Yeah…it's been more than two months. Sorry about that, but don't hound me, okay? I've kind of had a lot to deal with. Oh, and this totally would have been posted Wednesday morning, but a certain document manager refused to upload it. So there.

DISCLAIMER -- Duh.

Porphyria

Chapter Eleven – Debating

It was easier not to think.

Not to think about the gaping wounds, the shallow breaths, the twisted heap of metal hanging lifelessly at his friend's side.

Or the blood. He definitely didn't want to think about the blood.

It was everywhere – a rusty stain invading every corner of their lives. From that night in the field, to that girl lying shredded in the street, to that instant, with his best friend lying on a table, blood seeping from his body to cover sheets, bandages, hands.

Cyborg didn't really expect him to live, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try to save him.

Last time had been different – at least he'd had a chance. As grievous as his injuries had been, there was at least a glimmer of hope. But Raven was gone now, and with her Beast Boy's one shot at survival.

So he decided not to think, just to act.

But all that blood…

Shaking his head, Cyborg addressed some of the more serious wounds – two parallel gashes running from Beast Boy's shoulders to his abdomen. Cyborg reached for supplies and set to work stemming the blood flow and stitching them up, all the while monitoring the raspy, uneven breaths and erratic heartbeat on the screens above his head.

As soon as he finished, his attention was redirected to Beast Boy's metallic arm, barely recognizable now, and apparently sending shocks throughout his system. It'd have to be removed, or else that alone would kill him before the blood loss. After that there were more gashes, along with broken bones and God knew what else.

There was no time left to waste, so Cyborg shook his head once more and began the fight for his friend's life.

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Where had they gone wrong?

He had to keep his composure – he was the leader, the after all. But why did it have to be so hard, why couldn't he keep it all together when everything was coming apart at the seams? It was his job, his responsibility to stand firm, even when the ground was crumbling beneath his feet, because there were people counting on him. People he was supposed to protect.

People he had failed to protect.

Maybe that was it – maybe that was what made it near impossible to stay strong. Maybe that was why he'd barricaded himself in his room, sat at his desk and buried his face in his hands, struggling to keep calm.

The thing was, he should have known. Should have seen through Slade's traps and mind games, should have stopped Beast Boy's suicide mission, should have seen it coming before his friend leapt into the jaws of death.

But deep down he knew, he'd let it happen. He'd seen all the pieces fall neatly into place, seen the determined glint in Beast Boy's eyes before his final statement. He was going to end it – and he had. Robin had let a team member sacrifice himself – because who else would have done it? Who else was that desperate?

No, they all were desperate. But they were also afraid – too scared to make the leap, to put it all on the line knowing it was the last time, their last stand.

But Robin had taken the easy way out, and he couldn't forgive himself for that. This way, it wasn't at his command, and he hadn't needed to make that fateful order. And how could he have? How could he have told one of his own to essentially take their own life, even if it was for a greater good? Was that what being a leader truly meant – being able to choose who lived and who died, without regret? But how? How could he have chosen?

Now he didn't have to. And nothing could stop him from wishing he was the one dying in the med bay.

Someone knocked swiftly on his door, and Robin's head jerked up.

"Robin?"

It was Starfire, and her voice was soft and hesitant. Robin scooted his chair back and stood, crossing the room to his door and sliding it open.

Her bright green eyes searched his masked face for a moment, and she frowned.

"Friend Robin, are you…?"

"I'm fine," Robin responded, resolve in his voice. She already knew of his mistake, she couldn't know of his weakness, as well. "What's the matter? Is Beast Boy…?" He let the question hang, unsure of how to finish, or what he really wanted to know at all.

"I do not know." If possible, Starfire's face fell even further, and her gaze to the ground. "I have not heard from Cyborg since we arrived home."

"I see." Robin wasn't sure if he was relieved or not. "And what did you come to tell me?"

Starfire looked up once again, catching her leader's gaze.

"They're here."

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Speedy was no stranger to surprises, especially recently. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to overcome to shock of Aqualad stumbling into the tower one night, to tell the team that Raven had been kidnapped, and, by the way, Beast Boy had lost an arm a few months before. Of course, the arm thing he could understand – that wasn't exactly a conversation piece – but he still, he had trouble getting over the verbal backlash Titan's East had received over events they'd had next to no involvement in. But still, if all the Titans didn't stand together, they wouldn't stand a chance, so Speedy was eager enough to answer a distress call from Jump City. Unfortunately, a string of bank robberies had erupted in their own territory just the night before, so only Aqualad was able to accompany him – hopefully that would be enough.

