Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers
A/N: To avoid confusion, I am author and I only speak during author notes like this one. The narrator is a character all his own. Meant to put that in earlier, just forgot. I also forgot to mention that I left an error in the last chapter on purpose. If you spot it, let me know in a review. It's kinda blatant, but then it kinda isn't.
The scene is a large office that was similar to the one used by Tony Montana in Scarface. On the walls are pictures of the different Power Ranger girls and pennants from different sports teams. Sitting in the office chairs/throne while enjoying a bowl vanilla ice cream and Frosted Flakes is yours truly. Sitting on the other side of my desk is Wes and his agent, the most hated man in football, Drew Rosenhous.
I put my bowl down and turn to the two men. "Okay, this is what we're willing to offer." I said as I slid them a sheet of paper with an amount of money scribbled on it. Rosenhous looks at it and throws it away.
"Listen guy, Wes is the most popular rangers of all time! I mean, the general public loves this guy! When they turn there TVs on Time Force, they tune in to see Wes. Not the amazon or that guy with the lime hair. Wes is by far the greatest ranger to ever morph! Men, women, children, animals, all of them want a piece of this guy!" Rosenhous ranted.
I stared at the two of them for a second before pressing a button on my desk. Moments later, Rosenhous falls threw a trap door positioned under his chair.
"Now listen up Collins. You are not the most popular ranger of all time. You weren't even the most popular ranger on your show. Hell, you weren't even the most popular red ranger on your series. Now Alex has been filling your role, and with the dye job and me not giving him any lines, people can barely tell the difference. With that said, I'm going to give you a choice; sign this contract, or be replaced."
"I don't care if that knock off takes my place!" Wes shouted.
"Even if he gets a love scene with Jen?"
"Where exactly do I sign?" Wes said as he took a pen from the cup on my desk.
"I knew you would see things my way. Now for my next order of business. Carla?" I said as I buzzed my secretary.
"Yes?"
"Send in Alex please."
"Okay, Alex is coming up now"
Alex entered my office and took a seat next to Wes.
"Okay Alex, Wes just signed a contract to reprise his role as himself. Of course that means I no longer need you in this story."
"B-but what am I going to do?" Alex asked. He turned to Wes. "This is your fault! Why must you always take the things I hold dear? First my appearence, then my job, then my love, now my role!"
"First off, Wes is older than you, so technically you took his appearence. Secondly, Wes didn't take your job, it was given to him. Thirdly, he didn't take Jen, she came to him. And lastly, the role of Wes was his role to begin with." I said. Alex's eyes teared up and he broke down crying on the floor. Once again, I pressed a button my desk and he fell threw a trap door.
"What's down there anyway?" Wes asked
"Lions, tigers, bears..."
"Oh my!"
"Yeah. It probally doesn't help that I haven't fed them in a while. Now go down to the set while I start this chapter."
"Okay!"
Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's review what happened last time. Astronema made her return, Diddy broke down the particlaurs of a boy band, and the girls met up with Paris Hilton. Now let's see what's going on with Xander.
Location: Prison on the moon
The entire cafeteria is in a uproar because Child Collerctor Org and The Hate Master were fighting. Apparently they were fighting over who had the most obvisous name. Just as the fight was getting good, Goldar, Scorpina, and Rito appeared. Goldar was wearing a long grey coat, a skull cap with something in japanese written on it, and a pair of black pants. He also has a large scar in the middle of his face. Rito looked alot bulkier than he normally did (perhaps he's on HGH or steroids). And Scorpina's left arm appeared to be limp, and she had a patch on her right eye.
Goldar pulls out his sword and started beating Hate Master with it. Rito and Scorpina then assaulted Child Collector Org with a pair of staffs. They then turned the two monsters over to the guards
"Who are they?" Xander asked Loki, who was postitioned to his left. As he said this everyone slowly moved away from him. Goldar and crew then walked up to him.
"Did you just ask who we are?" Goldar asked. Xander nodded. "Well my stupid little ranger, we are the Elite Prison Guards."
"I kinda figured that much. I kinda meant who you guys were, like name wise." everyone in the crowd let out a gasp.
"You mean to tell me you don't know him? He is the great and mighty Goldar ya know? He was the first evil villain genereal ya know?" Rito said
"LEGENDARY." Scorpina said.
