Chapter Eight

Marina woke up suddenly the day when she was leaving. She couldn't find it. Couldn't find her ring. She felt her heartbeat rushing. Where was it? She stopped looking suddenly, sitting up in her bed, looking at her naked finger--the ring finger of her left hand.

"Oh. Oh."

She touched that finger softly. There was no ring because there never had been a ring. She wasn't married.

Oh, but the dream had been nice.

Marina fell back onto the bed and grabbed Archie, one of her teddy bears, holding him tightly to her chest. If only the dream had been real. If only she wasn't leaving, was married to Julian. It almost made her want to cry.

"But I have to go," she whispered to herself (and her teddy bears). "I don't know why, but I have to. I feel it." She sighed. "And I have to get up now, get dressed and all that." She set the stuffed polar bear on the pillow, sat up, and stretched. As she stood, she reached to touch her ring finger and groaned.

(LINE)

"She's leaving today."

"Like I don't know it." Julian crossed his arms, looking very bothered.

"You've only known her for… what? A week?"

"Does it always take longer than that to fall in love?"

Miles shrugged.

"Keiko goes away all the time. How do you bear it?" Julian turned from the window. Somehow, looking out at the stars reminded him even more of how far away Marina would be for a week.

"I don't know." Miles sighed. Then he smiled. "Your company helps a lot. It keeps my mind off of her absence. Playing darts and being in the holo-suite and all."

"You mean losing at darts." Julian's smug smile slowly returned.

Miles frowned. "What do you mean? Have you been playing the same games I have?"

They laughed together, then were suddenly quiet.

"When does she leave?"

Julian sighed, clasping his hands together in front of his face. "In about three hours, I'd say."

"Gives you time to say good-bye."

"Yes. It does."

"So where is she now?"

"Probably getting her science equipment together for the voyage."

"Are you going to go see her?"

Julian sat down at his desk. "Yes. As soon as I get these formulas figured out."

"Am I bothering you? I can leave." Miles stepped towards the door.

Julian smiled at his best friend. "No. You're not bothering me." He sighed, suddenly looking very young and very vulnerable. "I don't want to be by myself. I might think about… her leaving."

"I understand." Miles plopped into a nearby chair.

"Thank-you."

As soon as he was finished with his work, Julian said good-bye to his friend and started out to find Marina. He first went to the science department, but Dax told him that she had left to take some equipment to the ship that would take her to Catronis. So he hurried to the docking area.

The first thing he saw was Marina. She was standing beside Odo, who was inspecting the ship, the Longfellow, a small ship. Marina was chatting incessantly as she loaded boxes into the ship's opened hold. And Odo was smiling, actually smiling at her, amused.

Julian smiled also as he walked up to the ship. The changeling was obviously amused by Marina's manner. She was one of the few people who could make him smile. And of course, it helped that she had a perfectly clean record.

"Julian!" Marina spun around and smiled at him.

"Can it be? The most beautiful woman on the station knows my name?"

Marina rushed to him and hugged him, then grabbed his upper arms and held him at arm's length. "Of course I know your name. As soon as I saw you, I asked about you, because you're sooooooo gorgeous."

Julian grinned at her. "I know."

Odo walked up to the pair. "The ship seems to be in good order," he said. "I'll go report to the captain." He glanced at Marina and chuckled softly, then walked off.

Marina was suddenly solemn. "It's not going to be long before we leave."

"I know." Julian brushed a loose strand of her hair behind one of her slightly pointed ears. He tilted his head and looked at her sideways. "I don't have to tell you that I will miss you."

"Maybe I can reach out with my mind and touch yours," Marina said quietly. "I've been thinking about that. I haven't really experimented with my powers, you know. I've been scared to, scared I'll hurt people--like I did in that dream." Dream. Oh, that was a good dream last night!

Julian noticed that she was fighting back a smile. "What? What are you smiling about?"

"I had a good dream last night," she said, smiling. "Very good."

"That must mean I was in it."

She studied his arrogant smile carefully, memorizing it for the week ahead. "Yes. You were in it."

"Why are you touching your finger like that?"

