Like every night Josephine put her little daughter Susan to sleep. The girl had already crawled under the covers and was now beaming up at her mother with a big smile on her face. She was positively adorable with her big blue eyes, her chubby red cheeks and her slightly ruffled long brown hair. "I want to hear a story," she demanded with a certain predictability like every night.
"Alright," Josephine let out a mock sigh. To be truthful she enjoyed reading Susan stories. It was a time solely reserved for the both of them. A ritual that was performed every day quite willingly. "What story do you want to hear?"
"The one with the pirates."
"What on earth is it with you and pirates? Could it be…that maybe you're a pirate yourself?" she started tickling Susan's tummy. The little girl squealed delightedly, "It's time you confessed, you little culprit. Are you a pirate?" Susan just giggled a little louder in response, "Come on, admit it…are you?"
"Yes," Susan laughed. "Yes, I am. I'm the worst of them all," she buffed her chest proudly.
"Oh," her mother called out in mock horror and sank down on her chair in dramatic pose, "there's no hope for me then! I'm lost! I'm in the clutches of the terrible pirates Susan."
"No, mama you've got it all wrong again, I'm not Susan, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow," she wiggled her index finger underneath her nose, "See, my moustache?"
"I do dear. You look quite dashing," Josephine laughed.
"So will you read me the story?" Susan asked with all the seriousness a six year old could manage.
"Of course, I will," her mother smiled at her in response and took the book from the nightstand. She scooted her chair a little bit closer to the candle that stood on it and started reading, "Once upon a time. Far, far away from England there was a pirate named Jack Sparrow. He was the captain of the fastest ship in the Caribbean, the Black Pearl. Our hero was a very brave and cunning man, but not even he could foresee that his first mate, a devious, evil man who went by the name of Hector Barbossa, would one day come to betray him….," Josephine briefly looked up from her book. What she saw almost made her heart melt. Susan had already fallen asleep. She silently closed the book and leaned over her daughter to give her a quick peck on the forehead, then she took up the candle and soundlessly crept out of the room.
The house lay completely silent, which was surprising, since it was still early in the evening. She reached the bedchamber and she opened the door. It was dark inside. When she entered the room, Josephine could hear the regular breathing of her husband. She would have loved to read a few pages of the romance novel that rested at her nightstand ere she went to bed herself, but she was afraid she would wake him up. So she blew out the candle, took of her robe and crept into bed. She lay there for a while with her eyes staring into the darkness.
They had been married for seven years now. Mrs. Weatherby Knightly…she automatically turned her head in the direction of the man lying next to her. The only thing visible of him was a dark contour.
It was not a marriage that had its foundation on passion or love. Their marriage had been a reasonable decision and had been concluded, because that was what was expected of them. There was nothing romantic about it. Weatherby was a rich man looking for a wife and she had been an eighteen year old, eligible girl. She did not feel bitter about their marriage. They had become friends in the course of years, but sometimes she wished it was more, but apparently that was not to be. But what was that more exactly? She had never experienced it first hand, all she knew about love stemmed from the novels she read. They described love as this great everlasting passion. It couldn't be like that. Everything in this life was difficult, why should love be any different?
Since she wasn't able to fall asleep she decided to stand up and take a look out of the window. The peaceful nightly scenery of the moonlight garden below usually calmed her nerves. As she stepped closer she could see a bluish shimmer fall through the window pane. Josephine thought nothing of it and closed the last few meters between her and her destination. Instead of the usual scenery a very different sight opened up to her eyes. It had something utterly surreal to it and she had to pinch her arm to make sure she wasn't dreaming. While she felt the pain of her nails on her own skin subside, her eyes widened comically. Instead of the garden she was looking down on the deck of a ship. She could clearly see the crew scurrying beneath her and when she looked closer she recognized a very familiar face – herself. Josephine wasn't able to pry her eyes away nor make a sound, so she just stood there motionlessly.
She watched with an open mouth as the slightly younger version of herself paused for a moment to wipe the sweat from her forehead in a very unladylike gesture. The other Josephine's appearance had something commanding to it and radiate the confidence of a person that was largely at peace with herself. She immediately felt the hint of jealousy stir inside of her. Her own demeanour could at best be described as shy, when she was in the company of people she didn't knew. The aura that surrounded this person , was something she had never experienced in her life: absolute freedom.
