Okay, so, yeah, it's been a year since I last updated, and nearly two since I started this particular segment in my Seeker trilogy, but I'm on a writing role now, and it is almost done, I swear! There is one more section after this chapter, and it'll come quickly, I promise.
This chapter follows Remus' memories from the start of Capturing the Seeker to the end of Prisoner of Azkaban, and I tried to not copy too much word for word from the third book, just the parts that were really important to Remus and the Marauders.
You've all been incredibly patient, and for that, I thank you. I hope you enjoy this!
AN: Redone a little, toward the end.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, not mine, not mine. None of it. None.
---and writing in dashes continues to be flashbacks---
Remembering the Seeker
Chapter three - A Good Judge of Character
—Sirius laughed gleefully. "And then we can –" It was the morning of the Valentine weekend Hogsmeade trip, the first one that Sirius could go on. His ongoing list of plans was interrupted by James coming into the Gryffindor Common Room to meet up with the other Marauders, as planned. "Hey, James, listen to this!"
"Oh, for goodness sake, Padfoot!" Peter exclaimed. "You are driving me mad!"
"But I can't help it, Wormtail! We finally get to journey into Hogsmeade once more as the Four Marauders of legend!"
"What legend would that be, Padfoot?" Remus asked, amused.
"Our legend, Moony. Ours." He looked and sounded so serious that Remus couldn't keep from laughing out loud.
"Yeah, about that," James interrupted, looking somewhat sheepish. Three heads turned to look at him, one highly accusatory.
"Prongs," Sirius almost growled. "Please tell me you didn't land yourself in detention on this, my first free Hogsmeade weekend."
"No, it's nothing like that. I'm going to Hogsmeade, I just . . . well, I'm not going with you lot." He said this last part all in a rush, and turned quickly, hoping to make an escape out the portrait hole. It didn't work.
"Come on, Prongs!" Sirius exclaimed, as he stood to block the exit. "You're going to Hogsmeade on Valentine's weekend with a girl?"
"Well, yeah," James said, trying to get around Sirius' body so he could leave.
"Hold on, there, Prongsie."
James sighed. "Yes, Sirius?"
"What girl is more important than the Marauders? Or, more importantly than that, even, what girl has managed to get your mind off of the beauteous Lily Evans?" James couldn't help it. He blushed. There was stunned silence from Peter and Sirius, and a muffled snort of laughter from Remus. James shot a desperate look in his direction, as if he hoped for some kind of rescue. Which, as Remus told him with a raise of an eyebrow, he was not going to get.
"Hang on." Sirius said after he got his mind around this totally foreign idea. "What did you do to that girl?"
"Hey now–" But Sirius was not to be stopped.
"Did she fall down and hit her head? Did you bewitch her? Slip her a love potion?" James sighed impatiently.
"Of course not. Now, if you don't mind–" and he lunged for the portrait hole, but Sirius caught him by the arm.
"Oh-ho, no, my friend. You are not going anywhere until you explain how this happened! Lily Evans agreed to go to Hogsmeade with you?" he practically shouted.
"Yes!" James yelled back.
"When?" he shot back, completely bewildered.
"Just after New Years'," James mumbled.
"What! You've kept this a secret for that long?" he shouted, as Remus and Peter start laughing.
"Well –"
"What made her agree in the first place?" he demanded.
"I don't know, but I'd really like not to mess this up, Padfoot, and she's waiting for me, so could you please –"
But James' hopes were not to be. Seven minutes of heavy questioning later, Remus finally made Sirius let James leave, though he had to put up with grumbling the rest of the day. And Sirius couldn't have been more surprised when, at the end of the day, Lily not only returned still with James, but kissed him on the cheek as well. —
—"So." Lily Evans looked up at the sound of his voice. Remus was standing above her, leaning against the wall beside her library table. She waited for him to finish his sentence, with a feeling that she knew what was coming. "You've started tutoring James in Charms."
She rolled her eyes and made an attempt to deny it. "I don't know that I'd call it tutoring, precisely."
"Tutoring, homework help, study buddy, call it what you will, you're doing it. Yes?" He was rewarded with a hint of a smile.
"Yes. Because he asked, and I thought the request to be incredibly mature of him." Remus smiled and sat at her table.
"Does this mean James has passed whatever Lily-test you put him through?" Lily laughed a little and shook her head.
"You could say that, I suppose." She looked at him for a minute. "But you didn't come down here to ask me that, did you?" It was not quite a question. He opened his mouth to respond, visually reconsidered his answer, closed his mouth and looked away.
"James . . . told me . . . about – well – that you . . . know –" Lily took pity on him.
"Yes," she said, laying her hand over his on the table. "And it doesn't matter to me, Remus. I don't care."
"How can you not?" came his quiet voice, laced with disbelief. Lily knew his didn't disbelieve what she had said, just that it was possible that anyone could say it and mean it.
"It doesn't change who you are, Remus. Remus," she said again, when he still wouldn't look at her. He glanced up, slowly. "I know monsters far worse than you, monsters that are fully human. The person you are for most of the time is more than enough to make up for what you happen to be a few nights every year."
He glanced around nervously, probably out of habit, since they were the only two in the library. "You know," he finally said, "I never even thought about dreaming that one day, I'd have four friends who knew, and didn't care. It's not what I was raised to expect." Lily smiled at him, kindly.
"I think you'd be surprised, Remus, at how many would be more accepting than you think."
Lily never knew what it was he intended to say in response to that, because it was at that moment that Madame Pince came over and shoed them out of the library so she could close up. Remus walked her back to the Heads' dorm, though they walked in silence.
"I'm glad you and James were finally able to become friends, Lily," he said as the portrait opened. Then he started to walk away.
"Remus," she said quickly, half in the room. He turned where he stood. "Thank you." He smiled and waved a hand in dismissal.
"Goodnight, Lily."—
—Remus was sitting with Sirius and Peter one afternoon in the Gryffindor Common Room, trying to help Peter understand their latest Transfiguration assignment and to get Sirius to concentrate on his homework rather than grumbling about James and his studying sessions with Lily.
"All right, guys. Spill." Remus looked up to see two of Lily's friends, Jen and Chrissy, standing in front of their sofa. Jen had her hands on her hips and looked dangerous, like she meant business.
"What are we spilling?" Sirius asked, also looking up.
"What's up with Lily?" Jen demanded.
"How should we know? She's your friend," Sirius pointed out.
"You remember fifth year all too well, I'm sure. How Lily was a total wreck before O.W.L.'s?" The three Marauders winced and nodded. That had not been a fun time in the Gryffindor Common Room. "Well, we expected this year to be a nightmare. But N.E.W.T.'s are two weeks away, and Lily's more relaxed than she was at first-year exams. Something's up," Jen concluded.
