Chapter Five: Are You Still Here?

Buffy sat at her window, watching the rain come down outside. She felt empty now, distraught. Willow had rung her earlier, to see if she was okay and she had lied to her friend, telling her not to worry, that she was coping. She'd used the same line on her mother before retreating to the confines of her room….the only place she could admit she was falling apart.

Angel had not soothed her. In fact, being near him had made her angry. She didn't know why but this whole situation had made her see their time was over. She could not take the risks again, not only with her own heart but with the hearts of her friends. Literally. Because of her, two people had lost their lives.

Her visit to the vampire had been necessary. She was struggling to cope with the loss of a friend…a close friend – to confront the possibility of his changed nature would be too much. She would have asked Faith to do it but coming down on the girl's attitude since the incident and her reaction, she had decided against it.

It had been bad enough calling an ambulance to the warehouse, only to have it confirmed that Spike was gone…telling his mother that her son was dead…telling the gang…dusting him would have been so far off the scale it could have killed her. She needed Angel to take care of it. Then she would hunt down the vampire that had done this and kill him dead.

She held her head in her hands and let the tears fall. No one could see her. Her room was the only place she could cry without anyone reprimanding her. She was the Slayer; she was strong. Only now she could see the wisdom Kendra's words had held.

Distractions. And she kept getting them hurt and killed.

A tap on the window had her looking up and Angel was staring at her earnestly through the glass. Buffy frowned, pulling the latch up and lifting the window. She didn't know why he was here but he was drenched and partially covered in mud.

'Angel…was he…?' She couldn't even ask it.

Angel didn't reply. He looked at her for a while, not asking for an invitation, just perching on the window. Then he spoke. 'Buffy, you have to come with me.'

'Angel, what is it? What's happened?'

'Buffy, please, just follow me back to the mansion. It's urgent.' She frowned as he disappeared. A quick glance at the clock revealed it was near to two in the morning. She shrugged, grabbing her coat and climbing out the window in pursuit of the brunette. As she arrived at the mansion, she knew he had gone inside without waiting for her, which most likely meant he was avoiding questions.

She walked in, holding her coat tightly around her. The fire was burning brightly in the fireplace, sending warmth throughout the room. A figure was on the sofa, wrapped in blanket, shivering. At first glance she thought it was Angel, but then she saw the shock of blonde hair above the cover. A hand went to her mouth and she turned to leave, fear and shock coursing through her system. As she turned, she was confronted by Angel who pulled her closer.

'Buffy…it's okay. I found him. But we can't kill him.'

'He isn't Spike. He's a demon…' Buffy couldn't finish her sentence.

'He is Spike…Buffy I don't know how or why this happened but he is Spike. He has a soul.' Buffy looked up at him in confusion. Angel shrugged.

'A soul? He's like you?' Buffy turned, looking toward her old friend on the sofa. She stepped forward. The fear remained within her and the shock doubly so…but she had to know for herself. And the only way she ever knew to find the truth from Spike was by looking into his eyes.

'Buffy…he's in shock. He doesn't really understand.' Angel was immediately by her side, but she ignored him, leaning in and kneeling before the blonde teen. He was lying down, staring at the fire. His hands were bloodied and bruises littered his face. A long cut slid over his eyebrow and down his face. He didn't seem to register her, looking straight through her.

She reached out to him, placing a hand on his arm. Angel watched from behind in silence.

'Spike?' Buffy whispered, calling out to her friend and hoping it was still him. He seemed to notice her, looking directly at her. And in that instant, when his blue eyes connected with her hazel ones, she knew it was him. Everything in his gaze screamed out at her and she smiled. 'It is you…' She whispered, tears gathering in her eyes.

In that second, he changed. The expression on his face turned into pain and he squeezed his eyes shut, pulling away from her. Buffy frowned.

'Spike, what's wrong?'

'Please…go.' He said, barely audible.

Angel pulled Buffy away. The blonde turned to him, her eyes full of worry and pain at her friend's rejection. 'What's wrong with him?'

