Superhero Spam

By Lord Raa

Can 5

Disclaim-me-do: You can get better odds in Vegas

Well, I thought that since "The Invisible Rei" got a repeat visit, why not see what would have gone on with Shinji as Mr. Fantastic…

Shinji lay curled up in a foetal position on his bed as Misato banged on the barricaded door.

"Open up Shin-chan! You can't stay in there for ever!" the sex crazed woman shouted.

"Yes I can," Shinji insisted.

Misato decided to use the best tool in her arsenal for getting Shinji to do what she wanted. "But what if there's an Angel attack? We'll all die!"

"At least I won't have people trying to touch me in the bathing suit area!" Shinji countered.

"WHAT?" Misato screeched as she stopped her hammering.

"Everywhere I go in NERV, people keep asking me to show them what I can stretch and how much I can stretch it. It's so degrading, being treated like a circus freak show," Shinji answered tearfully. "And the things the women say to me…"

"I'm sorry, Shin-chan, I never thought of it that way. Open the door and let Misato-chan comfort you," the Captain said sweetly.

"You say the worst things out of all of them!" Shinji stated loudly. "You keep asking about using my fingers like tentacles."

"Heh-heh," Misato chuckled nervously.

"What's going on here?" Asuka demanded, upset that her TV programme was being interrupted by her roommates' disturbance.

"Shinji won't come out of his room," Misato explained.

"But it's his turn to cook dinner," Asuka pointed to the door. "Baka, you get out here now and start cooking or I'll make you suffer!"

"But people keep trying to touch me!" Shinji whined.

"Oh grow up," Asuka scolded. "Like anyone would want to touch a boring boy like you!"

Misato looked away to hide her guilt.

Asuka was getting hungry. "Alright, let's assume that you're right for once. Why and where are people trying to touch you?"

Shinji's answer was cut off by Misato. "I'm sorry, but that's classified, Asuka."

"I pilot the most advanced piece of military hardware on the planet," the redhead said in a "duh" tone, "how can I not have sufficient security clearance?"

"Quite easily," Misato said dryly. "Now come on Shinji, don't be so stingy."

As Shinji remained silent, Asuka became even more upset. "Baka, if I have to break down this door you'll be eating hospital food through a straw, got it?"

This had the effect of motivating Shinji.

"Ok, but you all keep your distance," the sullen pilot warned.

"Fine, I'll keep Misato away from you."

Shinji slowly opened his door and made his way to the kitchen. During his brief journey, he felt Misato's gaze sweeping over his body.

Misato caught herself staring when she saw Shinji shiver/shudder.

"Ahem," she cleared her throat nervously. "So what's for dinner, Shin-chan?"

"It better have meat in it!" Asuka warned. "I'm tired of your namby-pamby vegetarian cooking. What's with that, anyway? You learning to cook for Wonder Girl?"

"No," Shinji sighed. "But what do you care who I cook for?"

"You like her?" Asuka asked in disbelief.

"Why not? Rei isn't mean to me," Shinji said defensively.

Misato frowned. 'Is Shinji looking to impress Rei? I don't think I like that idea…'

No, Misato liked the idea of Shinji showing her how much he could stretch parts of his body.

"Whatever," Asuka snorted. "Get cooking, baka!"

Shinji turned back to the cupboard and started preparing items for a curry.

The Second Child gaped when she saw Shinji reach up and pull out three plates from the top shelf without the aid of the stool she'd seen him use.

"You see that, Misato?"

"Yes," the beer drinker smiled. "I wonder if he'll be stretching other parts tonight."

Asuka looked at her guardian wiping the drool off her chin. "What do you mean by that? So what if he can stretch other parts of his body?"

Misato shook her head sadly. "I guess Second Child is an appropriate name for you, Asuka-chan. Think about it – if Shin-chan can stretch every part of his body he could make a girl very happy…"

Asuka's complexion became almost as red as her hair.

"That's indecent! How can you say such things in front of a minor!"