"You three know everything about everybody in Hogwarts," Chrissy flattered, sitting beside Sirius. She had always been the one to wheedle information out of people, rather than Jen or Lily, who simply demanded it, and expected to be satisfied. "You have to have noticed something. I've never seen Lily like this before. She's not afraid of heights anymore, either. And she's always with James. If she's not in classes or meetings with him, she's doing homework with him."
"Yeah, we know," Sirius grumbled. "Got these two all excited about a study group, then deserts us for her!" Remus sighed. He had just gotten Sirius off of this topic.
"Padfoot, shut up," Remus told him, finally tired of being circumspect. Then he turned to the girls. "But you've hit it right on. It's James. I have yet to figure out what exactly happened between those two, but they've stopped fighting completely and are actually friends now. I've personally never seen James so studious. But he has all his weekend homework done now by the time he goes to bed on Friday and he's going to pass Charms. With an O."
"He's teaching her to fly," Peter said. Remus turned to him in surprise. How had he failed to notice that? He wasn't the only one. Peter looked at the four of them, then nodded. "Every Saturday night. They go down to the Quidditch pitch. I think he kidnaped her the first time on his broomstick. But he's pretty much cured her acrophobia."
The five of them sat – or stood – in amazement for a moment. "Lily and James . . ." Chrissy said finally. "She's always gone on about what a prat he is and how much she hated him! We know! We were subjected to her rants almost every night."
"And we had to listen to him, too. Evans this and Evans that and 'Why won't she go out with me,'" groaned Sirius. "As if we had the answer!"
"I guess you can only work together for so long without learning to agree to disagree," Remus surmised. "It's either that or kill each other."
"Amazing." In Remus' mind, that pretty much summed up the whole situation. But when no one was looking, he smiled. —
—Remus wasn't sure what made him look up from his book and out the window, but once he had, he was glad that something had. He jumped up, grabbed his cloak, and ran down the stairs, out to follow James around the lake. James had looked very upset when Remus saw him through the window.
"James?" Remus asked when he was near enough to be heard without having to shout. Slowly, as if he had expected Remus to be there, James turned. What stopped Remus was not the slow movements or the look of despair on his face – a look that was twice as bad as what he had seen midway through last year – it was the tears on James' face.
"I thought I'd done enough, Moony," he said very quietly. Then he looked out over the lake again, and Remus slowly began moving toward him. "I really thought I had. I thought I'd done enough. I thought I'd changed enough. But I was wrong."
It took him only a moment to realize what James must be talking about. But then it hit him, and he wasn't sure how to respond. This was different than it had been in the past; James was in this for keeps now. "She said no?" he asked gently.
"And meant it, more than she ever used to," he whispered, still looking out over the lake. "She meant it this time, Moony. She said things can't get any better than they are now. And she believes it. And I can't –" Here he broke off, unable to go any further. Remus didn't know what to say. "Enough," James whispered, so quietly Remus almost didn't hear. And he still wasn't sure he'd heard exactly.
"What?" he asked, aghast. "James, you can't –"
"There has to come a time when I say enough, Remus."
"But you love her, James!"
"Yes," he admitted. Only then did he turn his head to look at Remus. "That's why I have to say enough. She asked me a long time ago to prove I cared about something more than myself. And I do. I care about her. It's never been a game to me – that's the only thing she got wrong. She was never just another tally mark. She's always been more than that. I thought I had shown her how much I had changed for her, but if she still says no, then that's that. It's over."
Remus didn't say anything, though he desperately wanted to. He wanted to say a dozen things, but he knew none of them would go over well. He had decided he would just talk to Lily and sort this out, when James grabbed his arm, twisting it not quite enough to be painful, but enough to suggest pain.
"Remus, you have to promise me you're not going to interfere in this," James said fiercely, his face inches away from Remus'. "This is my choice, and I know you've interceded in the past, but this time, you have to let it stand."
"James –"
"Promise!" he hissed. Remus was torn between wanting to stop his friend from making the worst mistake of his life, and knowing that if he did interfere, he'd probably just make things worse.
Looking away, he said, "I promise, James." James released his hand and sat on the ground. He laid his head down on his knees. Remus hated to see his friend in this pain. But he had promised. —
—That week was agony, not just because of the N.E.W.T.'s, but because Remus had to watch James try so hard to pretend that nothing had happened, and also watch Lily revert back into her old, tense, self. He didn't understand how these two could be so oblivious to what was so obvious to the rest of them. He hated watching them tear themselves apart. But he had promised. After all that James had done for him, he couldn't in good conscience betray that promise. But every chance he got that week, he tried to send subliminal messages to Peter or Sirius – or anyone, really. Anyone who had a chance to talk to Lily and get her to see how much James really cared about her, and, maybe more importantly, how much she really cared about him.
The Saturday after exams fell two days before they were scheduled to go home. Remus, Sirius, Peter, Jen, and Chrissy had all somehow ended up sitting in a group in the Common Room, trying not to think about how well or how poorly they might have done on the exams, and what those scores would mean toward their eventual career plans. They all wanted to be off fighting Voldemort's rising threat as soon as they could, but their scores would, in some cases, determine how well they'd be able to do that. Jen's brothers had already joined Dumbledore's Order, and her sister and brother-in-law were closely affiliated with it and helped out however they could. Jen's biggest fears these days were for her young nephews and their safety. All of them had friends dedicated to the cause.
The silence was broken by shouting and laughter that could be heard through the open window. " . . . let me win!"
"That's Lily," Jen said, looking toward the window.
" . . . no fair!" came another voice.
"That's James," said Sirius. And all five of them jumped up and hurried toward the window just in time to see Lily tackle James off of a speeding broomstick. They both fell to the ground in an all-out tickling war, laughing.
"Looks like whatever was wrong this week has been fixed," Remus commented.
"Probably just stress from exams," Chrissy said. Out of the corner of his eyes, Remus saw Peter smile knowingly. "Well, we'll see you all in the morning." The Marauders said goodnight to the girls.
"I'm going to the kitchens for a last raid," Sirius said. "You gents want to come?" Peter glanced at Remus, who said, "We'll be there in a minute."
"Suit yourselves," Sirius said, shrugging, a left the Common Room.
"You talked to Lily," Remus said, as soon as the portrait had swung closed. "Didn't you?"
Peter looked at Remus for a moment, then said, "Yes. Someone had to. I thought you would, but when it became obvious you hadn't . . ."
"James made me promise not to interfere."
Peter laughed. "That sounds like James. And it sounds like you, to not fully break your word. But what were those looks I got from you all week?" Remus smiled.
"Hoping you'd talk to her."
"Well, I did. But she's the one who did something about it." He grew more serious. "But they're only friends again. I hope she really listened to what I said. James needs her."
"And she needs James," Remus said, remembering.
