Notes:
I don't own Hermione, Ron or any of the Harry Potter characters but I love J.K. Rowling for inventing them.
It's a songfic and the song is Complicated by Carolyn Dawn Johnson. Yeah I know the title's not creative.
This is my first story on fanfiction so be kind.
Oh and, um, I'm sorry for the big spaces between the lines of the song but I couldn't figure out how to format it differently. And it's 4am.
So yeah, R&R. Ciao!
Kurisu's Koritsi
Complicated
I'm so scared that
The way that I feel
Is written all over my face
When you walk into the room
I wanna find a hiding place
She knew it was ridiculous really. She could stand there in the middle of the Gryffindor common room with a sign that said, "Ron, I want you" and he'd ask her what for. He was so thick he couldn't see what was staring him in the face, so why should she be worried? But she couldn't help it. Every time they said hello she was sure he could tell what she was thinking. Every time he smiled at her she was sure her heart was beating loud enough for him to hear. Sitting in a chair by the fireplace she saw him and Harry enter through the portrait hole and waved. Watching them as they sat down and started discussing Quidditch with Seamus and Neville she smiled wistfully to herself.
We used to laugh
We used to hug
The way that old friends do
But now a smile and
A touch of your hand
Just make me come unglued
Before, she would have walked over and joined them. Maybe even moaned at them for the mountains of homework they had yet to begin. Before, she would have grabbed them by the hands and dragged them out to see Hagrid, or off to the library to help her research something. Before, she would have sat down between them and prodded them until the included her in the conversation. But that was before. She could still do that with Harry, but every time she thought of touching Ron her palms went damp. No, after, she didn't quite know how to act around him. She was so confused and she didn't know who she could talk to.
It's such a contradiction
Do I lie or tell the truth?
Is it fact or fiction
The way I feel for you?
It used to be that when she had a problem she could go to the boys, and then Ginny, to talk it out. Ginny was good for talking about boys, or had been when it was Victor. How could she talk to Ginny about her brother? When her true feeling for Ron had first hit her she'd thought about running to Ginny but then she remembered Ginny coming to her after some younger student had admitted a crush on Fred. She'd laughed mercilessly about someone being interested in one of her brothers. She was still laughing about Fleur and Bill. No, she couldn't talk to Ginny and Harry was certainly out.
It's so complicated
I'm so frustrated
Watching the boys as they got into a heated debate about who was the best Quidditch player she began to drift and remember… Ron was the one who found her down by the lake, the day that she'd had the owl telling her that her parents were splitting up. They loved her and they loved each other but they weren't a good fit anymore. She'd cried herself blind until Ron showed up. Without a word he'd sat down beside her and held her as she cried. It was then, after all the tears, when she pulled back and looked up at him that she realized. 'I'm in love with him.' He stood up and reached a hand out to her to help her up. She just stared at it.
I wanna hold you close
I wanna push you away
I wanna make you go
I wanna make you stay
Just for a moment she thought she saw something in his eyes, but then he said her name. 'Hermione?' She placed her hand in his and stood up, but when she looked into his eyes again all she saw was friendly concern. They'd walked back to the tower and found Ginny and Harry in the common room. They'd sat and talked, trying to cheer her up until it was time for dinner in the Great Hall. She was jolted out of her reverie by Ron's voice. "Hermione? We're heading down to eat now. Are you coming?" Looking up at him she searched his eyes, looking for some indication of what she should do.
Should I say it
Should I tell you
How I feel?
Oh, I want you to know
But then again I don't
It's so complicated.
"Yes, I'm coming." All through dinner she was fine. Somehow it all felt normal again, sitting there laughing and talking. Hagrid waved at them from the head table and they waved back. Snape glared and they giggled. They talked about their new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. They made plans for the next Hogsmead weekend and wondered if they would be assigned more Charms homework. Everything was fine until a girl from Ravenclaw came by the table. She leaned over to Ron and whispered something in his ear. He sat their talking to her for ages, oblivious to Hermione's eyes following him. What had Padmé told her? Dean had told Padmé that Ron always mentioned her name when they discussed the Gryffindor girls… He always had a word about how smart and loyal and caring she was…
Just when I think
I'm under control
I think I finally got a grip
Another friend tells me that
My name is always
On your lips
With a half sob and a wave at Harry she got up and ran out of the Hall leaving Ron staring after her, wondering where she'd gone. He tried to ask her about it later but she brushed it off, saying she'd remembered an extra credit assignment for Transfiguration that needed some attention. She could tell her didn't really believe her, but she wouldn't say any more. The next Hogsmead weekend Harry and Ron went off with the guys while Hermione and Ginny went off with the girls. They all ended up in the pub being served Butterbeers by Madame Rosmerta. When Hermione looked in their direction Ron looked away quickly. Had he been looking at her? Padmé made significant looks in her direction and Hermione looked at Ron, even more confused.
They say I'm more
Than just a friend
They say I must be blind
Well I admit that
I've seen you watch me
From the corner of your eye
The following week Ron seemed so attentive. It was like every time she turned around, there was Ron. Ready for a walk down by the lake, volunteering to help her research, making sure she had a place with them at the dinner table or in the common room. He smiled at her and gave her little hugs, made an effort to talk about more than just Quidditch. But he also talked to Padmé and the other girls. He even carried Lavender's books to class one day when she had her hands full. He sat with her in one class, but with Harry in another. Sometimes his smile seemed to hold so much more, but other times he would look at her absently as if his mind was far away. She couldn't tell if he was thinking about her or simply trying to figure out how to skip out of their next Potions lesson. Once she asked him on a walk to tell him how she felt, but he got distracted by the giant squid in the lake playing with a couple of first years and she lost her nerve.
Oh it's so confusing
I wish you'd just confess
But think of what I'd be losing
If your answer wasn't yes
She was crying in the corner of the girl's loo that was haunted my Moaning Myrtle when he found her. Her mother was moving in with a new man, possibly getting remarried and her father had a girlfriend half his age. She had no idea where she where 'home' would be at the end of the year. Even though she wasn't really interested in seeing him, she was upset to find out that Victor was getting engaged to a girl he'd met in Austria during the holidays. All the work was getting to be too much and she was going insane. And it was starting to cut her up inside not telling Ron how she felt and seeing him flirt with other girls. What could she say, though? She had no claims on him…
It's so complicated
I'm so frustrated
I wanna hold you close
I wanna push you away
I wanna make you go
I wanna make you stay
Should I say it
Should I tell you
How I feel?
Oh, I want you to know
But then again I don't
It's so complicated.
Sitting there, next to each other as he held her, letting her cry on his shoulder again all she could think of was how special and wonderful he was. Wrapping her arms tightly around him she let the tears flow hot and harsh, so hard that she was shaking with their passion. He held her tighter, stroking her hair and whispering, "It's ok, Hermione. Let it out. I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you." As he held her she fought a battle between her head and her heart. Part of her was crying out so loud to simply be loved, to tell him how she felt and give it a chance. The other part was whispering warnings about how nothing would ever be the same. How he could cringe and run away and leave her and she wouldn't have him. "I'll always be here for you…" She heard him say it again and she wondered if he really meant it. Could she tell him?
I hate it 'cause
I've waited so long
For someone like you
Should I say it
Should I tell you
How I feel?
Oh I want you to know
But then again I don't
It's so complicated
"Ron… I need to tell you something…"