Chapter Two – Z

Noel flopped down in to one of the cane chairs sitting on his front porch. His sweatshirt was covered in sweat; his breath was coming in short pants. He reached down to untie his shoelaces, and wrenched his running shoes off his feet. Dropping them on the porch, he pulled his socks off, and then his sweatshirt.

Although he was out of breath, he felt good. Running always cleared his mind from his daily problems. He'd been running for as long as he could remember, since just after his father had left. Back then it had been a way for him to forget, to switch off and forget everything that was going on in his life. Now it was just a way to sort through any problems he had. And he'd had a few recently.

After Blake Holsey High had been shut down, he'd started working at a University, teaching science, but now his job was up for review, and due to his unorthodox teaching methods, he wasn't sure whether he was going to get a renewal. On top of that, some of his students had been causing some trouble in the labs, and he'd had to sort that.

So all in all, life had been pretty hectic for Noel Zachary. And it wasn't about to get much better.

As he stood to walk inside, his clothes in his hands, he noticed a package lying on his front doorstep. Z reached down to pick it up, and jiggled it, trying to guess what was in as he let himself in to the house.

He laid it down on the coffee table in his lounge, dumped his clothes in the wash basket and headed to the fridge. Z pulled out a bottle of water, and took a couple sips, feeling the ice cold water slide down his throat. Feeling sweaty and disgusting, he decided to have a quick shower before he opened the mysterious package.

Z walked up the stairs and in to the bathroom. Just as he was stepping in to the shower, the phone began to ring. He muttered darkly under his breath, but decided to ignore it, he'd let the machine pick up instead. His shower was a little more important to him at that moment then answering the phone.

When he finally felt better, his sore muscles no longer sore, and the water was beginning to turn cold, he switched the taps off, and stepped out. Wrapping a towel around his waist he left the bathroom and went in to his room to get dressed.

Coming back down the stairs, the phone rang again, and he rushed to answer it. However just as he reached it, it stopped ringing. He picked it up anyway, and quickly said "Hello," just in case. But no one was there. Hanging up, he walked back in to the lounge, and sat down on the couch. He pulled the package in to his lap and meticulously began to open it.

He tipped the contents out on to the coffee table in front of him. A CD fell out along with two letters. Reading the note on the CD, he stood and popped it on… He picked up the first note, and skimmed the content, before slowly rereading it.

'Dear Z… There's so much to say, a letter isn't going to cover it all… But you know it's never been easy for me to say things outloud. A letter is the only way I'm going to be able to get it all out.

It's not easy to say, but by the time you get this letter, it'll be too late. I found out about 5 months ago that I had a malignant brain tumor… I was given six months to live. I know I should have said something, but I didn't want you guys to worry about me. I wanted to live my last six months in peace, without pitying glances. And I wanted you guys to remember me for how I was, not how I am now.

I'm writing this from my hospital bed, and I'm sick… I'm nearing the end. When you get to this point you tend to see things a lot more clearly. Everything that's happened in your life shows up like a movie, crystal clear picture. You remember everything that's happened. I guess I'm rambling a little.

I really just wanted to say thank you for everything you've done for me. And looking back, as I have been recently, you've been more like a father to me than my real father could ever be. I'm not just talking about the last couple of years. Even at school I looked up to you like a father. So thank you for all that.

What else… Um… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied to you all, told you I was fine. I wasn't. I was dying to tell you, but I didn't want to cause you guy's months of pain. It was easier to live in silence, then tell you about it all. I didn't want you to disrupt your lives for me.

I'm sorry I lied when you came over… You were concerned for me, and I just lied to your face. I was ashamed to do it, believe me, I didn't enjoy lying to you, any of you guys… But I had to. It was the only way I could keep you guys from spending months in limbo with me. And don't blame mom either… She was only doing what I'd asked her to do.'

Z put down the letter for a moment. Josie's scrawled handwriting, the tear stained letter… it was all getting a bit much for him. But he knew he needed to finish it, he owed it to Josie to finish reading what she'd painstakingly written to him.

And he knew she'd been in pain while she'd been writing the letter. It was evident in the slight wobbles in the writing, the words that had been slightly smudged with her tears. He could only imagine how hard it had been for her to write it, to write down all her feelings, to bare her soul to him.

