Author's Message:
Enjoy and Happy Halloween, Samhain or anything else you can celebrate on this night.
Chapter Eight
My brain is screaming at me. It's been a day since I've kissed her, and my brain is acting up more than ever. It's asking me all these questions...well, more precisely, I'm asking myself all these questions, and I hear myself answer too...Maybe it's settled, I have indeed gone mad.
Why did you kiss her?
I think I like her…No, I know I like her and I want her.
You don't make sense. You don't want her. You want out of here is what you want. She even told you so - it doesn't make sense for you liking her now.
Told me what? That doesn't make sense.
She told you that you were using her before; you didn't actually fall for her.
Maybe I did, maybe I just found my other needs more important.
Oh really? Could you do that now? Destroy her if it meant going back to your time?
I...I don't know!
As I said, you don't make any sense.
Well, maybe I do have ulterior plans.
As I thought.
I just don't know how to grasp my mind around them yet.
And neither can I.
"Riddle?" Lupin snaps me out of my insanity.
"Huh?" I say.
We're traveling in a car, me in back next to shovels and picks, and Ginny and Lupin in the front. I couldn't give them exact directions (partly because I couldn't remember, and mostly because I wanted to drag out my time with Ginny), so we are forced to drive to the cemetery spot.
It is in a very unusual place, and not in an actually cemetery, because Myrtle had wished it. It was a spot in which she had grown up in, and very remote.
"Left or right?" he asks
"Right," I say.
He turns the car right.
"How much longer?" Ginny asks, turning town the radio which had been blasting moments before. For being so intelligent, she has ghastly taste in music.
"I'm not quite sure," I say. "Should be only a few more hours if I remember correctly."
"Okay." She turns the music back up, and we drive along.
---
Turns out, I had not remembered correctly. It was dark, car running low of gas, and all of us tuckered out from screaming as we got more and more lost.
"Pull over," Ginny orders. "We'll stay at a hotel till morning."
"Hotel?" I ask, surprised at her suggestion. I would have thought she'd want to keep going till we found it.
"Well, I'm certainly not sleeping in the car," she mutters.
Lupin agrees and pulls the car up into a half-empty parking lot. We get out of the car, leaving the shovels and digging supplies locked inside.
Our 'chaperone' as I have dubbed him, goes to check us in as Ginny volunteers us to pick up snacks at a market. It's the first moment we've had alone since I kissed her, and I can tell she wanted this moment to talk to me.
"You've got a lot of nerve," she hisses.
I want to say, 'Well, yeah, I am Tom Riddle.' But instead I stay silent, allowing her to continue.
"Kissing me? After everything you've done to me!" Ginny rants. "I don't think you quite realize the enormity of what you have done." She stops walking and turns to me. "So, I'm going to explain it to you, so you can understand."
Her face is reddened in anger, and she narrows her eyes. I wait for her to continue and explain what I am so curious to know about.
"You were the first real friend I ever had, diary or not," she starts. "I poured my soul out to you, and you pretended to care."
There's that 'pretend' again.
I know.
Maybe she can explain it for you, make you understand that you're using her.
Maybe. But I don't think-
"You made me attack students! I didn't realize it was you causing me to do it at first, and when I confronted you, blood on my hands as I wrote, you comforted me. Told me it was going to be fine. You wouldn't let me stop, no matter how much I begged, and I was attached to you. I couldn't let you go."
I stop thinking to listen intently.
"And through all of this, that's not even the worst part," she says, eyes away from mine. "What haunts me the most is the night of our last meeting. You yourself, a ghost at the time, lured me down into the Chamber of Secrets. It's where you told me you loved me, that I had done so well, and that soon everything would be over."
I watch her take a shaky breath before continuing again. "As I was nearing death, that's when you told me how you really felt. You told me I was weak, that I was a pathetic foolish girl. That I deserved death for allowing myself to be controlled."
That's it.
Well, you got me on that one.
I understand perfectly why I have fallen for her now. It's not because of a lot of things, it's just one thing mostly.
"Ever since I survived that day in the Chamber I have sought only one thing," she says, looking me in the eye now. "To be strong."
It's her strength. Her strength that wasn't there before.
Well, what are you going to do now? You know she hates you.
"I," I say. "I'm sorry, Ginny. For everything."
But the thing is, I don't mean it. For if I had not done all of that to her with my Diary, then this Ginny, this confident girl, would not be talking to me right now.
"I know that doesn't really fix what I did, but all I can say is sorry," I say. Lies, lies. I'm such a bloody liar, but it's almost the most thrilling thing to do most of the time. Wouldn't give it up for the truth. "I hope you can forgive me."
That happens to not be a lie.
You know you're going to be going back to your time.
She looks away and starts walking again. "I don't think I can."