"Shinji isn't so minor, if you know what I mean," Misato smirked as she started to inch towards Shinji.

Luckily for the hapless chef, there was a guest knocking at the door.

"Get the door Misato," Asuka said, glaring at the lecherous woman.

"Fine," Misato sighed. She reluctantly walked to the front door. Upon opening it, Misato was only marginally surprised to see Ritsuko standing there.

"Hi Misato," the bottle blonde waved. "How's Shinji?"

"He's ok," Misato replied, the left side of her face twitching.

"That's good to hear," Ritsuko grinned as she stepped inside and into the apartment proper.

"Why are you here?" Misato asked through gritted teeth.

Having shed her jacket, the blonde grinned at her host. "I want to make sure you don't take advantage of Shinji's condition."

"What makes you think that I'm taking advantage of Shinji?" Misato glared at her "friend".

"I know what you're like, Misato."

"And I know what YOU'RE like, Ritsuko," Misato pointed angrily. "So stop projecting your sordid fantasies on me."

Ritsuko didn't respond to that barb, she merely walked through the apartment to see the male pilot. "Hello, Shinji-kun."

Shinji froze up. "H-hello, Ritsuko-san," he stammered as he slowly turned around.

"Is Misato making you cook again? You really should stand up for yourself more," the bottle blonde admonished.

"Yeah, baka," Asuka huffed. "If you had more of a backbone, then you wouldn't have this problem."

"But I like the fact that Shinji's so flexible," Misato pouted cutely.

"You're so shameless, Misato," Ritsuko said, shaking her head.

"This coming from the woman that asked 'hey, Shinji, ever had your asshole licked by a blonde woman in a labcoat?'," the purple haired captain said in a threatening tone.

"I was drunk!" the scientist insisted.

"That's Misato's excuse, come up with your own," yelled the redhead.

A fourth female voice joined the conversation. "I believe that there is enough of Shinji-kun to go around."

Everyone turned to face the new speaker. "Rei?" they asked in unison.

"I have examined Dr. Akagi's notes and I do not see why Shinji-kun would not be able to use his new ability to turn his penis into multiple appendages and sexually satisfy us at once," the blue haired girl said in a calm voice. "It is clearly the best solution to this situation."

Shinji looked down at the floor with a mixture of shame and embarrassment.

"When did you become such a pervert, First?" Asuka demanded. "And why would you want him?"

"Shinji-kun is an attractive male," Rei said with a small, almost naughty smile.

"Yeah, and?" Miss Sohryu asked in a bored tone. "But he's no Kaji."

"That means he will not have syphilis. If you are not interested in Shinji-kun, please do not attempt to stop us."

"What's this 'us' business, Rei?" Misato demanded indignantly. She might have doubled up with another woman in the past, but that was before she encountered Stretch Johnson, a man who'd be able to fulfil her most erotic dreams (and her orifices).

"Shinji-kun has demonstrated that he is highly skilled at avoiding capture. There is less chance of him getting away from three of us," Rei explained.

"True, but what makes you think that we want to share Shinji with you?" Ritsuko asked as she edged closer to Shinji.

"Handcuffs might hurt Shinji-kun," Rei's tone was almost excited, "and if Shinji-kun is hurt, then he will not be able to last as long."

"I don't know about you, Ritsuko, but I can't fault that logic," Misato conceded. "Come on Shin-chan, red hot lovin' awaits!"

"Do I have to?" Shinji whined. He looked at the faces of the women interested in him and gulped. "I mean, yes ma'am!"

"There's a good boy," Rei smiled as she licked her lips.

Well, I can't have too much sauciness in this story or you'd all get excited.

There may be more spamfic ideas to follow, but they won't all be superhero related. That won't be a problem if I post them here as chapters of this anthology, will it?

Yes, I know that Shinji and company haven't really started to act in a heroic fashion, but I won't tell if you don't.

Besides, if you were entertained by anything you read here, then I think that we can consider this experiment a success, don't you?

Until laterer comes.