"Yes, that's true as well." Remus clapped a hand on Peter's back and steered him toward the portrait hole.
"Shall we, Wormtail?"
"By all means, Moony." And they left to join Sirius. —
—"So, explain this to me again, dear maiden." Sirius was flirting with a portrait. "I've given you the password; why aren't you opening up for me?" Remus rolled his eyes and exchanged a knowing look with Peter. The portrait, whose name was Genevieve, gave Sirius a little laugh.
"Oh, Master Black, things are never dull with you around. I've told you; I have strict orders not to let anyone in before nine."
"And what time is it now?"
"You have two minutes left to wait, Master Black." If she could have patted him on the cheek then, she would have.
"Are you trying to tell me that you like James more than you like me?"
"Now, now, Master Black, he is the Head Boy."
"So?"
"Master Potter outranks you."
"Well, I suppose . . . if that's the sort of thing that appeals to you . . ."
"Give it a rest, Padfoot!" Remus said, laughing. Sirius shrugged.
"Ah, well. Can't blame me for trying. What d'you reckon they're doing in there?" He jerked a thumb toward the portrait.
"The Head Boy and Girl? On the day the train leaves? I would guess packing, but . . ." Sirius dismissed Remus' sarcasm.
"I'm just saying, what's with all the secrecy? James has never imposed a boundary with us before."
"He's never had to worry about you before," Peter said. Sirius started to think of way to respond, but just then, Genevieve swung open.
"You may go in now, gentlemen," she said.
"It's about time," Sirius said, climbing through the hole, followed by Remus, then Peter. "Hey, James, where –" he started to say, then broke off and froze, sufficiently keeping Remus and Peter hanging out of the portrait hole. "Ugh, Prongs, that's disgusting," he said, shifting his position to place his hands on his hips. Remus felt something strangely like hope, and he shoved Sirius out of his way so he could see just what Sirius thought was so disgusting.
There, standing in the middle of the room, were James and Lily, in what looked to be a pretty intimate embrace. Remus watched them kissing, and grinned. He felt a nudge in his side, and there was Peter, also smiling. "I mean, come on," Sirius was continuing. "We didn't come in here to watch you two snog."
And now James was losing it, and he broke away from Lily, laughing. Scowling in Sirius' general direction, she deposited James on a nearby couch. She slowly crossed over to Sirius, arms crossed. He looked sort of nervous. "I'll have you know, Sirius," she said, "that you just ruined a perfectly good moment.
Remus looked at James, still convulsing with laughter, and said, with a laugh of his own, "No, I'd say he made an even better one." Lily looked as he indicated, sighed, and rolled her eyes.
"I'll have to deal with him later," she said. "Come on, Chuckles," she said to James. "We've got to go see Dumbledore."—
—Remus finished reading the letter from James, folded it, and put it in the inside pocket of his robes. Lily's twentieth birthday was today, and James was planning a party. Some of Lily's girlfriends were taking her out to celebrate this afternoon, and she and the other Marauders were coming later tonight. But James had written to ask Remus to come early, because he had something he wanted to talk about with Remus. Remus thought he had a pretty good idea what it was.
And so he Apparated to the Potters' house in Godric's Hollow. It was a family house, and James had inherited it upon his parents' deaths the previous year. James was in a frenzy when Remus arrived. He was outside, pacing back and forth, waiting for Remus. And when Remus did arrive, James pulled him inside in a moment.
"Peace, James, peace!" Remus said.
"I'm going to ask her, Remus," James said quietly, to which Remus nodded.
"It comes as no surprise to me, Prongs. You've been dating for two years and in love with her far longer than that." But still James looked grave and nervous. "Come now, you don't think she'll say no?"
"She did once."
"The circumstances were entirely different then, James," Remus said with a hint of a laugh. When James sighed and still would not be still, Remus put a hand on his arm. "James," James took a deep breath and turned to him. "Trust me. You have nothing to worry about. Show me the ring."
James reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box and handed it to Remus. Opening it, Remus saw a simple gold band set with an emerald, a small diamond on each side. Remus nodded in approval as he handed it back to James. "It's perfect. She'll love it." He nodded distractedly.
"Whatever happens next, I want her by my side. Because I don't know where I'll draw my strength from without her." Remus felt a touch of envy at the love his friend had found. Would that I could be so fortunate someday, he thought, but he put that foolish wish out of his head, for Lily had been the only woman who he could ever imagine accepting him.
He wasn't allowed to feel sorry for himself more than a moment, for it was then that Sirius arrived, and to be gloomy when Sirius was around was a heavy task indeed. Even James, though Remus could tell he was still extremely nervous, managed to hide it remarkably well, so that it escaped both Peter and Sirius.
And then Lily arrived, looking stunning in a dark green Muggle dress. She received a warm welcome from Sirius, rather warmer than James would have liked, judging by the scowl on his face. But when Lily kissed him hello, he forgot about all of that.
The five of them ate supper, and then Lily opened her gifts, including her official "induction" into The Marauders, under the title of "Marauders' Keeper," which she accepted with a great laugh.
Then James came forward to present his gift. Remus, looking on, thought with amusement that he hoped James could get through the proposal without fainting, for he looked quite white.
"Lily," he said, pulling the box out of his pocket. He handed it to her as he continued. "Happy Birthday." She took it and looked at him with a knowing gaze, then she opened the ring box and froze when she saw the ring inside. For a moment she was unable to look away, and in that moment, James knelt beside her. "Lily," he said again, and took the box gently from her. Without dropping her gaze, he took the ring from it, picked up her right hand, and slid the ring onto her finger. "You are everything I ever dreamed of having, and more than I could ever have imagined being able to call mine. Anything that waits for me in the world, I can face if you are by my side. Please. Marry me?"
She held his gaze for a moment longer, then dropped it to the ring on her finger. Then, her face unreadable, she carefully pulled her hands from his then, slowly, removed the ring from her finger, dropped it into James' hand, and closed his fingers around it. James closed his eyes, trembling, trying not to let his emotions show. The tension in the room was unbearably heavy. Remus closed his eyes, feeling James' pain. He had been so certain . . .
Then Lily leaned down and whispered something very softly in James' ear. His eyes flew open and he jerked his head to face her, relief evident in his very posture. She smiled, a laugh in her eyes, and raised her left hand ever so slightly and wiggled the fingers. Then she said something else, also very quietly. And, looking slightly embarrassed, he let out a breath in almost a laugh, but sounding a little more desperate. She looked at him kindly, almost as if she were sorry for what she had done, but she couldn't pass up such a good joke.
Then Remus realized what James had done wrong, and it was all he could do to keep from laughing out loud. But James was placing the ring on the ring finger of her left hand and saying, "I'm not going through all that again. So?" Lily smiled widely and shook her head a little.