Marina looked down. She was running the fingers of her right hand up and down her left ring finger. "Uhm, I don't know," she said, blushing.

"Yes, you do." Julian took her hands. "You dreamed we were married, didn't you?"

Marina nodded.

Julian smiled crookedly. "I wish I had dreamed that."

"Lt. Richardson!"

Marina turned around and called, "Coming, Hannah!" Then she turned back to Julian. "It's almost time to leave."

Julian looked around. He had been so caught up in Marina that he hadn't noticed what else was going on. Dax and Worf were kissing good-bye. Sisko was hugging his son. "Oh. So soon…"

Marina wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head against his chest. I won't cry.

Julian kissed the top of her head, then tilted her chin up so that he could see her eyes. "Darling, in one week I'll be waiting right here for you."

"And I'll coming running to you. You'd better be careful or I'll knock you over when I passionately leap into your arms." Marina started laughing hysterically, close to tears.

Julian gently put his finger to her lips, his eyes dark and soulful. "I'm looking forward to it," he whispered, suddenly so aware of her strong, slim arms around his waist, the tips of her shoes touching his, her hair streaming downward like a waterfall of melted gold. He grasped her chin and kissed her.

Marina kissed him back, trying to memorize the feel of it, the feel of his slender body close to hers, his lips, his beautiful fingers…

"Good-bye, angel." He pulled back from her, and his eyes were shiny. With tears?

"Good-bye. I love you." Marina took a step back, aware that the rest of the party was boarding the ship. But she had to wait, had to see what he would say in reply.

Julian didn't say anything. Again, her words scared him. And he wanted to return them, wanted to desperately, but couldn't.

Marina's eyes filled then, and she turned quickly and ran to the Longfellow, hair streaming behind her.

Julian felt like he had been punched--hard. I'm a bloody idiot. How could I hurt her like that? Especially when I really do love her?

He stood with the other friends and family members as the ship left the space station. He put a hand on the glass of the window. "Marina…I love you…" he whispered. He thought it desperately at her, hoping with all his heart that she picked up on it.

(LINE)

She did not. She had shut off her mind to the thoughts of others. She felt cold, shivery, weak. Of course he loves me. Of course. He is so happy with me. We laugh and talk. And when we kiss… He has to love me. But why didn't he say it then? Why can't he? Maybe I've just imagined things; maybe I'm trying to make something of us that we're not…

"Lieutenant?"

Marina's head snapped up. "Yes, ma'am?"

Kira peered at her carefully. "Are you all right?"

Marina nodded, then put her face in her hands. "No."

Kira glanced behind her. The rest of the team was paying no attention to her, or to Marina. Worf was piloting the ship. Harris and Garcia were looking over some charts. Jake was scribbling something frantically onto his pad. Hannah West was navigating. The major looked back at Marina. "Is it Julian?"

Marina nodded miserably, glancing down at her computer. There was nothing for her to do yet. They wouldn't reach Catronis 6 until nearly twenty hours had passed. So of course, there were no planetary readings yet. "Kira, you won't repeat any of this to him, will you?"

"No. Not like I could get a word in edgewise to him." The Bajoran woman grinned and crossed her arms. "He tends to wax eloquent and lose me entirely."

"Yes, he does that." There was a tender glow in Marina's eyes as she thought of him. Then there was sadness. "Oh, Nerys, I love him! I'm in love with him! I want to marry him! I want to have his children!"

Marina suddenly blushed as she realized that Harris, Garcia, and Jake had heard her and were staring at her.

Kira turned to face the three young men. "Back to your own business," she snapped. She turned back to Marina. "Come on. Let's go to my cabin." She led the young science officer and led her to one of the tiny cabins, where they sat on the bunk. "All right. Continue."

Marina frowned. "Where was I?"

Kira smiled wryly. "You want to have his children."

Marina blushed madly, all the way to the tips of her pointy ears. "Yes. As those three guys now know." She cleared her throat and calmed down. "I dreamed we were married last night, and woke up looking for my wedding ring. I'm pathetic."

Kira raised an eyebrow. "Not pathetic, just overly romantic and completely in love."