"Yeah, he's a legend! In fact, I bet Goldar could take you ya know?"
Goldar quickly shook his head no.
"TIRED." Scorpina said
"Yeah that's it! He's just real tired from taking care of those goons ya know? But if he was well rested with a ful stomach, he'd kick your ass ya know?"
"Tell me kid, you ever heard of this ranger named Jason?" Goldar asked
"Yeah, I know him." Xander said.
"Yeah, me and that chicken wuss had some battles. He was just a hater though. He tryed to stand in the way of me and my romantic dream." Goldar said as he waved his sword in a circular motion.
"Yeah, Goldar totally owned that lamer ya know?"
"Xander Bly." one of the guards said.
"That's me."
"Your free to go. Warden Ransik has a ship ready for you to go."
Xander quickly went to his room to gather his things.
"Yeah, that guy was scared of me." Goldar said
"But then again, everyone's afraid of you ya know?"
"...SUSHI?" Scorpina asked.
"I can get down with that." Goldar said.
"Yeah I could really go for a spicy tuna roll ya know?" Rito said.
Location: Malltopia
The girls had just landed on the planent and they already drooling.
"Hey Trini, wanna go..." Kim began
"I think I'll go catch a movie or go to Sharper Image or something." Trini said as she quickly walked away. The others soon followed, leaving Kim, Aisha, Katherine, Tanya, Ashley, Marah, Kapri, and Syd by themselves.
"So, shall we?" Katherine asked. The others nodded and headed towards one of the biggest mall in view.
The first store they entered was a large clothing store. After all of them gather the things they wanted they entered the line with Kim in the front.
"That'll be 203 dollars and 41 cents." the clerk said. Kim dug into her purse and retrieved the money. "Sorry ma'am. We don't accept Earth money."
"Well kind of money do you accpet?" she asked
"We only take money from here in Malltopia."
"Well do you take Earth checks?" Tanya asked as she pulled out her check book.
"Or at least Earth credit cards." Syd said as she pulled out her credit card.
"Fraid not ma'am."
"Tell me you accept ex-villianess credits. You have to accept ex-villianess credits!" Marah said.
"I wish I could ma'am. But it's against policy."
The group of sad woman walked back to the B.A.S.S. It was then that they noticed a wealthy looking man staring at the ship. Ashley then had a great idea. She walked over to the man and ushered the others to follow her.
"Excuse me sir," she said in her nicest tone. "Would you be interested in buying that big ass spaceship?"
Location: Diddy's Fortress.
Zack gathered Justin, Max, the Ninja Storm, Dino Thunder(except Tommy), SPD, and Mystic Force rangers. All of them were given Flashdance-like attire to practice the dance moves Diddy gave them. Speaking of the Diddy, he and the other rangers sat on the sidelines to watch.
Suddenly, a shiver went down Andross' spine.
"What was that for?" Carlos asked.
"I don't know. I just have a really bad feeling." Andross said.
Just then, Zhane stopped as if he had sensed something. Then, in exactly one second, he was morphed and flew threw a wall on his Galaxy Glider.
"McWando, patch that up." Diddy said. McWando left the room and returned wearing a toolbelt and hard hat. He then took some boards and started boarding up the hole.
"Man, that's kinda cheap." Danny said.
"Yeah, Prince had doves." Kelsey said
"Man, it hurts me to see that poor koala get worked like that." Cole said in near tears.
"Well that's too bad nature boy. He's my koala." Diddy said
"So Diddy, who you planning to put in this band of yours?" Jason asked.
"I dunno. After this I'll probally have them try there hands at singing. After that, I'll have them act out classic broadway musicals." Diddy said
"How exactly is that going to help you figure out who will make a good boy band?" Adam asked.
"It won't, I just like seeing young people act out broadway musicals." Diddy said.
Location: Malltopia
Trini and the rest of the girls are making there way back to the B.A.S.S., all of them many shopping bags in hand.
"Karone..." Kendrix began
"Atrosnema..." Karone growled.
"Sorry, Atrosnema. I wanna thank you again for getting us the money. I mean, if you didn't pull your staff on that guy at the bank, we wouldn't have any money to shop with." Kendrix said
"Don't mention it." Karone said.