"James, get up off the floor." Once he had, and had seated himself beside her, she turned to him and looked at him for a moment before she spoke. "James . . . can you imagine any circumstances under which my answer would be no?"
"Yes," he said seriously. She looked away.
"That was a long time ago, James."
"Yes, but you said no once." She looked back at him and nodded.
"I did. But so much has changed since then." It was as if they had completely forgotten anyone else was in the room, watching. "I know my own heart now, and I've glimpsed my future, and you have to be a part of it. In this time when hardly anything else is certain, that is. I need you by my side, too."
"Lily . . ." he breathed, and reached out to push a strand of hair back behind her ear. She caught his hand and pressed it to her cheek. Remus found himself holding his breath.
"I don't know how much more of this I take," Sirius muttered. Peter snorted and tried his best to stifle it, but James and Lily had both heard, but they laughed. "I mean it," Sirius continued. "I can put up with a lot from you two, but it was getting a bit thick in here, you know what I mean?"
"You just wait til it happens to you, Padfoot," James warned. And the spell was effectively broken, but Remus noticed he still held Lily's hand.
Sirius stretched, propping his feet up on James' coffee table, leaning back to rest his head on his hands. "No chance, Prongs. No woman can catch me."
"What woman would want to?" Peter asked. And they all had a laugh at Sirius' expense. —
—By the end of the next summer, James and Lily were not only married, they had a son who obviously belonged to them, with his unruly thatch of black hair and his bright emerald eyes. They called him Harry James, and Sirius had been named his godfather. It was becoming harder and harder to pretend that they were a normal, happy family, a family that knew no threat. But they had all had their encounters with the rising force that was Voldemort. James and Lily had both faced him three times before Harry was even born. They had escaped with their lives, a fate matched only by the Longbottom family, who also had a young boy born at the end of the summer.
All of them belonged to Dumbledore's private force, the Order of the Phoenix. They had lost so many friends. Jen's brothers had both been killed at the hands of Voldemort's followers. As had countless others.
Remus knew there was a traitor in their midst – everyone knew it. Somehow, whatever move they made to evade the Dark Lord, he seemed to be everywhere waiting for them. Trust was thin these days; Remus only completely trusted the Marauders and Dumbledore, and yet he knew that there was something more wrapped around Harry and the Longbottoms that he wasn't being told. He understood that – the fewer people who knew a secret, the less chance the secret would get out.
On Harry's first birthday, the Marauders gathered at Godric's Hollow with a special purpose. Lily and James were going into hiding for reasons they couldn't let out. Sirius was to be their Secret Keeper once they went into hiding. But Lily had had the idea they were going to put into action tonight.
She had suggested they leave something behind on the last night that was probably going to resemble anything the Marauders were used to. Something to embody the sense and the purpose that had always driven the strong friendship. So they were burying a time capsule tonight, each of them contributing something to represent both themselves and the group. They were burying it behind the house, with spells that would hide it until all but one of the five was gone. At that time, it would be able to be retrieved, and the last Marauder would be able to see what the others had put in, for that was a great secret. If all five of them should be killed at once, or even the last two killed at once, they were to write explanations for the next person to find it.
Lily had become obsessed with this idea. She was feeling more and more anxious as Harry grew, as if she knew something horrible and unimaginable were going to happen, and soon. She knew they were in danger. And she knew there was little she could do.
So the five of them, Harry on Lily's hip, stood in a circle in a grove of trees behind James and Lily's house. Each held a black velvet bag, each bag holding their personal item and a letter explaining it. A magical box stood open, waiting for each item to be placed in. Lily stepped forward.
"As you all know, tonight, James and I and Harry must go into hiding. I fear this will mark a turning point. And I don't think any of us can predict what will happen next. You all know that none of you have been given the full details of what will happen later, or even of why this must be. And you can't be given those details." A tear ran down her cheek, and James laid a hand on her shoulder. She turned to look at him, and he nodded, smiling sadly. She went on. "I admit my fear, here and now. I won't hide it. I fear for my life, but I fear more for that of my child and of my friends. I fear for our world. For what might happen because of the evil that exists in it. So we gather tonight, to mark the past, and what was good about it. There is strength and a kind of magic that exists in friendship. I know this. Let us give that gift of strength now."
And she knelt and put her bag into the chest. James followed, then Sirius, then Peter, and finally, Remus put his own contribution in. As if on cue, the chest closed and sank beneath the earth. And the five stood there, alone, no one really knowing what to say.
"Aah, aah!" It was Harry who broke the silence. He reached for the earth where the box had disappeared. Lily gave a watery laugh, and buried her face in Harry's neck. Harry squirmed, but stilled when James came and wrapped his arms around both of them.
"Lily," Sirius said. She raised teary eyes to him. "I will die before I let anything happen to you. I will die before I let anything happen to Harry. You have my word."
"Thank you, Sirius. I know. I know you all would, and that's what gives me strength."
No one noticed the tear that streaked down Peter's cheek as he stood, unable to look at anyone.—
—Remus had been at his home in the country that Halloween night. He had been asleep when he felt something had gone terribly wrong. He sat straight up in bed and ran to the nearest window, and what he saw made his breath stop. The Dark Mark shone against the night sky. And it looked to rest above Godric's Hollow.
"No," he whispered. "No." And for a moment, he was unable to move or to look away. He just stood at the window, horror-struck by what he saw and by what he knew it meant.
In the next moment, he had bolted from the window, changing into robes as quickly as he ever had, his mind whispering through a shocked litany of James . . . Lily . . . no.
Blindly, he Apparated as close to Godric's Hollow as he could, and then he ran, not noticing the people he met and shoved out of his way. He just ran, his footsteps pounding out that horrible litany from his mind.
He hadn't thought he could be shocked anymore. But when he skidded to a halt outside James and Lily's house, or what was left of it, he found he was wrong.
The house had been torn apart, torn to pieces. A few walls here and there were still standing, but most of the house was in ruin. The destruction seemed to spiral outward from what had been the nursery. There was no chance anyone had survived that.
How? his mind screamed. And then another mind-numbing blow came with the answer. Sirius. No, he couldn't believe that.
He looked around wildly for someone that he knew. He noticed what seemed to be tire tracks of a motorcycle in the dirt by the edge of the walk. Sirius, he thought again, shaking with horror.
But no – it wasn't possible – there had to be another explanation. Running again, he cast his mind around for where he could go to find answers.
Bang! He was at the Headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix, and it looked deserted, too. He ran through the rooms, calling out names, but there was no one there. He turned to leave, frantic, when someone called his name. It was Dumbledore, looking tired and old.
