Yeah, yeah, it's been a while. Quit throwing stuff already, gee-osh. This chapter's super long, to make up for the wait. I think it's longer than some of the one-shots I've written, if not all of them.
I just finished reading Twilight and New Moon by Stephenie Meyer. Have you read them? If so, PM me…if not, pick up a copy…or two. They're very, very good.
So…this chapter is kind of weird. I switch POV's rapidly (and about 8 kajillion times), but that's only because it didn't flow right when it was all in big chunks. And I feel like I picked sort of awkward places to pick up the storylines…but I was sick and tired of drawing things out, so I'm just getting right to the point. AND I sort of skip some things that maybe could have possibly been important…if I'd chosen to write them. As it is, they just don't exist…because they would have been boring.
The very first scene feels really nonchalant…I'm not sure why, but it just sort of came out that way. So…just go with it, m'kay?
God, I just want to be done with this story.
DICLAIMER – Teen Titans does not belong to me, nor does the poem "Porphyria's Lover" by Robert Browning. Lines from the poem are bolded. And yes, there are quite a few this time.
Porphyria
Chapter 14 – Dying
"He's going to kill me, Terra."
The blonde's head shot up so fast she was surprised it didn't snap – and her ice blue eyes flew to meet the troubled violet orbs at the other end of the couch.
She'd only intended to stop by for a few minutes – but when she'd seen Lucy perched on the edge of a sofa in the formal room, gazing forlornly out the window, Terra had been drawn to linger, and taken a seat across from her friend.
"What did you say?"
"I said, he's going to kill me," Lucy repeated, her voice flat and emotionless – uncharacteristic of someone so sure of their own demise.
"No, I mean…what did you call me?"
Lucy turned away, returning her gaze to the window and all that lay beyond. "I'm sorry. It just sort of…slipped out."
"No, it's okay." Terra sighed, shaking her head. "So, how long has it been?"
"A few months," Lucy admitted, still looking away. "I can't remember a thing, though, not really. Just little flashes – feelings or something."
"I'm not surprised. You were on a pretty powerful drug."
"How long have you known?" Lucy asked, once again catching Terra's gaze. The blonde girl only frowned.
"Since the beginning – since before the beginning," Terra explained.
Lucy nodded. "I guessed as much." She paused, biting her lip. "So, Lucy's not my name, then?"
"No."
"Are you going to tell me who I really am?"
Terra couldn't stifle a chuckle – she put her hands behind her head and leaned into the couch, closing her eyes. "I am so dead."
"Why?" Lucy scooted closer to the blonde, a worried look crossing her features. "Will James…?"
"It's not James I'm afraid of," Terra replied smoothly, opening one eye. "This goes so far beyond him…that stuck-up little sadist has no idea who he's even dealing with."
"Is that so?"
The girls were startled by James's appearance, but not surprised – even if he'd been left out of the master plan, nothing within the manor ever escaped his eye, and this afternoon was no different. Now he stood in the doorway, blocking the clearest exit.
"I'm afraid it is, James," Terra answered smoothly, subtly positioning herself between the madman and his captive. "And you've known it all along, haven't you?"
"Silly girl, who are you trying to fool?" James retorted, simultaneous glaring and flashing his crooked smile. "You're only a pawn, after all – lying to a poor, sick young woman, befriending her now because she'd never even had spared you a passing glance had she been in her right mind. Pitiful – that's all you are."
Terra shook her head and narrowed her eyes. "I think you've got me confused with someone else." She raised a hand that was surrounded in a yellow aura, then glanced at the girl behind her.
"My keys are in the front seat, Raven," she said quickly, nodding towards the window. "Get out of here, and don't ever come back." Her hand twitched, and the glass shattered as a rock sailed into the room from outside. "Go!"
Raven hesitated a second more, but the girl's fierce, and now strangely yellow gaze was enough of a warning, and she left without another word, feet pounding on the pavement as she sprinted towards freedom.
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Raven.
The name was foreign yet familiar, and decidedly hers – she was eager not to take either any of Terra's gifts in vain, repeating the name as a mantra in her mind as she slipped into her friend's teal Taurus. Almost without thinking, she slid the key into the ignition and started the vehicle. She briefly wondered if she even knew how to drive, but as she shifted and peeled out of the driveway, she decided that the memory must have been yet another thing that James had stolen from her. James, or whoever he was working for.
