Disclaimer: I don't own SVU. I don't own SVU. I don't own SVU... maybe if I say it enough it won't be true...

Broken glass on the ground
Reflecting light from all around
These tiny pieces of my soul
In brilliant colors, greens and gold's
Bleeding life from inside of me
The crimson glass pouring out of me
Passion dying, losing spledor
From purple to blue, losing it's hue
My life in all it's stained glass glory
Nothing more than my tragic story

Apartment of Rosangela Adessi
January 29, 2006
1:13 AM

I stare blankly into the dark, trying not to think, just sitting in the middle of my neatly made bed. I can't sleep; my mind is racing, meaning I'm going to have some really messed up nightmares if I fall asleep.

I've always had that problem, even when I was younger. Sometimes they'd get so bad I wake up crying. But these ones… they're far worse. Flashes of the rape, of the problems I had when I was in labor with Karma, memories of when my parents kicked me out. But mostly I keep getting flashes of Chris, and they all involve a gun or knife.

I reach over to my side table and pick up a tiny silver chain, with a silver and jade ring hanging from it. I finger it gently, remembering when I got it. Remembering a better time. I close my eyes, immediately regretting it as Chris's lifeless eyes flash through my mind.

I curl my fingers tight around the ring, and slide down to my side, gasping at the jolt of pain that results. I cry silently, even though there's no one there to hear me. I really wish I had Karma to hold right now, she always know how to make me feel better.

I rock myself slowly, to the beat of Chris's favorite song, one he used to sing to Karma when she was a baby. I let my tears go unchecked, needing sometime to vent, to cry without having to explain myself.

I cry because I'm finally realizing that it does more bad than good keeping everything bottled up. That it's actually healthy to cry. And if anyone has reason to cry, it's me. At least that's what Detective Benson told me yesterday,

She came by Luke's to check on me, and Karma fell head over heels. They were wrapped around each others finger by the time she left. I was actually a little jealous. Karma has never warmed up that fast, or much, to anther woman.

Right before she left she told me that I had to be an amazing mother, to have a daughter that great. But she wouldn't think so if you knew the truth, knew what happened… what I did. But it still felt good, having someone tell me I was doing really well with her. I haven't had anyone say something like that since Chris…

I loosen my hand up slowly, looking at the imprint the ring left from clutching it so tight. I just stare at it, at the moment hating it, just because it's silver. I hate the color silver, and I love it. Silver was Chris's favorite color, mine was always jade.

Sucks that it was his favorite color that took him away from me…