Crossing the Line

Chapter Six

There were low, hurried voices in the background, and the room smelled like disinfectant and that delicious Hawaiian-blend coffee. Anna cracked opened her eyes experimentally but shut them at the glare of light that hit them.

Something rustled beside her.

"You can open your eyes now; I turned off the overhead."

Anna did; it was darker now, though still light enough to make things out fuzzily. Major Lorne was sitting next to the bed with a thick paperback book in his hands. He smiled and shut the book when she looked over at him.

"Hey stranger." The major reached over and pushed a button on the wall by the bed as he spoke -- to call Beckett, she assumed.

Anna opened her mouth to say something, but her throat was too dry. Lorne grabbed a glass of water sitting by his chair and, lifting her head with one hand, put the glass to her lips.

She supposed it was a bad sign that she was exhausted by the time she had taken a few sips -- not to mention her side was burning like she'd just done fifty crunches. But at least she could speak now. . . well, kind of.

"How long?" It was really more of a croaking sound than actual speaking, but it got the point across well enough.

"Just about four days, lass, and a grand scare you gave us while you were at it."

Anna turned her head as Dr. Beckett, his hair messed and a lab coat thrown over what looked like sheep-print pajamas, walked over to her, syringe and stethoscope in his hands and a look of unadulterated glee in his eyes.

"Now I'll need to check on a few things, if the major will excuse us."

"I'll be back as soon as he's done," Lorne murmured as he reached over and patted her hand.

Beckett made a clucking noise and gestured threateningly with the syringe.

"Come on, now, I didn't get up at this hour of the night to chit chat." He sighed, staring at Lorne's back as the major walked, slowly, out of the infirmary. "You can come back to your vigil in ten minutes, major. That one," he continued, turning to Anna, "only got several hours' sleep after I sedated him yesterday. You'll be happy to know he's not left your side else since he carried you in here, the stubborn man. Now, let's check on those bullet wounds of yours, shall we?"

Anna smiled. Later she would broach her question again, and there would be some serious talking done, but for now she was content with the thought that he had stayed with her. No matter what other people might think, there was something really nice about having a sleep-deprived man reading books at your bedside. And the dark circles under his eyes didn't really detract from just how nice those eyes looked, not much. But that could be saved for later, because right now, despite all of Beckett's prodding and poking, she was starting to feel so. . . very. . . sleepy. . .

He was there, of course, the next time she woke up. He was still lounging in in the chair next to her, leafing through the book. Anna glanced at the title surreptitiously: Rainbow Six. Ah, a kindred spirit; finally, a man who knew that it was more than just a videogame.

He still, apparently, hadn't noticed she was awake, so she took the opportunity to look around the room. Danny lay sleeping in the next bed, Cadman curled like a cat at his feet. Jason was sprawled in a chair up against the wall, also dozing. Neither Beckett nor any other doctors or nurses were readily visible - though you could never tell where one was going to pop up at any moment.

She and Major Lorne, it seemed, were the only waking people in the room. Anna wasn't sure whether this was good or bad - but pretending to sleep and thinking about it was out of the question, because he had put his book aside and was watching her intently. His eyes, usually lit with a teasing glint, were strangely calm, grave but sympathetic. The circles under his eyes were much lighter now; looked like he had gotten some much-needed sleep. Lucky him.

Anna realized she was staring; not that it was rude - he was staring too. But she should probably say-

"Feeling any better?" Lorne asked in hushed tones so as not to wake the others.

-something. Anna watched him reach down for a glass again, and he held it up for her to see.

"Water?"

She nodded. Again he held it to her lips and again he slid his arm under her shoulders and lifted her slightly. He did it so easily, without any trouble. Maybe she should try this sick thing more often.

Or then again, she thought as her side throbbed, maybe not. He set her back down gently and she sagged back onto the pillows. Eesh. She hated being weak.

Major Lorne set the glass back down on the floor and returned to staring at her for a bit.

"So. . . how're you feeling?" He whispered

Anna giggled quietly, then winced as she felt it. Stupid bullets. They took the fun out of everything.

Lorne leant forward and put his hand on hers as she felt her side through the scrubs.

"Should I call Beckett?"

"No," she whispered, letting her hand fall to the side - with his still holding it, she noticed. "I just don't think I should do a lot of laughing any time soon." She looked up at him; he was frowning a bit. "What happened, sir?"

He sighed and stared at the wall, and she knew he didn't want to think about it. Well, too bad; she had to know.

