OKAY! I come bearing another chapter. And this fic only has four reviews! I am sad and starting to think that people aren't reading this. I know I have hits. REVIEW! If I get 10, I'll update early! I know you all want that!

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It was a clear night when the Lunchadores made their presence known, descending on the streets of Tokyo with the subtlety of a gentle waft of Chanel perfume. They came in neon armor as bright as the lights of Las Vegas and turned Tokyo into their own playground.

The Sailor Senshi came to the rescue at the first sign of trouble, but found things a bit more complex than they had originally imagined them to be.

Sailor Moon hit the ground with a thud, her face connecting hard with the pavement. Sailor Mars made a graceful landing next to her as Sailor Venus threw her Love Chain at the oncoming group of Lunchedores as they made a silent approach.

"They just keep coming!" Sailor Jupiter yelled as she ran past, her rolling thunder splintering against the neon colored armor of the nearest solider in the latest army of destruction. The Lunchadores had formed a solid wall of metal and steel across the street and were slowly advancing toward the Senshi, who stood between them and Tokyo Tower.

"Stand aside, warriors! You cannot stop the signal that we will send to the world! From the top of Tokyo Tower we shall begin a broadcast of total destruction, invading the homes of the world through their television screens and bringing them to their knees with our creative vision!"

The bright colors flashed in the street lights as the group split suddenly, moving to surround the Sailor Senshi.

"What do they want?" Sailor Moon asked, looking to Sailor Mercury who was typing furiously on her portable keypad.

"They want the Silver Crystal!" Luna announced, her eyes focused on Sailor Moon and flashing in the moonlight. "You must keep it from them. It is your destiny to hold it and use it to bring about the birth of Crystal Tokyo!"

"They want our pure hearts!" Sailor Venus said. "Each of us has one, and they need them to bring destruction upon the world!"

"They want our dream mirrors!" Sailor Mars chimed in. "Each of us has one, and they need them to bring destruction upon the world!"

"They want our star seeds!" Sailor Jupiter added. "Each of us has one, and they need them to bring destruction upon the world!"

"They want Chibi-Usa!" Artemis put in, looking concerned.

"They want Mamo-chan!" Sailor Moon wailed, her worst fears coming to life. "They've been in love with him since our past life and now they're going to take him away from me! And make him try to kill me, or break up with me, or…or…"

"Sailor Moon!" Sailor Mars pointed toward two of the Lunchedores who were currently involved in a rather impressive display of, as the kids would say, tonsil hockey. "They don't want Mamoru."

"Oh," Sailor Moon said, relieved. "Okay then."

"We want none of your pitiful human objects," said a Lunchedore, stepping forward. "We have more than enough booty to please us. What we want is something beyond your power to give or prevent us from getting."

"What is it?" Sailor Moon asked, getting to her feet.

"We shall rule this world through a carefully constructed chain of lingerie and shoe stores. There are few people in this world who are able to resist such a combination, and we shall dominate the commerce market and the minds of those who wear our garments."

There was a silence, and the streets filled with an out of place and inappropriate chirping of crickets.

"Really?" Sailor Jupiter asked after several long moments.

"Of course not. But it sounds fun, doesn't it? We may have to put that on our to-do list. After we burn Tokyo to the ground, enslave its people to our evil will, drain their energy to run our toaster ovens and stake our claim on the rest of the planet."

"Thank god," Sailor Mars said, her high heels clicked impatiently. "That's something we can deal with. Preventing world domination is our kind of thing."

"But you have never seen us attempt it before. And we have hordes at our disposal. There are thousands of us, waiting only for a text message on a cell phone, bound together by our love of patent leather shoes and knock off designer handbags sold on blankets in major tourist areas around the world. You may stop me, or my sisters who stand here with me today, but you cannot stop us all. We are forever. Lunchadores are eternal, we are unstoppable. There can be only one!"

The head Lunchadore flung her sword upward and lightning crackled down from the sky to strike her. She jerked convulsively as electricity ripped through her body and the other Lunchadores took this opportunity to attack. As one, they charged toward the waiting Sailor Senshi. They made a neon rainbow as they came flashing toward the slightly bewildered and off balance warriors of love and justice.

The battle commenced and it was clear from the outset that the Lunchadores were outgunned. After all, the Sailor Senshi had had an absurd amount of practice in dealing with this kind of situation, and the Lunchadores were armed only with swords. The Sailor Senshi were used to dealing with space ships, super powers and demons with funny names and even funnier hair. The Lunchadores had nothing on those enemies.

The leader had finally come down from the sky. Her hair holding enough electric spark to light a dingy bar for a while, she drew her sword and joined in the fray. It was Sailor Moon she came for with a single minded intensity that bordered on the obsessive. Sailor Moon turned to face her, her scepter in hand.

"Join us, Sailor Moon. Stand with your sisters who worship the female form and mind. You are so much greater than what you have allowed yourself to become. Stand with us, my sister. Join our cause and fight along side us."

Sailor Moon hesitated. "Could I have the pink armor?
The leader paused for a second. "Probably. Nobody but Lilac ever had a preference, so I doubt Miriam will care all that much."

"Never! In spite of your attempt to bribe me with my favorite color, I will stand strong against your bribery and seductive promises. I am the solider of love and justice! In the name of the moon, I will punish you!"

"Oooo. Darling, say that one more time and I might just take you up on it."

Sailor Moon blushed.

"You are cute. Too bad I have to destroy you, or we could have ice cream or something."

A red rose hit the ground between the two warriors as Tuxedo Kamen made his appearance.