'He's a vampire Buffy. A newly risen vampire. He hasn't fed. And you're standing in front of him with the one thing he is craving.' Angel was sympathetic in his explanation. He drew Buffy outside, away from the vampire. 'I know I brought you here, but I couldn't tell you…you had to see. You have to tell the others…about me as well as him. I'll take care of him, teach him to ignore the bloodlust. Then he can be around you again.'

'How long will that take?' Buffy whispered.

Angel shrugged. 'I don't know. Buffy, he's in a fragile state. He doesn't understand what has happened to him. But if you give me time…I'll help him. I'm the only one who can.'

'He hates you.'

'That has nothing to do with it.' Angel frowned, looking through the doorway at the form on the couch. 'I'll keep you updated. I'll come to the library tomorrow, during the day. So make sure the others know. It'll be easier.'

'Okay.' She placed a hand on his arm. 'Please make sure he is okay, Angel.' She turned to leave and then stopped, looking back at the dark vampire. 'How did you know?'

'He panicked.' He chuckled. 'Then he swore.' Buffy smiled faintly and nodded, turning back and leaving.

Angel looked toward the blonde on the sofa and leant against the door frame. He could help Spike but not fully. There was one person who could but he knew they wouldn't. Which only left one option. Angel had to find the vampire that turned him and challenge him.

Giles, Willow and Xander looked at her expectantly, waiting for the news she had apparently needed to give them. She took a deep breath, about to spill the beans as the doors opened and Faith trudged in. Buffy sighed and the brunette frowned at the collected group.

'What's going on?'

'Buffy has some news.' Willow said, her voice devoid of emotion. All of them had been feeling it since the incident had occurred and it was well known that Faith was bearing the brunt of Willow's accusatory behaviour. The other slayer sat down, waiting with the others for the news Buffy had. The blonde took a breath again and cleared her throat.

'First thing, I need to tell you guys… Angel.' Frowns greeted her statement. 'The spell you did, Willow…it worked. I had to kill him when he had his soul back. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you…it just…well, you can guess.' Guilt hit Willow's face and she looked away. Buffy inhaled again. 'But that isn't all of it. And I know you are going to get really angry but…Angel is alive. He popped out of a hell dimension about two weeks ago. I don't know why or how…'

Xander interrupted. 'Are you guys back together then?'

Buffy shook her head. 'It isn't like that.'

'You kept this from us.' Giles stood, barely contained anger simmering beneath his surface. 'You lied.'

'I didn't lie, I just didn't tell. But right now, Angel is the least of our worries. We have something else…'

'It's Spike, isn't it?' Faith asked. She shook her head. 'He turned.' Glares greeted Buffy from all round and she gave up, nodding. Willow let out a cry of anguish and Xander slammed his fist down on the table.

'So what now? Do we have to kill him?' Xander asked, his expression dark. He and Spike had been friends for years – he had no desire to kill something wearing his body.

'No.' Buffy said, firmly. Giles looked toward her sternly.

'No? Buffy, it isn't Spike. Spike was killed as soon as that vampire turned him.'

Buffy opened her mouth to argue, when someone exited the stacks and backed her up. Angel ignored the stares to make his point.

'It is still Spike.' The vampire walked down the steps, avoiding Giles' gaze. 'I knew there was a possibility he had been turned. I knew Buffy didn't need to go through that – that none of you did. But something had to be done.'

'So you stepped on up to kill someone you never really liked in the first place?' Xander said, raising his hands. 'Yeah, so fucking noble of you.'

'Xander!' Willow tapped him, reprimanding him for his use of language.

Giles leant back against the office door. 'You went looking for him.' The librarian's tone was cold. Angel nodded in affirmation.

'I found him, crawling out of his grave. I knew something was amiss straight away. He was panicking, terrified. Usually fledglings get up and go looking for food. Spike didn't know what was going on. And the other thing…he didn't have his game face on. No newly risen vampire can help it. The human face is just a mask, yet he had his in place straight away.'

'How does that make him still…him?' Willow asked.

'He still has his soul.' Angel said, quietly, looking towards Buffy.

Giles whipped his glasses off so fast, Buffy was sure he would do himself an injury. Within seconds the handkerchief was out, and he was rubbing away furiously, as if he could create fire with the friction. 'Dear Lord…this is unheard of.'

