Hello! I am SO happy! I got more reviews! If I could break dance I would, but you don't wanna see that(Trust me, it's ugly).
Thanks everybody.
Once again, I own nothing. I told you this already now stop asking! No, wait. I do own something in this chapter: The cricket! (Just read). Fractions of the story you are about to read are true. The names have been changed to protect the guilty, innocent, and extraordinarily dumb (and for the reader's amusement).
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Logan and the boys made their way out of the Brotherhood boys' bedroom and down the hall at about 1:30 a.m.
"What are you two doin' out here?" Logan asked Wanda and Tabitha when they met in the hall.
"I could ask you the same thing," Wanda said, taking her hand off of Tabitha's mouth.
"We were just pulling some pranks on your brother and company. Now what are you doing?" Logan said.
"Nothing," The girls chorused innocently.
Logan tilted his head to the side and gave the girls a measuring look.
"Can we go now?" Wanda demanded.
"Yeah, whatever," Logan said.
The girls walked down the hall and to the elevators without doing anything worthy of suspicion.
"What do you think they're up to?" Bobby asked.
"Dunno," Logan said.
#&+&#
1:32 a.m. Location: X-Girls' bedroom, third floor, Holiday Inn Express.
"I know we closed and locked that door," Kitty said, pacing the room anxiously. When the girls returned from their pranking they had discovered the door of their room standing open.
"I think we've been pranked. After all, there's nothing to give the impression we've been robbed or anything," Jean said.
"Should we tell Logan?" Kitty asked.
"Tell him what? 'Oh, by the way, while we were pranking you guys, somebody came in our room, tipped over a trash can and opened Jean's purse'?" Jubilee said skeptically. "For all we know, the boys might have done . . . whatever it is that's been done to this room."
"But what if they didn't?" Renee asked.
"That still leaves Tabitha and Wanda," Kitty said.
Rogue sat on the end of her bed, working with great care on the item in her hands. Carefully handling the tattered item, a cherished piece of Remy's childhood. She had no intention of returning the object until she felt it was in perfect condition, sure, Remy'd be upset when he couldn't find it but it was a worthwhile risk.
1:31 a.m. Location: X-Boys' bedroom, third floor, Holiday Inn Express.
Logan inhaled sharply when he entered the room, "somebody's been in here," He growled.
"Okay, zat's nice, gute nacht," Kurt said, collapsing into an adorable blue fuzzy ball on the foot of Logan's bed.
"Hey, that's my-" Logan started to chase Kurt away but discovered that he was already asleep. "Darn you, Elf," he muttered under his breath.
Remy got down on the floor and reached under his pillow seeking the beloved item he had managed to preserve -sort of- since his childhood.
His hands gripped nothing.
He picked up his pillow and looked under it. It wasn't there! He looked around frantically trying to find it.
"Non, non," Remy whispered. He searched the entire contents of his bag in vain.
"Lose somethin' Gumbo?" Logan asked.
Remy looked up at Logan for a second.
"Bobby, I told you earlier, that's my bed," Scott said to Bobby, who had sprawled himself across Scott's bed.
"Yech, you can keep it, it feels like somebody poured sand on the sheets," Bobby responded, got up, and laid down across the head of Logan's bed.
"Hey, that's my-" Logan roared at Bobby.
Bobby's only reply was a loud snore.
After a while Logan totally forgot about talking to Remy and went to bed in one of the numerous sleeping bags on the floor.
Scott eventually laid down in the middle of Logan's bed and Remy laid down on a sleeping bag.
When Remy finally fell asleep he shifted, whimpered and cried incomprehensibly.
1:35Am. Location: Same.
Logan fell into a half sleep, his eyes drooping.
"Chirp-chirp."
Logan got to his feet and switched on the light.
"What's up, Logan?" Scott asked.
"Heard somethin'," Logan grunted.
