Superhero Spam
By Lord Raa
Can 3
Disclaim-me-do: Flaps is one of the best words in the English language.
I'm serious. And if you are unsure as to why, then email me and I'll enlighten you.
This time, I'm only showing possibilities in small scenes, as they're not suited to longer pieces. At least in my opinion.
But what do I know about fanfiction?
"Sempai," Maya Ibuki, cute assistant to one of the smartest people in NERV asked.
"Yes, Maya," Dr. Akagi replied.
"Why does the commander wear tinted lenses inside?"
"Watch this," Ritsuko smiled.
The blonde scientist snuck up behind her boss and stole his glasses.
"ARGH! Give them back!" the bearded man shouted.
The Commander turned around, his eyes tightly closed. "Please, I need my glasses."
Ritsuko, feeling a little sadistic, poked the temporarily blind man in the ribs.
"Daargh!" Gendo yelped, opening his eyes and hitting an unsuspecting Fuyutsuki in the shoulder with a laser blast that originated from his eyes.
Ritsuko handed the distressed man his glasses back. "Sorry about that, Commander, but Maya asked why you wore the glasses."
"That's no excuse. Now Fuyutsuki will demand time off to recover," Gendo scolded the pair of giggling women.
"Sorry, sir."
Let's go back to Shinji gaining powers.
Shinji woke up in the NERV hospital. Again. Feeling sorry for himself, he gently got up from the bed.
After dressing quickly to avoid embarrassment when Misato picked him up, he made tidied the bed clothes out of habit.
Misato walked in with a smile on her face. "I see that you're ready to come home."
"Yes, Misato-san," Shinji forced a smile.
"Hey, you've not eaten all your dinner," Misato chided. "We're not going until you eat that banana."
Shinji sighed in defeat. As he swallowed the yellow skinned fruit, there was distinct change in his stature.
Shinji no longer had the slight build that Misato was familiar with, but he'd grown to a height of 1.9 metres. And his hospital gown had changed to a goofy looking yellow and blue superhero costume.
"Shinji?" Misato hesitantly asked.
"No, I am Bananaman!" the strong, yet slow-witted looking man introduced himself.
"Ok. And what do you want?" Misato asked, reaching for her gun.
"I'm not here to hurt you, madam. I'm here to fit injustice and villainy!"
Misato blinked. "Fair enough, but last time I checked, it takes more than a costume to fight crime."
"That it does, fair maiden. Observe!" Bananaman insisted as he easily lifted the bed to waist height. "I have the strength of 20 big men!"
Misato looked vaguely impressed as she saw the muscles in Bananaman's back tense.
"But that's not all," the costumed man informed the captain as he turned around. "I can fly!"
Jumping up, the fruit empowered individual started swimming in the air.
"That is impressive," Misato admitted.
"I must ask you to keep this secret, fair maiden. I do not wish to cause alarm for my other self."
"What the hell is that freak in tights doing here?" Asuka's shrill voice sounded from the doorway.
"I'm Bananaman!"
Asuka blinked before bursting out in laughter.
Seeing that he wasn't being taken serious, Bananaman flew out the window.
"That wasn't nice, Asuka," Misato scolded her female ward.
"What? Don't tell me that you like him," Asuka grimaced.
"He was very polite," Misato informed the redhead. "He called me a 'Fair Maiden' – twice!"
Asuka's laughter returned with a vengeance.
Was Bananaman too obscure for you? Well, then let's try this, slightly darker option…
Excerpt from the medical log of Dr. Ritsuko Akagi.
'Shinji returned from his otherworldly prison a changed man.
At a quick glance he seemed normal aside from his persistent lack of footwear, but it was when you scratched the surface that the changes became slightly more disturbing.
His internal organs had been changed dramatically. He no longer needed sustenance the same way the rest of the animals on the planet.
No, he needed to be in a city. Not only that, but if you were to take him out to a rural area, he'd become dizzy and as the time he spent away from urban environments increased, nausea and vomiting followed.
It was as if he was becoming "one with Tokyo-3". That is he knew about traffic levels. I'm pretty sure he was able to listen in on conversations and he knew when he was being followed.
Was, because he seemed to find out something he shouldn't have and the Commander had him terminated as a security risk.'
To be continued…?
Well, who knows?
Shinji as Jack Hawksmoor actually might make a good regular fic as you could make it as dark as you wanted. It all depends on what you want to be the origin of Jack's/Shinji's powers.
Does anybody out there want to take up the challenge? If so, contact me and we can work something out.
Next time… I think that I might make Shinji "Thinly Veiled Author Avatar Man".
Smile as he smacks some sense into Gendo!
Roll your eyes as he seduces the entire female cast of Eva!
Gag as he communicates with the Angels to resolve the situation in a non-violent manner!
Revisit your last meal as he solves everybody's problems with the minimum of fuss and to everybody's complete satisfaction!
Before anyone asks, Sausages, It was a Tuesday is still being written – it's just that the omake wants to be written first (again).
Until laterer comes.