Chapter 14 - Decision

She was on her back, in that large bed, staring up. The ceiling seemed too far away, and she was feeling too small. She turned her head to one side and looked at the door. Closed, as always. She sighed.

'I wonder where he is…' she thought, feeling loneliness embrace her against her will. It was cold and ruthless. She was empty without him. She couldn't find anything more interesting than talking to him and looking into his eyes when he was almost overwhelmed with emotion.

Rin blinked and stood up from the bed, grimacing a little. Those wounds were bugging her. They stung, although they weren't deep at all. Mere scratches…

She went at the window and opened it widely, taking in the fresh air. It was a warm and beautiful day, one would never think that just the day before Naraku had almost killed her and won over Sesshoumaru.

Rin smiled.

'No, Sesshoumaru wouldn't have lost to that bastard. He would have found a way, I know it.' But maybe the thought he was indestructible wasn't all that good. He showed her that he had feelings, and strong ones too. Therefore, he was susceptible of getting hurt. And maybe even killed. She frowned.

Her eyes stopped on his tall figure, as he went through the gardens. He was walking slowly and seemed deep in thought. His usual armor had been removed, and Rin thought he looked much more vulnerable, now. His left hand was clutched into a fist and she knew something was troubling her Lord. She still couldn't get him to truly open up to her, but she was sure it would actually take some time. He couldn't simply change, just like that.

Sesshoumaru was barely looking at where he was stepping. His still face was covered with the veil of worries, and he felt his heart heavy. Memories and faint sounds spun around inside his head, and all raised a cascade of feelings inside the demon Lord.

He could sense Rin standing in the frame of her large window, looking at him. He felt how lost she was; he almost heard her shallow breath, and her sadness. She was always sad, even when she smiled at him.

'Is it possible that I make her this sad?' the Lord asked himself, for maybe the thousand time, in the last few days. He was struggling to fit this new feeling he had developed, inside him, to fit it into who and mostly what he was. His entire life he'd heard people say that he was strong, he was cold and indestructible, powerful and still. So he took it as it was served to him, as much as he dreaded that thought.

Sesshoumaru knew he had allowed his rank and responsibilities to prevail and shape him entirely. He had succumbed to the title he had been born into, without even thinking that it wasn't all there was to his life. It had never crossed his mind that if he'd been given the choice, maybe he would have chosen another path. Another stream for his life.

Now, he was who he was, and there was no point in regretting what he had done. There was no undoing it, and truth be told, he didn't actually regret who he was. He only wished that it would be easier to fit love into his existence. Love, this deep and painful love he felt for the girl looking at him right now. He frowned, and bowed his head a little, knowing that she would read his distress.

The desire to protect her, to keep her all to himself, was so powerful, that he could barely suppress the urge to lock her inside the castle, away from any other influence. He only wanted her to be his, entirely his. The feeling boiled his insides, and took over him like flames, every time he saw her around any other person. It was such a raw reaction, an instinct, so violent, that he sometimes bit on his teeth to keep himself from taking her away. Or just taking her…

He knew where it came from. He was well aware that every other female he'd had, was his to the limit of her body. And that was exactly what he'd intended. He didn't have the time to indulge in romantic actions at the time. He wasn't made of steel, and neither was he emotionless. He had never used females for strict sexual purposes, the poor things weren't objects!

His education didn't allow him to think in that manner. But every… contact he had with them was considerably more shallow than this. This was… he had never even truly touched Rin, let alone have her as a mate, and he couldn't understand where the feelings came from. He always developed some sort of feelings towards females after intercourse, when he felt more connected to them, and those cases were rare as it was.

But this human girl had driven him to the edge of his reason, and patience, and instincts… she was certainly a mystery, and he simply could not put his finger on whatever it was that attracted him to her. Sometimes, he was sure that it was her unusual personality, the way she understood his feelings without him actually letting them out. Other times, he thought she was merely different from any other female he had come across, and that stung at his male ego… She was a tease. That thought usually made him see red before his eyes, and he felt like an idiot for having it. It made him look like a sexual pervert.