Logan walked around the room, trying to find the source of the noise. After a minute he flicked out the light and had nearly reached his sleeping bag when the sound came to his ears again.
"Chirp, chirp."
Logan's eyes bulged.
He walked back over to the light switch and turned it on.
Dead silence.
He tried turning the light out and searching the room for the offensive noise in darkness.
Still quiet.
He walked back to his sleeping bag and had just crawled between the layers when . . .
"Chirp-chirp, chirp, chirp-chirp."
Logan screamed internally.
He got to his feet and prowled around the now silent room.
He sat in the shadows and waited intently, a predator in search of his prey.
After nine minutes he crawled back under the covers and had nearly fallen to sleep when the unholy cry came again.
"Chirp-chirp-chirp, chirp-chirp."
Logan twitched.
"Alright you little demon, come out where I can see you," he spoke softly into the darkness.
After a long silence Logan got up to go to the bathroom.
When he flicked on the bathroom lights, there in the middle of the floor, sat the culprit. Big, black eyes, long antennas, a glossy black body. Logan would have sworn the cricket's 'chirp-chirp' sounded like a laugh this time.
"I've got you now, you little abomination," he snarled and reached down to squish the little creature.
It bounced out of reach and let out a shrill 'chirpy'.
"C'mere, it won't hurt much," Logan snarled and lunged for the bug.
Once again it jumped out of reach.
Logan cursed loudly.
"You okay, homme?" Remy asked, stifling a yawn as he walked toward Logan.
"Make yourself useful, go get a shoe," Logan ordered.
Remy gave him a quizzical look but obeyed.
When Remy returned he was accompanied by Scott.
"What's goin' on?" Scott asked, his eyes half shut.
"&$ cricket!" Logan growled.
As he spoke, the insect jumped on his head and out of the room.
"Quick, he's escaping! Cut off his retreat!" Logan said.
The boys exchanged 'he's losing it' glances and went to block off the crickets' escape attempt.
The cricket jumped up on Scott's shoulder and Remy and Logan both leapt over to get the creature.
When the three managed to untangle themselves from each other they were unable to find their adversary so Remy and Scott went back to bed.
Logan, on the other hand, sat in a corner of the room, eyes wide and searching, ears intent on the slightest sound. It was personal now.
"Chirp-chirpy."
Logan jumped to his feet and began stalking toward the part of the room the sound had come from.
"Chirp-chirp."
Logan spotted the tiny bug. It was no larger than a marble.
"Hello. You're going to die now," Logan said to the bug.
"Chirp?"
Glossy black eyes questioned Logan.
"Aw, fer the love a'," Logan grumbled and picked the bug up in his cupped hands.
The bug sat motionless in his hands, waiting to see what Logan would do.
"You've sure caused alotta trouble, ya know that?" Logan told the bug.
"Chip-chirp?"
"Never mind. You don't understand anyway," Logan replied to the bug.
"Who are you talking to?" Scott asked.
"The cricket," Logan replied.
"You're talking . . . to the cricket? Logan, It's a bug," Scott said.
"It's a very intelligent cricket," Logan informed.
"It's still a cricket."
"So? We talk to the Brotherhood. What's the difference?"
"None of them have six legs, and certain ones of them eat bugs."
"Point made."
\//\/\/\Muahahahahaha/\/\/\/\/
7:49a.m (Friday, June sixteenth if you're interested). Location: Brotherhood boys' bedroom, fifth floor, Holiday Inn Express.
Pietro opened his eyes and found himself face-to-face with a huge spider.
"Ahhhhhhh!" he screamed like a little girl and tried to hit the spider. That's when he discovered the Cheese whiz. It not only covered his right hand, but now it was splattered across his face. "Who-did-this!?!" he demanded of his comrades, who had easily slept through the familiar morning sound of his scream.
Fred opened one eye and discovered the Barbie doll that had been tucked in his arms. That's not the amazing part though. Somehow the X-Boys had managed to find a pink nightgown just like the one on the doll, that fit Fred.