And then there was that – the idea that someone was pulling the strings, manipulating James as a mere puppet – if that was the case, then this person had to be even more twisted than James himself, and that thought alone was more than frightening.
But obviously Terra worked under this shadow man as well – but the way she made it sound, she hadn't exactly volunteered.
Terra.
It was hard to sort through the barrage of emotions that her name alone brought on -- hurt, sadness, anger, hatred, betrayal…
But she couldn't really leave her there to face James on her own, could she? Terra had risked her life so that Raven could escape – and even if she did owe it to her, that didn't give Raven the right to abandon the closest thing she had to a friend…at least as far as she could remember.
Get out of here, and don't ever come back.
If that wasn't specific, Raven wasn't sure what was. Still, the thought nagged at her the all throughout the trip – all the way into a city she didn't recognize, with a giant tower dotting the horizon. It was that tower that really caught her eye, and lead her forward – the streets were crowded, and she pulled into the first parking spot she could find, suddenly determined to complete the trek on foot.
So she ran, ran until a face that shouldn't have felt so familiar stopped her in her tracks.
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As soon as Raven was gone, Terra bolted – and James followed, as he was supposed to. She ran without any specific destination, through the foyer and up the main stair, until his hand caught her wrist halfway across the dimly lit balcony. A cold rush swept through her body.
"And all her yellow hair displaced."
Terra turned as James uttered those chilling words, taking in the eerie look that had crossed his features.
"What?" Her voice shook with unintended fear.
"I never saw it before," James said thoughtfully, squeezing Terra's wrist. "I'm not sure why, but I never realized what was missing. The whole time, I was looking for the wrong one. Now I've found you, Porphyria with your yellow hair."
One hand subconsciously flew to her golden locks. In that moment, James relinquished his hold on Terra, but only for an instant. Two strong hands found her neck and choked her, crushing strands of yellow hair against her skin. As he tightened his grip, James spoke calmly, green eyes flashing in the darkness.
"Porphyria's love – she guessed not how her darling one wish would be heard."
Terra tried to draw in a gasping breath, but it was impossible. James's words drowned out her pounding heart.
"And thus we sit together now…"
Her vision swam and her body went limp as James continued to speak.
"And all night long we have not stirred…"
Briefly, she recalled silver fingers that held her neck, just before the lulling tendrils of oblivion claimed her for eternity.
"And yet God has not said a word."
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One chance. If he didn't take advantage of this one, gleaming opportunity, all hope of escape would be lost. One chance…
Beast Boy paused, crouched in the windowsill, as footsteps creaked above him. They passed, and his fingers fumbled for the clasp. The window slid open swiftly, and the alarm he'd half-expected didn't trigger – so they weren't as bent on keeping him as he'd thought. One shift later, a green hawk with a glinting silver wing shot off into the afternoon sky.
Initially he'd been dreading the first few minutes of his flight, during which he'd still be in plain view of the ever watchful tower. But his escape was practically effortless, and a seed of guilt began to sprout in his chest – he shook it off. He just couldn't take any more time down in that med bay.
Another two months had dragged by featuring him as a prisoner of those walls – granted, he'd spent a few weeks unconscious, but still. So after a day of experimenting with his second new arm, Beast Boy was breathing fresh air for the first time in far too long.
The whole episode was pleasant – he'd forgotten how nice it was to soar above the waves, occasionally swooping down so that his wings skimmed the water. And as it was a beautiful day, he was perfectly content to reach land, shift back to his human form, and stroll the streets of a city on the road to recovery after the creature's sudden disappearance weeks ago. It was what happened next that shattered and scattered the neat little pieces of his nearly rebuilt life.
He hadn't seen the girl coming, as engrossed in the sights as he'd been – and in her defense, she had plenty of other things to worry about. Their collision was quick, and would have been completely incidental, had their eyes not met.
She was clad in jeans and a simple blue tee-shirt – her hair was longer, and her face more worried, but it had been months, and there was no mistaking that chakra.
It was Raven, without a doubt. But little did he know she didn't even know it yet.
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Looking back, Raven knew that she'd been a complete idiot to trust the first guy she ran into a completely foreign city. But she was desperate, and needed something familiar – something she could hold on to for even a second, and grasp a tiny bit of sanity.