Of course he wanted her, but it wasn't the thing that drove him to love her, not by a long shot. Sometimes he found that he could stare at her for hours. Either that she was reading, or about the gardens, he stuck his eyes on her and couldn't rip them off. The way she moved, the way she fell into deep thought, and then rapidly searched for answers… She was only a child, even in human terms.

He loved her crazy ideas, and her drive to find possibilities. He loved how she ran into the library and pulled out half the books from their shelves, just to find that passage that obsessed her. He loved the way she looked up at him, waiting for an answer. Sometimes, he didn't know what to answer her. Nevertheless, she kept on asking, and searching, and dreaming.

She was simply amazing, with her faith and her strong will. No human he knew had that will. Faith yes, the miko had the faith. But Rin's will… That was rare indeed.

He was struck by the memory of her wounded body. She was so frail though… Her humanity showed in every trail of red blood that stained her skin. Every time she would fall and injure herself, every time she would sting her finger into a thorn… She was too human, if that was possible.

But only her body… Her soul was as wild as a creature of the woods; her mind was as alert as the wind blowing about every corner it could find. She was struggling against her human nature, he could see it. But there was nothing he could do about it, and it drove him mad.

He wasn't going to lose her. That was unacceptable. Human lifespan was almost nothing compared to his. And he will not abandon his Rin to her cruel fate. She deserved better. She was worth all eternity, and human death wasn't going to cage her spirit. Not if he had anything to say about it.

He looked up, directly into her dark eyes. Rin blinked, backing a little, surprised.

"Good morning, Sesshoumaru." She said, knowing that he would hear her, even from that distance, without her raising her voice.

He nodded and narrowed his eyes for a second, then entered the castle. Rin stared at the spot she last saw him. She wanted him to be there, with her. She hated that things had to be so complicated between them.

A soft knock on the door reached her ears, and Rin held her breath. She knew it was him.

"Yes." She said, and she head the door open and then close back. She didn't turn to see him. She just waited, leaning against window frame with her arms around her waist.

"Good morning, Rin." He spoke, somewhere just above her. She turned her head to one side to catch a glimpse of his face. He was as unreadable as usual. Even so, she smiled at him, and Sesshoumaru rerecorded the sadness in her smile.

"How are you feeling?" She had almost forgotten about her wounds.

"Oh, I'm fine, they aren't bad. Just scrapes, really." He put is hands on her small shoulders and Rin leaned back against him, closing her eyes.

"I can't believe it's finally over with Naraku. Kagome can rest at ease now." Rin said, but that wasn't really what she was thinking. She just didn't want to force him into a discussion about their undefined relationship. Well, almost relationship.

He didn't say anything for a minute. Then…

"I am only content with the fact that you are safe." She opened her eyes and smiled.

"Thank you, Sesshoumaru."

"Anytime." He lightly passed his fingers over her face and neck, feeling the outline of her features.

Rin turned around and stared into the demon's gold eyes. She put her hands on his neck

"Are you sorry?" she asked, her voice trembling and doubt lingering in her eyes. Sesshoumaru didn't understand.

"What for?"

"Kissing me. Loving me…" He frowned and looked at her awkwardly, while letting out a breath of air.

"Never." He whispered, lowering his head and moving his arms to embrace her. Rin pushed her body against his and threw her arms around his neck. She was afraid that any day now he would realize she wasn't fit for him, and that his love would just scatter. That he wouldn't want her anymore, not like that, not for his mate…

"What are you so angry at?" she said, into his chest. Sesshoumaru stiffened for a second, and se knew she'd hit the target smack in the middle.

"I believe I cannot hide much from you, Rin." She just shrugged her shoulders, and backed a little, so that she could see his face. Sesshoumaru was serious.

He touched her cheek, and followed her jaw line, then returned and lightly scratched her bottom lip with a claw. The look in his eyes was so intense, that Rin felt burned. He tilted his head and leaned to her. Her heartbeat accelerated to the point where she actually felt it push against her chest. She widened her eyes and unconsciously parted her lips a little. He pushed her chin up and stopped just above her. He was so close that he could feel the warmth coming out through her skin.

