunk. The other three quickly followed suit, showing Heero by their physical presence how much they cared.

"Things will settle down, eventually. We just have to give it time."

"Alright boys, the regional meet is getting closer, and your routines have to be perfect. Quatre, you keep doing to ankle exercises, and I'll see if Ayla, I mean Nurse Kahn, will give you permission to do one or two events." Riker's eyes gleamed as though this was a privilege Quatre should be thankful for. "I'm sure you'll be able to do pommel horse at least. The dismount isn't too hard on your ankles. As for the rest of you: Kael, you and Charlie need to work bars. Trowa, you need to work on floor; Andy, you're on vault. Liam: rings." (Liam groaned uncharacteristically.) Ignoring this, Riker boomed, "Well? What are you waiting for?"

As Quatre watched Trowa warming up his floor skills, he felt a twinge of envy. His ankle injury hadn't gotten him out of gymnastics, just the fun parts. He grimaced as he looked at the seemingly endless conditioning list Riker had printed off for him. It seemed as though the man was punishing him for being injured. Sighing, he began his chin-ups, and watched Trowa fly gracefully through the air. At least he had a nice view.

"Stick!"

Coach Riker's voice carried across the whole gym as he yelled from where he was spotting Kael on the parallel bars to where Trowa was completing his double twisting somersault on the floor. His feet hit, and didn't move.

"Awesome, Trowa" Andy congratulated, "Do that in our meet and we'll be set!"

Trowa smiled tightly, unused to the praise. He wandered over to where Quatre was completing his last set of pushups. Obviously, being injured didn't mean he got to slack off. Smirking, he greeted Quatre.

"Hey, Quat. Having fun?"

Quatre wiped the sweat of his brow and glared. It was hard to stay mad, though as he thought of the ways he could wipe the smirk off Trowa's face. He supposed his predicament was at least partially amusing. Not many people had to work harder after they sustained an injury than they did before it. As they headed off to the change room, Quatre reached for Trowa's hand. Trowa responded to Quatre's touch by entwining their fingers. In the field earlier that day, everything and nothing had changed. It was a good feeling, but there was a tension in the air that hadn't been there before. He knew he felt something for Trowa that he didn't feel for anyone else, and he was pretty sure Trowa felt the same way. He hadn't actually said anything about it yet, but that wasn't Trowa's way. Still, he didn't know what to call their relationship. The term boyfriend seemed too frivolous, almost ridiculous. They'd gone to hell and back together and would go there again if they had to. Nor did the word lover seem to apply. It just… well, it didn't.

"Quatre?" Quatre looked up and realized they had made it to their room. Wondering why Trowa hadn't just opened the door and walked in, he made a puzzled reply.

"Yes, Trowa?"

"You think too much."

And with that Trowa leaned forward, and tilted Quatre's chin upwards. The kiss was long and deep, and when their lips finally broke apart, they found that their arms were intertwined around each other. As he leaned forward for the second time, Quatre smiled into the kiss; who needed words?