"I just love White Russians, I swear I think I got pregnant with Dana over a White Russian, yeah." Deidara's mother stopped for a moment and thought about what she had said. "Actually, I got pregnant unduhneath a white Italian! Ha! Oh god, I nevuh thought of that, yeah." Deidara's mother was the master at mixing drinks, Kakuzu had finally woken up but now he was sitting at the table trembling because he was scared of Deidara's mom terribly.

"Deidara's mom is one of those 'I gave my son his first drink and his first condom' kind of moms isn't she?" Zetsu asked Sasori.

"Yes….yes she is." Sasori was in a rather dreamy state.

"Alright, you Hidan is it? I unduhstand you are the religious type, why don't you say some sorta prayer, yeah." Deidara's mother said sitting in between Deidara and Dana.

"Why, Diana I'd be honored, really." And so 10 minutes later Hidan finished his lengthy prayer that addressed EVERYTHING you could imagine.

" Alright, I made low fat cranberry salad, whole wheat rolls, steamed corn, low fat mashed potatoes, and some sorta suguh-free gelatin dessert, yeah." Deidara's mother said.

"You made all of this mom, yeah?" Deidara asked her.

"Hell, no Dana and I went to the store and bought half of it, yeah." Diana said. "I didn't wanna go to any fuss, I have a photo shoot next week and I can't have any carbs, I thought why the hell bahthuh, so the mashed potatoes are for you all, yeah….And what's wrong with yuh pale friend, yeah?" Diana was referring to Kakuzu who was trembling as he took a wheat roll out of the basket.

"Don't mind him, really. He's just a dumbass who's still trying to figure out Iwagakure and you." Hidan said rolling his eyes. Kisame wondered why Deidara's mother had prepared so much low fat, low sugar stuff and then he remembered that he was in the presence of a model….it made sense.

"Diana, tell me, what has it been like for you being a model and you know having a husband in the fashion industry?" Kisame asked.

"Kisame being in modeling is great! But I tell yuh, when you're a model….you gotta sleep with all the right people in order to get the good jobs, yeah. How do you think I met Dominik, yeah! It just so happened he was designing his scarves in the right city at the right time and he needed a model for his women's line, yeah." Diana said.

"Scarves? He designs scarves?" Zetsu asked Sasori quietly.

"Yeah, you haven't noticed all those scarves Deidara has with DS stitched into them?" Sasori asked.

"Oh, I always thought that just meant 'Deidara's Stuff'." Zetsu said.

"Nope, Dominik Savice (Sah-Vee-Chay)."

"Oooooooh." Zetsu understood everything now. Just when everyone except Zetsu thought Deidara's mother couldn't tell anything else anymore truthfully….she did…

"Oh god, let me tell you boys about how Deidara and Dana used to pull the hell outta each othuh's hair, yeah. God, it's no wonder Dominik didn't shave both those kids bald when they wuh little.

"Oh mom! Tell them about the time daddy found out that I wasn't a virgin, yeah!" Dana sparkled all over, of course it could have been because Itachi's hand was creeping higher and higher up her thigh. Diana and Deidara laughed.

"Oh! Oh geez! Oh! Okay, okay. Well, Dominik comes home from a flight and Dana's sitting in that living room ovuh there. She has this sad look on her face, like something horrible had happened. Anyway, Dominik comes in and Dana says to him daddy come sit down with me, I have to talk to you. So, Domink dropped his bags and sat down with his little girl, yeah. So Dana's about to cry and she says to him Daddy I had my first time while you were gone and it was horrible, yeah. And of course, he flips out and wants to know why it was so horrible and he's got her in his arms and she says because I had sex on the cheap sheets and it made me feel like a total whore, yeah. And oh my god! The crying, they were both crying, he felt so bad for her that it didn't happen on the good sheets, yeah."

"Is that a normal father's reaction to his daughter having sex?" Kisame whispered to Hidan.

"Hmm….I don't think that's typically how it goes. But, I'm really thinking this whole situation is anything but typical, really." Hidan said. Diana noticed the first round of White Russians had disappeared, she decided it was time to make margaritas.

"Now, I know tequila and turkey don't really mix so I'll make margaritas and keep them in the freezuh until we're ready to drink them, yeah." Diana said. Never before had any Akatsuki member had such an alcoholic thanksgiving. Deidara's mother was the most unconventional mother there ever was. They figured it would only be a matter of time before Diana ended up drunk and topless or something else moderately insane.

"Oh bettuh yet! Yuh fahthuh is going to be here in about an hour, yeah! I'll change clothes you boys clean up the kitchen and Dana you make some margaritas and yuh fahthuh's favorite…tomato basil bruchetta and a good strong pitchuh of screwdrivuhs, yeah! Oh, this is gonna be one hell of a party, yeah!" And so Diana slipped away to change clothes, Kakuzu swallowed hard, he had only recently gotten the color back in his face.

Unduhneath - underneath

Nevuh - never

Unduhstand - understand

Suguh -sugar

Bahthuh -bother

Yuh – you/your

othuh's – other's

wuh – were

ovuh – over

freezuh – freezer

bettuh – better

pitchuh – pitcher

screwdrivuhs - screwdrivers