Disclaimer: insert standard "I own squat" disclaimer here>

(A/N: Okay, it's finally here! Sorry about the wait... explanations will follow. Just a warning for the chapter ahead. I had fun writing this. I had fun writing the chapter Fowl Play, the one that everyone seems to like. Get it? I hope that my stuff makes you laugh, but if you are the kind who likes to drink or eat anything while reading, and laughs very... out loud, you may want to put your drinks, food, etc. to the side. Thank you for flying Ceres K. Stories! ;-) )

Chapter 20: Scary Drunks

Albus Dumbledore looked sadly at the pile of paperwork in front of him. As much as he wished he could set fire to the lot, some people would be awfully mad at him if he did. He sighed, and started perusing through the many files and forms in front of him, his brain meanwhile miles away.

The next term of Hogwarts would start in a few days, and Dumbledore was most worried about one student in particular. Harry Potter. Even though the teen was hailed as the next hero of the wizarding world, he was still just a teen, and one who happened to be very angry with Dumbledore.

What he could be capable of now, Dumbledore wondered, thinking back to their last meeting. Harry had gotten the drop on all of them when he had Portkeyed in, and had somehow managed to get Fawkes on his side. It still hurt Dumbledore that Fawkes had left him, but he was somewhat consoled with the fact that he had gone to Harry. And when Dumbledore had last seen the, he had radiated power and authority, carrying himself as a natural leader. In such a short time, Harry had started to become everything that Dumbledore had hoped he'd be, with none of his help.

Dumbledore sighed again, and was reaching to ink his quill when there was a sudden flash from the corner of his eye. Turning his head, Dumbledore looked at the sight in astonishment.

"Stop staring and break out the Firewhiskey!" Fawkes looked, to say the least, haggard.

The Phoenix watched in amusement as Dumbledore positively jumped.

"Fawkes? Was that you? Why are you here?"

"Yes. Yes. Because you're the only human I know of that has Firewhiskey right on hand. And because I know you, I'll answer the ones you're about to ask. Yes, I've always had this ability to speak mind to mind. I've never shown it to you because then you would be on my case about it all the time. Besides, it's too darn funny to watch you try and interpret what my chirps and body language says."

Dumbledore slowly stood up, and went to one of the many cabinets in his office. He pulled out a nice bottle of Firewhiskey and two big shot glasses. The shot glasses were filled, and he drank one down, while Fawkes dipped his beak into the other and sipped it all up.

"So… why do you need Firewhiskey so much? And why do you look really close to a Burning Day?"

Fawkes looked at the old man piercingly. Then he gave a heavy sigh, and ruffled his feathers. "Albus… have you ever had to give a teenager The Talk?"

Dumbledore's beard twitched. "Did you have to give it to Harry?"

The Phoenix shuddered. "That's Remus's responsibility. No, much worse."

"Worse?" Dumbledore asked disbelievingly. "What could be much worse than that?"

"Giving The Talk to Hedwig, who doesn't understand why humans don't have mating seasons or why they won't lay eggs like sensible folk."

Five minutes later, Professor Dumbledore was still laughing.

Ginny woke up, and lay in bed for a moment, wondering why she had woken up in the middle of the night. She sighed, and got out of bed, pulling on her robe. A glass of warm milk, and she'd be back to sleep in no time.

It had been a few days since The Incident, as everyone was calling it. Harry had yet to reappear from where he had taken off. Ron had calmed down, somewhat, since Hermione had explained to him that there wasn't anything Harry could've done. After all, when an Animagus goes through the Controlling, the more powerful the wizard, the deeper the wizards' consciousness was buried inside the animal. And Harry was very powerful indeed.

Ginny rubbed her eyes, and plodded towards the door that led to the Common Room. She opened it, and then stopped, her eyes wide.

There, on the bare Common Room floor, furniture pushed to the side, stood Harry, deep in meditation and training. He wasn't standing on his feet though… he stood on two hands, his body straight in the air, and feet towards the ceiling. On the floor around him were various objects, including books, feathers, and even some pieces of clothing.

