Hello all, welcome back for another chapter of doom! Sorry for the late update, but I had some schoolwork and other complications occur to halt my progress. Enjoy the story!

Disclaimer – I don't own Invader Zim, but I do own Jack, because it's cool like that.

Dead Man Talking
By Sanoon

Chapter 3: Dib and Gir's Day.

The sun was shining brightly on the wet ground. The previous night's rainstorm had thoroughly made sure everything was coated in water. A certain paranormal investigator was already outside. His destination was that of an eerie place. A seemingly small house that hade a creepy green glow to it.

The boy had discovered how Zim had caused the power outage last night. The power box outside the house was destroyed internally, most likely due to one of his advanced alien devices.

The house drew near. Dib had played out the upcoming scene in his mind hundreds of times. Each outcome was slightly better than the last, yet also less believable. He would walk up to the house, hope the gnomes weren't activated again, sneak inside, retrieve the camera, and if possible, capture Zim. Yeah…that was an awesome plan.

Dib was now standing in front of the strange house. He held his breath, winced, and walked past the picket fence. Nothing. No strange lawn ornaments moved an inch, or even bothered to show interest in the boy. Dib let out his breath, opened his eyes fully, and smiled. Already going good.

But how to enter the house? It would take a long time to tunnel into Zim's base, and Gir didn't leave any windows open again. He would have to think hard about this one.

Dib slowly approached the door. Maybe he could creep through it and still remain unseen. He'd have to risk it. All that planning he did this morning and he forgot how he would enter. What a mistake.

His hand was a mere inch from the door handle. The knob suddenly turned and the door opened up. Gir stood before him in his dog costume, staring blankly at Dib.

"Hi, big headed boy!" Gir shouted, apparently happy to see Dib.

"Quiet Gir," Dib said quickly. "I'm trying to sneak into the house, ok?" Dib knew that he had just told Zim's robot that he was sneaking into his house, but the boy had come to realize a long time ago that Gir was completely incompetent and would more than likely help him out. It was actually mini-moose who was the threat to him.

"Okey-dokey!" Gir screamed.

Dib sighed. Man…Gir was so dumb. "Say, Gir, do you know where Zim is at the moment?" It never hurts to know where your opponent was at all times.

Gir saluted Dib and said in a more authorities tone, "Master's not here right now. He ordered me to guard the house." It took awhile, but Dib managed to get Gir to salute him. He did this mostly to annoy the little Irken once he figured it out.

"So where is he?" the boy asked as the disguised robot went back to his usual tone.

"Not here," Gir said, almost sounding as if he was having a hard time with speech.

"That's not helpful." Gir shrugged. "Okay, Gir," Dib said as he reached into his coat pocket. Dib knew how to make the robot talk. "What if I give you a candy bar?"

"Gimme!" Gir shouted as he snached the candy bar out of the boy's hand. The robot just shoved the whole thing into his mouth, not even removing the wrapper.

"Do you remember where he is?" Dib asked again.

Gir closed his eyes and thought really hard. "He…heeee…he's…give me a minute." Dib sighed. It usually doesn't take Gir this long to at least lie to him. "Oh…I remember now! He went to his satellite to conduct some sort of experiment!"

"Did he take my camera with him?" Dib asked as he produced another candy bar from his coat pocket.

Gir repeated the previous process, this time only answering a little faster. "Yes. He took your camera with him, and then went, HAHAGRAHHA!"

"I won't be able to get my camera if he has it in space…and who knows if he already destroyed it or not," the boy said to himself.

"I do!" Gir shouted happily.

"You know if he destroyed my camera or not? Did he destroy it?"

"CANDY!" Dib sighed and took out his last chocolaty delight, which Gir quickly consumed. "He destroyed it! Yep, he did!"

Dib threw his hands into the air in anger. "NO!" He shouted angrily. "I finally had it! I had it!" Gir walked out of the doorway, closed the door behind him, and walked past the angry boy. Dib's hands went back down to his sides as he glanced at the little robot. "Where are you going?" Dib asked.

"I'm going to get a Suck Monkey," Gir answered as he spun around. "Come with me. Come with me!"

"Maybe later," Dib replied, causing Gir to fall to the soaked pathway, crying insanely and muttering gibberish about Dib and slushies.

Dib sighed again. He knew the only way to shut up the robot would be to give in and go with him to get a Suck Monkey. "Calm down, Gir. I'll come with you." Gir's reaction was immediate. He stopped crying, jumped off of the soaked ground, and ran up to Dib, hugging him. This had to be the worst part for the boy.

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The store was mostly empty, except for the occasional teenager who would come in for a magazine and some candy. Gir and Dib sat one of the two tables that were built for the convenience of the customers. The little dog-disguised robot was sucking away madly at the chocolate-flavored Suck Monkey, while Dib just watched, constantly wondering where the little robot hid the food once he ate it.

The boy had already finished his sandwich he ordered, although Gir had taken half of it when he started whining. The last thing Dib wanted was to cause a scene with Gir.

You'd think that separating Gir from his master would have been a great chance for Dib to get some knowledge about the Irken's plans. That wasn't so, as Gir always made up false information about any questions Dib asked him, or at the least, fabricated too much false information to make it even remotely reliable. Short questions were one thing, but interrogations were another.

Dib glanced at his watch, and gasped in shock. It was already 5:20. He was originally going to try to get in contact with agent Atomic Mind to finish their discussion. Gir took notice to Dib's actions.

"What'cha lookin' at!" the robot shouted happily, almost jumping across the table to see the boy's watch.

"It's nothing Gir," Dib said, reeling back as the robot drew close. "I'm going to be going now. I have to go home."

"Take me with you! Take me with youuu!" Gir pleaded.

"I can't, Gir," Dib replied.

"But I want to go with you!" Gir shouted, causing everyone in the small building to glance at the two at the table. Their interests in them quickly died off however.

"Why?"

"Cause I want more free stuff!" The little dog-disguised robot gave Dib a big smile.

The boy shook his head and said, "Please Gir. You really should be getting back to your house before Zim gets back. Knowing Zim, he'd probably go-"

"I'm gone all the time," the little robot interrupted. "He won't care."

"What do you mean you're "gone all the time"?"

"WAFFLES!"

"Ok…I'm going home. Don't follow me, alright Gir?"

Gir saluted Dib again. The boy just shook his head and walked out of the gas station. Dib couldn't let Gir follow him home. Who knows what horrible things he'll do. Hopefully, agent Atomic Mind will be on the computer.

Who here wouldn't agree that at some point, Gir would just follow Dib around? I know he would.

Originally, this chapter was going to be much longer, but I decided to cut if off here. Looks like this story won't be the four-five chapter story I was hoping for.

Thanks for reading, now review please