Disclaimer: I don't own either friends or Joey, nor am I making any money off this story.
Chapter Two ------
Joey entered his apartment after a long day on the set at work. He had been given the next few days off work due to personal reasons, a fact that he was very glad about. For the past week he had been haunted wherever he turned. Haunted by well-meant condolences, haunted by her smiling face on magazine covers. Tomorrow was a day he was supposed to use to remember, but he only wanted to forget. It would be so much easier to just forget.
"Hey Joey, you want some pasta," called Michael from the kitchen, when he entered the room.
"No, I'm good, I think I'm just going to go pack."
"But Joey, come on it's grandma's special recipe," said Michael trying to entice him.
"Look Michael, I just want to be left alone, don't you know what tomorrow is?" asked Joey slightly exasperated.
"Ah yeah, that's why I came over. It's fine, I understand. I'll just put it in the fridge. It should still be alright when you get back," he said referring to the pasta that was still steaming away in the pot on the stove.
Joey nodded in acknowledgment then asked, "Is Gina here?"
"Yeah she's just in there," he said pointing the room that he himself had occupied a few years ago.
"Can you just-," he began, but Michael cut him off.
"Mom already is."
"Thank you." Joey then continued on his way up the stairs and into his room.
Once inside of his room Joey flopped down onto his bed and stared unseeingly ahead at the wall. After a while his eye caught onto an old picture, it had been taken a little under six years ago. He smiled fondly at the memory. It was a memory of his first true love and the day he all but confessed to her how he felt. His mind went back to that day and began to play the memory like a movie inside of his head.
About six years earlier:
Life for Joey had been going slowly downhill for the past nine months. On Valentines Day Ross had told Rachel about how he felt about her and sure enough the two had gotten back together. Then the day Emma was born they had gotten engaged. Joey was happy for them, Rachel was always so radiant, Emma had her family and Ross was getting the girl of his dreams, he couldn't not be happy for them, but at the same time he was dying inside, he couldn't help but wish that it were he who was making Rachel so happy.
Today it was just he and Rachel out of the six, and Emma. They were at Joey's nephews christening. His sister Dina had had her baby about a week after Emma was born. The ceremony had already taken place and they were now at Joey's parents place for the reception.
"So Joe, how does it feel? Godfather to two babies in one month," Rachel asked with a playful smile.
"Yeah about that, are you sure it's alright me been Emma's Godfather? Are you sure that Ross doesn't mind?" he asked hesitantly, he did not want to give up his title but felt rather obligated to ask.
"Of course it is, Ross is fine with it." She was lying and they both knew it. Ross had wanted Chandler to be his child's godfather again but Rachel had put her foot down. Apart from her and Ross, Joey had played the biggest part in Emma's life to date. He was always with her, reading to her, singing or dancing around in front of her. He loved that little girl to bits and there was not a thing he wouldn't do to keep her happy.
"Well just as long as I'm not causing any problems between you and Ross," he said unsure.
"JOEY! Joey sweetie, can you come over here a minute," Gloria Tribbiani yelled from the next room.
"Sure Ma!" he yelled back before turning to Rachel, "I'll just be a minute."
"What's up?" he asked his mother once he reached her.
"You know perfectly well what's up Joey," she said exasperated, "You haven't been yourself for so long now, I want to know when you are going to tell that poor girl you're in love with her."
"How do you know about that?" he hissed surprised.
"Oh please, I'm your mother, how could I not know. Besides anyone who comes within a hundred foot radius of the two of you together would know it."
"But none of my friends know," he said.
"Well then you put your guard up further when you're around them," she sighed dramatically, "Joe you have to tell her, for her sake if not for your own. She is worried about you, I can see it in the way she looks at you."
"She's engaged Ma! Engaged to be married! I can't tell her. She is so happy and that's all I want from her, she just has to be happy."
"She could be happy with you Joe, she is always happy when she is around you," Mrs. Tribbiani stated.
"But I can't give her what Ross can," he said softly.
He had thought about what it would be like to tell Rachel his feelings so many times, but he had always come back to the conclusion that he never would.
"Look can we just drop it?" he asked with lowered eyes.
"No Joe, we can not just drop it. Look I'll give up on the telling her part of it, but this is killing you Joey. You're so different now. Do you remember when you were a little boy, what I used to tell you I loved about you?" she asked her son, worry clouding her features.
"You said you loved my soul, you loved how pure it was," he answered, his eyes still lowered, staring unseeingly at the floor.
"And what about your eyes?" she asked softly, grazing her boys cheek.
