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"Well we'll just see about that won't we?" I hissed angrily. I ignored Darry as he grabbed my arm suddenly. "Because the day I let my hair down and get trashed and sleep around it'll be 'Pixie, you never used to do this!' 'Pixie, why are you changing?' 'Pixie, what about Emily and Ponyboy? You have to set an example!'" I spat out. Extremely angry I pushed Darry off of me and scowled at Two-Bit. "You just wait because one day this'll bite you back in the face! Because I'm not good enough for you now, am I then? So it's no more me pulling you out of your stupid trouble!"

"I don't need you!" Two-Bit said furiously.

"That's what you think!" I shrieked whirling around and stalking out of the house. "You just wait!"

"You wish I needed you!" Two-Bit roared after me storming to the front door.

I slammed our front gate and turned to stare at him icily. "I know you do you idiot!" I screamed stomping my foot. "I'm not blind!"

"Pixie!" Sodapop and Darry said loudly from our front hall but both Two-Bit and I ignored them our eyes fixed on each other.

"Do I now?" Two-Bit snarled. "I never knew how much I relied on you!"

"Neither did I until last September!" I shouted madly my hands flying in frustration.

It was weird how cold it suddenly felt as soon as I screamed September. In this house is was like an eleven month year instead of a twelve one. As we all tended to pretend we didn't have a September this year and any mention of it we all went stony silent and I knew at once not even Darry was prepared to stop me screaming at Two-Bit because particularly me mentioning it meant I was in a fury.

But I would have thought that was obvious.

Two-Bit's face was red with anger his eyes blazing focused on mine. "And what happened in September," Two-Bit demanded fiercely, "that makes you think I care so much?"

Anger swept through me even more to think that maybe he'd forgotten about the thing that scared me more than anything at the time. I stomped my foot again, and as much as I'd kept that a desperate secret for over three months I couldn't contain myself as I screamed out.

"You kissed me!" It was like being frozen in time once I had screaming it out angrily. "Or don't you remember? After all I'm sure you kiss a lot of girls who think you're there best friend all the time, Keith Matthews!"

The silence that followed was unnerving. Two-Bit couldn't even reply to me. He sort of gawked at me, unable to string together a sentence. After a last scathing look from me I spun on my heels and took off down the street wordlessly. Not even I could think of much to say after that screaming match, our worst to record I think, well know.

My brothers said nothing nor tried to come after me. Glancing back I saw Two-Bit take off in the opposite direction I had, leaving his car behind looking as blazing as I'm sure I did. Crossing my arms over my chest I turned the corner and settled on the idea that I'd go to the lot until I'd calmed down a bit more and then I'd come back, ignore all questionings praying it died down. But there was a funny sort of twisting knot forming in my stomach as I thought of that. Because if there was one thing I was sure of was the questions would most definitely be asked.

Pushing my hair angrily off of my face I stalked into the abandoned lot pushing away the weeds that were brushing against my legs. I flopped onto the broken, slightly damp, remains of a couch and felt hot tears run down my face. I wish I could say I didn't know why I was crying but then I'd only be lying because I knew. I most definitely knew.

Great huge sobs escaped my lips and my body shook as the tears ran steadier down my face with every minute that past. I gasped trying to steady my breathing, which was ragged and drawn into my lungs painfully. My hands shakily tried to dab at my eyes but it only seemed to make it worse because seeing my hands shake I took a loud sob and felt the tears stream down my face harder and onto my lips, the salty taste on my tongue.

I buried my head in my hands as I rested them on my knees. The air around me was eerily silent, apart from the occasional high pitched police siren in the distance; I couldn't even hear the cries of laughter of children. Despite the lateness in the afternoon they were all safe inside their warm houses whilst I braved the cold and sobbed my heart out to myself. Wallowing in self-pity I didn't give a second though to the time or if my brothers worried. All I cared about now was if I'd entirely ruined any chance I'd ever had.

"Pixie!"

Raising my head slightly I nervously tried to rid my face of my tears but even if it had worked, which it hadn't, there were small tear stains on my jacket to prove the tears had truly flowed. Not that I'd be able to stop them as they were still there appearing as they had since I'd descended upon the mouldy couch.

"Pixie, Jesus Christ girl you can't stay out here," Sodapop scolded me marching over and lowering his hand to my chin as he lifted my face to see my watering green eyes. "Pixie, why are you crying?" he asked me softly, as if he hadn't witness my tirade with Two-Bit only a little while ago now.

"You d-don't know?" I stammered my voice slightly hysterical as he sunk onto the couch besides me. "I-I m-mean isn't it ob-obvious?"

"Take a deep breath first," Sodapop said rubbing my hand calmly like nothing had happened. "Deep breath,"

I nodded and shakily took a slightly deeper breath but then started coughing as I started to sob again my body shaking. "S-Sodapop, y-you ain't m-mad are y-you?"

"Why would I be mad?" Sodapop said reasonably, his arm around my shoulders. "Now why all the tears, Princess?"

I smiled faintly; the tears stopped flowing as hard. "Y-you r-really d-don't know?"

"Haven't a clue."

"B-but I mean you h-heard it all, right?"

Sodapop nodded. "Sort of hard not to, Pixie," he pointed out and I bit my lip slightly and Sodapop shrugged. "No big deal, everyone needs to shout a little once in awhile."