As she watched, Harry carefully lifted one hand, and put all his weight on the other. His free arm stood parallel to the floor, and the fingers on that hand twitched. Slowly, all the objects around him started to rise. Ginny watched, fascinated, as they all started moving separately once they got a few feet off the ground. First, all the books started to flip their pages, and still were steady in the air. Then, the many feathers combined to form a small bird, and that bird flew around Harry. After that, the clothing started to fold, and then unfold and combine as if someone were getting dressed.

Ginny couldn't help but gasp as the many objects started to rotate around Harry. It was this gasp that broke Harry's concentration. His eyes snapped open, and subsequently fell down. The objects around him did likewise.

Harry sat up slowly, wincing and rubbing his shoulder, which had been among the first of many of his body parts to hit the ground. His eyes met hers, and he winced again.

"Oh… Hello Ginny."

Ginny's first reaction was to snap at him. He sounded like he had been force-fed lemons. Then, she softened. Harry was, after all, aboy who wasjust a little bit dense.

"Hello, Harry. Have a nice trip?"

Harry gave a grin at that. "Yes, one which you caused, might I add."

"Did not. It's not my fault that your superhero senses are going wonky." Ginny teased.

Harry glared at her, but the effect was ruined by the silly face that he made. It took all of two seconds for them to start laughing.

There was a comfortable silence after the last chuckle. Ginny broke it. "So, any reason you're going… what was the word… Lucky Airtrotter?"

Harry looked confused. Then his mouth twitched. "You mean, Luke Skywalker?"

Ginny winced. "Is that what it was? Damn! So that's why I almost failed Muggle Studies..."

After their laughter had died down, Ginny looked at Harry out of the corner of her eye. "I don't blame you, you know."

Harry stared down at the carpet in front of him. "You should. I know I blame me." He was surprised when his face was slapped, quite hard.

"Then quit it. You were under the influence of some very strong magic, and you can't be held responsible for what the wolf inside you wanted, or what I wanted." Ginny's eyes glared at Harry dangerously.

The raven-haired teen's head shot up, and Ginny was pleased to note that he looked quite shocked. Harry tried to say something, but all that could come out of his mouth were a few terrified squeaks.

Ginny sighed, and knelt down, looking Harry straight in the eyes. "Will you stop blaming yourself now?" She asked gently.

Harry blinked, his mind not quite caught up with what Ginny had said. "You mean… you wanted me to… to jump you and have my wicked way with you, as a wolf?" As his brain processed what he had said, he started to blush.

His blush couldn't compete with Ginny's though; her whole face lit up like a Christmas tree. "W-well, not exactly as a wolf, but yes, that's what I wanted you to do." She smirked at Harry's gobsmacked face. Ginny couldn't resist saying just a bit more. "In fact, I think that's the wish of most of the girl population at Hogwarts. Who knows, maybe some of the guys too!"

"Ginny!" Harry gasped, scandalized.

Ginny smirked. "It's the truth, Harry. I'll just say that a majority of Hogwarts, and for that matter, the rest of the magic world, thinks you're a fucking hottie. And it's the truth."

Harry shook his head violently. "I-I'm not a 'fucking hottie,' or whatever you said. I'm just a… a normal-looking guy who everybody likes because they want to get close to my fame."

A few seconds later, the echoing crack rang throughout the Chamber as Ginny put all of her strength into the second slap. Harry put his hands up to his face in shock, where he knew a bright red handprint was quickly appearing.

"Do you think I'm a chronic liar?" Ginny glared at Harry's stuttering protest. "No? A moron? An idiot? Am I blind? Do you think I'm not a red-blooded female, or some type of gold-digger, a fame-hunting bimbo?"

Harry mutely shook his head. "Good. Don't you ever say that about me again! I'm not 'everybody,' Harry James Potter! When I say that you're handsome, I mean what I say. I'll admit that yeah, when I was younger I was attracted to your fame. Then I grew up and realized what a great person you are. I like you, Harry Potter, because of who you are, and you would do well to get any other ridiculous notions out of your head right now."

Harry nodded. "I'm sorry Ginny. I'm not myself right now. It's just… something is happening to me."

"Like what?" Ginny asked, curiosity replacing her anger.