"The rose that blooms in the light of the moon is the most glorious of all. I shall not allow you to destroy the fragile peace that is maintained by the Sailor Senshi."

"Boyfriend?" the Lunchadore guessed, nodding sagely.

"Solar Blast Flare!" came an unfamiliar voice, and a golden blast of energy blazed past the Lunchadore and Sailor Moon, striking a Lunchador about to cut Sailor Venus's golden hair off.

"Earth Shaking Sparkling Bomb!" came another voice as a blue blade of energy slashed at another Lunchadore being held off by Sailor Mars.

"No fun anymore," the head Lunchadore said, rolling her eyes as the Sailor Senshi beat back her group of warriors.

She darted away as Tuxedo Kamen landed beside Sailor Moon.

"Lesbian Lunchadores, to me!" she shouted, calling them away from battle. Neon green, pink, purple and electric blue flashed in the darkness as they pulled back from the fight and turned away from the Sailor heros. As one, they turned and bolted up the street, leaping into the air to land gracefully on the deck of a three mast pirate ship that had appeared moments before.

"We shall see you in Davy Jones' locker, Sailor Senshi! My word as a Lunchadore!"

The sails billowed as the Lunchadores took their places on the deck of the floating ship. As the Sailor Senshi watched, the giant ship sailed into the night sky and away.

"You cannot hope to beat them without help," came an unfamiliar voice. Turning and braced for an attack, the Sailor Senshi looked upward.

Perched atop a building, two slender young women in sailor fuku's stood, outlined by the full moon. One had dark brown hair, the other flowing gold. The blond's sailor fuku shone gold, silver and bronze, a golden crystal at the center of her bow. The brunette's fuku was shimmering shades of blue, green and brown. They were stunningly beautiful and held themselves confidently as only warriors, ballet dancers and small business owners can do.

"I am Sailor Sol," the blond said. "Cousin to Sailor Jupiter, niece to Sailor Venus, best friend of Sailor Mercury, confidant of Princess Serenity, style guru to Sailors Uranus and Neptune, intellectual equal of Sailor Pluto, official hair stylist to Sailor Mars and close friend to the rest of the sailor Senshi."

"And I am Sailor Terra, long lost twin sister of Mamoru, princess of Earth and keeper of the Sapphire Crystal which controls the oceans and all those creatures in it. We are the most powerful Sailor Senshi, and have been planning our return for some time."

"We got sidetracked in Tijuana for a while, but we made it at last."

"Just in time to prevent the destruction of Earth, befriend each of you, form lasting and unbreakable bonds of sisterhood and display our awe inspiring attacks as we help you fight off the most powerful enemy you have ever faced."

"You mean the pirate knights of Neon Glory?" Sailor Venus said, looking slightly skeptical. Sailors Terra and Sol nodded sagely.

"They are formidable opponents who seek the domination of the universe. This planet appeals to their sense of fashion and their newly discovered love of reality television."

"How do you know all this?"

"We know all and see all. Otherwise we wouldn't be all powerful and irritating. We have lived for a thousand years, waiting for the rebirth of the Silver Millenium."

"We were playing strip poker when the place was attacked, though we fought bravely and well we were unable to save the rest of you. We were not harmed and were declared guardians of the memories of that utopian time."

"We can help you. Nothing can destroy us, and our attacks are truly spectacular. If we all work together, we can prevent this madness from spreading to encompass the entire planet."

Silence followed this speech, and the crickets started up again.

"Sailor Mercury, stop with the sound effects. We get the point," Sailor Mars sighed. Sailor Mercury glared at her and turned the volume down.

"It seemed appropriate."

"We need a plan," Sailor Venus said. "But we don't even know what the Lunchadores really want. How can we find it first if we have no idea what it is?"

"It's the star seeds!"

"Dream mirrors!"

"Pure hearts!"

"Chibi-Usa!"

"Mamo-chan!"

"The Silver Crystal!"

"One way or the other, they want to rule the planet Earth. In this they are no different from the others who have come and lost to you before. However, they do not want to destroy it so much as enjoy what it has to offer. To do this, they must get through us."

"Energy will be needed for that. Their pirate ship will not run on pixie dust." Tuxedo Kamen added to the discussion.

"They will not triumph over us!" Sailor Moon declared, her eyes hardening in resolve. "I have not saved this planet to see it dominated by bad reality television and Ferragamo knockoffs. I will fight to the death to prevent this travesty from occurring."

"Then we are agreed," Sailor Sol and Terra said in unison.

"We are," Sailors Mars and Mercury said. Tuxedo Kamen nodded.

"These neon clad knights do not deserve this name. They attempt to destroy the sanity and sanctity of television and fashion. They must be stopped."

"And they shall be," said Sailor Sol, shaking her blond hair out of her eyes and adjusting her tiara. Sailor Terra stepped up to Tuxedo Kamen and they sized each other up.

"I thought I'd never see you again, my brother."

"I believed you dead, my sister."

"We were separated so long ago, but I never stopped looking for you. You and I are connected in spirit, as we have ever been."

"The Earth is ours. I am its guardian."

"And I its protector."

"Welcome back, sister."

"We must have a plan of action, my fellow senshi. It is imperative that we untie the strings that bind the Lunchadores together. We must strike at their hearts and bring them to heel. It is our destiny to protect this solar system and all those who live in it. In the name of the moon, I shall show them what it means to live the life of a pirate," Sailor Moon said, her face resolved as she turned to walk toward her home and the stacks of unfinished school work that awaited her there.