Superhero Spam
By Lord Raa
Can 2
Disclaim-me-do: BOOGEDY BOOGEDY BOO!"
In this one, I ask the question "what if it was Rei that got the power up from the accident?"
Rei was pondering a number of things that were going on in her life as she sat in a test entry plug. First off there was the Third Child, someone that had tried to become friends with her, something that the Second had also tried.
But for some reason, Rei felt that friendship with the younger Ikari would prove to be more fulfilling.
Before Rei could consider how to deal with Shinji, the lights went out in the test plug.
"That was unexpected," the blue haired pilot noted.
Rei tried to contact Dr. Akagi, but all the power seemed to have been cut to the testing area. Frowning slightly, she decided to spend this quiet time thinking about her fellow pilot, Shinji.
'I wonder what it would be like to observe him away from the others,' Rei mused, bringing a hand to her face to move her hair out of her eyes.
Looking at the appendage in question, Rei noticed that her hand seemed to be slightly translucent.
"Most odd. I wonder if this is a hallucination resulting from a bizarre accident with the LCL."
Focusing on becoming visible, the First Child's hand slowly became more opaque until it reached the point when she was sure that she was back to normal.
"Perhaps this is not a delusion. Perhaps I can become more than partially transparent," Rei said to herself, a though occurring to her.
Rei turned her focus to becoming completely invisible and after a few moments, she was able to look down the sleeve of her plugsuit.
"Interesting. However, I am at a loss for finding suitable clothing that would enable me to use this strange new power to maximum effect. That is if I am not hallucinating."
Upon hearing the hatch starting to open, Rei turned herself back to what she considered normal.
"Are you ok, Rei?" Misato asked the Commander's favourite pilot.
"I am fine," Rei answered. "Are the other pilots uninjured?"
"They're fine," Ritsuko said, helping the blue haired pilot onto the walkway.
"May I shower now?"
"Yes, we'll be looking into what caused the power surge," Ritsuko nodded.
Rei walked with her normal pace to the locker rooms, wondering if her exposure to LCL combined with the stress of piloting Eva was taking its toll on her mind. She passed the men's changing area and heard the sounds of running water.
'Now would be an ideal time to test my hypothesis. If I am mistaken, then I can use excuse that I heard Ikari-kun slip in the shower.'
Rei slipped into the shower room and quickly undressed. Taking a deep breath, Miss Ayanami focused on allowing the light to pass through her.
Looking down at her body, Rei deigned herself to be suitably unnoticeable and walked towards the male pilot.
Shinji stood, allowing the hot water to cascade over his tired frame. He turned around to wash the LCL off his back, only thinking about what to make for that evening's meal when he felt something cold on his face.
Eyes snapping open, Shinji scanned the room, hoping to find someone there. With the steam obscuring much of his field of vision, the young Ikari called out. "Is anyone there?"
Rei managed not to panic at her semi-discovery and backed off, still keeping her translucent state. She was now confident that her mental state was not deteriorating as she had feared and allowed herself a smiled as she gathered her clothes and entered the ladies' shower area.
That night, Rei lay awake in her bed, deciding whether or not to tell the Commander about her day's discoveries.
'He will probably demand that I no longer use it to observe Ikari-kun,' Rei reasoned. 'Commander Ikari has never considered his son to be more than an embarrassment. I will gather the necessary evidence to convince him otherwise.'
Rei smiled as she drifted off to sleep, her mind going over potential plans to observe Shinji using her newfound invisibility.
The next day, Rei paid Shinji a visit at home, though she was forced to sneak in with the other pilots.
The azure haired pilot noted that Shinji's efforts to keep the filth at bay were being hampered by his other two roommates. Misato's hindrance through drunken behaviour, Asuka's through spite.
And that funny looking penguin of Misato's didn't seem too innocent either.
Continuing her passive search, Rei looked in the bedrooms. She was not surprised to see Misato's covered in dirty laundry and Asuka's with more personal belongings than Rei could see a point to. What was interesting to the First was Shinji's room. The so-called "lovely suite".
After sliding open the door, Rei started to root through Shinji's meagre collection of possessions, her need for caution replaced with the need for finding Shinji's secrets.
'What is it Ikari-kun spends his free time doing?'
Then Rei saw the cello. 'Ikari-kun is a musician. I will ask him to perform for me.'
Outside Shinji's room Rei heard two voices.
"Could you be any more worthless, Shinji?" the shrill voice of the Second Child demanded.
"I'm not worthless," Shinji insisted.
"Please, you can't even keep this dump tidy!"
"But if you helped," Shinji started to protest, but saw the redhead's death glare. Not wanting to visit the doctor that evening, he sighed in defeat and entered his room.
"Yeah, you run, you wimp," Asuka mocked before turning to the kitchen for a drink.
Sitting on his bed, Shinji's depression started to come back.
"Why does Asuka hate me?" he asked the seemingly empty room. "I know that Rei doesn't like me, why should she? But at least she doesn't treat me like this."