It was his eyes that really caught her – shock was etched into those orbs, and for a second he couldn't even speak. Finally he got his mouth working again, and the very first thing he said threw her for a loop.
"Raven?" the young man asked, completely dumbfounded. "Raven, is that really you?"
There was that name again – the same one that Terra had used earlier. Something about him felt right – and it was the first time she could ever remember feeling that way.
Slowly she nodded, only once, but it was obviously enough for him. His face breaking into a grin, he took her hand, maybe to assure himself that she really was there, right in front of him.
"I can't believe…" he shook his head, at a loss for words once more. "Where have you been? We've looked everywhere."
But she didn't answer – in fact, she couldn't. The second this familiar stranger had touched her hand, a jolt had shot through Raven's body, and she was overwhelmed with a surge of memories – more precisely, pieces of memories. Painful memories – a rainy night in a bloody field, hours and hours of waiting, and more recently, glowing eyes and the dull sound of a body dragging across the floor.
"Why do I know you?" she asked, her voice wavering as the flashes pounded in her skull. "I shouldn't--"
He frowned, but gripped her hand tighter. "What do you mean, Raven? What's wrong?"
"I don't remember," she explained, looking down. "I don't remember anything."
The young man was quiet for a long time, his features reeking of sadness. Raven was still, watching his face carefully. Somehow she knew that she was supposed to know this desperate person before her – she knew she could trust him, and even if she couldn't, she didn't have any other choice.
"What did he do to you?" he finally questioned, searching her eyes for some flicker of recognition.
…a body dragging across the floor…
"I have to go back," she whispered desperately, stepping away. "He'll kill her."
"Raven!" Now his hands were on her shoulders, and she could almost feel the cool metal beneath his glove. So much blood. "Raven, listen to me. You're sick--"
"No! I'm not sick, I'm just…I'm just." Why did she feel like crying? "I'm not sick." A round orange pill in the palm of her hand. "Don't make me…"
"It's okay," he told her, soothing. "Raven, it's okay. You're right, you're not sick – but I've got to take you back to the tower, okay?"
"He'll kill her!"
"Who?"
"James," she said mournfully. She could hear as his breath caught, and his grip tightened.
"Owens?" he asked, dumbfounded. She barely managed to nod. "But he's dead."
Raven shook her head furiously – if only that was true.
"But…" He buried his face in the palm of his head and sighed. "Okay, here's what we'll do. I'm going to take you back to the tower, and then me and the others will find James, and--"
"No." Raven shook her head furiously. "I'm coming with you."
He frowned. "I don't think that's a good idea, Raven."
"I have to come," she protested. "Listen to me…" She trailed off, quite suddenly aware that she couldn't even remember his name.
Apparently he noticed her distress. "Beast Boy," he supplied, his frown deepening. "And no, you don't."
"You don't understand. He's going to kill her, now."
"I'm not taking you back there," Beast Boy responded, his voice sharp. "I'm not letting you go again."
"Please," she whispered. So much blood. "You have to let me do this. I couldn't stop him before, so I have to now." She bit back a sob -- she wasn't even sure who she was talking about anymore, but the words found their own way out.
Beast Boy paused, his feelings conflicting on his face. He relaxed his hold on her shoulders, only slightly. "Fine. But I'm calling the others to follow us." He paused again, his expression severe. "And Raven – if I tell you to leave, then you run, and don't look back. Alright?"
Raven nodded, and Beast Boy released her.
"So, how are we going to get wherever we're going?" he asked next.
"We'll drive."
"Drive what?"
"I borrowed Terra's car," she explained. She almost elaborated, but noticed the shock spreading across Beast Boy's features.
"Terra?" he repeated, dumfounded. "You remember Terra?"
"No…not really," she admitted.
"Then what…?"
Raven sighed. "I'll explain on the way."
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Everything he'd worked so hard for – the careful deliberation, tireless calculations – everything was unraveling before his very eyes.
Needless to say, Slade was more than a little annoyed.
After the changeling had defeated his creature, Slade had focused on a new plan to wipe the young nuisances out of his life forever. But before all the little pieces could fall neatly into place, someone had gone and torn all he had left to shreds.
