Disclaimer: I still own nothing. Even my soul. I traded it for 15 minutes alone with my best friends boyfriend. ;)
Standing at the counter, in Slater's house, Zack mentally went over the things that could gave gone wrong that evening. There were so many. No-one could have turned up, the booze might not have arrived as specified, HE might not have made it that evening. Jessie could have been right about everything, and Zack had sworn that when she was, he'd retire from trouble-making.
Luckily, though, it was aaaaaall good.
"Yo, dude, you AC Slater? AWESOME party, dude! You rock!" A baseball capped drunk boy had stumbled out of the crowd in front of him. If Zack had been in a worse mood, he might have engineered something comical and entertainingly painful to happen to him. As it was, he smiled, and handed him another beer, not bothering to correct the misconception the other boy held. He suspected so far, every boy at this party had either been asked whether they were AC Slater, or at least taken the credit for the party. So few people actually could put a face to the name, being mostly kids from Nicks school, rather than Bayside. Zack hadn't counted on the fact, though, that if people didn't know who Slater was, they wouldn't be scared of getting him mad. Zack heard a crash from upstairs, and people cheering. Lucky General Slater wasn't back for a couple of nights. Also lucky that Screech had the security cameras on a permanent loop of yesterday evening, a night Slater was out, and the house was empty and unmoving. Very lucky indeed.
"And STAY OUT!" Jessie appeared next to him, a foul look on her face. Zack glanced at her.
"What's up?"
"If I find one more pair of girls being all lesbian to attract male attention, I'm going to revoke their membership to being female! Would you like to know HOW I plan to revoke their membership? It involves a couple of coat-hangers, a bath tub and eight inches of string."
Zack smiled. "Calm, Jessie, calm. Let feminism rest for one night, huh? Enjoy yourself! Maybe even try a little pole dancing!" He squeaked as she ground a stilletto into his foot.
"NOT in the mood, Zack! Jesus, I have to go rein in a couple of freshmen out on the lawn. They're putting their Sex Ed knowledge to too good a use."
She disappeared off into the crowd again, and Zack paused for a moment, debating whether to guard the beer or to help her out. As he reached a decision, however, and moved away from the keg, thirsty eyes turned towards it. Zack jerked back into position, and the onlookers moved on, muttering and casting evils his direction. Zack let out a sigh. He was going to be next to it all night, wasn't he. He turned to the tap and filled himself a glass of water. This wasn't a night he was meant to get wasted on. He had to keep his head. He took a sip, then sat back.
Where were all his friends?
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Jessie grunted as she picked the girl up, and pushed her away from the boy. Looking down in disgust at him, desperately struggling to pull his jeans back up, she wondered what she could be doing that would have been constructive that night. Then again, in comparison to this, giving herself a frontal lobotomy would have been 'constructive'.
Hunkering down, Jessie sighed. "You're young, you're nubile, your hormones will undoubtedly right now be raging through your bloodstream like crabs through a colony of nymphomaniac bisexuals. But please. Choose a better place for screwing your girlfriend than someone's front yard."
"Oh, she's not my girlfriend. My girlfriend was out of town this weekend."
Jessie considered the situation for a moment, then shrugged. "In which case, I will take an enormous amount of pleasure in doing what I was trying not to."
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Jessie hadn't thought boys voices could get that high. Then again, she'd never seen one of those stretch so far. Although, she'd done him a favour, if you thought about it. Now he was at least a couple of inches better endowed.
She brushed off her hands as she stepped inside, and spotted Kelly over by the window. She was staring with a kind of shock at (presumably) the boy who Jessie had just assualted.
Jessie came up behind her, and glanced at the boy hobbling away clutching his jeans around his knees with one hand and his groin with the other. She smiled thinly, and touched Kelly on the shoulder. The other girl looked around to see who it was, then turned back to the window. "What did he say to deserve that?"
"Oh, that wasn't his girlfriend on top of him."
Kelly sucked air through her teeth. "Y'know, it really shows that people at Bayside respect you and Slater. No-one would ever do this to his house, I don't think, and no-one would ever suggest anything like that to you. I think we're going to have made a lasting impression on these kids by the time this is over."
"Hopefully. I've certainly made a lasting impression on that boy."
"I meant a mental one. Although admittedly, it would be interesting to see him explain to his girlfriend why he now has two hand imprints on his...well, you know."
