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(A/N: Read and be happy. Explanations in the post-chappie AN)
Chapter 22: What DO you do with a drunken Phoenix?
"You know, I shudder to think about what Fawkes' revenge is going to be like, Shade." Ron muttered to Harry as they walked into the Great Hall.
The shapeshifter grinned. "Oh, Fawkes knows that if he even tries anything with me, I'll make what I just did to him seem like a walk in the park. Don't worry so much, Swiftie! You'll get worry lines, and then Hermione won't want you anymore."
Ron swatted at him, and Harry dodged, laughing. Luckily for the youngest male Weasley, Hermione and Ginny were too engrossed in their own conversation to even notice their antics. Neville, standing off to the side, wondered if his House mates had gone completely barmy over the summer.
"Harry, did you happen to see a Crumple-horned Snorckack anywhere this summer? Or a Snofalofaling Wimbibler? There were too many Kazamaloos for me to see any." Luna's question stopped the boys' antics.
The raven-haired teen lifted his head, and looked deeply into Luna's eyes. Whatever he was looking for, he didn't care to say, but he apparently found it. His face lit up with a grin. "Ah, no, I can't say I did. We'll talk later though, Luna, okay? As much as I hate to admit it, you need to go sit with the Ravenclaws. Tell them, though, that if they start messing with you this year…" Harry paused, and then his grin turned downright mischievous. "Actually, don't tell them anything. Tell me if they bother you, and I'll take care of it."
His statement caused the rest of the Ministry Crew to turn and stare at him. Luna blinked her eyes, and then smiled. "Thank you Harry, I shall." She turned calmly, and went to sit down at the Ravenclaw table.
"What was that all about, Harry?" Neville asked, somewhat scared of what Harry could be planning.
Harry smiled innocently. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Neville." If Neville hadn't seen the somewhat evil-looking expression on Harry's face, he would have fallen for Harry's "I'm an Angel" act.
"Um, right, Harry." Neville remembered some sage advice that he had overheard in a conversation between two Gryffindor muggle-borns last year; Smile, Nod, and Back Away. He followed that advice now. "I'm just going to… um… find a nice seat over there… where… I'm sure that my favorite dish will appear at the start of the Feast." The sixth-year nervously side-stepped until he was far, far away from Harry.
Swiftpaw started sniggering. "That was great, Harry! Although I think Neville thinks you're a bit crazy now…" Ron was a bit scared of Harry too, but he knew his friend. Something was coming up, and there was no way he was going to miss it.
Harry shrugged. "Well, Dumbledore's always been a bit barmy, and he's one of the most powerful wizards I know. I'm performing an experiment, trying to figure out if you need to be a bit loopy before you become powerful, or if it comes with the power." He told his friends in a serious tone, with a perfectly straight face.
He paused, and then laughed as more than one of his neo-Marauders dropped their jaws. "I'm just kidding, guys! Boy, you should have seen the look on your faces!" Harry walked away, still chuckling.
"You know, I'm actually not sure if he was joking around with us that time or not." Ginny said after a pause.
Hermione nodded in agreement. "There are some times that I wonder about that boy."
Firefur looked at her friend in amazement. "Sometimes? Dots, try all the time!" She snuck one more glance at Harry, before turning her gaze back to Hermione. "And the worst part is, he's supposed to be our Alpha."
"Aw, cheer up, Firefur. Maybe he has a point to this whole 'I'm a crazy-but-powerful-wizard' thing. 'Sides, do we really want the brooding, angry, generally pissed off Harry that he was last year?" Ron slung his arm over his sister's shoulder. "Besides, at least this way, he provides us with the entertainment!"
Dots raised one of her eyebrows. "Well, be as that may…" She trailed off. Ginny just smiled, and shook her head at her older friend. "He does have a point, Dots."
Sighing, Hermione agreed, and they followed their Alpha as he made his way through the crowd to the Gryffindor table.
"Welcome," Dumbledore rose as the last first year was Sorted, and McGonagall took the Sorting Hat away. "Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!"
"A few start-of-term notices before we begin our Feast. I shall aspire to be brief, as I know that nearly all of you would like to fill your bellies. Alas, this must be done." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he saw many of his students groan. Ron Weasley, in particular, decided to assault Gryffindor table with his head.
"First, all of our new first-year students should know that the Forbidden Forest is precisely that; Forbidden. I would like to point out, though, that this rule does not only apply to the first years." The Headmaster noticed a group of four students at the Gryffindor table who smirked at each other, and he allowed his eyes to twinkle more.
"Second, Mr. Filch, our caretaker here at Hogwarts, would like for me to inform all of you that there should be no magic used in the corridors. He has also banned all joke items from the new store, Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes, as well as many other items. I believe the full list can be found on Mr. Filch's office door. For those who wish to view the list, a magnifying spell will be needed. For those who do not know that spell, I'm sure Professor Flitwick will be delighted to teach you." Ginny and Ron high-fived each other, grinning. They were darn proud of their brothers' joke shop.