"But not like what I did," I said frowning suddenly depressed that I'd dared do something so embarrassing. "I'm so stupid," I moaned miserably to myself burying my head in my hands again. "Idiotic," my muffled voice cried out.

"I still love you," Sodapop said as if hoping it'd cheer me up. "But I want to know why you are crying."

"Two-Bit," I whispered raising my head staring at him through blurry eyes. "I mean you already knew that though," Sodapop shrugged slightly. "You didn't? But you heard me, I mean, Sodapop, he," I paused and I felt my face burn as I turned my eyes to stare at my brother ignoring the hotness on my face. "He kissed me." I said almost bravely as if awaiting the worst. "And…" I trailed off not too sure where exactly I was going myself.

Sodapop winced slightly. "I was almost hoping you'd have sort of made that up you know." he told me sounding a bit ashamed.

"Why?" I whispered.

"It's not that I don't like him," Sodapop said hurriedly as if to reassure any thoughts I might have that he didn't. "Its just well he is pretty known for trying to bed every blonde that comes into this town, Pixie, and you're my sister. Maybe not blonde but you're gorgeous all the same," Sodapop told me squeezing my hand as I gave him a soft smile. "I mean. Well. You get me, right?"

I nodded slightly. "Kind of."

"Good."

We sat there in our silence after that, each entranced in our own path of thought. I sort of knew what he was thinking. Well roughly I could guess at least. It was good having brothers you know worry about you. But right now I had this nervous feeling fluttering around in my stomach that if he knew the truth, and he will because I can't lie to him, perhaps I'd begin to regret the fact I have brothers who worry about me. Because, well, brothers don't just worry, they get mad and angry and right now that was most definitely not what I needed.

"So asides from just Two-Bit what else made you cry?" Sodapop said suddenly and I could have cursed.

"Things," I said vaguely.

Sodapop sighed slightly net to me. "Don't even think about lying. Just tell me straight out Pixie. I'll know soon enough."

"No you won't." I muttered under my breath.

"Yeah I will."

Scowling slightly I then frowned to myself. "You really can't see? It's just I," I said nervously. "Don't much want to say it. I mean, then it'll mean it's real and I don't want it to be real because then I'll have to admit that's how I feel and then I'll have to admit it'll never work and, and…" I cried out hysterically.

"Shh, calm down, Pixie," Sodapop whispered soothingly hugging me close to him. "It's alright, really, maybe I can help,"

"No one can," I said feeling a tear run down my face.

"Do you like him?"

"He's my best friend." I pointed out.

Sodapop sighed irritably. "No I mean do you like him like, more than a friend like?"

"Well," I began.

"That'll be a yes then?"

"Maybe,"

"It is." Sodapop said leaning away from me so he could look at me seriously. "Does he know?"

"What do you think?" I asked sarcastically feeling my face burn as I hurriedly brushed away that one tear.

Sodapop threw me a look. "Why haven't you told him?" he asked exasperated. "I mean if you do shouldn't you tell him?"

"Because I didn't want to admit it!" I cried out angrily. "Can't you see, Soda? He's my best friend if I liked him well, it'd be too weird! All these years we've just been treated like siblings almost and I like him? It's like the weirdest feeling you can imagine!" I said. "I mean imagine it Sodapop, seventeen years I've known him and suddenly he kissed me and I realized that maybe I liked him like that and it took me seventeen years to realize and I'd never before acted like it!"

"Pixie!" Sodapop said in a low voice looking shocked at my outburst. "Pixie, he won't know unless you tell him."

"I do realize that." I snapped crossing my arms.

"Well there is a bright side." Sodapop said optimistically and I turned to look at curiously. "Look at it this way, Pixie; if he kissed you clearly he had some feeling for you other than friendship that caused him to kiss you. I mean even if for a moment he clearly did, he might feel the same."

I stared at his logic. And they say I am the smart one.

"Come on let's go," said Sodapop standing up. "But think about it. Just think about what you're going to do, you can't ignore him forever you know."

"I can try," I said hopefully as he helped me up. "I mean it might go away."

Sodapop raised both brows and stared at me in the most annoying all-knowing sort of way. "If you really like him Pixie it won't go away, not ever."

"You're so helpful," I said dryly.

Sodapop gave me a half smile. "Maybe. I promise I won't tell the others, but only if you promise me you'll do something by the end of the year,"

"The end of the year?" I yelped my green eyes wide with fear, "That's like nineteen days! Less than three weeks!"

Sodapop nodded. "Your point?"

"Do I have to?"

He nodded. "Yes, because otherwise you'll never ever do it. Please Pixie, look I lost love, you can get it, don't lose it Pixie." He said seriously his eyes looking darkened. "Please, promise me that Pixie, you won't let him go, if you don't do it soon you will, you'll lie to yourself and say you don't like him, I know you will. And you'll regret it. Serious Pixie, please do this."

My lip trembling I awkwardly nodded as I stared at him solemnly. "O-okay."

"Swear?'

I nodded. "I swear." I whispered to him. "I swear I'll try my hardest."

"That's all I'm asking."

A/N: Sheesh I wish my brother cared about me that much. : ) Anyways I'm gonna start trying to update sooner and more regularly like I used to do before I had to study/had exams I promise I will update more. As I'm slowly beginning to write more and more of it with my newly found time.: D Anyway please review, seriously I love to read reviews and it encourages me to update sooner, etc etc.

Rachel