"How did they get that on you?" Lance asked in amazement as he stared at the huge, pastel pink gown.
"Good-question," Pietro said, "I-love-the-matching-ribbon-in-your-Mohawk-by-the-way."
"Oh, this is gonna hurt," Lance whimpered as he looked down at the duct tape that had been carefully applied to his legs.
"Somebody wanna help me out, yo?" Todd asked. He had been turned into a Michelin man of cling wrap.
"Huhwahabowmuh."
"Who said that?" Fred asked.
"Um, guys, where's-John?" Pietro asked.
"Rowa-her! Rowa-her!"
"What!?!" Lance asked. He was not only commenting on the line of gibberish but was panicking as he discovered that duct tape was not only on his legs but his armpits as well.
"Row. A. Her."
"Oh, sorry." Fred's eyes widened and he got up off of the floor to reveal a slightly flattened sleeping bag.
The sleeping bag had been tightly duct taped at approximately where John's ankles, knees, and arms were. His face was faintly visible through the left leg-hole of his dirty underwear which had been duct taped over the outside of the mummy-bag.
Pietro tilted his head to the side and admired the handy work, "That's-a-good-look-for-you, John," he commented.
"Get me the heck outta here!" John yelled.
"Let's-leave-him," Pietro said.
"Yo, guys, could you help me out here?" Todd asked. He was totally immobilized, arms flailing as much as the cling wrap would allow(which wasn't much), "Aww, man, that's just wrong!" He said, lifting his head just enough to see a pair of scissors under several layers of cling wrap.
((I need better wallpaper))
7:52 a.m. Location: X-Boys' bedroom, etc, etc, etc.
A blood curdling scream filled the ears of all the inhabitants of the hotel.
Logan jumped up out of the chair he'd fallen asleep in as though he'd been electrocuted, his claws shooting out with the well known 'snikt' sound.
The cricket -which had been sitting on Logan's head- jumped onto the night stand, shaking.
"The girls," Scott said, jumping up and shaking the already awake Kurt and Bobby.
Logan, Bobby, Kurt, Scott and Remy ran out of their room and across the hall where the girls nearly plowed over them and vise-versa.
"Are you okay?" Logan demanded.
"Yeah, we're fine. We were checking on you," Kitty said.
The X-Kids ran down the hall and made their way to the elevators as they heard another shriek.
Kitty hit the button and they waited for the doors to open.
"Let's take the stairs," Logan said after a second.
"No good, we were banned from the stairs after Pietro, in all his wisdom, tried to use a trash can lid as a snow board," Bobby said.
"You applying the snow didn't help any," Jubilee said.
"I was blackmailed," Bobby argued.
"De stairs were a pretty good path 'till Fred hit dat Lil' ol' lady from de fourth floor," Remy informed.
"Where was I when this happened?" Logan demanded.
"The bathroom," Rogue said.
"This all happened in the time it took me to go to the bathroom?" Logan asked.
Renee nodded.
"Ve also pried Fred out ov ze stairvell in ze basement vhen you vere in ze bathroom," Kurt chimed in.
Before Logan had time to continue his interrogation the doors of the elevator opened and a little old lady in a neck brace stepped out.
She turned her wrinkly face on Bobby and Remy, "You stay away from me, you delinquent vandals," she snapped and used her walker to hobble down the hall, leg cast and all.
"Was that . . . ?" Logan inquired as they squeezed onto the elevator.
"She had it comin'. She called me a t'ief," Remy stated.
Logan glared at him, "Remy. You are a thief."
"Yeah, an' she an ol' bleu haired hag. She didn' have to be such a jerk about it," Remy said indignantly.
The group waited impatiently for the little light above the doors to hit five. After just a couple of seconds feet started tapping irritably while Muzak played in the background.