"You loved their sparkle and their glow."
"Your eyes have lost it Joey. They always made you look so young, so innocent, but now they make you look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders," she said while rubbing her sons hand in comfort.
"What am I supposed to do about it Ma?" he asked begging for an answer. This woman was his mother, one of his parents, parents were supposed to be able to answer any question that was thrown their way, it was in their job description, his mother had to have some semblance of an idea about what to do.
"I think you should go to L.A. Joey." Well she had an answer for him but it wasn't one he liked all that much, "Your career could really take off there and I know Gina would love to have some family around, all that she has had is Michael for so long now."
"Estelle always said I should move there but I never wanted to leave my friends, I never had a real reason driving me to go."
"But you have a reason now Kiddo, you are never going to tell Rachel how you feel, you have too good a heart for that, so go. If you stay you are going to die Joey." This was extremely hard for Gloria. She didn't want to see her boy leave New York but she couldn't stand to see him like this anymore.
"Look I have a job here, I'll start looking for one in L.A, but I'm not moving till I've found one," he said finally.
"And I'll tell Gina to start looking for an apartment for you, now you better go and stop Dina from blurting out your secret to Rachel," she said indicating where the two women were conversing.
Joey quickly spun around and raced across the room to where his little sister and Rachel were.
"Dina!" he yelled.
"What Joe?" Joey pulled her away from Rachel.
"She doesn't need to know," he muttered into her ear.
"Joey-,"
"No, I'm not going through this again, go talk to Ma!" And with that he walked back over to Rachel.
"What was all that about?" she questioned.
"Oh just family stuff," he answered vaguely.
"Right…" she said looking at him uncertainly, "Well Dina and I just got the cutest picture of Emma and Dylan. They were lying on the floor holding hands and smiling at each other. If it turns out right I'm going to get it framed and Dina wants a copy as well so don't let me forget to send one."
Rachel continued to babble on about different things and Joey just sat next to her and listened intently to every word that came out of her mouth. The whole time he had a tiny smile playing on his lips, the ease the woman spoke to him with, the beauty of her being and the way she expressed what she was saying just help him captivated. His mother was right, it was impossible not to tell that he was in love with her, even if it was an outsider just glancing at the two as they walked by.
Just before they were about to leave Mrs. Tribbiani stopped them and ushered them onto the sofa for a photo.
"Oh Ma, do we really have to do this?" Joey asked with a whine.
"Yes Joe, you need some memories to take with you," answered Gloria.
"Ma!" he exclaimed.
"What?" Rachel asked uncertainty.
"Never mind, lets just get this done hey," said Joey.
"Good, now Joey you sit there and hold Emma," she said indicating a spot on the lounge,
"Rach, sweetie you sit there and… Dina, where's Dill." Dina scooped the little boy off of the floor and handed him to her mother, "And you hold Dylan."
Once they were all in position Joey turned to Rachel to apologize.
"Sorry about this Rach, you know how parents can be."
"Have you not met my father Joe, of course I know parents." The two shared a smile at that.
They got caught up in the moment and for that small amount of time the sparkle returned to Joey's eyes, he looked alive again, just like he used to, except now he looked alive and completely in love.
The moment ended however when the camera flashed bright in their faces.
"Hey! Ma we weren't even looking at the camera," exclaimed Joey.
"That's alright Joe, you know how I like to catch natural moments," she said with an oddly furtive smile, "Now you two better be off before it starts getting dark. I've got a cab waiting for you out the front."
"Thank you for having me Mrs. Trib," she said handing over Dylan and giving the woman a hug, then she turned to Joey, "Can you bring Emma out? I'll just grab her things."
"Not a problem," answered Joey. He watched her walked away and let out a deep sigh before turning back to his mother.
"I can't say I blame you for loving her Joey. You sure do know how to pick the good ones. It would be better if she were single though. I think that Rachel is one of the only girls I'd approve of for my Joey."
The ride back to the city was long and silent. Emma was sound asleep on Joey's lap and Rachel was staring out of the window in deep thought. Finally the taxi pulled up in front of their respective apartment blocks. They paid the driver and got out.
"Do you want me to help you up?" asked Joey once they had unloaded everything.
"No we are coming up to your place," she answered shortly.
"Ok… Why?"
Rachel didn't answer, she just stalked right passed Joey with all the baby stuff in hand and went straight into his apartment building.
Once inside Joey's apartment Rachel pulled open a portable cot and watched as Joey gently lowered Emma into it.