"You were shot. Twice. One of the bullets hit your lung, and the other one blew up your radio, almost killed you with the blood loss from the shrapnel, then went and lodged about two centimeters from your spine." He looked back down at her and brushed some hair away from her forehead. His hand was warm, soft. Gentle. "By all rights, 'tenant, you should be dead several times over, not to mention paraplegic. Good thing we have Beckett and his voodoo." He grinned, and she wondered what Mckay had been saying about the doctor now.

"You've been around Rodney too much, sir," she whispered.

He laughed softly. He always looked so much younger when he laughed; she loved it when he did - although it usually followed a joke of which she was the punch line.

"I have, haven't I? And it's just going to get worse - Teyla's going on leave, so our team's stuck babysitting Rodney until you get back on your feet."

She snickered. "Well, on the bright side, you'll get to learn the purpose of all the components of a ZPM by heart. Exciting stuff, that."

"Oh, come on lieutenant, who needs excitement when you can learn all about Dr. Kavanaugh's mathematical mistakes? Now that is special."

Ouch. She really had to remember to avoid giggling. Not only would it wake everyone else, it hurt like a-

"Are you sure you don't want me to call Beckett for some pain meds?"

He looked so nice and sympathetic, and her side hurt so much she almost said yes -- but she really didn't feel like falling back asleep right now, or, even worse, going loopy in front of him. She had learned long ago that hallucinating in front of a man you thought incredibly nice and good-looking was a situation to be avoided at all costs.

"Nah, I'm good." She laid back for a moment before something occurred to her. "Did Beckett happen to mention just how long it'll be until he'll release me for duty again?"

"Couple months, I think."

Well, that sucked.

"I see." Stupid bullets. She was never, never getting shot again. Teyla would just have to save her own butt next time. "And then you're going to have me do drills until I'm back to normal, aren't you sir?"

Lorne smiled irritatingly. "Why lieutenant, you make it sound like it's a bad thing; don't worry, it won't be too horrible. Just think about all the fun you'll have - fifteen mile runs on the bridges at five every morning, weight lifting after breakfast, and, hell, I'll even join you for a session with Ronon after lunch. Fun, fun, fun! What do you think?"

"With all due respect, sir, I think Dr. Weir and Col. Sheppard might forgive me if I strangled you right now."

"Well, at least we've found a bright side to the fact that you're too weak to lunge off the bed."

Oh, that was it. Lifting her free hand, she swatted his away from her other playfully. He caught them in one of his and, holding her wrists, reached down and dunked his fingers in what was left of her water, then brought them up and sprinkled her face. She got one of her hands loose and swatted him lightly on the arm. He laughed, caught himself as Cadman mumbled in her sleep, and let her hand go.

"All right, you win. But just you remember, lieutenant - I won't forget this; just wait until our sparring sessions. I've been practicing."

Anna groaned. She had almost forgotten about those drill sessions. . . Oh well. At least she didn't need to start tomorrow. She hated being weak, though, weak and helpless. She was already feeling tired from the scuffle she'd just had; she was a bit short of breath, and her side was aching. Two months of this? Best not to think of it.

She let her head flop back against the pillows and, reaching up with effort, switched off the overhead light. It shined right into her eyes when it was on. Strange the ancients hadn't thought of that when they had built the place. They'd thought of almost everything else, apparently.

Lorne leant back in his chair and picked up his book. "You know, if you fall asleep now, 'tenant, I'm not going to be able to read -- and you do not want to see me without my Tom Clancy fix."

She grinned. "If I fall asleep you can feel free to turn it on, sir; it was just bothering my eyes." She didn't want to fall asleep right now, anyway. She had been waiting for several days to - all right, so maybe she had only been awake for one and a half of those days, but the point remained that she had been waiting to talk with him for quite some time, and there was no way that she was going to let this chance slip away from her because she was feeling a little bit tired.

"Sir, about the question I had asked you before, I really-" She paused. What did she really want, after all? To know if he thought she was a good soldier? To know if he thought she was a good person? Or to know if he-

"I would have chosen you anyway."

Marcus hadn't meant to blurt it out quite that way, but there it was. The truth; or, at least, what he sincerely believed to be the truth. She'd been about to say something, too, and he had cut her off. He waited, letting her gather her thoughts.

"Anyway?" It was an innocent enough question, but the way she said it was full of something that reminded him of his mother whenever he'd tried to lie to her.

His mouth went dry. Well, it was now or never. Now or never.

"Lieutenant," he whispered, the words refusing to form themselves, "I'm not going to say that at the time I chose you I had some- some thoughts that were unbiased and preferential towards you, but that's no longer the case."