And you know she's not going to come with you.
I could ask her.
And when she says no?
I know exactly what I'll do if she says no. It just makes my heart ache to think about. Leaving her behind will not be easy.
---
There's two beds and an unfolded couch. Guess what I get stuck with? I try to kick Lupin out of the bed, but Ginny gives me a look that clearly says 'you-better-not-or-else', and normally I wouldn't give a damn what look she was giving to me, but I wanted her to trust me.
I unfold the couch and get out an extra pillow and scratchy yellow blanket from the closet. I don't even want to imagine what's on these things. I even have my doubts on if they've been washed.
Our exhaustion has faded away; it must have just been traveling anxiety.
Lupin is in the bathroom taking a shower. Ginny and I are alone to amuse ourselves.
There is a Muggle contraption called a television in our room, and Ginny immediately flops to her bed face first, remote in hand to turn it on.
"How do you know what that is?" I ask. I shudder at how I'm connected to it. Someday I shall be rid of these thoughts forever.
"My father is a huge lover of Muggle things," she says, flipping a channel. "He has one at home, but mum only lets him watch it on special occasions, mostly only the Muggle news." She sets down the controller then turns to see the look on my face. "Not fond of the telly?"
"Hardly," I say detestably.
She shuts the T.V. off and rolls onto her back, staring at the ceiling. She gets lost in thought for a moment.
"You said that Harry liked someone else," she says, breaking the silence. "Who?"
I smile to myself, and suppress a yawn. "You wouldn't believe me."
"Who?" Ginny sits up. "Hermione? Because she says that they don't have a thing, but they're really good friends and-"
"-Not her," I say, a smile on my face as she rants.
"Then who?" she asks. "He isn't around anyone else, except for Tonks and Fleur, but there's no chance of that, is there?"
I laugh again. "Nope, no chance of that." I don't even have to know these women to know. "You really want to know Ginny? You're not going to like it. And you're probably not going to believe it."
"Who?" she repeats, eyes watching me careful.
"Malfoy," I say. "He loves Malfoy."
She stares at me, eyes unblinking, face unchanging.
"Huh?" she finally says. She sits up and swings her legs over the bed. "Are you mad? Harry doesn't like Draco Malfoy. They hate each other. They've been enemies since they first met."
"Things change," I say.
Clearly they do.
"No," she says shaking her head. She has the worst case of denial.
We hear the water turn off in the bathroom and Lupin stepping out.
"Things don't, and neither do people," she says. This statement is directed at me.
"You're wrong," I mutter. "Look at yourself, and how much you've changed."
"How would you know? You've just met me," she hisses.
"I know what you told me, and I can see it in your eyes," I say.
"Merlin!" she groans, then falls silent.
"What?" I say, getting up.
"Stay away from me," she hisses.
"You're beginning to act like a fool again," I spat at her. I watch her face contort in anger and pain. I've lashed at her with the worst weapon possible, words that remind her of everything I've done to her.
"Leave me the hell alone, don't talk to me again," she says.
I fold my arms across my chest, but lean down against the arm of the couch. Her eyes narrow at me then fly away. We both jump as the bathroom door opens.
"Ginny, everything alright?" he asks, coming out fully dressed.
"Fine," she says gruffly, and then gets back on her bed, crawling under the covers.
I glance at Lupin who is looking at me apprehensively and I stare blankly back. He looks away, shaking his head, and goes to his bed. I get into my bed, and lay on my back staring at the ceiling.
Well, if you really want her, that's not the way to get her.
I know that. She just pissed me off. I don't think she's ever going to warm up to me.
Then you know what you have to do then...
If she doesn't warm up, I guess I do know...
Good. Because I think it's for the best.
---
I wake up the next morning to the bright sun from the gap in the curtains shinning on my face. I can tell Ginny is already up because her bed is empty, but I can't see her anywhere. Lupin is still fast asleep.
I know that I have to take care of my horcruxes, I cannot stand it to be rid of them. They haunt me here. It's just weird to imagine me killing myself. But I guess in this time it's just something I have to do to get back home.
I realize this is what Dumbledore is after. He wants me to discover my humanity and take things into my own hands. And oh, I will. I will take whatever I have to to get my way.
Checking the bathroom I find Ginny's not in there either. She must have gone down to get free breakfast in the lobby area. I leave out of the hotel door without a second thought on what I'm doing. I take the stairs, avoiding the elevator. I have a suspicion that it will break down while I'm in it, and without my wand I don't want to take that risk.
I find Ginny sitting at a table, eating a Danish and an apple. Sitting opposite of her, she looks up at me and rolls her eyes.
"I thought I said-"
"I wasn't talking to you," I say.
Stop being so damn sarcastic!