"I've been given this power," Harry started hesitantly, "And there's so much more I have to discover! I'm… I'm scared of myself, and what I could do to others. My control isn't that great. I mean, look at what I almost did to you."

Ginny softened. "I understand Harry. Tell me when you're ready, will you?" She walked off, a little smile on her face. After five years of watching Harry, she knew what he was trying to say better than he did himself.

Harry watched her go with a confused look on his face. He resigned himself to never understanding the ways of women, especially red-headed Weasley women.

"So, you have everything?"

Ron sighed. "Yes, Hermione. Harry and I double-checked everything, and even searched under our beds for any of our Merlin action figures!" He said sarcastically.

Hermione grinned. "Not bad, Ron, although the sarcasm could use a bit of work."

"Hey, I'm trying! Besides, I'm obviously not going to win the Sarcasm King trophy." Ron replied, a secretive smile on his face.

"Sarcasm King?What in the world…" Hermione trailed off, an incredulous look on her face.

Ron scratched the back of his head, looking sheepish. "Well, a few nights ago I found the leftover Firewhiskey from the graduation party, and Harry was feeling kind of bummed, so…"

Hermione was silent for a minute. "You and Harry… you got Harry drunk? How could you, Ron? I mean, without me?" After keeping the straight face for a minute, she couldn't help it, and burst out laughing.

Ron looked shocked. "Who-za huh?"

Hermione giggled. "I'm bored, and I've been yours and Harry's friend for five plus years. I may be a bookworm, but I want to know about this. How did you do it? Harry hates alcohol!"

Ron, after pinching himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming,continued."It was kind of easy, since Harry was still kind of in shock over the whole 'I think I almost raped Ginny' episode. You should've seen him!"

Hermione snickered. "I'll curtail the instinct to yell at you, if you'll go on."

"Well, into the first bottle or so, Harry was actually a pretty normal drunk. You know, the slurred speech, random movements, tripping over his own feet… from what I remember it was quite entertaining."

Ron smirked. "I think at one point Harry jumped up on the bridge and started singing some song about 'Voldemort is going down' to the tune of 'London Bridge.'"

"Oh, I would've paid money to hear Harry sing that." Hermione's face lit up with glee. To tell the truth, Ron thought it was right scary, seeing such a face on the resident bookworm. Ron shook it off, realizing that this was probably a side-effect of having a playful cat as an Animagus form.

Ron sniggered. "I'll get you the lyrics later. For a drunk singer, Harry actually had a good voice."

"You said that was during the first bottle. How many were there?" Hermione asked as the thought struck her.

"We're not quite sure. My memory stops at four, but I think that after I passed out Harry might've had one more."

Hermione was flabbergasted. "You mean that Harry drunk you under the table?"

"Aren't you proud of him?" Ron grinned at her.

"Finish the story, Ron."

"Fine. Anyway, when we started on the second bottle, I thought it would be a good idea to play chess, and see how good I was when I was soused."

Ron paused, and shuddered. Hermione looked at him sympathetically. "He's that bad?"

"He's that good! Hermione, I can't remember much, but I do remember that he trounced me quite soundly. Harry may be horrible at chess when he's sober, but he's the devil himself when he's had a lot to drink."

Hermione was incredulous. "That's…I don't know whether to believe that you're telling the truth or telling tall tales. Either way, I want to hear more!"

"I'm pretty sure that after that Harry and I started fighting. Let me tell you, Dots, he seriously kicked my ass, without even trying. If he's that good when he's soused…"

The thought was left unsaid, and the both of them wondered at the implications of that.

Eventually, Ron continued. "On the third bottle, Harry was hilarious again, but also a bit scary. He started jumping around, hanging off the walls singing something about a spider man." Ron shuddered.

Hermione chuckled. "Spiderman is a superhero that American muggles made up and put in comics."

Ron raised an eyebrow. "Is that so? Then, Harry started getting freaky. He started shooting this web stuff out of his hands."

"I don't think that's one of his gifts." Hermione stated.

"It's not, Dots. Harry was using wandless magic. I saw him create this moving, green, goblin-like statue out of a table lamp, and he started fighting it, still singing that stupid spider man song. Sometime after that we got into the fourth bottle, and I think I passed out after we emptied half of the bottle. That was after I crowned Harry the Sarcasm King with a jump rope that I'm not too sure on how it got there."

