Superhero Spam

By Lord Raa

Can 4

Disclaim-me-do: We are the thumbs on a stranger's hand

This tinme, a return to an idea more popular than the Bananaman one.

Shinji stood up in his room, scratching the back of his head in bemusement.

"Where could they have gone?" he asked the empty room.

Frowning slightly, he left to see if Misato had seen what he was looking for.

"Misato-san?" Shinji asked his guardian as she watched TV.

"Yes, Shinji?" the purple haired woman looked up at he roommate.

"Have you been in my room?"

Misato blinked. "Pardon?"

"Have you been in my room?" Shinji repeated. "I was about to do my laundry and I can't find some of my clothes."

Misato looked at Shinji. "I haven't been in your room, Shinji-kun. And I resent the implication that I'd hide your things like that."

"I didn't mean it like that," Shinji apologised. "I was just wondering if you'd seen my boxer shorts, I can't find them anywhere. It's as if they've been stolen"

Misato laughed. "I'm sorry, Shinji-kun, I truly am. It's just that it looks like we've got a panty thief on the loose."

"Are you missing any?" the pilot asked, hoping that Misato was mistaken.

"I don't know, let's check shall we, Shinji-kun?" the purple haired lovely switched the TV off and made her way to her room.

Upon opening the door, the two were treated to the spectacle of Misato's poor homemaking skills.

"Oh my god, they ransacked your room, Misato-san!" Shinji gasped.

"Heheh… yeah, they did," Misato laughed nervously. "I'll check if they took anything."

Shinji's eyes scanned the room looking for signs of forced entry, but found none.

"No, they didn't take anything," Misato's words distracted Shinji. 'Though I'm a little hurt that they didn't.' "What about Asuka?"

"I don't know," Shinji admitted. "Things are a little awkward between me and Asuka at the moment."

"What happened at school today?" Misato demanded.

Shinji blushed as he recounted what he remembered happening, starting with Asuka's inadvertent flashing when she was called up to the blackboard and ending with him waking up in the nurse's office, nearly naked and tied to the bed.

"I'm not sure whether I should be appalled or amused," she teased. "I mean, you kids getting up to advanced things like bondage at school."

Shinji sighed. 'I knew that telling Misato would be a bad idea.' "But what about my underwear?"

"I haven't seen your laundry, but I doubt that Asuka's become some kind of pervert overnight. That leaves us with a possible security breach, that we need to get sorted," Misato decided. "I'll get the locks changed in the morning."

Elsewhere in Tokyo-3, Rei was smiling as she looked at the spoils of her raid on Shinji's apartment.

"They would feel a lot nicer on my face if they were made from silk," she noted. "Perhaps I can convince Shinji-kun to make the change from cotton?"

The blue haired girls smile grew when she considered the concept of "Silky Darlings".

"Yes, 'that is the way forward', as they say."

Asuka slammed the front door to the Katsuragi/Ikari/Sohryu residence shut.

"I see that you're home at last, Asuka," Misato drawled. "How was your day?"

Asuka shot Misato a dirty look, but said nothing as her attention was now focussed on Shinji sliding the door to his room open.

"A-asuka…"

"That wasn't me earlier," was all the redhead said before storming off into her sanctuary.

Shinji looked away, before turning back into his room.

The purple haired woman frowned. 'I know, Rei might make be able to cheer Shinji up.'

Rei sat in her bedroom smiling as she thought about the best way to convince Shinji to make the switch from cotton to silk. Her reverie was interrupted by the ringing of her mobile phone.

"Yes, Captain Katsuragi?" she asked, a barely noticeable tone of irritation entering her voice.

"¬Rei, are you busy this evening?¬"

"I have no plans."

"¬Would you mind paying Shinji a visit tonight? He's a little upset at the moment, and I thought that you could help cheer him up.¬"

"I will be arriving in approximately 38 minutes," Rei declared.

37 minutes and 45 seconds later, Misato's doorbell was ringing.

The purple haired woman opened the door to see Rei standing there looking, almost anxious. "How is Shinji-kun feeling, Captain Katsuragi?"

"Shinji's moping in his room. He's a little upset that his underwear's gone missing," Misato mentioned with a teasing smile.

'Does Captain Katsuragi know about my liberation of Shinji-kun's precious treasures?' Rei asked herself. Deciding that it would be best to feign ignorance at this time, she merely replied with "I see."

"Well come on in, you know where Shinji's room is, don't you?"

"I do," Rei allowed herself a small smile as she entered the apartment and knocked on Shinji's door.

""Who is it?" a depressed male voice asked through the panelling.

"It is I, Rei," the blue haired girl announced. "I wish to speak with you."

Not knowing how to tell Rei "no", Shinji slid open his door and forced a smile.

"Hello, Rei."

"Shinji-kun, we need to speak in private."

Misato, standing in the hallway with a can of beer, raised an eyebrow at the scene unfolding before her.

"O-ok," Shinji nodded, he turned and gestured to his bed.

"Your room is organised," Rei noted. "I like it."

"Thanks," Shinji blushed lightly. "What did you want to speak with me about?"

"Have you considered changing your undergarments to silk?"

"WHAT?" Shinji screamed, the very notion of Rei being interested in his choice of underwear boggling his mind.

"I wish to see you wear silky darlings, Shinji-kun," Rei explained as she handed the male pilot the contents of a paper bag that was pulled from nowhere.

Shinji stared dumbly at the pair of black, silk boxer shorts.

"Try these on, it is the way for us to progress our relationship."

"N-now?" Shinji asked, the whole day becoming a surreal nightmare for him. "I can't change in front of you!"

"I fail to see why not, you have nothing that I have not seen before," Rei casually mentioned. "I am not leaving the room until I see you in that pair of boxer shorts."

Sighing in defeat, a numb Shinji started to undress, hoping that he was having a nightmare and not the most bizarre day of his life.

"Though I have to admit, Shinji-kun, your package is most impressive."

"When did you become such a pervert, Rei?" Misato demanded, standing in the doorway just as Shinji finished pulling up the silken garment.

"I notice that you are not complaining about Shinji-kun standing in just his underwear, Captain Katsuragi. Perhaps you have designs on Shinji-kun?" Rei pondered aloud.

"That's preposterous!" Misato insisted. "I could have pretty much any man I like, why would I want Shinji? Even if he's taut young body does make his package look that much more enticing."

"Don't stare, Misato-san, it's embarrassing enough as it is," Shinji blushed. He turned around and bent over to pick up his black slacks.

"HOTCHA!" "DIBS!" the two ladies cried out in unison as they pounced on hapless pilot.

Misato was about to suggest Jan-ken to decide who should go first, but she was interrupted by Rei's announcement that a three in the bed romp was "the way forward."

That's all you get for now…

Until laterer comes