If Slade had been any sort of decent, he would have taken at least some of the blame for his downfall – instead, all guilt was placed on Terra. After all, she was the one who'd been stealing, deceiving, and misleading – just lying in general…at least, to him, anyway. And in Slade's book, that was all that mattered.
That insolent little worm – when would she learn? He was the master, and she the ever willing (and preferably silent) apprentice. She wasn't fit for anything more.
Well, she'd dug her grave, almost literally, in fact. And while she had allowed Raven to escape, all would soon be right in the world.
It wasn't much later when Slade really just how screwed he really was.
Terra was lucky she was already dead.
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"Robin, you're not going to believe this."
Even on the tiny screen, Beast Boy could see that his leader was far beyond irritated. "Let me guess – you finally escaped."
Beast Boy scowled. "Besides that. Seriously, this is good news. Mostly."
"You're right. I don't believe you."
Exasperated, Beast Boy directed the communicator towards Raven, who was intently focused on driving. The silence from the other end of the line was deafening.
When Beast Boy turned the device back to himself, Robin was visibly blown away.
"How'd you find her?" he demanded. "Where are you going?"
"I need you to meet us somewhere," Beast Boy cut in quickly. They turned a corner, and the woods opened up to reveal a crumbling mansion.
"What's going on, Beast Boy?"
"Look, Robin, I'm really sorry, but I can't explain now," Beast Boy offered apologetically. "I'm sending you the coordinates. Hurry."
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Robin swore as the transmission blacked out, but an instant later he was springing into action. He burst out of his room and down the hallway, pounding on Cyborg and Starfire's doors as he passed.
Cyborg's heavy footsteps soon echoed behind his, and Starfire floated from her room.
"Friend Robin, what is the emergency?" she asked, concerned.
"Yeah, what's up?" Cyborg questioned. Robin didn't bother turning around, but held his communicator up over his shoulder.
"Beast Boy just called me – he sent me coordinates."
Cyborg's curse was considerably more violent than Robin's had been – he could imagine that Starfire was wincing.
"What's he up to now?" Cyborg wondered. "I mean, usually he calls us right before all hell breaks loose."
"It's not like that," Robin explained – at least he hoped it wasn't – he paused a moment before continuing. "He's with Raven."
The footsteps behind him ceased, as he'd expected they would, and Robin had no choice but to turn and face his shocked comrades.
Starfire was the first to regain her composure. "Then you mean…Raven is alright?"
Robin frowned. "He didn't say much – just that we need to hurry."
That caught their attention, and the pair quickly followed Robin onto the elevator. Cyborg finally spoke up as the doors slid shut.
"You sure it's her?"
"I saw her, Cyborg. It's really Raven."
"I just don't get it," Cyborg said, stepping off the elevator and into the garage. "We've been looking for months, and getting nothing, and BB sneaks out for the afternoon and that's it? She just appears? What about every other time he's been out wandering to who knows where?"
Robin opened the passenger's side door of the T-Car, ready to climb inside. "You'll have to ask her."
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They waited outside the house for a long while – Raven was watching the door, and Beast Boy was watching her.
"It's not that I don't want to remember," she spoke up after a long bout of silence. "I've tried."
"I know."
"And I know that I'm supposed to," she went on, "I just can't."
"Raven, it's okay – we'll figure something out."
She turned to face him, tears welling up in her violet eyes, and Beast Boy almost felt that familiar charge of building energy. Almost.
"It was James," she told him, turning away. "He had these pills – I took them, just because he told me to, because he said I was sick and I wanted to be well again. I didn't even think about it. I just--" All of a sudden she froze, eyes trained on the oak door.
"Raven?"
"We need to go in there," she said, reaching for the door handle. "Now."
Beast Boy looked back over his shoulder – the road behind him was deserted. "Maybe we should wait for the others."
Raven caught his gaze, but her face was set, and her mind made up. "I'm going in there – you can stay, if you'd like."
For a moment he caught a glimpse of the Raven he knew –- the one he trusted with his life.
Nodding once, Beast Boy opened his door. "Alright. Let's go."
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A teal Taurus was parked outside when they pulled up, with both doors swung wide open. The oak front door was ajar as well, and the house was silent.
"So, they're inside then," Cyborg muttered, killing the ignition. "You ready?"
"Might as well be," Robin replied, opening his door and stepping outside. The other two Titans followed suit.