"I know. I was the one who put them there."
Kelly grinned, then turned away from the window. "Where's Zack? Still guarding the booze?"
"Think so. Why? You need to talk to him?"
"No, not really. It's just...he's been kinda distracted lately. Y'know how he's usually trying to trick girls into going out with him, including me? And he'll use some complex and fatally flawed plan that's so much more complicated and less likely to work than just asking the girl to go out with him?" Kelly paused for a breath, and Jessie raised an eyebrow, before nodding. Kelly was worried.
"Well, yesterday, at school, that new exchange student, the swedish one-"
"-Hanne-"
"-yeah, her, she was in our chemistry class. Have you seen her?"
Jessie cast her mind back a couple of days. Hmm...she did seem to be able to recall some gorgeous, tall, blonde Valkyrie wandering about the halls of Bayside with a couple of beach balls shoved down her top. She also remembered the trail of boys the girl had left behind, pretty much all of them hunching slightly, and holding files and jackets over their crotches. Bitter? Jessie? Never.
"...I think I remember her, a little. Yeah."
"Well, she sat in front of Zack, and he didn't react. She stretched, almost knocking the kid in front of her out with her boobs, and he didn't react."
"Maybe Zack was just tired? Or hungry? Or...dead?"
"She dropped her pencil, Jessie. Do you know how she then picked it up?" Kelly widened her eyes at Jessie, who bit her lip.
"She stood up, turned around, bent right over so you could see so far down her top you got a glimpse of the floor, stood back up, gave a happy little jump and sat back down. And Zack didn't bat an eyelid! I'm worried, Jessie. The Zack I thought I knew would have reacted enormously, at the very least tried to toss a penny into her cleavage! But nothing! He sat there, not writing, not doing anything, just..." Kelly paused for a moment, frowning. "Huh."
"What?"
Kelly shook her head. "I was just thinking about the lesson, and what Zack was doing rather than looking at Hanne...I think he was staring at Slater."
Jessie laughed loudly, throwing her head back. At the same time, the 'fight or flight' reflex was kicking in, and she was a couple of seconds away from either running or attacking Kelly. She managed to cram down the fleeing/biting, scratching foaming urges, though, and took a deep breath, letting her bullshit gland kick into action. "I know what it'll be. Zack will have been wondering how he could beat Slater to her. You know how those two are, they're always competing. You shouldn't worry about it."
Kelly relaxed slightly. "You're probably right. It was a pretty calculating stare. And it would make sense. Zack probably still thinks you and Slater are broken up."
Jessie gasped slightly, while inwardly wiping her brow in relief. "Has no-one told him? Someone should do. Otherwise he might do something to Slater."
Kelly smiled. "I don't think he would. Zack's competitive, but you know what'll happen. The only person who ever suffers from his plans is himself. Even when they go right, usually. But if you want, I'll go find him. I need another drink anyway." She raised her cup, and shook it.
Jessie smiled back at her. "That would be good. Anyway, I was going to find Screech. I want to ask him whether the outdoor cameras are on the loop too. Do you know where he is?"
"Mmm-hmm. Last time I saw him, it was in the General's study. I think that's where the mainframe for surveillance is. Lisa picked the lock, so she'll still be in there too, most likely. Although I'd be careful going in. Slater said that the General would notice if anything was out of place in there, and Lisa said that she'd make sure no-one got in. She had that look on her face when it's the Sales at the mall."
Jessie laughed again, sincerely this time. "Thanks for the advice. See you later. Oh, and if that kid comes back, come get me. I'll make what I did last time seem like I was giving him the best handjob of his life."
Kelly waved, and watched her friend disappear into the crowd. She shook her head, and frowned. Jessie had been bullshitting, and she'd been bullshitting hard. There was something up, and Kelly didn't like it. She put the empty cup down she'd grabbed when she'd needed to stop Jessie being suspicious, next to her own, full one. She was going to get to the bottom of this, and somehow, she knew it was all to do with Slater.
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Jessie gently opened the door to the General's study. She managed to open it a couple of inches before something heavy slammed into it, and a deep voice yelled 'Stay the hell out of here, you damn hippies! I have my shotgun, and you're not getting in!"
Jessie paused for a moment. "It's Jessie, guys."