'Ikari-kun's mental state is degrading worse than the reports suggested. I must keep watch over him to ensure that his ability to pilot is not compromised.'
The following morning, Rei walked to school as normal. She noticed that the other Eva pilots were "having a discussion" about something.
"Baka, can't you do anything right?"
"Hey bitch, leave Shinji alone," Touji defended his friend.
"Bite me, Monkey Boy!"
"I'd rather not, I might catch something nasty," Suzuhara countered quickly.
The sound of a fist impacting with a face silenced all further comments from Shinji and his friends.
'I make that violent maniac pay for embarrassing Ikari-kun,' Rei decided. 'Perhaps my new ability will help me. And then I can use it properly observe Ikari-kun.'
Rei's face acquired a smile at the thought of watching Shinji's most candid moments, especially after seeing him in the shower the day before.
'I believe that I can miss a day or two of school to ensure an appropriate measure of justice is served.'
Later, in the pilot's first lesson, Shinji truthfully answered the teacher about the whereabouts of Rei Ayanami – he hadn't seen her since before yesterday.
Asuka managed to refrain from making a snide remark about Shinji and his "Wonderdoll", though the observing Angel hybrid noticed that the redhead was thinking up some unpleasant comment.
Upon being called on to write the answer to a question on the blackboard, Asuka's skirt was flipped up, revealing her underwear to the class.
"What the hell?" the arrogant girl demanded.
"No one touched you, Asuka," the class rep insisted.
"Hmm," Asuka frowned, looking over the class. 'Shinji sits away from me, as do his idiot friends. No one else is brave enough to touch me since this morning. So who was it?'
"Miss Sohryu, if you're ready to answer the question," the teacher said, holding out a piece of chalk.
"Right," Asuka took the chalk and began to write the answer on the board.
Taking this as a prime opportunity to further humiliate the egotistical pilot, Rei gently lifted the hem of Asuka's skirt to reveal her floral patterned panties.
Asuka turned around when she heard sniggers from the class. Being suspicious of some of her more perverted peers, she checked her appearance, but saw nothing out of the ordinary.
"What are you laughing at?" the displeased redhead demanded.
"Nothing, Asuka," Shinji replied. His response was marred by the blush on his face.
"I thought so. Anyway, this is the answer."
At recess, Asuka was the topic of discussion, though it was not in the way she would have liked.
The rumours that were currently doing the rounds were not flattering to say the least. One of them was that Asuka was "showing her goods to the highest bidder" while another suggested that the redhead "got her rocks off by flashing people, both boys and girls."
The third was more disturbing – that she was flirting with the elderly teacher.
The bespectacled boy that hinted at that possibility found himself waking up in the nurse's office with a black eye.
Rei knew that the Second Child would need to be punished further, since Asuka had directed a barrage of abuse towards her newfound found friend.
Abuse the included a sharp punch to the stomach and a trip to the nurse's office to accompany his friend, Kensuke.
As Shinji slept in the school's medical facility, Rei was continuing her vengeful and ninja-esque antics. This time, she snuck into the room where Shinji was resting and she removed his boxer shorts.
'I am glad that I can observe Ikari-kun in such a manner,' Rei thought saucily. A second thought occurred to the blue haired wraith. 'If I incapacitate Ikari-kun, then I can further implicate Pilot Sohryu in this incident.'
And so, Rei tied Shinji to the bed and left him, exposed to the world at large.
The school nurse, Reiko Tanaka, entered her office with a cup of coffee. Her attention was attracted by the muffled sounds of struggle coming from behind the screen.
"What's going on there?" she asked as she pulled the screen back. "Shinji-kun?"
"MMAGHHARGH!" was all Shinji could reply.
"Why are you half naked?"
"MMAGHHMM!"
Removing the gag from the pilot's mouth, she waited for an answered.
"I don't know, I remember Asuka hitting me and then I woke up like this," Shinji insisted.
"Where is your underwear, Shinji-kun?" Ms. Tanaka asked, trying not to spend too much time eying Shinji's naughty bits.
"I don't know."
Elsewhere in the school, Asuka was yet again disgraced when a pair of boxer shorts was discovered on her desk.
"I don't know how they got there!" the irate girl adamantly protested her innocence.
"Whose are they?" a voice from the back called out.
"I don't know, I'm not touching them," Asuka said, stepping away from the article in question.
The door to the classroom opened, and Reiko Tanaka entered.
"Shinji Ikari has been attacked. Someone has stolen his underwear, and possibly his virtue," the nurse explained. "What's that on that desk?"
"Boxer shorts," Hikari answered.
"Who do they belong to?" Reiko asked, stepping towards the errant garment.
"We don't know no one will touch them."
"Give them here," Reiko snatched them up. "There's a name in here. Shinji Ikari."
And I think I'll end it there.
In case any of you were wondering, I was semi inspired by the forthcoming Fantastic Four movie. Shinji was Mr. Fantastic and Rei here was the Invisible Woman.
Who is next to gain meta-talents?
You'll just have to wait and see.
Until laterer comes