Me: Thanks for the reviews! Okay, I should tell you this: I AM A GIRL WHO KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT GUNS! So, now Kratos has a magnum, Raine has an AK 47 (I think that's how it's spelled. She's to violent to just heal) and Sheena has a machine gun. I'm sorry for butchering the story, but all parodies do that. Ready…? BEGIN!
Chapter 3: A Car Named Noishe
Dirk and Lloyd were startled by a huge crash. "Oh, crap," said Lloyd. "It's Colette."
The door burst open. There stood Colette, eyes gleaming red. "LLOYD!" she shouted. "YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME A PRESENT!"
"Um," said Lloyd. "I, uh was making you a necklace…"
"Sigh," said Colette. "You have to make it? Fine, fine, but I would prefer if it were Macy's. Whatever, take it to me tomorrow, we're leaving at noon." She stormed out. Lloyd sat there, twitching for a bit, then walked outside. There, he saw Kratos standing at the grave
.
"I really admire your courage," said Kratos, staring at the grave.
"Really?" said Lloyd. "You mean the way that I fight with my pistols."
"No" said Kratos. "The fact that you can bury a person in the suburbs. Don't your neighbors get ticked?"
"Well, yes," said Lloyd. "But, Genis comes over here with his bazooka and shoots them. This is mom's grave."
"So, it's your mother's?" said Kratos.
"Well, of coarse!" said Lloyd. He was pulled over by Raine.
"Here," she said handing him some pills. "It's for your CSD!"
"Dirk always told me never to take pills from child abusers," said Lloyd.
Raine pulled out her AK 47 and pointed it at Lloyd's head. "Take the pills!" she shouted. Lloyd, out of fear, swallowed them. "There you go," she said. "Now, here are some more. Take them every morning for the rest of your life."
The next morning…
Lloyd got up, took his pills and grabbed his car keys. He turned to Dirk. "I'm going on a journey and I'm never coming back."
"Wahoo!" shouted Dirk, pulling out a barrel of rum. "I mean, never lose your cell phone."
"Oh, sure," said Lloyd. "Let's go Noishe! It's time to save the world!"
"Wow, man," said Genis, who looked suspiciously dazed. "I didn't know you had a pet. By the way, Colette's gone."
"What!" said Lloyd. "She said they were leaving at noon."
"Well, it could be just me," said Genis. "I mean, this new stuff really knocks the sense out of you."
"New stuff?" said Lloyd. "Anyway, let's head down town Noishe."
"Whose this Noishe?" said Genis who still was out of it.
"My car!" shouted Lloyd. He pushed a button and the garage door swung open. There was a white and green car. "Noishe!" shouted Lloyd, hugging it.
"Okay, let's get out of here," said Genis. "Man, this stuff really is strong."
"Why did Colette leave us like that!" demanded Lloyd.
"Check your cell phone," said Frank. "She left a text message."
Lloyd whipped out his red cell phone. Sure enough, there was a message. "hey Lloyd. Srry bout leven u like that. But, K. is so hot 'nd can't have u in the way. So be nice 'nd stay in I. Later C."
"Why!" shouted Lloyd? "Why! WHY!"
"What's that noise?" said Genis, whom Lloyd suspected was stoned.
"Iselia is getting bombed!" shouted Frank.
Sure enough, Iselia was a complete wasteland. The prison guards were attacking the city. Planes were swirling overhead. "Lloyd Irving come foreword!" shouted one of them with a megaphone.
Genis looked devastated. "Make love not war!" he shouted, pulling out his bazooka. He fired at the prison guards who were soon begging for mercy in their cold blood.
"That must be the boy who destroyed the prison," whispered one of the guards.
"That does it!" shouted the main one. "Bring foreword the prisoner!" A monstrosity appeared before their eyes.
"Oh god…" whispered Lloyd.
"What the," said Genis, his eyes huge. "I really hope that I'm stoned and this is a hallucination."
"No, it's true," said Lloyd. "An old woman has overdosed on steroids."
"NOOOOOOOO!" shouted Genis.
"SHUT UP!" Came from the monster that I will not describe because of how gross it would be. "GENIS, YOU WERE LIKE A SPOILED GRANDSON TO ME!"
"Marble!" shouted Genis. "You were like a overprotective grandmother to me!" He fired his bazooka to avoid a lengthy fight scene that I wish to not write. Marble collapsed onto one of the Desians, dropping a huge crate of something. Genis picked it up. "Steroids," he said. "Excellent! This will help me with my shortage of the stash."
"Let's go Noishe!" shouted Lloyd, leaping into the car. Genis hopped into the back seat and Lloyd turned the keys. But, that was to no avail. "Damn! It's out of gas!"
"Can't you buy some more?" said Genis, whom couldn't care less.
"No!" shouted Lloyd. "I still want to be able to afford food! Here, we can use our bikes!" He pulled out his bike. "This is the real Noishe," he said, pointing at his bike.
"So, you named your car Noishe," said Genis. "And your bike Noishe? Well, no big deal, I have an imaginary friend named Mike."
"Let's go!" shouted Lloyd. Together, he and Genis rode off into the sunset.
Me: Okay that was a little crappy. But, I have a serious case of writers block on this story. Please review. And yes, there will be more drug refrences. Next time...
Oh Crap! The prison's after Lloyd! What happens when he overdoses on his CSD medicine? And which ringtone will Colette Realy choose?