'We need to research, check this out.' Willow said, reaching for her laptop. 'But, he's still him, yeah? Still our Spike?' Angel nodded. Xander looked to Buffy.

'Does that mean we can see him?' The hope in Xander's voice was heart breaking.

Angel stepped up to deny him but Giles beat him to it. 'In all circumstances, Spike is still a vampire and will still need to control his instincts. As much as I am loathe to go with the idea, I believe it is best he stay with Angel for now.'

'Why?' Xander protested.

Buffy leant against the table. 'I saw him last night but he told me to leave. It hurts him for us to be around.'

'It's blood. He craves it but he knows it is wrong.' Angel said, clarifying it for Xander.

'Did he talk to you?' Xander asked Buffy, who shook her head. 'I don't understand. Out of all of us…he wouldn't turn you away Buffy. How can we be sure it's him?'

'He turned her away because of the pain. Can you imagine that Xander? Spike's become the one thing Buffy is supposed to kill.' Willow said, quietly, tears shining in her eyes. 'I think we should let him be for now, until he can be around us without the pain.' She looked up at Angel.

The vampire hung back. 'There's only one problem. I can't control him. It's impossible. Even with my greater age, I can't teach him what he needs to survive.'

'Why not? You talk, he listens, simple as.' Xander stated, looking for backup from his friends.

'No, it's more complicated.' Giles stepped in. 'What Angel means is that he does not have the authority a sire would hold.' He turned to the taller vampire. 'Which means he wasn't just turned into a minion. He's been made stronger than that.'

'From what I can tell, he's a childe. Which means someone out there did this to get to you.' Angel said and Buffy sunk down into a chair.

'This is all my fault.'

Faith shook her head. 'It's more my fault than yours. Kakistos came after me remember?'

'Wasn't him that did this. And Spike always patrolled with me. I should have made him stay put.'

Giles came to rest a hand on Buffy's shoulder. 'I was there Buffy and you know as well as I do that he would not have heeded your words.' Willow sat in front of her friend, taking her hand.

'Giles is right, Buffy. All we can do now is concentrate on helping Spike adjust.'

Angel nodded. 'One thing we have to think about is that if someone did do this, they obviously weren't expecting him to wake up with a soul. So whoever did it is expecting a childe they can control that will be able to get to you easily. And that knows everything about you.' Buffy stood up.

'Then we need to find out who did this.'

'We'll get researching on the soul.' Willow said, pulling at Xander's t-shirt. Faith looked to Buffy, who nodded.

'Faith and I will start looking for the vampire that did this. See if anyone is bragging around about it. We'll take Willy's first.'

Giles nodded. 'I will look through some of my books, see if there is anything pertaining to a vampire with a soul…that isn't Angel.'

Angel looked at Buffy. 'They will come for him. If you find out who it is, don't kill them. Yet.'

'Why? What do you plan to do?' Giles said, although his face gave the opinion that he already knew.

'Spike needs help. I intend to do that. In order to do it…I need to challenge whoever made him. Then kill him. Then I'll claim Spike as my own and he'll be safe.' Buffy looked towards Angel with hesitation.

'Will that work?' Xander asked. 'Will it save Spike?'

'He'll be your Childe.' Giles said, looking between the vampire and Buffy. 'Like Drusilla.'

'It's the only way he can get the help he needs now. I can't control him like this and the bloodlust will be hard for him to go against. We're vampires Buffy…he's fighting his own nature here.' Buffy nodded slowly.

'Then we'll have to do this won't we. Spike needs a sire that isn't going to make him do something he'll hate.' I need Spike, full stop. She looked around the small group of apprehensive friends.

'Right, lets get to work.'

'Mr. Trick.'

The black vampire spun round as the door opened and his employer stepped through. The Mayor smiled at him as he took a seat behind his pristinely organised desk.

'I'm assuming everything went according to plan.'

'Yes, boss. Kakistos was the failure we expected but the plan went as ordered. We got one of the slayer's friends and turned him.' The mayor smiled triumphantly. 'What's the next step?'