'I don't want to lie to you, not now that the end is near. I am scared Z… I'm really scared, but there's nothing that can be done. Don't think mom didn't try. She took me to some of the best hospitals, but it was the same everywhere. The tumor had progressed too far for any treatment to work on it… Even surgery wasn't an option. We looked in to it. So yea… I'm scared. I don't want to die.

I'm too young. But that's what's going to happen. And I want you to promise me that you won't be sad about it for too long, please. I need to know that you, and the others, are going to live your life to the fullest. You never know when it's going to happen to you. So please Z, remember that. And thank you. For everything you've ever done. Keep an eye on the others for me please… Especially Vaughn. I can only guess at what it's going to do to him when he learns.

And if you could keep an eye on my mom for me as well. I know it's been hard on her, she's tried to hide it from me, but I know. Thank you Z.

I also wanted to say how much I've admired you… You're so brave and kind, giving attention to those who need it most. You've been so selfless over the years, looking out for each and everyone of us and putting your own needs last.

I love you Z.

Josie.'

Tears began to slide down Z's cheeks. The obvious pain written in her letter was gut wrenching. One of his 'kids' had been in pain and he hadn't been there to help her through it. It was breaking his heart.

"Oh Josie," he whispered. "Why didn't you let us be there for you? Why couldn't you accept that you needed us? Why didn't you tell us what was going on?"

He'd always looked on Josie as a daughter. Out of all of his 'kids' Josie had been the one that needed someone to look out for her. And despite their first meeting, he'd always felt more of a bond with her than with any of the others.

Maybe it had had something to do with the fact that neither of them had had fathers while growing up. Maybe it had something to do with the passion that they'd shared for science. Maybe it had been because both of them were slightly unconventional. He wasn't sure. But there'd been a definite bond between them. She was the only one he had let tease him the way she did. She was the only one who dared.

He had admired her spunk, her daring. There'd been a certain kindred between them, that although he had been her teacher, she his student, she knew she could go to him with anything, and generally not have to worry about any consequences. And now all of that was gone, never to happen again.

Z began to pace… Pacing had always helped him in the past, whenever something needed to be thought through. Something about the repetitive motion helped him think, just like with his running.

He just couldn't believe that a person like Josie could cease to exist. She'd always been the kind of person who filled up every corner of the room. She only had to walk in to a room to get a reaction, whether it had been a good reaction from friends, or whether it had been a groan… From the people who didn't exactly like her.

She'd been a one of a kind, an individual, and just the thought that she was no longer there was enough to have him almost sobbing with grief.

All the memories of teaching his students came flooding back to him, Josie's cheeky smile, her witty comments, and her fiery temper. He had to laugh as he remembered the various times' she'd got herself and the rest of the science club in to some kind of trouble. And the way they almost always had managed to escape the consequences.

The phone rang for a third time, startling Z out of his musings. He quickly wiped his tears away, and cleared his throat before picking it up. "Hello?"

There was a slight pause on the other end, before he was answered. "Hey, Z."

"Lucas," Z replied. By the tone of Lucas's voice, Z knew that he'd already heard about Josie. "How are you doing?" he asked Lucas softly.

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line. "I… I'm stunned; I guess is the only way to describe it."

Z nodded. "I know. I'm finding it a little hard to believe myself. It seems like just yesterday I was talking to her, and she was fine. And now…" he couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence. It would be like carving it in concrete.

"And now…" Lucas repeated. "Z… I've got a question. You saw her only a couple months ago… How was she? Did she seem…? I dunno, different, to you?"

Z searched through his memory to recall what he'd seen the last time he'd seen Josie.

2 months earlier

He rapped lightly on the door and waited for a few moments. It opened and he smiled at Kelly Trent. "Hey Noel," she said, keeping the door close to her side.

"Hey," he replied. "Is Josie around? I was just in the area, and thought I'd stop by to see her."

She seemed hesitant to let him in, looking back over her shoulder for a moment as if she wasn't sure she should. Finally she smiled slightly and let him in to the apartment, led him down to the lounge. She waved him in, and then quickly walked away towards her bedroom. He thought he heard a muffled sob from her direction, but thought nothing of it.