The door was pulled wide, and Lisa stood there, Screech curled on the floor clutching himself. "Jessie! Why didn't you say! Come on in."
Jessie walked through, and shut the door. "You okay, Screech?"
"Yeah, I will be. I just kinda...y'know, threw myself against the door. Seemed to be the right thing to do at the time. I may have fractured my wingbones."
Lisa sat down in the Generals office chair and span around, picking up a lollipop from the desk, leaving a sticky mark. "Screech, you don't have wingbones. We found that out second grade, when you threw yourself out of that tree, remember?"
Screech picked himself up gingerly, and pouted. "I do have wingbones! They just weren't well developed enough to open and lift my weight back then!"
Lisa looked at him mischieviously. "Well, this house is pretty tall. Why don't you just quickly run up to the roof and check if they will now? I'll make sure you have a soft landing?"
"Really?" Screech turned to leave, rubbing his hands together in anticipation of finally getting to test his mutant abilities. Jessie grabbed him around the waist, and spun him back around, putting herself between him and the door.
"Lisa, come on now. That's cruel. He'd actually do it, and you know that. He could really hurt himself."
Lisa stuck her bottom lip out. "Oh, my heart bleeds. Let me just get out the worlds smallest violin. He's not been letting me have any fun! Every time I do anything, or touch anything, it's 'Lisa, stop. The General will notice it's been moved!', or 'Lisa, don't throw that at me, it's a priceless Ming vase', or 'Lisa, don't force me to download necrophiliac bestiality porn onto the Generals computer 'just for fun''. He can't do any because otherwise the whole trick will be ruined! Well, fricking WAAAH, like I give a cheque. Priceless Ming vase, my diamond encrusted designer heels that I use to grind hopes and dreams into the ground."
Jessie sighed. Sounded like it was that time of the month. "Lisa, what's wrong?"
"I'm BORED! Bored bored bored! I don't want to be here, I want to be at home, trying on my new boots, and dancing through my entirely empty house! But no, Zack says I have to be here, and unfortunately, it was a choice between in here...or out there." Lisa said the last word with such disgust Jessie couldn't help but giggle.
Lisa glared at her. "It's not funny! Out there, there are people. Dirty people, dirty people who don't understand that this is an effectively irreplaceable jacket, dirty people who don't understand that, THEN try to rub their dirty selves up against me so I have to mace them!"
Jessie's mind momentarily flipped back to the poor girl she'd seen who'd been clutching her face in the dining room, feeling compassion for her, before returning. "Well, isn't there some other way to entertain yourself?"
Lisa tossed her arm into the air in exasperation. "In a house this big, you'd have thought that, wouldn't you? But no! I was in Slater's bedroom, messing around with his stuff. That boy has remarkably good dress sense, you know. I was in there, and these two kids came in and fell onto the bed. Well, I stood up, and coughed, but then two more came in, and they fell onto the floor! Well, there comes a point, where you just have to admit defeat. That wasn't it. I got a couple of new pepper sprays today, ones that clip onto a stilletto, and one on this gorgeous little silk ribbon on my wrist, look, see? Fabulous, isn't it? Anyway, they were all screaming after that, so I had to leave. The back yard was full of kids, and I didn't want to waste my new sprays, so I had to break out those ghastly big mace cans. Then they were screaming, so I went back inside, and came in here."
Jessie looked over at Screech, instinctively, and he laughed. "She hasn't tried to mace me yet, no. Besides, I've built up a resistance to it, all these years, and I'm wearing my special contacts, too. Love is blind, but I'd prefer not to be, you know?"
"Mmm. And you've learnt to dodge nowadays." Lisa looked at him, languidly lying back in her chair. "We've got you well trained, you know, boyo."
"I aim to please, mistress." Screech winked at her, then flung himself full length on the floor. Whistling to himself quietly, he put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. Jessie looked over at Lisa, who shook her head.
"It's some energy saving technique he's obsessed with. Apparently it keeps him in a state of consciousness that means he can regain energy while solving complex puzzles in his head."
"Sound interesting!" Jessie said, unconvincingly. Lisa gave her a Look.
"Sounds like bullshit, you mean. Besides, listen." They stopped speaking, just in time for Screech to let out a soft snore.
"I doubt you're supposed to go to sleep. Anyway, what are you doing in here?"