'Well, hopefully, you will go out and find said vampire and get the information required to stop our little band of white hats.' The mayor pulled a pencil out of the drawer. 'And be quick about it. I've got a meeting with the P.T.A to prepare for.'

Trick turned and headed for the door, before the mayor's voice floated to him and he looked back to the man behind the desk.

'By the way which of the slayer's little group did you get hold of?'

The vampire grinned widely and chuckled. 'The blonde boy – the British one.'

'Ah…good choice. Well, be off with you. I want good news!'

Trick held the door knob firmly, hesitating before stepping out into the corridor. He knew it wouldn't be easy to find the boy – his instincts would lead him straight there.

The day had come and gone, bringing Spike into his second night of being a vampire. He had not moved from the sofa and Angel had spent most of the day in close capacity, worried about the consequences the change would have on the young man. Watching him sleep, he had felt the regret coming back to him; the helplessness and the knowledge that he should have done something. At least the others knew now and could help him. They hadn't lost their friend, as long as Spike didn't lose his soul. He dreaded to think what a Spike without morals or a sense of decency would be like; in a way he knew it would be a new breed of Angelus.

Angel couldn't let that happen. Spike had a passion as a human that Angel barely rivalled as a vampire. Whilst vampires rarely felt emotion, when they did, he knew that they felt it more that the average human would do. Spike craved violence as a human, he would crave it thrice so as a vampire. Blood was the other problem; one he had yet to counter with the blonde.

He had no idea how Spike would react. But he knew now as the sunlight faded and darkness fell over Sunnydale, it was one of the things he would have to cover.

Spike's eyes opened slowly and he sat up, looking around. Angel was there, waiting for him.

'It wasn't a nightmare then.' Angel shook his head. Spike sighed and looked at his hands. The night before they had been ripped to pieces, blood strewn over his skin like paint. Now they were almost healed. The blood had been cleaned off and he knew instinctively that the cut on his face had healed. 'You cleaned them?' he asked, without even looking at the elder vampire.

'Yeah. Your eyebrow is going to scar.'

'Didn't think vampires could scar.'

'They can. Especially if they haven't fed and they gain a significant wound. Plus I dug a pretty hefty chunk of wood outta that while you were asleep.'

'How did I sleep through that?' Spike wondered aloud, deliberately avoiding the subject of feeding.

'Well you know, when you're dead…you sleep like it.'

The blonde went quiet and it was a state that Angel was definitely not used to seeing him in.

'I need a cigarette.' Spike said suddenly and Angel dug around in his coat to throw a packet at him. The blonde didn't thank him, but simply opened the pack and pulled a white stick out, lighting it with the lighter Angel promptly followed the fags with. He inhaled deeply. Then frowned. 'You don't smoke. And where did my jacket come from? I didn't have it last night.'

'Buffy got it for you. Your mother has gone away.'

Pain flashed across Spike's face at the mention of his mother. 'She'll be taking this badly.' He almost hit himself. 'Course she is. Her son just died. Only I'm not dead. I'm undead.' He looked at Angel. 'Was it this confusing when you became a vampire?'

Angel managed a wry grin. 'From what I read in the paper, a lot of people turned up. Your mother took your sister to go stay in Britain with relatives. Guess Sunnydale is too painful for her.'

'Guess so. Do you reckon we could get the rest of my stuff and make it look like a robbery?'

'I don't think that would be a problem. You lived there so you can still get in.' Angel sighed. 'You remember last night then?'

'Most of it. Buffy was here.' Spike waited for an answer.

'Yeah, she was. She knows. All of them do.'

'They know you're back.'

'Yeah. They weren't happy but they are mostly concerned about you.' Angel stood up, moving over to the fire. Spike sighed.

'I still hate you, you know.' He waited for a reply. Angel turned around and grinned.

'I know. But I'm the only one who's gonna be able to help you with this.'

'When she was here…it just…it hurt. I wanted to hurt her. I don't know why.' He stopped, looking at the older vampire warily. 'You know though.'

'It's the bloodlust. You need to feed. But you're missing the integral link that a newly risen Childe needs.' Angel paced. Spike frowned.

'A Childe? What do you mean by that?'

