Chapter twelve

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Searching

"I'm listening."

"You're not going to help me out here, are you?"

"Nope."

"Are you doing this just to make me feel awkward?"

"Pretty much."

"Fair enough."

"Uh-huh."

"So, um, that morning I was sleep, something came over me and I just wanted to…to…to feel seventeen again. But it got out of hand, I'm not blaming you, but I went further than I'd like, considering the circumstances, you having just broken up with Karen and all. After you left, I told myself it would just be a one time thing, that I wouldn't have to deal with it. At all. Because if I had to deal with it, then I'd have to ask myself why I let the turn into…what happened. But it lingered with me, my mind kept replaying what happened and I just wanted to talk to you again. But I was scared, so I avoided you, it kind of comes naturally by now, but it's getting old and I just want to hear what you have to say."

There was silence on the other line.

"So…do you have anything to say?"

"Five minutes that speech was, you Gilmores sure can talk. Of course, all the hesitating and stuttering added quite a bit."

"Oh yes, we Gilmore can talk, but you Marianos have sensitivity down."

"I was just speculating."

"As I said before that charming observation, have you got anything you want to say?"

"I think you covered it."

"Come on, Jess!"

"What do you want me to say?"

"How you feel."

"A bit hungry to tell you the truth."

"Stop being difficult!"

"Rory, you said it all yourself, you don't need my input."

"I do! I'm going crazy here!"

"Look, if you really were, you would have called sooner."

"I'm calling now!"

"Maybe it's too late now."

"Why, have you gone and found yourself another Shane?"

"Have you run crying back to pretty boy?"

"You know I wouldn't do that."

"You did it before, you did it after the kiss at Sookie's wedding, you went crying back to Dean, you haven't changed, you haven't learnt."

"I didn't think I'd have to I didn't think I'd be in this situation again!"

"Bull."

"And something has changed, I'm calling you this time."

"After two weeks."

"What does it matter?"

"It matters"

"Fine. I just called to see what you had to say and, since it's obvious that you don't have anything to say, I better go." She said, hanging up.

She dropped the phone onto the couch, defeated.. That wasn't how it was supposed to go, he was supposed to be nicer than that, he was supposed to care! She was supposed to be more confident and less, well, whiny. All she wanted was to see him again.

She knew that she'd messed up and Jess certainly didn't mind reminding her of that but she'd explained to him why she hadn't called back or, for that matter, made any contact at all, she'd told him everything and he'd brushed her off, she couldn't do anything else, could she?

No! She was sick of wondering what she'd done wrong this time, sick of waiting around for him to come back, this was a vicious cycle and there was no reason to play along with it.

Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

He tried to ignore what Book Boy had said but the word 'abortion' kept going around his head. Book Boy had slipped the piece of paper onto his counter expecting him to use it. But he didn't want to.

The paper had Karla's address on it. He didn't need it. He wasn't going to visit her. Then why couldn't he ring himself to throw the paper away?

Because his child might die. He couldn't let that happen, his only child couldn't die before even being born. But he couldn't be a father either.

Why did this happen to him? He was in love with Rory. Not Kimberly. Rory was the girl he loved, she was the only girl, he couldn't see himself with anyone else, it was Rory, it had only ever been Rory. 'But Rory doesn't want anything to do with you' the nagging little voice in the back of his head reminded him.

He could only do one thing. He picked up the slip of paper, grabbed a coat, and walked out.

Gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

Karen sat down on the sofa with a tub of kiwi ice cream and a box of sugared almonds. She knew this was a rather strange combo, but it was all she'd wanted.

There was a knock at the door. She didn't feel like getting up, so she just told whoever it was to come in. She knew it was irresponsible but, hell, she was pregnant, she had an excuse.

"Hey, Kathy."

"It's Karen! Can't that tiny piece of information travel through you blonde head? Karen! Not Krystal, not Kathy, Karen!"

"Hey Karen."

"What do you want?"

"To be a father."

"Oh really? You want to be a father?"

"Yes."

"I'm sure Kathy would be thrilled."

"Look, it's going to be my baby, too. I ant to be there for you, for it."

"That's very big of you."

"Don't judge by the fact that my parents are rich, feel free to judge me for continuously forgetting your name, but don't judge me because I'm well off."

"I know your type. You can only be doing this for your own gain, there's no other explanation."

"I may not be the greatest person, and I may not make the best decisions, but I know what's important, this is my child, I wanna be there."

Karen let out a weak smile, "Be there, then." She paused, "But right now, could you be there at the nearest grocery store with some cookie dough?"

"Sure." He said, with a grin, before leaving.

Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

"Oh my God! Not you too!" Rory exclaimed.

"I'm afraid so!"

"Oh my God!" Rory repeated, "You and Luke finally set a date!"

"August 15th!"

"You're getting married, Lane's getting married, this is too much joy to take in."

"Quick! Put on 'The Way We Were'!"

"I'm speeding to the video store as we speak."

"So, this means, missy, you'll have to visit more, I need major dress help, and you need to pick your own dress."

"I'm sure whatever you pick will be fine."

"Why won't you visit mama?"

"I'll be there tomorrow, I've got no classes in the afternoon, so I can leave then and stay for the weekend."

"Okay, see you then, I gotta go do something inappropriate with Luke…"

"Add that to the list of thing I do not need to know!"

"Will do! Bye hun!"

"Bye!"