Disclaimer: I don't own SVU. I'd say something quirky, but it's too early and my brain is fried.

AN: This is really just a filler, there will be more 'action' in the next chapter... I hope...

Apartment Building of Rosangela Adessi
February 15, 2006
6:48 AM

I sit up on the roof of the building, my hideaway. I come up here to think, when I need to escape. Right now I'm up here to escape from myself, from the memories. I still won't forgive myself for what I tried to do. It was reckless and irresponsible, and the last thing my daughter needed to go through.

I mean she had just lost Chris, the man who'd been a father figure to her all her life. The last thing she needed was to find her mother passed out on the bathroom floor from an overdose! The last thing she needed was having me as a mother; it's not fair to her.

I'd woken up in the hospital two days later to face Luke's wrath… he was mad. Not that I'd blame him, I'd be mad too. I was mad at myself! And confused, because I'd never been the type to think about suicide. I've always been the type to face my problems head on, I didn't run from them.

I watch the sun wake up, stretching its rays out across the sky. Painting the world with its pastel hues of pinks, purples and blues, turning the sky into a priceless masterpiece. I've always loved this time of day… before the tranquility of the morning is broken, when the sun is filtering through the fog creating a screen from the rest of the world.

I used to bring Karma up here in the mornings; she loved the waking up to the colors. It was our time together, mother daughter bonding. That was before everything happened though. I didn't trust myself around her, I still don't. That's why I ended up signing custody over to her 'uncle' Luke.

For weeks after, though, Luke refused to let me anywhere near medicine or anything sharp. He was always watching me, always questioning everything I did. I eventually got so sick of it I snapped and ended up slugging him. Only then did he know I was getting back to normal and loosened the leash.

To everyone it seemed like I had moved on, that I had come to accept that Chris wasn't coming back. But I still catch myself staring at the door at night, waiting for him to come in with flowers or some pieces of inexpensive jewelry to apologize for being later. And I still wear my silver and jade engagement ring on a chain around my neck.

I had managed not to think too much about his murder since my attack, focusing more on Karma. But it had changed when Detective Benson had asked me about what had happened. I guess it had come up in their investigation. Which has come to a dead end again… same as Chris's case has been for years.

She promised that she was going to do everything she could to find the freak who had done this to me, but I honestly don't care. I've got bigger problems to worry about… the first being how I'm going to get out of dinner at Luke's. I really don't want to be around him, not with everything going on in my mind lately.

We've gotten into so many fights since all this started… since Chris was killed. And it's only gotten worse since my attack. Maybe it's the fact that I was raped, but I'm always on edge when I'm around him. I can't help but flinch whenever he touches me. It never used to be like that… he's like a brother to me, has been since we were four.

But that can all wait until later… right now I'm just going to enjoy the colorful sunrise.