'Like Drusilla was to me.' Upon the frown that remained on Spike's face, he explained further. 'Most of the time, vampires are minions, created to do the dirty work etcetera, etcetera, but when a vampire creates a Childe it's a closer bond. Companionship. But in this case, whoever turned you did it because they needed a vampire that used its brain, but that could be controlled at the same time. They probably weren't expecting the soul to happen.'

'The black guy…' Spike said, looking towards the door. 'When the fight was going on, this black guy stepped up and knocked me out. It must have been him.'

'The link is weak now, but if he comes here and finds you, he'll be able to order you what to do. And you really don't want that. They obviously made you to try and break up the group, find their secrets. Which, to their credit, is a good plan.'

'Except it's me and I still have my soul.' Spike looked around and stood up. 'And why is that?'

Angel shrugged. 'I don't know. But you have to feed. It won't be long before whoever sired you turns up here, looking for you. But they won't be leaving.' He pulled a cooler out from behind the sofa and threw a bag of blood to Spike. 'Drink it.'

Spike held the bag, his stomach churning. 'I don't think I can.'

'Think of it like drinking coffee.'

'I hate coffee.'

'Exactly.' Angel raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to drink it.

Spike closed his eyes and then frowned. 'I can't make my fangs come out. How do you do it?'

'Get angry.' Angel waited and nothing happened. Spike looked frustrated. The older vampire decided to give him a push. 'Remember last year? Me? Putting you in hospital.'

'That's not going to work. I gave as good as I got. You just got lucky.'

'Please. You couldn't kick my ass if you tried.' Angel chuckled. 'You were just a little kid trying to look big in front of Buffy.'

Spike growled, moving forward and his game face surged to the front. 'I'll take you right…hey it worked.' He raised a hand, feeling the bumps on his forehead. He shuddered as he looked back at the bag. 'This is far too creepy for my liking.' He sank his teeth into the blood packet, wincing at the cold liquid. When he had finished, he threw the bag away as if stung.

Angel sat down. Spike's face returned to normal. 'Why is it easier to shift back to my human mask?'

'Your soul is in control of the demon I'd guess.' Angel watched him retake his seat.

'You said he won't be leaving if he came for me. What are you gonna do, kill him?'

'No.' Spike looked confused. 'If I killed him in front of you, your demon would rebel. I know there is still one inside you, otherwise you wouldn't be a vampire. It's just hampered by the soul. Only if it reacted the way I expect to losing its Sire, it would completely destroy you. You could be capable of anything.' The teenager looked a little confused. 'I have to challenge him. There is a certain vampire ritual that, if challenged, can pass the Sire bond over to me.'

He didn't think he had ever seen Spike look that disgusted. 'So you'd like be my maker?' The blonde shuddered. 'Don't know if I could do that.'

'It'd be the only way I can show you how to be around your friends again. How to be around Buffy.' Angel kept his eyes on the younger vampire as he spoke and the blonde fell silent.

'I guess. So what does it involve?'

'I challenge him. He can't back down really. We fight. One of us dies, preferably him. Then…'

'Then nothing.' The two stood up at the intrusion. Trick stood at the doorway, flanked by two minions. 'It ain't gonna happen boys. He's too important to the way of things.' He grinned as he stepped into the room.

'Back off. You aren't going to use him.' Angel vamped out, snarling. Spike backed away, his eyes darting between the two.

'Get him.' Trick motioned towards the blonde and the minions headed over to him. Spike ran out the door, and Angel kept his eyes on Trick, hoping that Spike could take out the two minions himself. 'I smell a soul on you. You must be Angel. I'm surprised you're helping him. He's a demon after all, one of the bad guys now.'

'Something you weren't counting on. He's got a soul too.' Angel bared his teeth, growling. 'I'm challenging your claim over him.'

'I'm going to kill you, and then I'm going to take the boy.' Trick rolled up his sleeves. 'Name's Trick by the way, just in case you wanted to know.'

'Wasn't incredibly bothered.'

'Never mind, then. Shall we?'

'Is my challenge accepted?'

'To the death, my brother.'