"Albus! James – Lily, they aren't –"
"I'm afraid they are, Remus," said the Headmaster sadly. "Voldemort discovered them, and –"
"I won't believe it, Albus!" Remus said, not giving him a chance to finish. "Sirius wouldn't – he would never –"
"Sirius has already proved his guilt, Remus. They have him in custody in Azkaban prison," Dumbledore said as gently as he could. Remus just stood, shaking his head, unable to accept it. "When Peter found out –"
"Peter?" Remus asked suddenly. He couldn't believe he had forgotten. "Where's Peter, Albus? Where is he?" And now Dumbledore looked truly old. And Remus, in some small, detached part of his mind knew how Sirius must have proved his guilt.
"Sirius destroyed him, Remus." Remus sank to the floor, simply unable to stand any longer. The wash of emotions flooding through him was almost more than he could bear. Guilt, shock, horror, disbelief, grief, betrayal, anger, but mostly, despair and desolation. One thought now flooded through his mind. James . . . Lily . . . Peter . . . Harry . . . Sirius . . . all gone.
He was alone.
"When are the services, Albus?" That small, detached part of his mind had taken over. Remus looked up at the Headmaster. "Will they hold all four at once?" Dumbledore smiled softly and shook his head.
"Three, Remus. Harry survived. And Voldemort is gone." —
—He existed. That was all he could say for certain about the next twelve years. He existed. With Voldemort gone – though he was inclined to believe as Dumbledore that he wasn't gone for good – the Order had been disbanded, and there was nothing for him to do. The full moons were torture now, as each one reminded him quite painfully of what he had lost.
His anger at Sirius was sometimes all that kept him going. It was exhausting to be angry at someone for so long, but he managed it because sometimes it seemed that anger was all he could feel, and if he stopped being angry at Sirius, he wouldn't have anything at all. They had all been betrayed, and that betrayal hurt twice as much because it had been committed by someone who should have been the most steadfast friend. Remus had trusted him. You're a good judge of character, Remus. James' words haunted him.
He thought he had known Sirius. He had trusted Sirius. How long had Sirius been lying to them all? Had he been lying when they buried the capsule? When he told Lily he would die to save Harry? Had all of that been a lie? Countless times Remus had gone to the grove of trees where he knew the capsule was buried. Countless charms he had tried, to unbury it. He was the last Marauder. And he had this wild idea that in that capsule, he would find the truth behind what had happened, some way to explain it that would make everything all right again.
He spent every day coming up with crazy theories about how Sirius had been framed, or it had never even happened at all. But by day's end, he had looked at each theory with logic, and each one had been discarded. The ugly truth remained. Sirius had betrayed him. He was alone.—
—You have heard, I am sure, of the mishap that befell acclaimed wizard, Gilderoy Lockhart, at the end of our last school year. It was a terrible tragedy, to be sure, and it leaves me in need of a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher for the coming year. I have reviewed your credentials and recommendations, and I wish to know if you would be interested in assuming the post. Please send your reply by return owl so that we can set up a time to conduct your interview. If you do not, I shall be at your home tomorrow at three, in order to conduct the interview then.
Much gratitude,
Albus Dumbledore
Remus had not responded to the letter. Which was why Dumbledore was sitting in his shoddy kitchen at this moment.
"You can't hire me, Albus," he said, not for the first time.
"On the contrary, Remus. I'm the Headmaster. I can hire anyone I like," Dumbledore replied quite cheerfully.
"I'm not qualified to teach," he insisted.
"Yes, you're right, the years we spend at school learning to be teachers hardly qualify any of us." Remus waved his hand impatiently at that.
"I'm ten years removed from that," he said.
"Yes, and I'm over a hundred," Dumbledore said, still smiling serenely. "So which of us is more qualified?"
Remus sighed. Then he pushed his chair away from the table and stood. "The other teachers won't accept me. They won't accept what I am."
"Remus," Dumbledore countered, also standing, "most of the teachers at the school now know you from your own school days. They have already been extremely accepting."
"What about Snape? He won't allow me to teach in the school with him."
"Luckily for us, the Potions Master has no say in who is hired to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts." He couldn't win. He had known that all along, but still . . . "Remus, there is another reason why I want you in the school this year."
"Black," Remus sighed, leaning against the counter and looking out the kitchen window. News of Sirius' escape had brought a myriad of emotions to Remus when he had first heard. It had taken him a moment to feel fear, because his first thought was, Trust Sirius to do what everyone said couldn't be done. "You want someone at the school who knows Black. Who can predict what he's going to do." He turned to face Dumbledore.
"Yes," the Headmaster answered. "We have reason to believe that Sirius means to come after Harry. To . . . finish the task he was assigned twelve years ago. I need you to take the post, Remus. Not only will you be an excellent teacher, you will be able to watch over and protect Harry. As the Head of the Order, I am asking you to do this."
Remus stood, eyes closed, and knew he couldn't refuse. He thought ahead to September. "I'll have to take the train," he said finally.
"Because of the full moon?"
"Well, yes," Remus admitted, opening his eyes with a wry smile. "But also because if I don't, who will watch over Harry there?"
Dumbledore smiled. "Thank you. Professor." And then he was gone. —
—His first year was off to an eventful start. And he hadn't even reached the school yet. Before the Hogwarts Express had even reached Hogsmeade, he had eavesdropped on his best friends' son while pretending to be asleep as the boy t told two other children about how another of Remus' best friends was trying to come back and kill the boy. He had used his presence to ward off a confrontation between Harry and his two friends and another boy that could only have ended badly. He had warded off a dementor who had come to search the train for Sirius Black. And he had then come face to face with his best friends' son, who had fainted as a result of the dementor attack. It had been like coming face to face with James again, and it had thoroughly unnerved him. More so, because it was James' face, but Lily's eyes looked out of it.
But he had dealt with the dementor and given the kids in the compartment chocolate to calm their nerves, and he now knew something of this Harry Potter he was supposed to be protecting beyond his memories of the infant he had known so long ago. Now, as the kids sat in silence, he collected his thoughts. The school year couldn't be any worse than all he had just been through, right?
Still, he mused, looking out at the rain-soaked landscape. It's going to be interesting calling on one of my students in class and hearing my long-dead best friend speak.---
—Harry was much like his father. One in-depth conversation was all Remus had needed to have that proven for him. Remus watched the boy leave his office, glad that Harry had stopped by. The look in Harry's eyes as he had tried to casually tell Remus that Ron and Hermione were in Hogsmeade without him . . . As if he could convince me that he truly didn't care, Remus had thought.
But Harry had had more than Hogsmeade bothering him. It had surprised Remus to learn, once he managed to coax the information out of the boy, that Harry had been troubled for a few days by the thought that Remus hadn't thought him capable of fighting a boggart. He had been further surprised to learn that instead of picturing Voldemort as his greatest fear, Harry had actually thought of the dementors. It was a mature fear for a thirteen-year-old.