Needless to say, he hadn't expected the sight that met him there. Buildings were gutted, businesses were merely rubble, and a shopping mall had been utterly razed. Surprisingly enough, the damage was mostly centralized in less populated, or even abandoned sectors of the city, with only a few exceptions.

Now the two of them were seated on the couch in the living room, digesting the story Robin and Starfire had just finished retelling. To his left, Aqualad appeared to be lost in a deep thought, watching last traces of night slip away as the sun rose – Speedy however, wasn't as calm, despite his attempts to remain so.

"Wait, how long has this thing been attacking?" he asked, rubbing his temples furiously.

"About a month," Robin sighed. "I know, we should have called sooner."

"Yeah, you should have." Speedy shook his head before continuing. "I mean, it's like you guys keep forgetting that you're not the only Titans – we've been here all along, but the only time you let any of us help was when we came to you. You can't possibly handle this all on your own."

"We have to," Robin cut in, his voice determined, almost dangerous. "If we don't, then they're right – we are too young, and too inexperience to deal with real problems. Right now they're thinking that this was a mistake – how can we protect an entire city if we can't even protect each other? We have to prove them wrong."

Everyone fell quiet for a moment, and Aqualad finally spoke up.

"When was the last time any of you slept?"

Robin glanced at him curiously, as if the question was out of place.

"I…I don't even know," he answered a minute later. "This past week, no one's really had the chance."

"Go on to bed then," Aqualad instructed them, leaning forward. "We'll wait here, and keep an eye on things."

"What about friend Beast Boy?" Starfire asked, torn between a need for sleep and worry for her teammate.

"If we hear anything, we'll tell you," Aqualad promised. "Now go."

Robin paused as if he had something else to say, but decided against it. He and Starfire headed for the elevator without another word.

"Thanks, Mr. Calm-and-Unaffected," Speedy quipped the second the door had slid shut, casting a glare down the couch.

Aqualad shrugged. "You shouldn't be so hard on them. They're dealing with a lot right now."

"I can see that." Speedy sighed and shut his eyes. "It's just…why not call us before? You know, back when things weren't so out of hand?"

"Would you have?" Aqualad asked him seriously.

Once again, Speedy glared at his teammate. "Fine."

"We're here now, anyway."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it."

"You didn't see it happen," Aqualad added quietly. "You weren't here when Raven was taken."

Speedy turned to his companion, a careful expression on his face. Aqualad had never really spoken about what happened down in that cave – Speedy gathered that it'd been a terrible fight, an even worse defeat, and that they'd been lucky that anyone had made it out alive at all.

"I could tell things were going downhill before that," Aqualad continued, now staring out at the horizon. "But that's when it all fell apart."

"Do you think they'll ever find her?" Speedy wondered aloud, and half to himself.

"Not on purpose," Aqualad said with a sigh. "I don't know where else they could look. All they can do now is wait for Slade to make a mistake."

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Terra was surprised by how easy it was to lie. She'd assumed that at the first hint of falsehood, Slade would have killed her, or worse. Instead, he simply waved her off, apparently too intent on watching his pet destroy the Titans to pay any heed to Terra's reports.

So it was simple, really, to just say what Slade wanted to hear.

No, sir, Raven has never questioned me about her past.

No, sir, James hasn't let her out of his sight.

No, sir, the only thing keeping me there is my loyalty to you.

But the truth was, Raven, or Lucy, as she was called now, had brought up her past, rather insistently, and to the point where Terra had been left with no choice but to give her answers, or at least half-answers. However, since that day at the pond, any other questions had been left unsaid, and Terra was saved from potentially dangerous conversations.

And James had started to slip on his guardian duties. On more than one occasion, Terra had arrived early in the morning only to discover that James wasn't home, and Lucy was asleep upstairs, and unguarded. Not that she'd ever bring the topic up to James himself – Terra had a sinking suspicion that James had returned to some of his old habits, and if was really stalking girls at night, Terra preferred not to get in his way.

The one thing that Terra was the most afraid to admit was that she'd started looking forward to her visits. As hard as it was to believe, she actually liked her role as Tabitha – preferred it to her own, subservient life.