'I'm not your brother.' Angel snarled and threw himself through the air, aiming a flurry of kicks and punches at the vampire, who dodged effectively. He waited for Angel to break his routine, then kicked out, landing his foot in the other vampires gut and sent him flying backwards. Angel landed on the couch, smashing it to pieces.

Trick stood over him, smiling as his golden eyes glittered in anticipation.

'First thing I'm gonna do, is get that little blue eyed boy to snap the Slayer's neck.' He leant down, his eyes meeting Angel's. 'Pity you're going to miss it.'

Angel kicked out, sending Trick across the room. He jumped to his feet looking over at him and rolled his neck.

'I think you'll find you'll be dead before you have the chance.'

Spike ran from the vampires, his first instinct being to hide. In all his time fighting with Buffy, he hadn't ever run from the situation, had always fought his way out. But even with the new strength coursing through his system, the overwhelming situation was bearing down on him, making him revert to the systematic dealings of a ten year old running from his abusive father.

He made his way down a hallway, only to find himself with a dead end. He quickly scanned the surrounding area and opened the nearest door, finding himself in a disused bedroom. An irrational thought crossed his mind as he closed the door behind him, the faint sounds of his pursuers filtering through to his newly sensitive hearing. He had never actually explored the mansion; but then it hadn't really been a good place to explore, with all the vampires that had taken up residence in the Drusilla/Angelus saga. But even so, he hadn't realised the place had this many rooms.

Quite nice rooms too.

He looked around for a weapon, hearing his antagonists prowling outside the door and he kicked at the bedpost, shattering the end and providing himself with a makeshift stake. He couldn't run now. He had to fight and he just hoped he could win.

The door shook once as the vamps threw themselves against it and then it shattered inwards, throwing splinters all round the room. The two vampires rushed in, an uncoordinated effort. They snarled at him, saliva dripping from their fangs and Spike prayed to god he didn't look like that. He couldn't feel his bumpies and wasn't sure if he was in game-face. But whatever face he was in, he had no choice but to take on the minions and hope they were a soft touch.

The first lunged for him and Spike avoided the blow with a graceful spin to the right, as the other kicked out at him. The foot connected with his jaw and Spike rolled over the bed, landing in a heap on the other side. His stake clattered to the floor, rolling away from him. He scrambled to his feet, reaching out for his weapon, only to be kicked in the ribs by the first vampire.

He cried out, feeling something break, but as soon as the pain started, a different feeling began to curl its way up through his stomach and into his chest. Adrenaline flashed through him and he snarled, jumping to his feet, his game face in full view, golden eyes glowing wildly.

One punch threw the first vampire across the room and now Spike was revelling in the newfound strength and power he had. He knew he could beat these guys and whatever came after them. The second vampire lashed out with his talons and Spike ducked, bending on his knees and sweeping the minion's feet out from underneath him. The vampire landed on his back, as the other rushed him again.

Spike leapt onto the bed, jumping over a punch and kicking the vampire in the face, sending him backwards, as he tripped over the other. The blonde leant down, gripping another bedpost and ripping it off, providing a new stake in his fight. He jumped to the other side of the fallen vampires and staked the one he had kicked in the face, a feral roar ripping through him as he finally saw his victory. The other vampire rolled away as he brought the stake down, raising a foot to kick Spike in the head. It barely fazed him as he advanced on his last remaining prey. He picked the bedraggled vampire up by the throat, slamming him against the wall.

The splintered walling had provided a useful tool as the vampire crumpled to dust and he turned, a satisfied grin on his face as he surveyed his battlefield of glory.

He looked up and the grin faded, as he saw Buffy standing in the doorway, looking at her friend. He raised a hand to his face, not wanting her to see him in game face and he realised the ridges on his forehead had melted into his human visage. She walked forward, her steps hesitant.

'Spike…'

Then he felt it. He could hear her beating heart and almost feel the blood rushing through her veins below the surface of her skin. The hunger hit him like a brick wall and he backed away. Images bombarded his mind; biting her, drinking her. He raised a hand and she stopped moving. His back hit the wall and he cried out, clutching his head with his hands, anything to stop hearing the demon telling him to feed…