"That's me." Marina sighed, her eyes distant and dreamy. "I've told him--twice--that I love him. And he has never said anything back. He always gets all quiet. The last time was just awhile ago. It was the last thing I said to him. And he just stood there. When he didn't say anything back, I lost control. I just--just shut everything off. My mind powers, I mean. I feel so cold inside." She wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes. "All because of a guy. I'm so lame. My whole world depends on this guy, whether he loves me or not."

"That's not lame." Kira patted the girl's shoulder. "You just really care about him. And he's an absolute idiot for not recognizing that!" She shook her head. "I've seen him with you. I think he cares about you--deeply. I don't understand why he doesn't say it. It can't be that he fears rejection. He already knows that you're in love with him."

Marina shrugged. "Maybe he just doesn't love me."

Not from what I've seen, Kira thought, standing. "Just give this time. Don't write him off now. Maybe he's just scared of something. Something besides rejection."

"Maybe." Marina didn't sound convinced, but at least she looked a bit more hopeful. "You're right. I can't just go berserk about one little thing." Little? "I love you" is little? She stood up. "I'd better get to my station. I need to set up the controls for Catronis' specifications."

"You sure you're all right and ready for this mission?"

"I'm sure. I need to get to work."

"You do that."

"Thank-you, major." Marina slipped past Kira and went to sit at her post.

(LINE)

"So… you just stood there? After she'd said that?"

"Yes."

Miles shook his head. "Why didn't you tell her? It's obvious you love her!"

"Well, maybe she realizes that. Maybe she knows I love her from the way I act around her." Julian took a swallow of his drink.

Miles frowned. "Well… maybe. But… it sure does sound a heck of a lot like she doesn't. The way you described her running off and all."

Julian ran a hand down his face. "I'm a fool. A complete and utter fool." His eyes were stormy and dark.

"When she gets back, you can make it up to her. You can tell her you love her."

"But I want to now! I need to now! God, Miles. She's probably crying her eyes out right now! She's in love with me and she thinks I don't love her back! My poor darling! I've broken her heart!"

Miles raised an eyebrow. "You have a very high opinion of yourself, Julian."

"It's not what I think about me. It's what she thinks about me. I'm not worthy, chief. She thinks I'm so wonderful. That's just a fact. You know that. I'm not just saying that." He propped his elbows up on the table and buried his face in his hands. "I'm not good enough for her, Miles. That's what I'm scared of. I'll let her down. She'll wake up one day and wonder how she ever ended up beside a bloody idiot like me, a genetically altered, arrogant idiot. And she'll leave me, chief. And then I'll have really broken her heart."

Miles leaned back in his chair. "So that's it. You don't feel good enough for her."

Julian nodded into his hands.

Miles laughed.

Julian pulled his head up and shot his friend a dark look.

"Don't get all mad at me. I'm about to offer you hope. Julian, you're my best friend, so I'm biased, but… Here's my opinion. This is all going to blow over. You and Marina are going to work it out. Julian, you're good enough for anyone (see? I'm biased.). And, frankly, I think Marina is good enough for you. You're perfect for each other." Miles leaned forward, giving Julian a hard slap on the back. "When she gets back, she's going to throw herself in your arms, and you're going to tell her you love her. And you're eventually going to get married and have fourteen children, little black-haired fellows with green eyes and pointy ears." He chuckled. "I can see it now. They'll call me Uncle Miles. And one of your little girls will marry Yoshi."

Julian smiled slowly, lowering his hands to the table. "You think so?"

"Yeah. I do. Now hurry up and finish your drink so we can go play darts."

Taking a sip of his drink, Julian remembered something Marina had said to him, reminded by Miles' speech. "You'd better be careful or I'll knock you over when I passionately leap into your arms." That's when I'll tell her I love her. I'll kiss her and hold her close and proposed very eloquently and charmingly… Good Lord. I'm contemplating proposing to a girl I've known for only a week! He stood and stretched, smiling. "Come on. Let's go play darts. I just might let you win today, you've been so inspiring."

Miles scowled.