Then again, maybe it wasn't so hard to believe. Tabitha was a caring, compassionate girl, always worrying about her best friend, putting her own troubles aside for everyone else's. But Terra…Terra was a slave, bound by fear and hatred to a man too evil to describe -- Terra betrayed everyone she cared about, and was a pawn used to tear lives apart. And the worst part was, she wasn't even strong enough to try and break free. All she could do was live in some fantasy world, lying to a person who might have once been her friend.

As she pulled the old, teal Ford Taurus into James's driveway, Terra did her best to banish these unwanted thoughts. Instead she shut off the ignition, grabbed her purse and stepped out into the clear morning sunshine, heading for the oak door, ready to assume her other life.

Terra hadn't been aware that James even possessed a television, and she definitely hadn't expected to find Raven – Lucy – seated in front of it, absorbing a news broadcast.

"…based on the wreckage found in the industrial park, authorities are still unsure if the Titans have finally managed to defeat the creature, or if tonight --"

Terra shut off the TV, much to the dismay of the girl before her.

"Tabitha? What –?"

"Why were you watching that?" Terra hissed.

Lucy raised her eyebrows in confusion. "It was the news. I just wanted to see what was going on, you know, outside of this house." She paused for a moment before adding, "Did you hear about that…thing…that's been tearing the city apart?"

Terra inhaled sharply. "Don't watch that stuff! How much did you see, anyway?"

"Why are you so upset?" Lucy asked, standing up. "It's just the news."

Realizing her error, Terra backtracked. "It's just…James doesn't want you watching things like this."

"Why not?"

"I don't know." Terra rolled her eyes, exasperated. "You saw how depressing it all is – he just wants you to be happy."

"But that doesn't mean it's not happening," Lucy insisted.

"Look, just don't worry about it." Terra sighed, finally regaining control of her temper. "It's not a big deal; I just don't want you to get in trouble with James. You know how he can be."

Lucy frowned, but didn't argue any further. Still, something about the look in her eyes just didn't seem…right, somehow.

"What's going on?"

James was leaning in the doorway, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Not much," Terra lied as nonchalantly as possible. "We were just thinking about going on…."

"A picnic," Lucy interrupted. She caught Terra's gaze, and gave her a look that plainly said, this isn't over yet. "Would you like to come?"

The conversation went on, but Terra was lost to it. That look in Lucy's eyes…there was something there that wasn't supposed to be. But what was it, and what had put it there?

Somehow Terra already knew she wasn't going to like the answer.

TBC

Sorry if I seemed a little short with you guys before…it's just, I really hate this chapter. Oh, and I'm pretty much hating Robin right now, too, 'cuz he's such a pain to write (don't ask me why, I just have trouble writing him) but his POV was the only one that would fit, and I wanted to make him hate himself as much I hate him. Not that I have a problem with him normally…he's a fine, upstanding young gentleman…we just don't get along too well. I had a hard time keeping him in character, so he might seem kind of off…but do keep in mind, one of his teammates is missing indefinitely, another is busy dying, and dang it, he's tired.

And I only brought two of the Titans East into the story because I didn't want to overload it with characters. And I chose those two for reasons…Aqualad because he has previous involvement with the ordeal, and Speedy because I love him…I mean, because Bumblebee's the leader and had to stay behind, and I didn't want to deal with Spanish (I've taken two years of that class and still can't speak it worth anything). So, yeah…that was completely justified.

Oh, but I'm not too sure how I did with Speedy…I wanted him to be angry, but trying not to be, but ending up angry anyway…I'm just not sure how that came across. And Aqualad was supposed to balance that out. Yeah, that whole scene was a total experiment that I'm actually not unhappy with, and maybe kind of excited about. Hooray for not hating everything!

Sorry if the switching between Terra/Tabitha was confusing at all. If you didn't know it already (I think most of you did), they're the same person. Dun dun dun! I've wanted to put her POV in the story for a while now, and that beginning of the part was something I wrote just after I posted the last chapter.

Yeah…neither Beast Boy nor Raven had a POV in this chapter…and it was evil of me to leave those out. But…I'm an evil person, so…yeah. Raven/Lucy should have a POV next chapter – as for BB…well…I can't tell you.

Okay, so…sorry once again about the long wait. Hopefully you'll still review – nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Child of a Pineapple