"Information about happenings at Hogwarts can be found in your House Common Rooms, where we have placed a bulletin board for school events and announcements, so that all can see. Because of this new procedure, it shall hopefully get us to our delightful meal sooner." Those in the Great Hall cheered.
Dumbledore smiled a tad regretfully. "Ah yes, yes, but I have one last thing to say before we eat." The Hall quieted, and noted their Headmaster's serious attitude. "As many of you have no doubt heard, Lord Voldemort has returned."
There was an uproar at that, many students screaming or fainting. Harry merely sighed, and shook his head in his hands. To his pride, his friends were also expressing their disgust at the chaos that had just risen. After a full minute, in which said chaos did not seem to be stopping, Harry raised his wand.
BANG! The sound went off like a gunshot, and startled the students into silence. They turned, and found Harry standing up, wand still in hand. "Oh stuff it, you cowards. Voldemort…" Harry raised an eyebrow as nearly everyone at least flinched. "…Is only a name. It will not make him magically appear whenever you say it. See? Vol-Dee-Morrrrtt." Harry dragged out the name, and then dramatically looked around. "Well drat, he's not here. So can you all shut your mouths, and let Headmaster Dumbledore finish?"
"Ah, thank you Mr. Potter. Now, where was I? Oh yes, Lord Voldemort has returned." Dumbledore nodded in Harry's direction, and the teen sat down, noticing that the well-known universal flinch wasn't as bad this time. "However, all of you are safe here. I, along with all the teachers, guarantee your protection here at Hogwarts." The confidence in which the Headmaster spoke these words allayed some of the fears that many students had been having.
"Now, with that note in mind, let us feast!"
The Welcoming Feast was just as splendid as always, as Ron Weasley could attest. After the first helping, Hermione gave up trying to reform Ron's eating habits, and had concentrated on a rather delicious pudding. Harry and Ginny had exchanged smirks, and returned to their own meals.
"So, who do you think is going to be the next Defense teacher?" Hermione asked her Alpha curiously.
Shade looked up from his plate. "Hmm… Never thought about that. With Umbit..Umbridge, I mean, gone, I dunno who is going to take her place."
Hermione frowned at Harry for his near slip, who just winked at her and continued. "Whoever it is, odds are that in one shape or another, they'll try to kill me."
"Want to bet on that?" Ron asked Harry eagerly. As Harry's eyes lit up, Ron faltered as he remembered their past five years at Hogwarts. "Er, actually, I think I'd rather not."
Harry mock-pouted. "Damn…" When Hermione glared at him, he smiled innocently at her.
Ginny snickered. "Dots, why do you even try?"
Hermione sighed. "Force of habit" When her friends turned to stare at her, she gave an eerily accurate mimicry of Harry's "I'm-an-Angel" expression.
"Now that's rather disturbing." Swiftpaw deadpanned. All four of them laughed, and went back to their meals.
The Great Hall's noise level was now at a murmur, mostly because of the stupor that nearly always followed a good meal. Noticing that many of the students were yawning, the Headmaster stood up once more.
"Just a few more things before all of you head off to bed. Some of you may not have known, but I'm sorry to inform you that Professor Umbridge will not be returning to Hogwarts this year." Dumbledore hid his smile very carefully, as cheers exploded from nearly all of the students, the exceptions being the first years and some of the Slytherins. "Our new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor is running late, and will be here in the morning. Please make every effort to welcome him when he gets here."
Albus was about to continue, when he, as well as many others in the hall, noticed writing appearing in the air.
"Welcome to Hogwarts! I am Shadowfang, leader of the New Marauders, also known as the Pack. The rest of my Pack will introduce themselves to you later. For now, sit back, and enjoy the show." Harry looked as shocked as anyone when the lights dimmed, and tried to keep the pain out of his face as he was kicked in both legs, and elbowed hard in the side, courtesy of his Pack-mates.
A strain of music played, and a spotlight appeared on the stage. Laughter arose when a tarred, feathered, duct taped, and pink Phoenix weather vane was lit up by the beam. The weather vane danced in the tune of the music. "What do you do with a drunken Phoenix, what do you do with a drunken Phoenix…" The verses went on, the weather vane's antics inspiring fresh bursts of laughter.
"Huh? Harry, why do I hear a sea chanty being sung? I feel really sick." Harry smirked, watching the weather vane do a rather nice impression of a ballerina. "You were drinking again, Fawkes. This is your other punishment. If you ever show up drunk in my presence again, I will do much, much worse. Get it?"
Fawkes merely whimpered in place, as he was spun like a top. "Make it stop! By all that is holy, please, Merlin, make it stop! I promise I'll never drink again!"