"What's going on Joe?" she asked in a soft but forceful tone.
"What do you mean?"
"Don't play dumb with me Joey, tell me what's going on!" she demanded, her voice growing louder with each word.
"Rach, I don't know what you're talking about." This couldn't be happening, he should have been more careful.
"Do not lie to me Joey!" Rachel yelled at him.
His walls started to become stronger after that, he went cold, his resolve was strong, he couldn't let Rachel in.
"It's none of your damn business what's going on with me Rachel! Just get out, go home, I don't want you here anymore!"
Tears started to leak out of Rachel's eyes as he yelled at her and Emma too started to scream. At the sight of his favorite girls crying, that resolve which he had thought to be so strong began to crack.
"I'm sorry," he muttered meekly.
Rachel walked silently over to Emma and took her across the hall. She was back only a minute later.
"Monica's watching Emma, now talk to me Joey, tell me what's wrong with you."
"Rach, I… I can't."
"Please Joey, let me in. I want to know what all that secretive behavior was today, I want to know what you mum meant by that memories thing and I want to know why you haven't been yourself for so long now. I swear the only person you're letting in is Emma, and I guess sometimes me. Now tell me what's going on Joey."
"Rach…" he trailed off.
"Just let it out sweetie," she encouraged.
"You have to promise not to tell anyone," he said.
"I promise," she said without hesitation.
"No you have to really promise, like a… a cobra's promise," she said while smiling at the memory.
"Cobra's honor Joey," she said also smiling at the memory of the day they formed the gang to fight Chandler over the chair.
"I'm in love," he finally breathed out.
"Joey that's great," she exclaimed, eyes lighting up.
"And she's in love," Rachel's eyes lit up more, "With another guy," and then they dropped. "They've been together forever and all she sees me as is her goofball friend."
"Joey… how long?" she asked hesitantly.
"Well I realized it about nine months ago but you know how I can be slow, I think I have been for years."
"You must really be in love to still feel this way after so long Joe."
"I am… These feelings, they get stronger every minute I'm around her. When I'm not around her the only thing I can do is think about her." As he said this, his eyes were so intense it was beginning to scare her.
"How do you know her?"
"Work," he answered shortly.
"Maybe it will help if you can talk about her. Tell me everything Joe."
"She's beautiful, like an angel but better. I swear in the right sunlight you can see a halo around her head. She has these eyes that change with her moods. You can read her like a book if you look into them. She has this small body that makes me just want to protect her, to stop anything that even looks like it could be bad from going near her. And you know what, her looks are great, beyond great, beyond wonderful, but that's not her best part. She has the best personality; she's so kind, so sweet. She gets me you know, like no one else ever has, I don't know how to explain it. She has her problems, her little quirks but I think I'm in love with them just as much as I'm in love the rest of her."
Throughout that whole speech Joey did not look into her eyes once. She thought it was because she was ashamed or shy or something but he knew if he looked at her she would figure it out.
"You know," he continued in a soft voice, "Someone once told me that you know you are in love when you can define it. I always thought that was stupid, I love my family and my friends, I know what love is but you have no idea how right that person was. I know what love is now Rach, it's when you feel so deeply about a person that no matter if they have a million little quirks that annoy you to no end, you would not change a thing about them, I know that now."
"You have to tell her Joey. If you say those things to her I bet she'd leave the other guy and run off with you."
"She's happy with him," he said quietly, "And I've already had this conversation twice today so can we just drop it?"
"What about that thing your mum said… the memories thing," Rachel asked slightly fearful.
"I can't stay here much longer Rach, it's killing me. I'm going to start looking for work in L.A."
"You're leaving?" she asked beginning to cry once again.
"Not right away, it could even be a couple of years."
"Oh god Joey, you poor thing… Come give me a hug." She pulled him in tight. "Just always remember that I love you ok." She had absolutely no idea how much that statement killed him.
"I love you too Rach, I love you too." And she had no idea how true that was.
Joey finally pulled his eyes away for the photo which was of himself and Rachel looking so happily into one another's eyes while the babies sat soundlessly on their laps, and pulled himself out of the memory and sat up so he could begin to pack. He was leaving for New York in a few short hours. He was going back there to remember his second love, but right now remembering anything else, even the pain of the first time he had been in love, was better then remember the end of his second.
A/N: Thanks for reading and thank you to all of you who were kind enough to leave a review. I hope to have the next chapter up before the end of the week, but I cannot promise anything. I know things are a bit confusing now but all of your questions should be answered within the next three chapters. Thanks again for reading.