They were silent for a moment, and then Ron heard the strangest noise. He looked around, and then raised his eyebrow at Hermione. "Why in the world are you purring?"

Hermione blushed. "Was I? Sorry, I caught myself doing that lately." At Ron's continued look, she smiled. "Shade is going to kick Voldemort's ass."

Ron nodded. "Yeah, we kind of already knew that he could."

Hermione shook her head. "You don't understand, Swiftie. We know that he could, and now we know that he will. All we have to do is get Shade drunk, and send him to Voldemort." She walked away, purring and humming.

Ron blinked and chuckled. Apparently Hermione's time as a cat had done her some good. She wasn't as… strict as before, and if Ron had heard right, Hermione had actually cursed. As for her plan… it wasn't particularly well thought out, but knowing Hermione, she was already working on the kinks. It could work…

As he walked off to check his school trunk once more, Ron couldn't help but laugh at the image of a drunken Harry bouncing around the Dark Queen, singing "Voldemort is going down," transforming Voldemort's clothes into a green goblin suit, and shooting webbing at him.

"How in the world did you learn so much about humans?" Numa asked, fascinated at the lecture Hedwig had given her.

Hedwig's feathers ruffled in amusement. "I got Fawkes to tell me."

The school owl blinked and blinked. For good measure, she blinked a third time. "Pray tell, how did you manage that?"

Hedwig shot Numa a triumphant look. "I followed my plan. See, first you have to act naïve and innocent, otherwise they'll suspect you. Me, I acted the clueless yet faithful owl trying to understand her pet's behavior."

Numa was shocked. "You mean that was all an act?"

"Of course. Honestly, I've lived around a teenaged boy for five years. I couldn't not know about humans and their mating habits."

There was a short spell of silence in the owlery. Numa broke it. "You… you tricked Fawkes!"

Hedwig's eyes twinkled. "Well, yes, that was an added benefit."

Remus closed the door to the girls' room, and turned to look at his charges. Ron and Hermione were sitting on one of the couches, heads together and smirking. Harry was sitting on his trunk in meditation. Ginny was sitting nonchalantly on her favorite chair in her favorite little white sundress.

The werewolf sighed, and had a vague idea of what was going on. His ears caught the tail wind of Ron and Hermione's conversation and after hearing something like "shave his belly with a rusty razor," decided that their talk was far from romantic, and he really didn't want to know any more. Harry was trying to meditate, and clear his mind, but Ginny was doing her damnedest to break that concentration. Remus was certain he didn't want to know.

"Everything is clear. Harry, when are we going?" Remus announced, drawing four sets of eyes to him.

Harry stood up and stretched. "As soon as Fawkes gets here. I don't know where he is, though. I really don't want to try getting us all there by my shifting, without knowing what will happen. If that phoenix doesn't show soon, we'll be late!"

A few minutes later of waiting, Harry got fed up, and sent a strong mindcall to the Phoenix. Mere seconds after that, a small burst of flame appeared in front of Harry's face.

The group stared at the Phoenix who abruptly crash landed at Harry's feet. "Fawkes?" Harry asked, surprised.

"Y-yerp! Thasch me all wight.:hiccup: I d-didna know how tall youshe wash gettin'"

Harry looked down at the Phoenix, who was looking like rather worse for the wear. He met the eyes of the others. "He's drunk!"

Fawkes lifted his head indignantly. "Dr-drunkkk? I'm no' drunk. I shwear to drunk I'm not Merli-li-lin." His reply was so strong that everyone heard. Ginny was the first to crack up laughing, followed by Ron, Harry, Remus, and Hermione.

Harry, however, was the first to regain his composure. "Fawkes, seeing as you're a fire bird and all, I really don't think you should be drinking, at all."

"I can handle-lull my drinksh. I'm a Fee-necks-ish, and we can drink any :hiccup: shpee-sheesh under da tay-bol." Fawkes tried to speak snootily, but the effect was rather ruined.