The scene faded before her eyes and she was half inclined to scream out in protest, but remembered her sleeping husband just in time. She quickly clamped her hands over her mouth. He wouldn't be pleased if she woke him in the middle of the night, just because she was having some bizarre vision. Maybe she was even sleepwalking.
When she turned back her eyes to the window, she would have almost jumped back in shock. This other version of herself was now standing directly in front of her. It was like looking into a mirror that had a slightly rejuvenating effect. Oddly enough her double was wearing men's clothes, something she would have never dared to do.
"I'm dreaming, I must be dreaming," Josephine muttered to herself and stretched out her hand to touch the vision in front of her, as if to make sure it was real. However all her fingers felt when they made contact, was the cool surface of glass.
"Let me assure you, you're not dreaming," the other version of her replied. She even had the same voice as her.
"But what is this then! Am I going mad?" she made a few steps back from the window, her heart palpitating loudly inside her chest. She thought off all those gruesome methods doctors used to cure madness, that often resulted in deteriorating the patient's condition. Asylums, insane cries, misery…
"No, you're not going made. This is just a test. Don't you see that?"
"A test? Are you a demon? Have you come to tempt me?" Josephine was getting increasingly agitated. Demon possession was retained to be a cause of madness.
"I'm not a demon," the other woman shook her head emphatically, "I don't want to tempt you. I just want you to make a choice," she made a pacifying gesture.
"A choice? About what?"
"About your life. What you want it to be like."
"I've already made my choice. I can hardly change my mind now, I'm a married woman," Josephine laughed softly. She was nervously fiddling with the wedding ring on her finger.
"This life your living….it's not real," her doppelganger told her carefully, as if she was afraid she could do any damage with that information. As a matter of fact she had to be very subtle, otherwise her chance of persuading her other self would be gone. If she asked too much of her she would inevitably close up.
"How can you say something like that? Of course, it's real. See, there that's my husband sleeping over there. I just brought my little daughter to sleep. How can this not be real!" she gestured emphatically at the sleeping form on the bed.
"You have a daughter?" her double asked in astonishment. There was an emotionally charged tremble in her voice. The look in her eyes was a mixture between utter shock and pleasant surprise.
"Yes, her name's Susan. She'll be six next week," Josephine told the other woman with a proud smile on her lips.
"I always liked that name…It was mother's name," her doppelganger said in a voice that was barely above a whisper.
"Yes, she has quite the stunning resemblance with mother. Susan's is a very lively little girl, though, I don't know where she got that from."
"I do," her double smiled broadly.
"But I'm not like that at all," Josephine protested in indignation.
"Are you sure of that? Have you ever had the chance to give into that part of your nature?"
She decided to ignore the other woman's questions. They were getting under her skin. "Do you have any children?" she asked casually.
"No, net yet. Maybe someday."
"But you do have a husband?"
"No, not exactly," she replied hesitantly.
Josephine was shocked. That she was at least twenty years of age and hadn't even wasted a thought on marriage, was utterly scandalous. At twenty-five an unmarried woman was already regarded as a spinster and apparently she was well on her way to becoming one. Apart from that she couldn't imagine who would wish to marry a woman like that. Her behaviour was unacceptable, the way she spoke did not become a woman at all. Her way of making conversation was much too argumentative and suggested a complicated character. In spite of all that her evasive answer still left to hope.
"What do you mean by not exactly?" she wasn't ready to admit defeat just yet.
"I'm in love with someone," her doppelganger admitted almost embarrassedly. As if being in love was something foolish.
"Really? How wonderful! I suppose you are already engaged?" the tone in her voice implied that she thought it to be an absolute requisite that the relationship was at least founded on a respectable basis.
"No, I'm afraid not, but we did kiss," a shy smile tugged at the corner's of her mouth.
"And you do truly love him?" she asked again as if this concept of being in love with a man seemed alien to her.
"Don't you love your husband?"
She hesitated briefly. Did she love Weatherby? Their was a deep friendship between them, they respected each other, but there was no passion – it had never been there to begin with. They didn't have much in common either. They were two different characters entirely, linked together by holy promise they both respected too much to break. This wasn't love, but still she was having trouble admitting it.
"No, I don't." The fact that she was ashamed for that statement, was clearly written on her face.
Her double was clearly taken aback by her words. After a few seconds, when she had overcome her shock, she asked curiously, "It's that Weatherby Knigthly, isn't it?"