She was a little flushed, and he smiled at the sight she was offering. He barely touched her face with his nose, taking in her scent, and then trailed her neck in the same way. Rin felt like her legs would fail her, but it didn't really matter, because his arm still around her held her tight, she wasn't even sure she was still standing up by herself anymore. She didn't really care, either.

He pressed his lips against hers; slowly parting them into a hot embrace that sent a shiver through her. Rin momentarily closed her eyes, the reopened them as he deepened the kiss. His hand went around the back of her neck and into her hair, pulling her closer. She could feel his other arm on her lower back, pressing against her skin.

A hot wave passed through her, and spread into her legs and stomach. As she pulled him to her, she realized that the tension between them grew with every second that kiss lasted. It was getting more and more intense, and at some point she felt like biting on his lower lip. She pressed her eyes closed, and tried not to do that.

He eventually pushed her back, and the kiss ended abruptly. He was holding her at a distance, his hands on her shoulders, and his face turned a little to the side. Rin had a metallic taste in her mouth. She looked at him surprised, and saw that he was staring back. He licked his bottom lip from the blood.

'Oh God, I bit him!' she widened her eyes, and opened her mouth but no words came out. She thought that was the reason he ended the kiss… but she was wrong.

His gaze was still burning.

"I'm sorry… I didn't…" she mumbled, but Sesshoumaru could barely hear her. He was busy stopping his instincts to take over. When she'd bit his lip, he wanted to bite back. It was only natural for him to do that, but he'd realized what that meant. He wouldn't have stopped at just biting her lip. He would have gone through the entire thing. The marking ritual… and Rin knew nothing about that, it could have scared her.

"It is not your fault, Rin."

"Then why did you…" she stated, but the look upon his face didn't allow her to continue.

"Sometimes…" he found it difficult to speak out his feelings, and with every word he said he wanted to stop, but then thought about her sad smile and how she felt left out. He had to talk to her, let her know…

"Sometimes I cannot overcome the… feelings you bring out in me. However that is not the problem. Often, my instincts take lead and I am afraid I will come to scare you one day." Rin stared at him. She knew of his nature, his temper, his cruelty, but she loved them all, entirely, because they were all… him.

"Sesshoumaru, I want you whole. I do not expect you to cast aside your nature for my sake. You are a taiyoukai, you have killed, you have ruled for centuries and fought bloody battles across time. Your cruelty is not gratuitous, and neither is your kindness. I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Do you indeed know what you will come to experience at my side, Rin? Your life would be a constant fight. There will be many who will think that a human is not fit for the Lord of The Western Lands, and despise you. They will try to take you from me, and I will protect you with my life, if necessary. That, however, is not the greatest of our worries. Our different ways will eventually come out, and as far as you are from being a common human, you are human nevertheless. I may hurt you, even if unwillingly."

Her concern grew with his every word. The pain on his face clearly showed how much thought he'd given their situation and their future together.

"Hurt me? I've been hurt, Sesshoumaru, in every way there is. Or did you forget how I lived before I met you? I had lost everything… I think I can handle pain." The confidence on her face made him sure that she couldn't understand what he was talking about.

"Not from me you can't." he pushed her away and took a step back. Sesshoumaru put his hand over his eyes for a second, lowering his head in an uncharacteristic manner for him. He sighed shallowly, and Rin felt like there was much more to this hurt he spoke of than she could understand.

"What do you mean?" He regained his composure, and looked at her, but his eyes were still blurry and pained.

"Sesshoumaru… Tell me. What is it?" Rin was being pushed away, she could feel it now. And she wanted to scream at him to let go. To come clean. To let her in.

"You are human, no matter what your soul says. No matter how wonderful you are, how bright and how witty. No matter how much I love you, you are still human, and… your human heart will eventually become alienated from mine. Time will come when we will desire different things, due to our different natures. Do not shake your head, Rin, it is true. I do not want you to feel like you do not know me anymore, and to tell you the truth I do not want that to happen to me either."

"Any other pain that you think you might inflict upon me?" he face was determined, and Sesshoumaru was a little surprised at how she was reacting. He wondered what she was thinking.

"Physical." He simply stated. She frowned.