Jessie shrugged. "I got tired of dragging hormonal kids off the front lawn. I'm looking for somewhere to rest, but I thought I'd see how Screech was doing in here first. If the rest of the house is like you've said, though...I dunno. I might stay here for some quality time."
Lisa sniffed. "Well, it's okay for you, you have the choice. I HAVE to stay in here, if I want to stay clean. Unless..." Lisa narrowed her eyes at Jessie's baggy shirt, worn open over a tank top.
Jessie gulped.
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Lisa strolled through the crowds of people, grinning despite the constant bumps from dancers and the more frantically amorous. She was happy in the knowledge that, underneath this hideous thing (though she wouldn't tell Jessie that), her gorgeous jacket was warm, safe, and most importantly? Clean.
She moved towards the kitchen, where Jessie had said Zack was hiding out. She was pretty thirsty, anyway, but mostly she wanted to catch him and exchange a couple of cliches with him, whilst she admired that fine ass. Lisa, not without morals, still considered staring at one of your oldest friends assets perfectly acceptable. It was probably due to her long exposure to Screech, she thought, but it was immaterial where it was from. It didn't seem to bother Zack, and he sometimes even clenched for her, if she was lucky. She didn't want him as a whole, so there was nothing wrong. Skewed logic, perhaps, but Lisa was rich. She didn't need logic.
She spotted him leant against the counter, and smiled. Grinding her heel into some boy's foot when he got in her way, she stepped over to Zack, and tapped his arm. "Hey, sexy. How's it going out here?"
Zack grinned at her. "So you ARE here after all. I did think you would be, after I heard the screams from the backyard. It was either you or Jessie."
Lisa bit her bottom lip in what she hoped looked like guilt. "Yeah, well. You know me. Little itchy on the spray finger."
"Mmm. Yeah. Just a little, huh?" Zack rolled his eyes. "Anyway, have you seen Kelly about?"
"No, I'd have thought she'd have been with you."
Zack frowned, confusedly. "I saw her about ten minutes ago, across the room. She didn't come over though, and I couldn't go to her because, well, look around you." He gestured to the slightly feral looking kids around him.
"Maybe she didn't see you?"
"Maybe. It's just Jessie went to find Kelly, and she would have said that I was here. And even if she didn't find her, I would have sworn she looked at me. I even shouted across the room at her, I though loud enough too, but nothing. If anything, she sped up."
"So...what do you think?"
"I'm really worried I've done something to offend her. And I'm just going through all the stuff I've done in the past week."
Lisa thought back. Already this week, Zack had auctioned Kelly off to a nerd, a wierdo, a porno director, and the football squad, which she hadn't been pleased about, but he did that lots. He'd almost set fire to her house, twice, but she'd been pretty fine with that. Her favourite top had been shredded. At school. And she hadn't had another one. And she'd had an economcs lesson period 5 with 'Pervy Proctor', the business professor. But...nothing serious.
"Zack, I don't think it can be, to be honest. I mean, everything you've done, she's been fine with. Look, go after her."
"I can't leave the keg, though." Zack absentmindedly slapped a reaching hand away from the tap, and a girl leapt back, almost bearing her teeth at him.
Lisa grinned. "You know what, I think I could cover the keg for you. You go off and find Kelly, huh? I'll fend off the hordes."
Zack smiled sheepishly. "Would you? OH, that would be..." Then his face changed. "Hang on...what was the date yesterday?"
LIsa bit her lip. "Erm...the 19th?"
"It was the 20th, wasn't it? Your monthly mace delivery. Lisa, if you blind a kid for life, then Slater's dad will have to change his insurance. Don't use a whole can on one person!"
"Fine, I guess we all have to make sacrifices. But I swear, if one boy even looks at me funny, there'll be a totally different kind of sacrifice!"
Zack backed off into the crowd. "I'll be back soon, okay?"
Lisa smiled. "Don't rush back?" Then, uncapping her wrist mace, she sniffed it very gently. "Mmm, I love the smell of pain in the morning. Come on then, kids. If you think you're hard enough."
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OMG, I'm SOOOOOO sorry! I've been distracted, AS levels and that, along with trips, b/f's and stress which has all ended up meaning this update has come VERY late. I'll try and get the next one up quicker, kay? XXXYimon