He looked in to the lounge; the tv was on, the sound down low. And Josie was sitting huddled up in blankets on the couch. He noticed that she was a lot thinner than the last time he'd seen her, her face drawn, she looked like she was in a bit of pain. She was also shivering slightly, like she was freezing cold.

For a moment or two he just watched her from doorway, unobserved. She coughed, and raised her hand to her mouth. There was a small ball of cotton wool taped to her hand. Concerned, Z stepped in to the room.

"Hey, Josie."

She jumped slightly, and turned around to face him, a look of surprise on her pale face. When she saw Z she grinned, and unfurled herself from her blankets. She stood and moved towards him. Giving her a hug, Z noted that she was a lot lighter as well as thinner.

"Hey Z," she said, smiling happily at him, but looking drained, like it had taken a lot of effort to get up. She sat back down on the couch, and motioned for Z to pull up a chair. "How are you?" she asked. "What have you been up to?"

For a moment Z thought she was deflecting him from asking her some questions about her health, but he ignored the twinge. He knew that if Josie had something she wanted to tell him, then she would tell him in her own time.

"I'm good Josie. Works been busy. Its student prank time, so naturally the students are playing pranks everywhere. We've got to be careful, because you just never know when someone's going to get you," he laughed.

Josie laughed with him, but within seconds her laughter turned to coughing. She lifted her hand to her mouth again, and he saw the cotton wool taped to her hand again. As soon as her coughing fit died down, he took her hand, and examined it carefully. She tried to pull her hand away, but he refused to let go. Her hand was as cold as ice.

"What's going on Josie?" he asked with worry evident in his eyes.

"I'm fine Z… Honestly. I'm just recovering from the flu. It's nothing," she replied, avoiding his eyes.

He gestured to her hand. "And this?"

She shook her head. "It's nothing." She repeated. "I just had some blood tests done."

Z knew she was lying, and was determined to get to the bottom of it. "In your hand?"

"They couldn't find a suitable vein. The only one they could find was in my hand… I swear, I'm fine. They were just making sure my iron levels weren't too low, because I've been losing a bit of weight lately. I swear!" she replied, grinning at his skeptical expression. "I guess I've just got junky veins."

Although he wasn't completely satisfied, he allowed her to believe he was. "Okay, I just get worried about you, that's all. Are your iron level's alright?"

She nodded. "Yea, they're fine. It was just routine tests." She stuck her tongue out. He knew she wasn't fond of needles.

Accepting her explanation, the topic changed, and they spent the rest of the afternoon chatting happily. But just before he left the apartment, he pulled Kelly aside and questioned her as to what was going on with Josie. She avoided looking him in the eye, and just repeated what Josie had told him, before seeing him out.

"She was a little sick the last time I saw her," he said to Lucas, tearing himself away from the memory. "But she told me she was just recovering from the flu. I didn't quite believe her, but I thought if it was something more serious she would have told me." He laughed mirthlessly. "I guess I was wrong."

There was silence on the other end for a moment or two, and then Lucas asked Z, "Have you heard from Vaughn?"

"No, I haven't. You're the first person I've spoken to since I found out."

"Well, I heard from Marshall this morning. Corrine's not taking it too well… Which is to be expected, I guess. Marshall said he's all right… I could tell he was upset. But he's taking it a lot better than Corrine is. Are you going to be at the funeral?"

"Yea, of course I'll be there. I guess I'll see you there. And Corrine and Marshall?"

"They'll be there. Are you going to call Vaughn?"

Z thought for a moment. He knew it was going to be hard to call Vaughn, but he knew it had to be done. "Yea… I'll call Vaughn."

Is there a heaven a hell and will I come back who can tell
Now I can see what matters to me it's as clear as crystal

The places I've been the people I've seen plans that I made start to fade
The sun's setting gold thought I would grow old, it wasn't to be

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A/N - Sorry it took me a while to update guys... RL has been so busy, dealing with the aftermath of the flood. We've had painters through, and for some strange reason, my social life has suddenly boomed, and I've been going out and having people over. It's just been a frantic rush:D But never fear, I am here, and I'm working on what could possibly be the last chapter of this story at the moment... I dunno, I may decide to take it a little further. I'm also working on two other BHH stories... So like I said, busy bee I am! Love you all for reviewing! (((hug)))