"Do you think that what I feel around you will resume at showing itself through kisses only? You bit me just now, Rin, and you are human. You gave into what your instinct told you, and eventually so will I. What then? I cannot see you hurt. I will not see you hurt."

"Oh, so that's it." She whispered, realizing that in order to become his mate he had to mark her. And there was the "sleeping together" thing to consider, also. But she was ready for that, both actually. She knew it would hurt, but that wouldn't last, it will only be once, so why was he so disturbed by it?

"I know what a relationship involves, Sesshoumaru, I'm not stupid." He shot his golden eyes at her.

"I did not mean only that, Rin."

"I know, you meant the markings too, and every time you may lose it… I know. I'm ready. Give me a little credit, will you?"

He shook his head.

"You have no idea…" he said, but smiled at her.

"Come on, we'll live through this. You'll see." She stepped towards him and passed her fingers through his hair.

"Maybe I'll be the one hurting you…" she joked, and he smiled again, this time more widely.

"I do believe you are among the few who actually could."

Sesshoumaru looked down at her and saw how young she was, saw how much faith she had in him, in them actually. He looked down at her face and saw how much she wanted to help him, to be beside him and how much she wanted to show her love.

He couldn't shake the thought that she was a child. Her age, her actual age bothered him, and made him feel a little uncomfortable. If she were youkai, she would have looked like a small child. But she was human.

"What are you thinking about?" Rin was looking into his eyes, and beyond them, fighting against his barrier. Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow.

"You are so young, Rin." He brushed her cheek and frowned for a moment.

"I do not know if I am being just with you." He continued, but Rin shoo her head.

"I am old enough to decide that for myself, and I want you. I don't remember ever wanting anyone or anything else, Sesshoumaru." He gave her an intrusive look.

"That is exactly my fear. That you did not have the chance to choose. How can you know…"

"I just do, and don't make me explain my feelings! I've loved you since forever, and now I've realized I love you in every way there is, Sesshoumaru. Why are you so insecure?" She'd never thought him to react like this. It wasn't like him. But then again, she'd never seen him around women… or females, in the way he was now with her.

"I only wanted you to have a choice. I am not insecure, Rin, and that tone is not necessary." She blushed when she realized that she'd raised her voice at him.

"I am more certain than I have ever been. I love you, I want you. But we cannot rush into something we might end up regretting." She gave him a rogue smile, passing her fingers over his chest.

"No regrets, Sesshoumaru. Not with you." He got a shiver, and narrowed his eyes. This girl was indeed something else.

:----:

"Have you ever thought that my time in this world is considerably shorter that yours?" she asked, leaning against his chest, looking out the window. Sesshoumaru frowned.

"I have." He had, and it pained him to know she was going to die in less than 100 years, and that he will never be whole again, for the rest of his immortal life.

"How about that? Will you be satisfied with living together for a mortal life?"

"I wish things were different, Rin, but unfortunately they are not." His heart was squirming in regret at her sad voice and the impossibility of changing their fate.

"What would you say if I were to tell you that there is a way?"

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes and said nothing. What could she possibly mean by that? His mind raced to find an answer, but it seemed like there was none for him, at the moment.

"Would you give it a try?"

"Give what a try?" he asked, suspicious.

"How much do you love me?" she inquired, and immediately realized she'd just asked an offending question. She felt him stiffen.

"What kind of a question is that?" His thoughts still fought to bring out the answer to her sudden calm. What did she mean? What way was there to change their condition? He focused on a distant memory, and suddenly his heart stopped beating for a second. He let out a fast breath and widened his eyes in shock.

"Who told you about the blood bond?" He wanted to kill the idiot who had suggested it to Rin. She was stubborn enough to try bit, and she might die from it. He almost panicked.

"It doesn't matter." She turned to look at him, and was all but frightened by the worry on his face. He was downright scared.

"I won't let you do this, Rin. No." His words were so determined, and so still, that they discouraged her a little. But this was the only way they would have a chance at spending an eternity together. Their only chance.

"Why? Why not? We love each other so much, why won't you do it? Is it because I'm too weak? Do you fear I will weaken you?" Her dark eyes were filled with tears, and Rin felt ripped apart by the same feeling she had while growing up: that she was too weak compared to him. The thing was, she'd been helpless facing her humanity. But now, she could surpass it. She could become stronger for him, and he would be stronger too. She knew it.