When the elevator doors slid open the group rushed down the hall and saw that the door to the Brotherhood boys' room was standing open. They ran in the room and saw Wanda, Tabitha and all of the boys but Lance laughing hysterically.
"Oh, it hurts! It BURNS!" Lance screamed. A hairy strip of duct tape was laying on the floor and there was a naked patch on his leg.
The X-Men soon joined in the laughter at Lance's suffering and Logan's claws were quickly retracted.
"It's not funny! It Fanfiction edited hurts!" Lance yelled. This, instead of stopping the laughter, only caused more to erupt. "Shut up you demented ghouls!"
A timid voice came from the hallway, "Excuse me, is everything alright?" A tiny lady with a cleaning staff pin on her white apron asked.
"Oh, yeah, things are great," Logan laughed.
"Alright," The woman said, casting a wary glance on the room at large.
The woman shuffled quickly down the hall to get away from the rowdy group.
When the woman was out of ear-shot Pietro smiled down at Lance.
"No. There is no way I'm going to let you-" Pietro crammed a pair of socks in the still talking Lance's mouth.
There was a muffled scream when Pietro tore off another piece of duct tape, and the ground rumbled slightly.
"Jeesh! Calm down Lance, it's not like you're dying," Kitty said.
Lance spat out the socks, "Kill me!" he yelled, "Make it end!"
This time it was Kitty who removed the duct tape.
From his armpit!
"YEEOOOWW!" Lance screamed in agony.
"This is better than TV," Todd said, passing a bowl of popcorn to the X-Men and handing another to Fred.
"Yeah-it-is, Michelin-Toad," Pietro laughed.
"Where's John?" Jean asked.
"Over . . . here," a miffed voice said from a corner of the room.
"Tell me that's not your undies," Jubilee said.
"It is."
"Oooooh, that's cruel," Jubilee muttered.
"Can you give me a hand?" John demanded.
"I'm not touching your dirty underwear," Jubilee replied.
"You just wait, one day when someone's duct taped you in your sleeping bag with your dirty knickers over your head, I won't help you," John threatened.
Jubilee walked over to John and whispered, "It won't happen, it's not in the script."
"Darn," John muttered. "Maybe I can get Red Witch to do it in one of her stories."
Jubilee held up an official looking paper. "You have a contract with K.T. The opinionated."
"I never signed that!" John declared.
Jubilee shook her head. "Mystique did for you," she said.
"Identity theft!" John yelled.
"How do you think Logan ended up in this story?" Jubilee asked.
"So that's how they did it . . . " John mumbled.
Jubilee returned to the entertainment of watching duct tape get ripped off of Lance.
Scott walked over and ripped a strip of tape off with a demented smile on his face.
"OOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!" Lance howled.
"I didn't know Scott could be zat . . . evil," Kurt whimpered, rubbing his fuzzy arms absent-mindedly.
DuctTape
The X-Men had joyfully assisted in the further removal of the duct tape. Lance now sat curled up in a corner whimpering over the loss of his manly body hair.
DuctTape
8:20 a.m. Location: X-Boys' bedroom, etc, etc, etc.
Remy slipped on his blue-jeans and promptly fell to the floor.
"What de?" Remy said as he got to his feet.
"Feeling kinda clumsy?" Bobby asked.
Remy glared at Bobby and attempted to pull his pants on again –with the same result.
This happened three more times. Always ending the same way.
Remy sat down on the end of Scott's bed and examined the right leg of his pants.
"Shoulda known," He grumbled, looking at the carefully done stitches.
"Zhey sewed your pants?" Kurt laughed.
"Oh, I don't believe this!" Scott said as he removed a neon green, blue, and pink tie-died T-shirt from his bag.
Bobby started laughing, but his expression changed when he slipped his foot into a slimy substance in his sneaker.
Kurt laughed openly at the evils befalling his companions.
"Just wait. You'll get yours," Logan said, scratching his side irritably.
"I know. But I'm still having fun right now," Kurt said.