"Do you think they will be alright?" Starfire asked nervously, hovering behind Robin.
"I hope so."
Some corner of Robin's mind registered the ornate carvings on the oak door, but the thought was brushed away as he slipped inside.
The wide foyer was empty, along with every adjoining room – in fact, a quick sweep proved the entire first floor to be deserted. It wasn't until they trekked up the main stairs to the entry's balcony that they encountered any life…or a lack thereof.
It had been months since they'd seen her last, but there was no mistaking the prone form sprawled out on the hardwood. Blonde hair fanned out about her pale face – her icy blue eyes were open but sightless, and dark bruises marred her thin neck.
Cyborg bent down to check for a pulse, just in case, but a voice broke the silence.
"She's dead," the voice offered solemnly – the Titans started, and glanced to a darkened doorway, and the speaker beyond -- and more than that, the figure waiting anxiously behind him.
"Raven?" Robin questioned, stepping forward – the girl ignored him, stepping around Beast Boy to kneel beside the body on the ground.
"She saved me," Raven murmured. She reached out to brush the blonde locks away from the cold face. "I don't understand – she helped him, but…" She trailed off, looking down.
"No pain felt she," a new voice broke in from the end of the hall. "I am quite sure she felt no pain."
Raven cringed as the figure approached, his footsteps echoing hollowly on the hardwood. A few steps later he crossed into a beam of light, and his features became plainly visible.
Beast Boy took a step forward to stand between Raven and the newcomer. "Who are you?"
"I should be asking all of you the same thing," the man replied coolly. "So, who are you, and what are you doing with my Lucy?"
Raven rose to her feet swiftly. "I'm not Lucy. And I don't belong to you, James. Not anymore."
"Who do you belong to, then?" James asked, his lips creasing to form a crooked smiled. "Surely not this ragged bunch – you don't even know them."
Raven's shoulder's tensed, and she froze. Glancing back, Beast Boy could clearly read the mixed expression of terror and confusion etched onto her face. James' smile only widened.
"Ah, now you understand." James tilted his head to one side, and took two slow steps forward. "You see how easy it would be for someone to take advantage of you in your…fragile state. They could feed you any insubstantial story they wished, and you'd just lap it up. All you want is for someone to love you, Lucy – for once in your pitiful life, to have someone, anyone care for you, even if it is a lie."
Beast Boy bristled, and made his mind up in all of two seconds, lunging at James with his silver fist. The force sent the redhead staggering, but to his credit he took the blow quite admirably, and turned back to Beast Boy, smiling through blood and broken teeth.
"Keep your mouth shut," Beast Boy snarled, ready to throw another punch. "Leave her alone. Just leave her the hell alone."
James narrowed his eyes. "You'll live to regret that," he murmured, slinking back into the shadows at the end of the hall. Beast Boy bolted after him, with Robin only a beat behind, but neither was fast enough to slip though the heavy oak door before it slammed shut and locked from the other side.
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How dare they? How dare they waltz into his home, and take his Lucy. It wasn't like they actually cared about her – if that was the case, they wouldn't have let the Shadow Man gets his hands on her in the first place.
But why would Lucy seek this group out? She wasn't even supposed to remember them, the pills were supposed to take care of that. Anger burned in his chest as the full extent of Lucy's betrayal became clear. All this time she'd disobeyed his direct orders – and worse, she'd lied, boldly claiming fidelity, while all along…
James spat blood, then leaned against the door, breathing heavily. Why did he even care? He'd just kill the little traitor like he'd planned, and like he'd killed the Shadow Man's whore. And just to make sure that no one else came to bother him, he resolved to finish off Lucy's "friends" as well. He rubbed his jaw tenderly – there was something decidedly not human about the one that had attacked him, but no matter. Everyone's alike once they've quit breathing.
Then, he'd be all alone with his new Lucy. He cast a casual glance to the girl across the room. She was leaning against the wall, stock still and watching him with wild eyes. Judging by the violent red marks circling her wrist, she'd been struggling at her bonds merely moments before.
Really, he might as well just kill her now, too – she was quite a nuisance, and frankly, he had more than enough to be getting on with as it was. And besides, there were always more Lucy's.