"Yes, but I don't see how this should matter…"
"I remember him, he was a nice man, but nevertheless I turned him down."
"You turned him down? Why?"
"I didn't love him."
"So when it came to make a decision you chose to act selfishly instead of sensibly. What securities have you to show for? You're utterly depend from Cutler's good will…you're a burden to your family."
Her double tried to appear as if she was unfazed by her accusations, but nevertheless they had some effect on her. Josephine could tell by the way the other woman nervously threw back her hair. "I think I actually did poor Weatherby a favour, he married a year later after I had turned him down. I was invited to the wedding. They looked so happy together. He was smiling from cheek to cheek that day. He never smiled when he was with me. I knew I made the right decision then, which was absolutely not selfish at all, let me assure you."
"Alright," she said complacently, "So this man you're in love with…who is he?"
She frowned pensively – what way best to describe him – it seemed difficult since she could think of so many things she deemed worthy of mentioning, "Well, he's a Navy Officer – handsome, well-mannered, complicated….there's something about him that always manages to intrigue me. At times he seems to me like an unsolvable mystery," she smiled in self-awareness, "Of course, I'm quite predictably ending up in losing myself in frightfully tawdry metaphors. I'm sorry. To put it quite simply he's a fascinating person to talk to, to argue with…"
"Argue with? And he condones such behaviour!"
"A man may condone one thing, but like the other," her double raised her eyebrows ironically.
Despite herself Josephine had to smile. This did indeed sound exciting. "Does this choice have to do something with him?"
"It has to do everything with him. Only if we pass this test we will see him again. Only then…," her voice possessed a strangled quality and barely suppressed despair reverberated in it.
"What can I do to help you?" Josephine asked sympathetically.
"You have to come to me."
"I can't do that."
"Why not?"
The answer consisted of only one word, but needed no further explanation, "Susan." Of course, a mother would not leave her child.
"I'm sorry to be asking you to do this, but I really do need your help and I promise this will not be the last you ever see of Susan."
"How can you promise something like that? If all this isn't real she will vanish with the rest of this. I don't want to risk losing her. She's the only thing in my life that makes any sense," the other her could not be able to understand the strong bond between a mother and a daughter, since she didn't have any children of her own. She had not experienced the joy of first seeing your child. The sudden wonder that overcomes you when they look at you, after all the painful, sleepless hours, just look at you and you cannot help but love them unconditionally.
"So you would rather risk losing yourself instead?" her double asked gravely.
"Yes, if that meant I could save her."
"Look, I know you better than anybody else…," she sighed, "I know that there's a side of you, you always suppress. You can't be happy, because somebody else always told you who to be. You've never had the chance to get acquainted with yourself, of knowing what you can or can't do. Your opinion isn't valid, you have learned to obey, to do the prudent thing, to always care for other peoples' opinion, your reputation…Is that what you want to teach your daughter?"
"I'll teach her to be a proper lady, to behave respectably," she stood proudly, when she said those words. Her tone very much like that of a governess. Her words were just an echo of what had been told to her over and over again.
"You'll teach her to marry a man she doesn't love, to lead a miserable life just like you."
"No, I want her to live a better life."
"See that makes me curious…what exactly is your definition of a better life?" her double inclined her head to one side and looked at her interestedly.
"That she'll be able to have the things I didn't have," she said simply.
"I think that you will ultimately end up depriving her of those things. How can you ensure her happiness, when you don't even manage to ensure your own. She's a part of you, whatever affects you, will automatically affect her. She will know you don't love her father, children have a very keen perception when it comes to that. They notice the little things…"
"What makes you think your life is so much better than mine?" Josephine said spitefully.
"I don't presume it is any better than yours, but at least it's my life. I make my own decisions and I'll have to live with them eventually."
"Do you want to have a family someday?"
"I wonder that you should have to ask. We're the same person, don't you see? Of course, I want all that," she smiled reassuringly, "but only with the right man."
"And you think James is the one?" Josephine asked. The name slipped from her tongue though her double had never told her. It had not been necessary. She could feel memories flood her mind that were strangely alien yet at the same time familiar. It was like two words were suddenly overlapping and she didn't know anymore to which she belonged.
"It's much too early to tell, but there's the chance that he could be…" the words sounded as if they had been spoken by two voices simultaneously.
"Is that enough?"
"It has to be."
Josephine nodded pensively and then slowly reached out to grasp her double's hand.