Harry considered, and decided that maybe the Phoenix had learned his lesson. Just to be sure, he spun the weather vane around a few more turns, and then ended it on that verse. "…round and topsy-turvy, Spin 'im around and topsy-turvy, earl-eye in the school year!" At that, the weather vane vanished.
Cheers, whistles, and laughs preceded the weather vane's performance, and the dark grey writing appeared again. "Thank you, thank you, thank you very much! Once again, this show was brought to you by Shadowfang, of the new Marauders! Sweet dreams, and you'll be meeting my Pack real soon!" Harry winced as he again felt pain when his Pack kicked and elbowed him.
Dumbledore looked amused, while the other teachers looked horrified. "Wonderful entertainment, I must say. Now, all of you, off to bed!"
Taking that as his cue, Harry made his way out of the Great Hall before any of the Staff could break out of their shock.
When most of the Gryffindor House decided to finally go to sleep, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione pulled Harry to the side, faces furious. "What in the name of Merlin was that all about?" Dots kept her voice low.
Harry grinned, and relaxed back into his chair. "That was some comic relief. Think, Hermione, what is on most everyone's mind right now?"
"Your little prank on Fawkes! How dare you…" Hermione trailed off. "Ah. Well then, good job, Harry."
Ginny gave him a thumbs up, but Ron was still in the land of cluelessness. "What? What did he do? Besides, you know, the obvious."
Dots sighed. "Swiftpaw, what happened before Shade's prank that had everyone talking?"
"Um, that would have to be Dumbledore and Harry talking about Vol... er, the Dark Queen." The group sniggered at the nickname.
"Exactly." Dots said patiently. "Now, what are they talking about now?"
Swiftpaw opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it as he thought. Understanding lit up his face. "Ah, Shade distracted all of us! Good job, mate!"
Harry grinned at his friend. "Thanks. Sorry about not talking with you guys about it first, but I didn't really have the time. At least this way, you were surprised as the rest of the Hall. Will you forgive me?"
"Yeah, why not, mate?" Ron said happily. Hermione gave up. "We'll talk about this later, Shade."
Ginny paused as all of the eyes turned to her. "You do realize that we'll have to introduce ourselves in our own unique way, right?" She drawled.
Harry nodded. "That was in my plans. What I was thinking was this; you guys do separate pranks, and introduce yourselves through your own writing. I can teach you how to do the writing, and how to make it different colors and all that. Then, once they know that there are four of us, we can do one big prank together on the whole school." When their eyes lit up, Harry continued with his plans, smiling the whole time.
Albus Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he looked at the gathering Staff members. After that… stunt… in the Great Hall, many had requested a meeting to discuss this latest development. So, after the Heads of Houses had made sure theirs were mostly quiet, the meeting began.
"Are we all here? Yes, yes, very good. Now, I presume that all of you want to talk about what just happened in the Great Hall?" There was a general mood of angry agreement that passed through the room.
Professor McGonagall stood up, quelling the noise. "Headmaster, what are we going to do about this? Who did this? I would normally say the Weasley twins, but they do not attend here anymore."
The Headmaster smiled gently. "Indeed, it could not have been the Weasley twins."
As discussion ran rampant about who pulled the prank, Professor Snape sat in his usual corner, scowling. He had a very good idea as to who had done it. "I don't see why we're arguing about who pulled the prank."
His voice had the effect of a thunderclap, as his colleagues turned to face him. "What was that, Severus?" Dumbledore asked, eyes twinkling.
The Potions Master sighed irritably. "Obviously, there are going to be more pranks pulled. Sooner or later, the pranksters will reveal themselves, and then we will punish them."
When most of the teachers agreed, the Deputy Headmistress reluctantly. "As much as I hate to admit this," and once again the room quieted, "I don't think we should, at least, not for this prank."
"And why is that, Minerva?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled.
"I think I'll be downright grateful to this… Shadowfang, for pulling that off before bedtime. I'd much rather have first years talking excitedly about the prank then shivering in fear over You-Know-Who."
That gave the room some thought. "Do you think perhaps this Shadowfang did what he did for that precise reason?" Professor Flitwick asked hesitantly.
"That is more than probable." Dumbledore allowed. "I propose that we let this prank… slip, for lack of a better word."
The teachers agreed softly. Dumbledore smiled. "Good then! Maybe these pranks will lift the morale of the school! However, if these stunts cross the line, we will step in and punish those involved."
With that, the meeting was adjourned.
Okay, I know that some of you are fainting in shock that I got a chappie up so quickly after the last one. Here's the reason:
IT'S HARRY POTTER AND JKR'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!
I figured, hell, why not? So, in honor of HP and JKR's birthday today, here's a brand-spankin'-new chappie for ya! Oh, and I guess this is a treat for all my lovely readers!
So yeah, check out my group (URL is in previous chapter), and have a nice day!
Ceres K.