Movie four

Lord of the Baseball Bats

Part two:

The Two Loons

Due to how he had wrecked the Dirkins' yard, Calvin had to spent three weeks cleaning it up, and earning money for their repairs.

It wasn't pretty.

Hobbes had enjoyed this greatly, because since Calvin wasn't around much, anymore, Hobbes could read Calvin's comic books without interference.

But then, at last, Calvin had fulfilled his punishment, and he was ready for... Try and guess what he was ready for.

A. Bed

B. Lord of the Baseball Bats, part two

C. comic books.

Those of you who chose A or C, your not reading enough of these stories.

Calvin burst into his room, screamed at Hobbes to put his comic book down, and to go outside to begin part two.

The Two Loons

scene one: Smuggle. Smeegle. Golum. Oh, Whatever.

The big stupid bald thing that dresses like a cave man, crawled down from the rock and down to the Hobbits.

"Stupid fat hobbitses!" It spat. "It stole it from us! Filthy little thieves!"

Just then Hobbes the hobbit burst out laughing.

"You sound like George Washington banging his head against a piano!"

"Lay down and act like you're asleep!" Gollum the Calvin spat.

Hobbes the hobbit, still snickering, and muttering laughs, he lied down, and pretended to be asleep.

Gollum crawled from the rock. Instantly, Hobbes jumped up, and tied a rope to his neck.

"CALVIN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

END OF SCENE ONE OF THE TWO LOONS

Calvin had just tied a rope to his neck, and tied the other end on Hobbes' paw.

Calvin was kicked into his room.

"Ok ," Calvin said the next day. "The next scene was the walking tree."

"What are you going to do to make the trees walk? Dare I ask?" Hobbes asked.

"Just do the scene." Calvin muttered.

The Two Loons

scene two: a big walking tree

Calvin and Hobbes the two hobbits walk through the forest of forbiddenness.

Or something.

Just then, an orc leaps out of no where, and attacks the two... Splat!

Never mind, a tree stepped on him.

HUH?

Wait trees don't step on people.

Maybe they should, but they don't.

Any way, a big so forth stepped on the so forth, and killed the so forth.

Then a big stupid tree with eyes bent over, said hello, and picked 'em up.

And no, I don't know why.

Go ask the tree.

END OF SCENE TWO OF THE TWO LOONS

"What happened after that?" Hobbes asked.

"The return of Gandalf, of corse!" Calvin yelled.

"Oh." Hobbes rolled his eyes.

The Two Loons

scene three: The return of Stupid... I mean Gandalf.

The three morons called Erogon, Elfy, and drooling moronic dwraf searched the surrounding area for something of no particular interest.

Just then, a flash of light appeared!

Elfy shot an arrow at the...

"Why do I have to be the dwarf?"

...at the white flash.

It threw it away.

Drooling moronic dwarf didn't do Anything.

Moron.

Then the white flash talked about something I won't bother to mention, then turned into Gandalf.

Only now, he was wearing a white suit.

He told some story about the bull-rock that I won't bother to mention, and made everybody kneel.

Everybody did except Drooling moronic dwarf that is.

He just stood there.

END OF SCENE THREE OF THE TWO LOONS

"So, what happened after that?" Hobbes asked. "Dare I ask."

Calvin thought.

"Well, if I recall, the next scene was where they released Smuggle..." "Smeegle" "Whatever. ...and he showed them that swamp with dead guys in it."

Hobbes was surprised that Calvin could talk about that scene without shuddering.

The Two Loons

scene four: dead guys just happen to go into swamps, you moron

"Don't follow the lights, stupid fat hobitses. Follow me." Hobbes the hobbit rolled his eyes, and followed Smuggle.

Or whatever he was called.

"YOU IDIOT! FOLLOW THE LIGHTS!" Smuggle screamed.

Hobbes shrugged, and walked toward a light.

It was then that the light seemed to be calling him.

"Ho-o-o-o-o-o-bbes! Walk toward the li-i-i-i-i-i-i-ght!"

Hobbes followed the light, with a dreamy look on his face.

"Walk toward the li-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ght..."

Hobbes reached the light, and reached inside it.

"GET OUT OF THAT REFRIGERATOR, YOU MORONIC CAT!"

END OF SCENE FOUR OF THE TWO LOONS

Calvin muttered throughout the next few minutes.

"I tell you to follow the light, so what do you do? You walk toward the refrigerator bulb. You idiot."

Hobbes licked his lips, as he finished his tuna.

"Now then, the next scene was where Gandalf gives that king eternal youth, and throws the guy who needs to brush his teeth out of the palace."

"Mmm." Hobbes replied.

The Two Loons

scene five: The guy with a worm for a tongue gets thrown on the stairs.

"Be ten years old!" Yelled Gandalf the white, throwing his what-ja-ma-call-it magic stick thing at the king of some land I can't remember the name of right now.

The evil wormear guy who wants him to be old, makes a shocked face.

Hobbes make a shocked face.