You are sarcastic, it's who you are. And stop being that humanitarian Dumbledore wants you to be. You don't have to worry about feeling anything until you have to face yourself.
Harry will probably be doing that part.
Not if you take matters into your own hands, that will be your fight. You already decided what to do; you don't have to worry about Ginny anymore.
Maybe I don't want to do things like that...
Or maybe-
"Hello? Answer me!" Ginny waves her hand in my face.
"Answer what?"
"Do you want to buy a more recent map to the site?" she asks.
"Sure," I say.
"Okay, well, tell Lupin I'll be up in a few with the map, and then we can leave."
I nod, and she leaves. Then I go upstairs and choose to ignore her orders, and I let Lupin wander back downstairs to search for Ginny.
---
Back on the road Ginny is still grumbling at me for letting Lupin look for me for a half hour.
"I forgot," I mutter.
"You bloody well didn't," she says. "I told you just a moment before you went upstairs."
"Hmm," I say, shrugging. "Oh well. Keep going straight," I tell Lupin as I gaze at the map.
We travel for a few hours, and finally just as our stomachs start to growl in hunger, we arrive at the spot. It is in the court yard of a little country house. There are three graves altogether; they belong to her and her grandparents.
We get out of the car and bring our shovels.
We begin to dig, the sun beating down on our backs.
"This is awfully morbid," Ginny says as she pours more dirt from her shovel.
Lupin mutters his agreement. We dig so that we can easily get in and out of the grave. We finally hit coffin and he goes to lift the lid.
Ginny holds her nose, and all three of us grimace at the sight of rotting bones. Around the skeleton's neck is the Horcrux we're looking for. I yank it off, and pocket it.
When we crawl out of the grave, Lupin fills it again with his wand. He hadn't used magic while we were digging just in case something accidentally happened the coffin.
"Let's get this back to Grimmauld Place," Lupin says. "We'll leave the car for someone to pick up."
We nod and Lupin Disapparates. Ginny takes out her wand to Apparate, then looks at me, then at the spot where Lupin just had been. He forgot I cannot Apparate without a wand.
Ginny mumbles something incoherent and takes me arm. "Come on," she says.
---
We arrive at a very busy house. There are tons of unfamiliar people running around and appearing and disappearing. I see Harry and Draco talking to Lupin, they spot us and Harry holds out his hand.
"You have the Horcrux?" he asks.
I nod and uncover it from my pocket. "Did you get the other?"
"Ron just got it to me," Harry says taking it from me. "We're about to go to war...I think you may need this." He holds out my wand, and I look at it.
"Right," I say, taking it.
"Hermione is working on a way to get you home," he says. "She's working with the best time traveler in the business. If you survive this, then you'll be able to go back home."
"I need to speak with her," I say. She doesn't know about what Dumbledore has done.
"Right, Ginny, take him to Hermione in the library," Harry says, and then he whispers something so only I can hear him. "Make sure Hermione gets her to stay in there, and then come back. How long will it take?"
I frown; he doesn't want her to go to the battle. "About...A while, I have to explain something I just figured out."
"Fine," his voice rises again. "Then I'll be back in fifteen minutes after we sort a few things out with some Order members, be ready by then."
Ginny leads me to another room. The house is emptying as we go. We enter a room where Hermione and some woman with blonde hair are working. They look up.
"Hello?" the woman mutters, clearly annoyed at her work being interrupted.
"Margaret, this is Tom Riddle, and Ginny Weasley. Tom is the one we're doing this spell for," Hermione says, not really looking at me.
"I need to tell you something I figured out," I say.
The three listen carefully as I explain about my suspicions of Dumbledore's antics. How I tell them I don't believe I'll be able to step through a portal unless I do the impossible.
"That helps, actually," Hermione says when I'm finished. "That helps a lot actually."
She quickly stands and retrieves a book from a shelf.
"Right then," I say. It only took me a few minutes to explain it to them. I glance at Ginny.
"I'm not staying here," Ginny says roughly. "I know Harry told you to leave me, but I'm not going to."
I raise an eye.
"I deserve to be in this as much as anyone else, I want to fight for our freedom," she continues.
"Alright," I say. She stares at me in surprise.
"Alright?"
I shrug. "It's your own right," I say.
She nods slowly, and then follows me out. I find the open door to my guest room, and I push her into the room.
She's never going to forgive you now.
She doesn't have to...
"Hey," she says, trying to get out the door. I enter. "I told you, I'm not stayi-" she stops and narrows her eyes at me as I close the door behind myself, her face is bright in confusion and fear. "What are you doing?"
A/N:
Please R&R.
Warning, next chapter may have a higher rating due to some themes, but I haven't written it so I'm not quite sure how it will come out. Hope you enjoyed.