And in that way, Harry was not like his father. James had not been mature at thirteen. James had sought attention, had wanted it. Harry distinctly did not, and yet, he couldn't help but receive it. Being the Boy Who Lived and all that. He had a certain penchant for attracting trouble, like James, but Harry, Remus thought, would have given anything to just be ordinary.
It had been an interesting conversation, ending only when Snape had come in with Remus' dose of potion, and Harry had warned Remus that Snape would do anything to get the DADA position. It had been all Remus could do to keep from laughing out loud. —
—The year continued to be eventful. Sirius had apparently broken into the castle somehow, and attempted to force his way into Gryffindor Tower. He had not succeeded, but he had slashed up the portrait of the Fat Lady, and he had escaped. This worried Remus, because he knew Sirius could be getting into the castle in his Animagus form. That was something that, somehow, Dumbledore had never been told, and telling him now would be admitting that the four of them had taken advantage of and betrayed his trust while they'd been at school. The trouble was, keeping it a secret made Remus distinctly uneasy.
The Dementors had swarmed the first Quidditch match of the season, causing Harry to fall from his broom. He was rescued by Dumbledore, but his broom had been destroyed by the Whomping Willow.
Snape had filled in for Remus during the last full moon, and assigned the class an essay on werewolves. With an obvious motive that would have worried Remus, had the whole class not been so upset upon being assigned homework in the first place that no one except Hermione had done it. Hermione did worry him, a little. She was very clever, and if anyone could figure out what Snape's cryptic hints meant, it was her. Luckily for Remus, she seemed busy and distracted enough that he hoped she'd have far more important things to worry about.
But it was the day he got back to teaching classes after the disastrous match that he figured he'd better have another word with Harry. He asked him about the broom, hoping Harry himself would eventually bring up the topic Remus wanted to talk about.
The dementors. They were the reason Harry had fallen. And Harry, like the insecure thirteen-year-old he was, thought this was somehow his fault. That he was somehow too weak to fight them. Remus hoped he had been stern enough to banish that ridiculous thought.
"The worst that happened to you, Harry, is enough to make anyone fall off their broom. You have nothing to feel ashamed of," Remus had told him.
"When they get near me, I can hear Voldemort murdering my mum," Harry had said softly then. Remus had reacted before he had time to think. His horror at that statement and his pity for the boy before him made him reach out to comfort him before he remembered that might not be appropriate.
Their conversation had continued and ended with Remus promising to teach Harry to fight back against the dementors.
"I'll need to stock up on chocolate," he muttered to himself when Harry had left. —
—After the Christmas holidays, Remus met Harry for their first private lesson. He had found another boggart lurking in the castle to use, since he didn't want to think about what would happen if he brought an actual dementor into the castle. He talked Harry through the basics of the charm. He had a pretty good grasp on it, and was able to make silver smoke shoot from his wand on the first try – without the dementor.
His first attempt facing the boggart was not as successful. He fainted, which came as no surprise to Remus. He would have been astounded had Harry managed to counter a dementor attack on his first try.
But as the lesson became somewhat easier for Harry, it became increasingly difficult for Remus. After each attempt, Harry came back with something new he had heard from the night when his parents, two of Remus' best friends, had been killed. And Remus didn't want to know those details. He didn't want to know them, and yet, he couldn't help but listen.
"I heard my dad," was the hardest for him to handle, because when he asked about this, Harry's response was, "You didn't know my dad, did you?" His words went straight to Remus' stomach. This was not how it was supposed to be. Harry was supposed to know his parents. Harry was supposed to know Remus. Remus should have been like Harry's uncle, but instead, Remus was only 'Professor Lupin,' Harry knew his godfather only as a murderer, and Harry's parents had been dead for twelve years, with Harry never really having known them.
And when Remus finally called an end to the lesson, Harry asked another question that surprised him yet again, this one about Sirius Black and whether or not Remus knew him. "Yes, I knew him," he replied in a tone that did not allow for explanations. "Or I thought I did."
Harry left Remus knowing that if they had many more sessions like this one, they'd both be in trouble. Because if Harry continued to ask questions, Remus was afraid that he would start answering them.—
—They did have more sessions, but Remus tried to keep conversation as far away from his old friends as he could. He wasn't always successful, however. One day their conversation had turned to the fate that awaited Sirius if caught – the Dementor's Kiss.
"He deserves it," Harry had said bitterly, which left Remus wondering how much of the truth Harry knew.
Harry's first real Patronus had come at another Quidditch game. A Firebolt had replaced his old Nimbus, and, in an effort to sabotage the Gryffindor team, the Slytherin boy Malfoy and some of his friends had turned up in dementor robes. Harry had sent a most peculiar Patronus their way – his first to take an actual form, and that form left Remus with a numb sort of shock.
Harry's Patronus was a stag.
With each meeting and each class period, Remus saw just how much Harry was like James, and yet, for all of that, he was unlike him in a lot of ways, too. For all his fame, he was not at all cocky. If anything, it fit him awkwardly, Remus noticed, as if he'd much rather have anonymity. He wasn't a prankster, which was not to say he hadn't had his fair share of detentions, but, as he himself had stated on the train, he didn't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually found him.
Such as trouble in the form of Sirius getting into the castle again, this time getting into Gryffindor Tower itself, and into Harry's own dormitory. Remus shuddered to think what might have happened if Harry's friend Ron hadn't awoken and screamed and alerted everyone to Sirius' presence.
Remus was more and more uneasy. He knew he should go to Dumbledore and tell him that Sirius was an unregistered Animagus, that he could turn into a dog. He knew he should attempt to find the long-ago-hidden Marauder's Map and use it to track Sirius. But somehow, he just couldn't.
The question of the map, at least, was resolved for him one afternoon during a Hogsmeade weekend. And, not entirely surprisingly, the incident involved Harry. Harry and a certain piece of parchment that Remus was all too familiar with. The Marauders' Map.
Remus didn't know how Harry had gotten it, didn't really want to know, and he had made that extraordinarily clear to the boy afterward.
Really, it had been just like old times. Snape making accusations that may or may not have been true, and Remus having to think as fast as he could to get a Potter and accomplice out of trouble.
From what Remus was able to determine, Harry had used the Map and, presumably, James' old cloak, to sneak into Hogsmeade. He had somehow been discovered, and, during Snape's interrogation, had revealed a bag of tricks and the blank Map. Snape of course, didn't know how to use the Map. He had probably tried some sort of revealing spell and the Map had done what it was designed to do in such circumstances – make fun of the individual who was trying to outsmart it. For Snape, that was bad enough, but when the Map had used the names Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, he had become livid and had tried to pin this down on Remus.
But Remus was more than adept at escaping such pinning, especially from Snape, and had not only kept Harry, Ron, and himself out of trouble, he had gotten the Map back as well. And once they were out of Snape's hearing, he had dropped his cheerful demeanor and given Harry and Ron a good talking to.