"No." Worm head said.

fine!

Mr old becomes very, very, young.

And then Wormnose is thrown out of the house.

The king was gonna kill him, (and of corse, drooling moronic dwarf didn't do anything about it) but Ear-a-gon stopped him.

"You certainly drive the readers crazy with adjectives." Hobbes said.

"Shut up." Calvin spat.

END OF SCENE FIVE OF THE TWO LOONS

"Well, that was painful." Hobbes sighed. "what next?"

"After that, Wormfoot goes to the evil Gandalf, and does...something or other. I don't particularly want to do that scene so let's just skip ahead to when Ear-a-something or other falls off the cliff."

"Goody." Hobbes sighed.

The Two Loons

scene six: Some guy with an ear falls off a cliff

"BACK!" Ear guy screamed as the demented hyena with the even more demented orc on top of it closed in on him.

While Drooling Moronic Dwarf just stood there, looking simple, a raging battle went on where the well dressed decent humans fought the not well dressed ugly orcs.

It was then that Calvin realized that Hobbes wasn't around.

"HEY!" Ear guy screamed. "Where's The drooling moronic dwarf?"

No answer.

Earguywasthenpushedofftheclifftheend.

RAPID END OF SCENE SIX OF THE TWO LOONS

Calvin marched around to the side of the house to find Hobbes reading a comic book in the hammock.

"What are you doing in there!" Calvin demanded. "We had to rapidly end the sixth scene because the simple-minded dwarf wasn't there!"

"And I suppose that was a catastrophe." Hobbes said, turning the page of the comic book.

"Indeed it was, and PUT THAT COMIC BOOK DOWN BEFORE I DESTROY YOU!"

Hobbes sighed, and placed the comic book on the picnic bench.

"Now maybe if you hurry up, I'll think about skipping ahead to the climactic battle!"

"Ah yes, the ultimate "Get in Calvin in trouble."" Hobbes said. "The final scene in the movie."

The Two Loons

final scene: the climatic battle.

"DIE!" screamed billions of orcs and orc like creatures.

They started pelting a big roof with people on it with lots and lots of arrows, thus proving that these dumbbell orcs have never heard of nuclear weaponry.

The humans get out a huge C-bomb and...

("Calvin, the people of Middle Earth didn't have bombs."

Calvin spun around to Hobbes.

"Who's the director of this movie?" He demanded.

"Uh..." Hobbes said, rolling his eyes around.

"That's right! ME! I'm the captain of this ship, and I say the people of so forth land did have bombs! Who wants to watch a bunch dumbys throwing arrows at each other?"

"Um..."

"Exactly! No one!"

"What about your so called screaming fans?" Hobbes asked.

"NO THEY DON...!" Calvin thought for a second. "Ya know... I dunno. I'd have to ask them."

Calvin and Hobbes turned to the audience.

"Ok, people! It's up to you! Do you want bombs or arrows?"

There was a moment of silence.

"HEY!" Calvin yelled. "We're talking to you! ARROWS OR NO ARROWS!"

Silence.

"LISTEN BUB! WE'RE INSIDE AN INTERNET STORY, AND YOU CAN'T JUST MUTTER OR MUMBLE! WE WANT ANSWERS NOW!" Calvin screamed.

There was a moment of silence.

"That's better!" Calvin screamed. "HEY YOU! The guy in West Virginia! I DIDN'T HEAR YOU!"

Calvin turned to Hobbes.

"Fine, we'll use arrows.")

The mighty humans take a bunch of arrows and started shooting ugly orcs.

Hundreds of orcs drop dead.

Meanwhile, a bunch of trees run around in circles, knocking buildings over, and breaking water dams thus flooding everything.

Then the surviving ones take a big log, and start banging it into the castle door.

(Calvin picked up a log, and started running it into the door of the house.

"Oh boy." Hobbes sighed, slinking off.)

Suddenly, the door is knocked over, and billions of orcs swarm into the...

"CALVIN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THIS DOOR!"

Um... hmm..

(Calvin looked down at the, gulp, door)

uh-oh.

Humansdramaticallydefeatorcstheend!

END OF THE TWO LOONS

Calvin's eyes drifted from dad to the door to dad, then back to the door.

A deadly silence filed the land.

And Hobbes was no where in sight.

Calvin rolled his eyes in Dad's direction and gulped.

Dad's eyes narrowed to slits, and his nostrils flared.

"Ah, heh, heh." He chuckled. "You see, there were these orcs and uh... a battering ram and... hmmm... you know, you really caught me at a bad time here, Dad."

We needn't go into details.

Let's just say that Calvin was in trouble.

Lots and lots, and LOTS of trouble.

After three weeks, Calvin was let out of his room, and then he and Hobbes began the last part in the Lord of the Baseball Bats.

Of corse, Hobbes was less than thrilled to continue it.

Of corse, Calvin didn't care.

The most enthralling, gripping, and climatic ending of the so forth.

Perhaps the most weirdest and trouble causingest too.

To be continued...