"Hey Trini, why did you run away when Kim asked you to come shopping with her?" Madison asked.
"When kim goes into malls, bad things tend to happen." Trini said
"When did this start?" Jen asked
"Well I'll tell you. It's a story that takes place in far away place called Angel Grove and in a far distant era called the 90s."
Location: Angel Grove(flashback)
Zack, Jason, and myself came home from the Peace Confernces for a little break. So after meeting up with everyone, we decided to go to the mall. So we there for like, two hours having fun and enjoying ourselves. Until Kim decided to go into Banana Republic. She, Aisha, Rocky, and Tommy wnet in while the rest of us got a bite to eat at the food court. Then we heard Kim screaming...
Adam, Jason, Zack, Billy, and Trini all ran into the store and took fighting stances. When inside, they saw a livid Kim yelling in the store.
"Kim, let's just go girl. You don't need to cause a scene." Aisha pleaded.
"Hell no! That bastard just short changed me!" Kim said.
"No I didn't!" the clerk insisted.
"Come on Kim. People are starting to stare." Tommy said.
"I don't give a damn!" Kim screamed. "And your my boyfriend! You should be defending my honor!"
"But Kim..."
"Beat him up! Beat this guy up or else!" Kim said
"Or else what?"
"Or else I'll tell them about that!" Kim said
"Well if you tell them about that, I'll tell them about that!" Tommy shot back.
"Fine! I already told Aisha and Trini about that, and knowing those two, they probally already told everyone else."
"Dammit.." Tommy said.
"Now beat him up!"
Tommy slowly made his way up to the clerk. "I'm sorry about this bro, but I gotta do this." Tommy then proceeded to pummel the guy into a bloody pulp.
"What do you know," Kim said. "The guy didn't short change me."
"You mean to tell me I just beat up this guy for no reason?" Tommy asked
"I hate to but in, but when did you tell me about that?" Trini asked.
"And when did you tell me for that matter?" Aisha asked.
"What a damn minute, you never told them!" Tommy screamed.
"Eh he, oops." Kim said
"Oops my ass!" Tommy screamed.
"No don't go saying anything you'll regret."
"I'm telling them about that!" Tommy said
"No! If you do, I'll tell about that."
"I don't care anymore!" Tommy screamed. "Kim has 25 nipples!"
"Ewwwwww!" was the colective response from the others. Luckily, everyone else left the store when the arguement started.
"Well, Tommy has a tail! A scalely one, like a lizard would have!" Kim responded
"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" was the response again.
Location: Malltopia
"Ewwwwww!" everyone with the exception of Hayley, Trini, and Kira said. Some were even vomitting on the ground.
"Kira, how can that not gross you out?" Tori asked
"I already knew about it. One day Dr. O tryed to fight a monster by himelf without morphing. That monster not only punished him, but it ripped his tail off and wore it like a headband."
As they got closer to there target, they slowly began to realize something was missing. That something was the ship.
"Syd, what happened to the ship?" Z asked. Syd and the other rangers all had about 300 bags a piece.
"Um, pirate ghosts stole it?" Syd said.
"Pirate ghosts? What do you think this is, an episode of Scooby Doo?" Hayley asked.
"I use to love that show!" Alyssa said.
"Me too! Who was your favorite monster?" Tanya asked.
"I liked the Miner Forty Niner." Alyssa said.
"Me too!" Tanya said
"Hey! This isn't the time to chat about cartoons dammit! What happened to my brothers ship?" Karone said
All of the guilty girls looked at other
"Somebody start with some answers!" Karone said as she started brandishing her wrath Staff.
"Okay! We sold it to this rich guy so we could have money to spend." Katherine admitted. "But it was her idea" she said pointing to Ashley.
"Yeah, her fault." the girls said in unison.
"Can this get any worse?" Kira groaned.
"I got some bad news guys." Taylor said. "I think I see one of Diddy's goons coming."
"Oh boy." Jen said. "Didn't we leave our morphers on the ship."
"Yep. I guess it can get worse." Kira grumbled.
A/N: Okay folks, that's the end of that chapter. It might be a while before my next update, so enjoy this chapter. Don't forget to tip your waitresses, and please review!