"Always the optimist," Logan snorted.
"Chirpit?" The cricket inquired from where it sat perched on Logan's shoulder.
"Somebody who looks at the bright side of everything," Logan informed.
"Chirpip."
Logan carefully picked up the bug and placed it in one of the miniature cereal boxes that had come with breakfast.
"Chirp-chirp?" The cricket asked.
"Relax, Squeaky. It's only temporary," Logan said.
?LimburgerCheeseSandwiches?
8:35 a.m. Location: Holiday Inn parking lot.
"What happened to your shirt?" Jean asked as she looked at the brightly colored clothing Scott had resorted to wearing( Rule #1 of pranking: Act innocent, no self incrimination.).
"Somebody replaced my shirts and socks with . . . this," Scott muttered.
"Aww, how-cute," Pietro smirked.
"Do you want to wind up like him?" Scott asked, tilting his head in the direction of Lance.
"No-thanks," Pietro said, zooming behind Fred.
"What in the . . . ?" Logan's jaw dropped as the vehicles came into view.
Logan's truck and Scott's beloved convertible had been shrink wrapped. Plastic covered every imaginable inch of the vehicles.
Scott's jaw worked but no noise came from his mouth.
Logan turned to the Brotherhood.
The Brotherhood smiled back.
"At least they'll stay fresh three times longer then with the leading competitor," John commented, now free of his sleeping bag and briefs(the ones on his head).
'Snikt!'
"Logan, c'mon mate it was just a joke, you wouldn't really-" John said, but Logan merely used his claws to remove the shrink wrap. "-Oh."
The groups filed into the vehicles, but some of the X-Kids got in different ones than last time; Kitty, Remy, Bobby, and Kurt were with Logan, leaving Jubilee, Rogue, Renee, and of course, Jean, with Scott.
"I'm going to have ended a life by the end of this day," Logan said to himself.
"Oh my gosh it stinks in here!" Kitty said, holding her nose.
Logan got in the truck and was nearly knocked down by the scent that hit his nostrils.
"I vas vondering vhat happened to my Limburger sandvich," Kurt said, pulling a revolting mass off wheat bread and something . . . else, out from under one of the seats.
Logan snatched the sandwich from Kurt and pitched it out on the parking lot.
A moment later a police officer on a bicycle pulled into the spot next to Logan's truck.
His babyish face made it obvious that he was a young man and probably a rookie officer.
"Excuse me sir, is that your sandwich?" The young officer asked.
"No," Logan replied.
"I saw you throw it onto the parking lot," the officer stated.
"But it's not mine, it's his," Logan said, pointing at Kurt.
"Ja, he took my sandvich avay," Kurt said nodding.
"You stole his sandwich?" The officer asked.
"Not exactly, I just . . . " Logan drifted off.
"That's it. I'm writing you up," The young man said.
"For what?" Logan asked.
"Littering, improper disposal of a possible bio-hazard, and stealing from a minor," The officer said as he wrote out the ticket.
"Aww, come on, it's just a sandwich," Logan sighed.
"And next time it'll be just beer bottles, then it'll be just bags of drugs," The officer said, then handed the ticket to Logan, "Now pick that up and dispose of it properly. Oh by the way, the hotel manager wanted me to make sure you knew that you were banned from this hotel for life."
(: Authors'Note :)
No little old ladies were harmed in the making of this fic.
The moral of this chapter: Never be the first person to fall asleep on a road trip.
What did Tabitha and Wanda do? What did Rogue take that made Remy cry in his sleep? How much do you get fined for grand theft sandwich? And what will the kids do in the cars this time? Stay tuned and we might find out, free cookies to anyone who can figure it out ahead of time or give me ideas,
Also, please do not be offended by the bit with the police officer. I have grown up surrounded by law enforcement and other first responders and have great respect for such individuals. That was just a joke inspired by some extremely stupid individuals I have heard of in the past. Thank you,
-K.T.