She remained mostly silent through dinner, and that unsettled Ricky. He was deeply conflicted. He knew that, in the end, he was going to leave her. But he was going to have a hell of a time letting her go. In the meantime, this was supposed to be a damn marriage...and yet, he couldn't keep out the third parties. First Goren, then the kid. Now both of them together. Why couldn't he just have his damn wife to himself? Was that too much to ask?

After dinner, he lit a fire in the fireplace and hoped he could loosen her up. He didn't like her being uptight. He wasn't really even sure exactly why she was uptight to start with. Pulling a bottle of wine from the refrigerator, he opened it and poured a glass for both of them. They sat on the floor near the fireplace, each lost in their own thoughts for a long time. Finally, he tried to make simple conversation.

"Um, how'd your game go?"

"It was fine. We won by a run in the last inning."

"Who scored the winning hit?"

"Mike did."

"Logan? Hnuh. Imagine that."

"What's wrong with Logan? Don't tell me you have a problem with him, too?"

"Not as far as you're concerned. I just think he's an asshole."

He was so unsettled about her behavior, he didn't notice she never finished her first glass of wine. When the bottle was gone, he went to the liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of gin and a bottle of seltzer. As he poured himself another drink, she said, "Your problem with Mike is the same as your problem with Bobby. You don't know him. The way I see it, they aren't the problem. You are."

"My problem with Goren is that I don't like another guy chasing after my wife."

"He has never chased after me. That's one thing you don't understand about him. He's my closest friend and that's all he will allow himself to be. That's all he can be as long as I'm married. He has this strict sense of right and wrong that he doesn't often step away from. Conditions have to be pretty drastic for him to compromise his values."

"And you're not drastic enough?"

"I have never pushed him."

"Are you telling me you have never slept with him?"

"Hasn't he told you the same thing? It really bothers me that you don't trust me, Ricky."

"He fucking loves you, Alex."

"But he has never done anything about it. He will not chase after me because he knows he can't have me. He is the one who has to deal with that."

"His problem, huh? And you don't care about that?"

"I never said that. I care very much about how he feels. I just can't do anything about it, and neither can he."

"So what's the deal with the kid?"

She was confused. "What deal?"

"I stopped by the softball field today and I watched him interact with her."

"And? What's wrong with the way he interacts with her?"

"He's using that little brat to get to you, Alex. Can't you see that?"

She tried really hard not to explode. Nothing could be further from the truth. Bobby's love for Maggie had nothing to do with her, but if she tried to make that clear, Ricky's hatred for her partner would interfere with that and she was not going to have that. There was no way she would allow him to ever come between Maggie and Bobby. Struggling to keep her anger under control, she said tightly, "Everybody doesn't think like you do, Ricky. Logan is just as good with Maggie. And so is Deakins. Are they after me, too?"

"Maybe they are," he shouted angrily.

"So the whole world is after me just because I'm your wife? You are out of your mind, Ricky. You think too damn much of yourself, and of me, for that matter."

She got up and left the room. He stumbled to his feet to follow her. She heard him come up behind her and, in a voice she learned from Goren that meant serious business, she growled, "Touch me and you'll be needing an ambulance, asshole."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'll go find Bobby. You, however, can go to hell."

She left the house, slamming the door hard enough to crack the glass of the window that was set in it.

She fought to stop trembling the entire way to her father's house. She wished she understood how Ricky's mind worked. How could he even think that Goren was using Maggie to get to her! It was one thing to be jealous of her close friendship with Bobby, but to accuse him of being anything but genuine with Maggie...that was nothing short of ridiculous. She understood the jealousy. There had been rumors flying around the department for as long as they had been partners that the only reason she stayed with him was because they were sleeping together, but that was simply not true. She stayed because she loved being his partner; she enjoyed being his friend.

Over the years, though, something had changed. Once she got used to him, she found that she did love being his partner. And she was comfortable with that, settled in the feelings of deep friendship that evolved from it. She came to love him, a satisfying feeling that let her enjoy being friends with him. He amused her, reassured her, made her feel like his equal on many levels. And he protected her, as much as she would let him. It took time for her to realize that no matter how tough she was, she was still not a large person. His size and strength could be intimidating, and she learned to appreciate that and use it to their advantage. And she came to rely on him to always...just be there. He never let her down.

