Hello again, trainee.
Sorry. I was just looking for something to watch on TV and that commerical for Mr. Meaty came on Nick. You know, the one with that guy saying, "Hello again, trainee."
So, contrary to popular belief, I'm not crazy.
Anyway, I'm dedicating this chapter to pinkprincess because she was the first one to review to my last chapter. Actually, she was the only one that reviewed to my last chapter, but who's counting?
Oh, one more thing. I'm not making fun of short people. In fact, I'm pretty short too. I'm only making fun of my imaginary character, Big Earl.
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Really, I shouldn't have been surprised.
They both told me "When you least expect it, expect it."
And when would I expect it least?
Well, when I'm sleeping of course.
So when I wake up, I'm in some frigging place I've never seen before.
Without my wand.
Really, I don't know why I was so surprised. This wouldn't be my life unless something really sucky happened.
But, it is hard to not be surprised when you wake up and-- instead of seeing a nice, warm room and being in a nice, warm bed with your husband right next to you-- see a cold, dark dungeon where you're chained to the floor. Oh, and some wierd guy is standing there, staring at you.
So I did what any normal person would do in a situation like this.
I screamed.
The weird guy rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, shut up."
"Who the hell are you?" I asked.
"Oh, how rude of me," he said sarcastically. "I'm Big Earl."
Okay. What is with these names? First I meet a guy named Fat Bob. Um, hello. Fat Bob was almost anorexic.
Now I meet a guy called Big Earl. Big Earl looks like a six year old. Seriously. He's, like, three feet tall. But he can't be six because his voice is all deep and everything. And he has a beard. You find me a six year old with a beard.
"Where am I?" I asked.
"Malfoy Manor," he said.
Great. Malfoy kidnapped me. Isn't this great? It's just so frigging wonderful.
"My brother, Fat Bob, decided to help Malfoy with his plan," Big Earl continuted.
Fat Bob is his brother? That's just plain wierd.
"Fat Bob wanted me to help because that's what brothers do," Big Earl told me, either not realizing or not caring that I had stopped listening a long time ago.
I mean, really. It's very hard to listen to someone that talks about boring stuff in monotone. Seriously. He's talking like Professor Binns.
Big Earl kept talking.
And talking.
And talking.
And talking.
Please, just kill me now. I didn't know it was possible to be this bored.
But then something he said caught my attention.
"Malfoy's off getting ready for that wedding you two are gonna have," he told me.
Wedding? WEDDING?
I'm sorry, but I was under the impression that I was ALREADY MARRIED!
"He has to pick out your dress robes and his dress robes and the flowers and the music and..," Big Earl droned.
Okay, what? When did I agree to this? Did someone drug me and get me to say yes under the influence of crack? What the hell happened when I was asleep?
And even if I did agree to this-- which I would never in a billion years do-- what makes him think he's gonna pick out all the crap? What makes him think he's in control of my life? What makes him think I'll just meekly do his bidding?
WHAT MAKES HIM THINK I'M NOT GONNA BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM?
"Oh, hey, look, little lady," Big Earl said.
Um, little lady? I don't think so. I'm almost twice the size of him!
"Look," he repeated. "Malfoy's here."
Malfoy's here?
That little ferret-faced preening weasel is dead.
"You're dead," I told him.
"Now, now, Ginerva," he said. "Is that any way to treat your future husband?"
"I'm not going to marry you," I told him.
"Oh, really?" he said. "Guess you don't want your wand back."
He pulled out my wand and waved it in my face.
Now I would have grabbed it, but I was chained to the floor.
Damn chains.
"Mal- I mean, Draco," I said. "I'll might just decide to marry you willingly if you'll be a dear and give me back my wand."
Sure, I'm mentally vomiting. But you gotta admit, it's worth a try.
Malfoy looked surprised. I guess he didn't expect me to 'give in' that easily.
"Here," he said, handing me my wand.
I tried to get rid of the chains.
And guess what? It didn't work.
Damn.
Malfoy smiled. "Those chains can't be affected by magic."
Double damn.
Is there even such a thing as a double damn?
That was when I got very, very angry. I started screaming.
"LISTEN, MALFOY! IF YOU DON'T GET ME OUT OF THESE CHAINS IN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS, I'LL BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU!"
He just smiled. "I don't think so," he said. "You're still chained to the floor."
DAMMIT!
I couldn't think of a good comeback to that, so I just glared at him.
He laughed.
"What makes you think Harry won't come to get me?" I asked him.
"Because," Malfoy said with a smile. "I left I nice little note explaining where you went."
Um, what? Is he really that stupid?
"Would you like to know what the note said?" he asked. Without waiting for me to answer, he pulled out a piece of parchment and held it in front of my face.
Dear Harry James Potter,
I have run away to marry Draco Lucius Malfoy. Don't try to find me. Goodbye.
Sincerly,
Ginerva
Molly Weasley
I started to laugh.
Malfoy glared at me. "It's not funny!" he claimed. "That idiot will definitly fall for it!"
I couldn't stop laughing.
"STOP LAUGHING!" he screamed.
I still couldn't stop.
I mean, it was just so funny. First of all, Harry knows I wouldn't run away to marry Malfoy. And second of all, why would I write everyone's full name? I thought the story was that I was running away. If you're running away, wouldn't you write your goodbye note as fast as possible?
And why the hell would I call myself Ginerva?
Don't even get me started on the handwriting. You could tell it wasn't my handwriting. I mean, the i's were dotted with hearts! Hearts, for crying out loud! Why would I dot my i's with HEARTS?
So Harry definitly knows that I'm either:
a) kidnapped
or
b) under the Imperius curse.
He'll be here sometime today. Because even if he really is as stupid as Malfoy says, there's still Lily. Lily is not a moron. She'll see right through the fake note.
Malfoy seemed to understand why I was laughing. He grinned at me evilly. "Don't worry, my dear Ginerva. I made sure that you'll have a Maid of Honor." He nodded to Big Earl. "Bring her in."
Big Earl went to get the Maid of Honor. Then he came back...
Dragging Lily right behind him.
So basically...
I'm screwed.
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Review! You know you want to!
Please review this time people. I want more than one review.
-Jessi