"Your parents gave their lives to keep you alive, Harry," he had said. "A poor way to repay them – gambling their sacrifice for a bag of magic tricks."
And he walked away, back to his office, where he pulled out the map and put it on his desk. Then he sat, resting his head in his hands and sighed. He had, perhaps, been unfairly harsh, taking his own guilt for keeping things from Dumbledore out on Harry. But he hadn't said anything that the boys didn't need to hear. And he knew, coming from him, the lesson would reach home far more quickly than it might have if it had come from anyone else.
He glanced at the map on his desk, where the insults were just beginning to fade. Chuckling, he said, "Oh, Harry. You are your father's son." Then, taking out his wand, he pointed it at the parchment. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." —
—When his schedule allowed, Remus spent time poring over the map. He was still a little amazed that he and his friends had created such a thing. He double-checked all the enchantments they had put on it, and they were all still working and intact.
Not to be tricked by Invisibility Cloaks, Polyjuice Potions, or Animagus forms, they had said. He justified the time he spent with the map by looking on it always for a tiny dot labeled Sirius Black.
Part of him wanted to be the one to find Sirius. He had so many questions he wanted to ask. But part of him was also afraid to be the one to find Sirius. For one thing, any conversation might lead to Remus no longer being able to be angry at him. For another, Sirius had had no scruples about destroying three of his best friends. There was no reason why Remus should think that he would have any dilemma about killing him as well, and then going off to find Harry.
But there was that part of him who had insisted for twelve years that something just wasn't right. There was that annoying part of him that insisted that there was another explanation, that Sirius was innocent, and Remus hadn't been deceived in him at all.
His first year of teaching was coming to a close. And though Dumbledore had been dropping hints, he still wasn't sure if he would be coming back next year. He had enjoyed this year, certainly, but it had been extraordinarily hard, bringing back memories that Remus would just as soon keep buried.
He watched the map this night for a particular reason. Hagrid's hippogriff was being executed, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione had all worked very hard on preparing Hagrid's defense. Remus had a feeling that they would be sneaking down to Hagrid's hut at some point. And sure enough, as he skimmed over the map, he saw Harry and Hermione, but where was Ron? He looked back more closely, and there were all three of them, leaving the castle together. They were walking very close together, and Remus suspected they were under the cloak.
He watched out of the corner of his eye as they trekked down to Hagrid's, not paying full attention, just enough so that he could see if they were getting into any trouble. It was what he saw when in the middle of grading ag fourth year's essay that made him jerk all his attention back to the map.
Three of them had entered Hagrid's hut. But now, four were coming out. And the additional person was labeled Peter Pettigrew.
"No," he whispered. "It's not true. It can't be." But the map couldn't lie. If it said Peter was there, then Peter wasn't dead. Sirius hadn't killed him. And something about what the entire wizarding world had believed for the past twelve years was terribly wrong. Remus just didn't know what.
He began to stand, not sure what he was going to do, when he saw something else that made him freeze. A dot labeled Sirius Black collided with the group, dragging Ron and Peter down beyond the Whomping Willow. And before they had disappeared from the map's sight, Remus was out the door.
He wasn't thinking about what he would say when he caught up with them, he wasn't thinking about how to go about this practically, all he knew was that Peter was alive. Sirius hadn't killed him. And if Sirius hadn't killed Peter, maybe . . . maybe Sirius hadn't betrayed them, either.
When he got to the Willow, the grounds around it were deserted. Looking around, he found a long branch on the ground. Picking it up, he darted between the whipping branches and pressed the knot on the trunk that made the Willow freeze. Then he was into the hole below it's roots, running down the all-too-familiar passage.
It seemed longer than it had before. Or maybe he was just older than he had been before. By the time he had reached the steps that led up to the Shrieking Shack, he was clutching at a stitch in his side, but he didn't stop. He began to climb. For on the run down, a thought had penetrated his mind. Harry somehow knew the story of how Sirius had betrayed his parents. He thought it was true. He had told Remus that he thought Sirius deserved a fate worse than death. And Harry was like James: he would go after his friend. He would discover Sirius' Animagus form. And he would try then to avenge his parents.
Remus didn't really think Harry would be able to kill Sirius. But he also didn't want to take any chances. He stumbled into the Shack, breathing hard. He wasn't sure where to go – he moved in the direction of the main room when he heard a shout from upstairs.
Once there, he discovered a frightening scene. Ron was lying on the floor with an obviously broken leg. Hermione was cowering in a corner. Sirius was crumpled at Harry's feet, a cat on his chest. And then there was Harry. Harry had his wand pointed straight at Sirius' heart, the look on his face clearly stating that he was ready to do anything to avenge the man he thought had been responsible for his parents' murders. Before tonight, Remus would have agreed with him. But now . . . now he wasn't sure.
Once he had disarmed Harry, the three adolescents were dismissed from his mind. He addressed Sirius. "Where is he?" he asked. And Sirius pointed toward Ron.
For a moment, Remus was confused. Then it hit him. Ron's rat. And then everything fell into place.
Sirius hadn't betrayed Lily and James. Sirius had been betrayed. Sirius had done something he thought would throw Voldemort off their track. But without realizing it, he had played right into Voldemort's hands. He had convinced James and Lily to name Peter as Secret Keeper. And Peter . . . Peter, quiet, shy, Peter, had betrayed Sirius. Betrayed Lily and James. Betrayed and tricked them all.
Sirius was innocent.
He crossed to Sirius, took his hand, pulled him to his feet, and embraced him. Sirius returned the embrace fiercely, knowing that Remus, at least, had understood, and had forgiven him.
He remembered that the other three were in the room when Hermione began screaming at him. And he knew she knew. And she was upset enough to let it out, feeling a keen betrayal that Remus could understand.
He tried to head her off, to make her listen to his explanation before she let out what he would prefer to break to Harry and Ron slowly and gently, but there was no stopping her, not with the rage she was in.
"He's a werewolf!" she shouted. He hated those words. Truth or not, he hated them. Those words had been the cause of much of his suffering in life. He's a werewolf. And there was nothing he could do but admit it now.
He should have known it would be Hermione who figured it out. He should have known that she would be the only one to do Professor Snape's assignment, and he should have known that she was clever enough to recognize his symptoms, compare his illnesses to the lunar chart, and understand his boggart. He should have known it would be Hermione. She was a lot like Lily. It must be something about Muggleborns, he mused.
He had been lucky enough to have Dumbledore, then the Marauders, then Lily accept what he was without explanations. He couldn't expect that again, and he didn't. He would have to convince these three to listen, and it wasn't going to be easy. He would have to tell them everything. And there were many distractions.