She drew in her breath sharply, and he winced.

"That is no longer the case, because I- well, I-" This was more difficult than explaining 'the nudie incident' to Sheppard and Weir had been.

She scooched up a bit, raised her head.

"Major Lorne, you don't have to go on - I was out of line with that question, and I-"

He raised his hands and 'shushed' her loudly, but quieted when Danny flopped over onto his back. What he wouldn't give for a little privacy; well, in for a penny. . .

Marcus took a deep breath.

"No, I want to - I have to explain." He looked down at his feet; hmm, he hadn't noticed he was rubbing his hands together again. He really had to stop doing that. "That's not the case any more, because- because if you were a civilian, we would have had this conversation a long time ago."

In for a buck. Schweinsteigger wasn't saying anything. Oh, he was going to get fired. Fired, fired, fired. Hmm, he needed to buff his shoes.

Schweinsteigger still hadn't said anything.

Maybe they would let him resign?

Marcus raised his head and looked at her. She was just sitting there, and her lips were twitching a bit. She was either crying or giggling.

Sheppard was going to kill him. He was going to-

"To tell the truth, sir," she whispered, her face blank and steady now. "If I were a civilian, I can think of several things we might have done a long time ago, and none of them involves a lot of conversation."

Not to mention Caldwell was going to make it impossible for him to-

Had she just said what he thought she'd said?

That couldn't be right.

There was- but he was-

Maybe she'd gotten hit by those bullets a little harder than they'd thought.

"An- Lieutenant. . ." Marcus trailed off. This was different. "Lieutenant, you do realize that, apart from my being your CO, there is also the slight matter of. . . well, age difference to consider, and. . . well. . .you're - you know, and I'm-" he twirled his fingers in the air. "You know."

She grinned.

"You mean the fact that, at the time I was teething, you were buying your first car?" She said it matter-of-factly, like it was of no more importance than when she corrected his grammar.

"Well. . . Pretty much, yeah." Maybe she didn't realize- no, she did; maybe she just wasn't taking it seriously enough; or maybe she simply-

"Do you have a problem with that?"

"No.. ." Strange, he hadn't even thought about it with regards to himself. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind; she was as level-headed and mature as any other person on Atlantis, and when compared to some - the name 'Kavanaugh' kept popping into his head for some strange reason - she was by far the superior. The most common complaint he had heard about age gap relationships was that people changed as they grew; well, he had been in relationships with women his own age before, and they changed too: one minute they were, if a bit miffed, at least used to the fact that you could be gone for days studying deep space radar telemetry, and the next minute they nattering about how unimportant his work was compared to a day at the park, then subsequently suing for possession of their shared apartment.

"No, but you- you're young; maybe, before anything happens, you should-" He cut off. How could he say this without sounding, well, rude and-

"What, date around? With all due respect, sir, I think I can make decisions about my own life without advice from. . . Well, you, I guess." She blushed slightly, and Marcus noticed that she was looking a tad pale - if 'pale' meant that you matched the scrubs and pillow shams.

He sighed; he kept forgetting she had been so close to dying just six days ago and, if his own shooting experiences were any judge, just being awake and chatting was probably making her feel like she was running a marathon. Now was not the time to argue semantics about a hypothetical relationship that, in this galaxy or any other, would most likely never really be an actual possibility.

"You're right. I'm sorry, I was just being - you know." He smiled and tapped his fingers on the coverlet, and a silence descended over them for several minutes. He had almost thought she had fallen asleep again when she spoke.

"So. . . Where to from here, sir?"

His fingers thunked on the cloth. Where to from here indeed? By all rights they should never have had this conversation, ever. He was her superior officer. They were on a base where either one could die at any given moment. Things like this were simply more complicated over here - and he was going to have to get used to it. But the question remained - where to from here?

"Well," he said, looking her in the eye, "We could just leave things be, for the moment."

"For the moment." She nodded. "We can deal with this later; if things change."

Marcus smiled and pushed a strand of hair away from her face. "Friends for now, then?"

"Sounds good to me," Schweinsteigger said as she leaned back against the pillows. "But right now I think I'm going to fall asleep."

"And the others so wanted to see you when you woke." He reached down and grabbed his book.

"Too bad." She almost managed to look sorry, but stopped to stifle a yawn. "You won't leave, will you?"

"Of course not." He opened his book, settled back, and turned on the overhead light as she closed her eyes. "I'll wait for you."

He sat with the book open on his lap, but it was a long time before Marcus read a word.

Yes, he would wait for as long as he needed to. This one was worth it.