Pleased with this new plan of action, James crossed the room, rolling up his sleeves as he went. The almost-Lucy shirked away – she cringed when faced with his crooked, crimson-stained smile, and he delighted. She was backed into a corner, with no hope for salvation. All she could do was pray for it to end quickly.
"Giving up already? I thought you were above such senseless violence."
The voice was one that James hadn't heard in a while, and one he'd certainly not expected. James turned back to see the Shadow Man waiting nonchalantly, despite the monstrous sword resting on his shoulder.
"What are you doing here?" James demanded – the Shadow Man didn't answer, but advanced, closing the gap between James and himself. James took a nervous step backwards.
"If I remember correctly," the Shadow Man intoned, "I believe we had an agreement. You were to keep the girl safe, and ensure that she stayed on the medication. What happened, James?"
"She didn't listen," James murmured, avoiding the Shadow Man's gaze. With every step, there was less distance between James and that sword. A second later, his back met the unforgiving surface of the wall.
The Shadow Man shook his head and sighed heavily. "What a pathetic excuse. But no matter – you failed to pay, and now I've come to collect. Farewell, James."
With a smirk, the Shadow Man hefted his sword and forced it into James's chest. The cool steel glided through skin and muscle, chipping bone and slipping through tissue, and finally sliding out his back and pinning him to wall. Blood crawled up his throat and darkness claimed him as the Shadow Man turned and walked away.
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The door clicked shut, and Beast Boy collided with a thud and a curse barely a second too late. He stepped back and shape-shifted, taking the form of a bull – Raven felt that she should have been surprised, but somehow she wasn't.
"Beast Boy, wait," Starfire called, hurrying forward – Raven could plainly read the reluctance in his eyes as he turned to face her. He shifted again, this time back into a human.
"I'm not letting him get away with this," he said quickly, crossing his arms. He glanced pointedly at Robin. "We're not letting him get away."
"You're right, we're not," Robin conceded. "But you can't just rush in there and do what you're planning to do, either."
"Why not?"
"Because we need him alive," Robin pointed out. "This doesn't end with James, remember?"
"Look, guys," Cyborg cut in, "I see what both of you are saying, but aren't you getting a little ahead of yourselves here?" He nodded towards Raven – she was still standing in that same spot beside Terra's body, nervously watching the events unfold.
"Friend Cyborg is right," Starfire said gently – she floated slowly towards Raven, who started – it was as if she'd only just noticed the other Titans, and she was frightened. "Let us take you home."
Raven took half a step backward, and looked to Beast Boy, frowning – he took it as his cue to step in.
"It's okay, Raven," he assured her. "They're friends." Her frowned deepened, but she nodded all the same.
"Hold up." Cyborg raised his hands, signaling for silence. "What's going on?"
Robin and Starfire obviously shared his confusion – Beast Boy sighed heavily.
"She doesn't remember," he explained – the other Titans reacted in a predictable manner – Robin frowned and crossed his arms, Starfire gasped, hands flying up to cover her mouth, and Cyborg merely shook his head.
"I'm sorry," she murmured, looking down. So much blood. "It's all there, I just can't…" So much blood. "I'm sorry."
Beast Boy stepped forward, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry – Slade will pay for what he's done to you."
And that was that. It was as if someone had flipped a switch in her mind – the second the name Slade escaped Beast Boy's lips, Raven was overwhelmed with a barrage of half-recollections and buried emotions. She saw everything – but it no particular order, and without even the slightest hint of logic. So while Raven's mind struggled to slog through the onslaught of memories, her body fought to deal with the side-effects. She collapsed to her knees, clutching her head in her hands to block stabbing pain building in her skull.
Beast Boy knelt beside her, frantic concern overtaking his features. "Raven? What's wrong – Raven!"
But she didn't answer, only dug her fingernails into her scalp, trying to hold back the shivers. The rest of the Titans moved in closer, eager to help, but unsure of what they should do – but their attention was soon redirected. A loud snap sliced through the air, and the very foundation of the manor groaned and trembled.
Warily, they turned their eyes to the ebony mass slowly rising from the floor of the foyer.
TBC
Only one more chapter to go! Yep…I'm about done.
…Finally.
But you know, after proof-reading this, I'm rather fond of this chapter. Hmm…can't say I saw that one coming.
I hope you liked the super-long chapter. Thanks for reading, and please review!
Child of a Pineapple