Harry latched on to the insignificant things like Remus knowing how to work the Map, which Remus dismissed with quick admission of having written it. Ron was angrily defending the accusations Remus launched against his rat with a bizarre and ironic loyalty. And then there was Sirius, wanting so badly to finish off Peter once and for all that he wasn't inclined to let Remus explain anything first. Pair these things with Harry's anger and wish for revenge against his parents' betrayer that was equally as strong as Sirius', albeit differently directed, and took all of Remus' patience and training to deal with all these things at once.
Strangely enough, it was Hermione who took his story the calmest, merely pointing out the things that, from her point of view, went against all logic. Her interruptions were the easiest to deal with, as he only had to counter them logically to convince her. Just like the classroom.
He had just gotten into the tale of the Marauders, how they had discovered what he was and had trained to become Animagi to help him when he was faced with another distraction, this one in the form of an irate Potions Professor who bore a twenty-year-old grudge against Remus and would not listen to reason. It was Harry, Ron, and Hermione who dealt with this distraction, good because this meant they wanted to hear what he had to say, and bad because the three of them had rather violently attacked a teacher. However, Remus was, for the moment, willing to overlook this fact.
They were not easily convinced. To their credit, they raised some good questions about how Sirius had found Peter, had known that Scabbers was Peter. Even with Sirius' answers to these questions, Harry was still unmoved. He was convinced that Sirius had betrayed his parents. He yelled that Sirius had even admitted to killing them.
"Harry . . ." Sirius started, tears in his eyes. "I as good as killed them." He had been the one to convince Lily and James to use Peter as their Secret Keeper. He knew he was responsible for what had happened to Harry's parents. In the middle of his explanation, he broke down. And Remus realized what Sirius must have gone through, all those years in Azkaban, knowing he was being held for a crime he hadn't committed, but a crime he was responsible for all the same. If he hadn't tried to outsmart Voldemort, if he hadn't tried to stay one step ahead, James and Lily would probably still be alive. He knew that. But that was how Sirius had always worked. Stay one step ahead of the opponent, always one step ahead.
Remus watched as Sirius broke down, and decided that now was the time to act. "Enough of this," he said fiercely. "There's one certain way to prove what really happened. Ron, give me that rat."
The rest of the night was painful for him to remember. Peter had appeared, had been questioned by both Sirius and Remus, and had proved his guilt. And all the anger Remus had harbored toward Sirius for so long shifted to Peter, and Remus was prepared to kill him, to settle the debt. It was right.
But Harry . . . Harry who had been ready to kill Sirius with his bare hands when he thought he had been the betrayer . . . Harry, who was so like James, so like his father . . . Harry stopped them. He saved Peter's life. He said James wouldn't have wanted Remus and Sirius to become killers themselves over someone like Peter.
Would James have encouraged forgiveness or retribution, had the tables been turned? Remus didn't know. But they had let Harry make the decision, and Harry had decided. And if it hadn't been for the full moon . . .
Remus hadn't taken his potion. And so, when the group started to take Peter to the guards, when they were on the very verge of clearing Sirius' name, of setting the records straight, the moon came out. And Remus transformed.
And once again, the werewolf ruined everything. —
—It wasn't until much later that Remus learned the whole of what had happened that night. By the time morning had come, Sirius, who had been in Ministry custody, had escaped, and Snape, at least, was certain that Harry had had something to do with it, but there was no way to prove it. Somehow, the hippogriff that was supposed to be executed had disappeared, too.
Snape had been furious. The Minister of Magic was going to reward him for his aide in capturing Black, and when that chance had gone, Snape had lashed out in the only way he could.
He told his students that Remus was a werewolf.
Remus knew it was over then. There was no way he could stay and teach, not once word got out to the parents. Dumbledore had found him, packing in his office, and hadn't needed to ask. He had simply nodded, and then he had explained the basics of what had happened last night.
Somehow . . . Remus got the feeling from Dumbledore that Harry and Hermione had helped Sirius escape. He didn't say that directly, of course. But he did tell Remus how the Dementors had attacked, and Harry had driven them back, saving himself and Ron and Hermione and Sirius and Snape. Remus couldn't have been prouder.
He wasn't surprised that Harry had found out he was leaving. He wasn't surprised when the boy turned up in his office. In patient tones, Remus explained why. After what had happened last night and what had almost happened, Remus knew he couldn't stay. It was too dangerous. He would never have forgiven himself if he had hurt anyone.
To distract Harry from trying to convince him to stay, he asked the boy for the details of what had happened last night.
It was really quite an extraordinary story Harry told. With a start, Remus realized that if he had studied the map more closely last night, he would have seen the truth of it earlier, for the Hermione and Harry he had seen in the entry hall was a different Hermione and Harry he had seen with Ron leaving for Hagrid's.
Through last night's events, Harry had figured out James' Animagus form. And Remus used that as his opportunity to return some things to the boy. He gave him back James' Invisibility Cloak, and then he handed Harry the Marauders' Map. "I am no longer your teacher," he said, "so I don't feel guilty about giving you back this as well. It's no use to me, and I daresay you, Ron, and Hermione will find uses for it." After all, that had been its intended purpose. To aid magical mischief-makers to come.
Harry grinned as he took it. "You told me Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs would've wanted to lure me out of school . . . you said they'd have thought it was funny." Remus smiled as he closed his case.
"And so we would have," he told Harry. "I have no hesitation in saying that James would have been highly disappointed if his son had never found any of the secret passages out of the castle." There was more he wanted to say, more he wanted to explain. Harry should hear so many stories, but there wasn't time. Dumbledore came then to get him, and Remus did want to leave as soon as possible. The stories would have to wait.
It was interesting, he mused as he rode away in the carriage. He didn't really feel angry anymore. On the contrary – he felt more light-hearted than he had in years. And there was no good explanation for it. He would have expected all the anger he had built up against Sirius to shift to Peter or at least to shift somewhere. But, somehow . . . maybe he had just gotten used to being angry, but Peter's betrayal somehow didn't hurt as much as Sirius' had.
You're a good judge of character, he had been told once. He knew Peter, and he knew Peter had an explanation. Last night, Remus had been prepared to kill him, on the basis of being a traitor. But then he had spent the night as a werewolf, and he had remembered. He was being forced to leave the one place he'd ever truly called home because of labels.
He did not forgive Peter for what he had done. But he also felt certain that, sooner or later, Peter's actions would be judged and dealt with.
He was glad he didn't have to be the one to do it.
He was ready to start again, and this time, it felt more like living. Sirius was on the run, he would have a hard time finding another way to live, but things were more the way they were supposed to be now. Harry knew about his father and his father's friends. That was the important part now. He didn't now everything, of course, but that would come. Harry knew the most important parts of it. And for now, that was enough. —
One more chapter! Please please please please please PLEASE review!