Ron looked skeptical. "Right. Shade, I'm afraid we'll have to test your powers out. I do not trust us and all my stuff to a sloshed fire bird."

Harry sighed, and nodded. "I understand. I think that maybe I can combine a Demiguise's invisibility with a Phoenix so that I won't be discovered."

"Where'sh arrre ya goin'? I can takesh ya annny wheresh ya wan'"

By this time, Fawkes was being ignored. "All right. Everyone put your stuff in a circle and sit on your trunks. Make sure that everything you want to take is either being held by you or you're touching it." Harry directed.

As they hurried to do as Harry asked, Hermione looked at Fawkes, who was swaying slightly on the floor, humming to himself. "What about Fawkes?"

Harry spared a glance at Fawkes, and grinned. "Once I take all of you, I'll come back and sober him up a bit. I'll find you on the train. Could someone take care of my trunk until then?"

Harry appeared in the compartment that the three other Marauders had claimed, just as the train was pulling out of the station.

"Hey Shade." Hermione looked up from her book. Similar greetings came from the rest of them.

"Hey Her… Dots. Sorry, got to start getting into the habit of calling everyone by their names huh?" Harry said.

Ron shrugged. "I guess, although we won't be upset if you slip and, Merlin forbid, you call us by our given names."

Giving Ron a mock glare, Harry stretched out in his seat next to Ginny. He was vaguely uncomfortable with the arrangement, and knew he was set up, but also knew better than to complain about it.

"Moony get away safely?" Harry questioned

Hermione nodded. "As soon as we landed, Moony slipped away. He promised to write us."

"Anyone give you any trouble?"

Ginny shook her head. "Well, we haven't had our annual visit from ferret-face yet, so no." Harry grinned at her for her nickname for Malfoy.

Hermione sighed. "True, but I think what Shade was asking about were our parents or the bird-club members."

They sniggered at that. "Well, we kind of got on before they could see us in the crowd," Ginny replied. "Because of that alcoholic firebird, we were almost late, and we had enough trouble finding an empty compartment as it was."

Ron looked interested. "Speaking of alcoholic firebirds, what did you do with Fawkes, Shade?"

The evil grin on Harry's face made the Marauders quite afraid to find out the answer. Instead of telling them the truth, Harry merely told them to wait.

As the Hogwarts Express rolled on to Hogwarts, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione could only guess about what Harry had done to the drunken Phoenix.

Well, sorry for the non-updates... It's just been busy.

For one, I had to do this humongous research project ofer Alasdair Gray and his book Lanark. My English teacher is evil... we had to write a paper, make a brochure, and have a powerpoint over what we leaned. I just turned it in, and I'm relieved that it's over. Now, all I have to do is prepare for finals! Oh joy :sarcasm: My teacher has made me effectively hate that book with a passion. For all of those out there who love it, sorry, but I think I'm going to burn my book and dance around the embers when I'm sure I won't have to deal with the project again.

Another thing, my bro came over to visit. He's an Army soldier in Iraq, so any time my family and I have is few and far between. I won't see him again until December.

I was also pissed off because I ordered an MP3 player, and it came defective. I've onlyrecently got around to doing something about it. Hopefully I should get it either near graduation or start of the summer.

I'm very happy right now, because I only have 17 school days left::celebration: I have to do finals and all, but I'm happy that it's coming to an end. And since I'm a senior... good-bye public school system, hello "real world!"

Okay, enough about me. For those who have asked this question, I'm going to answer it for... I really don't know what time it is, but it probably won't be the last.

THIS IS A H/G STORY! THIS MEANS THAT HARRY AND GINNY WILL END UP AS A COUPLE! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT!

If it's a comfort to you, this won't be the cliche "Harry-suddenly-realizes-how-beautiful-Ginny-is-and-decides-that-she-is-his-soul-mate" type of story that makes me kind of nauseous. After all, Harry is a boy (no offense to any guys out there) and he's a bit dense in the love area.

Okay, just for the heck of it...

Kudos to the first person who realizes what song I'm referring to at the end of the chapter! (No, it's not "London Bridge")

Well, I'm off to think and write the next chapter... Make sure and leave me a review! I enjoy reading 'em!