For a long time she knew they both lived in denial. They were partners who valued their partnership beyond words. They had become a team that simply did not function well apart. Their close friendship enhanced their strong partnership. When that friendship had advanced into something more, she couldn't say. She wasn't sure that even he knew just when his feelings of friendship had deepened into more. As for her own feelings...God help her, she was in love with him. She couldn't say when it had happened, but it had. And she knew exactly when she came to realize it...his birthday...nearly three years ago...the only time she had ever slept with him. That was when she knew that she was in love with him. The memory still caused her body to react, yearning for more. She had begun to think about leaving Ricky back then, to be with Bobby, because, well, it just seemed...right...to be with Bobby. Then she found out she was pregnant. That had ended those plans and set her on the course this nightmare was taking. She couldn't help loving him, and she wasn't afraid to let him know that she did, but she couldn't let him know she was in love with him. That would be even more painful for him than his own emotions were. It was painful enough for her...nearly physically painful. And she had no idea what to do about it. How could she leave Ricky and still protect Maggie? That was her biggest dilemma.

She turned onto her father's street and was surprised to see Bobby's car in the driveway. She pulled in beside it and got out of the car. She couldn't imagine Maggie giving her father a hard time, however, she could see her begging Goren to stay, and he would, because she asked him to. He never could say no to her. She let herself in to the house, which was dark. At 1:30 in the morning, that was no surprise. What did surprise her, though, was not seeing the familiar form of her partner sleeping on her father's couch. Odd. Maybe Maggie was awake and he was getting her back to sleep, although usually he just let her climb up on top of his chest to go back to sleep. That was a familiar, heart-warming sight. Perhaps he was the one who couldn't sleep. That was the more likely scenario.

She quietly headed for her room. In the darkness, she leaned down to kiss Maggie, then she walked over to the bed, stopping when she realized that was where he was. Sleeping in her bed...Of course, she was supposed to be home with Ricky tonight. There was no way he could have predicted she would come here. If he'd thought for a moment she might show up, he would have stayed on the couch. She wondered if he had sought simply to be near Maggie. It wouldn't have surprised her. Reaching out, she gently fingered the hair that curled at his forehead. It crossed her mind that she should go out onto the couch, unless she wanted to wake him and chase him out there. But she didn't have the heart for that, and she wanted to be near Maggie...and him, her inner voice added.

Quietly changing into her favorite flannel sleep pants and sleeveless cotton tank top, she let her mind toy with the idea of sleeping in the bed with him. It was perfectly innocent. She wasn't going to have sex with him; he wouldn't allow it, anyway...especially not with Maggie in the room. Her tired mind touched upon how he might react when he woke up in the morning, how she would have to explain herself. But she really was exhausted, and after fighting with Ricky, well...screw him! It no longer mattered to her what he thought. Whether she remained faithful or not, he was always going to accuse her of cheating. It had happened only once, when they both were drunk, though that was no excuse. Bobby had never mentioned it, and she could only imagine the guilt his conscience laid on him for that one. But just sleeping, with him right there...that was a reassuring thought. And right now, she felt the need to be near someone who really did love her, not someone who sought only to possess her, like a piece of furniture.

Making up her mind, she slipped into the bed beside him. He stirred, but he didn't waken, for which she was grateful. It was nice to see him sleeping so well, with no nightmares taunting his rest. She wondered how much that had to do with the fact that Maggie was nearby. She slid a little closer, stopping just shy of making contact with him. She was afraid she'd wake him if she got any closer.

Without waking, he turned onto his side, sensing someone else in the bed beside him. In his sleep, he slid his arm over her and pulled her against him. Only in sleep was he able to hold her in his arms, snuggling his body against hers, without the inhibitions of conscious guilt to torment him. Of course, had he known that she was the woman in his arms, he would have bolted from the bed, horrified at himself for putting her in that position, even though he had nothing to do with it. He rarely chose to blame her for anything. A lifetime of accepting blame and bearing guilt made that easy for him.

It took no effort at all for her to relax in his arms and soon she slept.