"I have faith, Sesshoumaru. I know I can live through it. I know it. Please, I don't wanna lose you." Her words were so dim, and Sesshoumaru felt them so deep inside him, that it scared him.

"You could die, Rin. Do you understand? Not get hurt, but die. And Tenseiga might not work for the second time." His eyes were flashing like a lightning, and the light within them trembling like dead leaves in the autumn.

"I won't die, Sesshoumaru. I won't. It's the only chance we have. Please…"

His mind was blurry, he couldn't think rationally. He figured that was the answer, he couldn't think rationally, because he was beginning to consider her request. This was pure madness! There was no guarantee that she will live through it, absolutely none. But looking into her eyes, he saw how determined she was, he saw how much she wanted this.

And Sesshoumaru decided to listen to the one he loved, for a change. He would give her more credit. So much actually, that he would give in to her mad request ant put her life in danger.

'What am I doing?' he asked himself, just before telling her:

"Fine. We will bind our blood." Rin embraced him tightly and he lifted her from the ground, closing his eyes tightly, and grimacing out the pain he felt at the though that he might lose her forever.

'What am I doing?'

She put a soft kiss on his lips, and smiled kindly.

"I promise you that this will end well." She whispered, and he shook his head. His eyes were hollow from the fear.

"Do not make promises of things you have no control over, Rin." He tightened his grip on her, and felt the girl's small body beginning to shiver, at his sigh of demise.

"It will, it will…" she repeated obsessively into his shoulder, between shudders and tears.

Sesshoumaru wanted it to end well more than he'd ever wanted anything else in his entire life. It wasn't that he had no faith. It was the fear of losing her that drove him to the edge of his reason.

He knew he was powerful enough to bind her blood to his, but his youkai blood might prove too intense for a human like her. She needed serious help f this was to work. She needed… Kagome and her jewel.

:---:

Kagome stared at them both in absolute bewilderment. Inuyasha stood behind her, with his arms crossed across the chest. Rin and Sesshoumaru were both seated in front of the young miko.

"You want me to… what?" she asked, thinking she hadn't heard clearly. Kaede entered the room, and Rin turned her head towards her.

"Maybe Kaede-baba could explain it better, Kagome-chan." Rin said, and gave the old woman a hopeful look. Kaede shook her head and took a seat beside the girl.

"They ask of you to help Rin live through the blood binding ritual, Kagome."

"What exactly is the blood binding ritual?" Kagome had a bad, bad feeling about this. If Rin needed help to live through it, then it was way too dangerous for her taste.

Kaede explained the concept to a stunned Kagome, and an equally stunned Inuyasha, who had to give up his desire of becoming a full demon in order for this to be possible.

"… Of course, this may only happen if Inuyasha agrees to give up his wish." Kaede concluded, and then everyone waited for the hanyou to say something. Inuyasha looked like he would have just woken from a hypnotic trance.

"Oh, Kagome, don't give me that look, you know it too well that I haven't seriously considered becoming a full demon ever since I've come to love you. It's not important to me, anymore." Kagome smiled at him and his open declaration of love.

"Ne, Kaede-baba… will Kagome be in danger?" Inuyasha asked, somewhat worried.

"No, the only one we should be worrying about is young Rin here." They all gave Rin a concerned look, and Sesshoumaru took her small hand into his own.

"I will guard Rin. She will be fine." His confidence was impressing, but Kagome couldn't help wondering if that was truly how confident he felt.

With a sigh, Kagome locked her gaze on Rin.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Definitely." Rin answered, nodding at Kagome.

"Alright. Whenever you feel ready, I will do what I can."

Rin sprung forward and embraced the miko, then stood up and embraced a shocked Inuyasha, who took a fleeting look at his brother before closing his arms on Rin's waist. He looked a little embarrassed when he pushed her away, a moment later.

"Kagome, I must speak to you." Kaede said, with a serious look on her face. Kagome nodded.

"Hai."

"Come." The old woman exited, with Kagome close behind. They stopped before Kagome's rocking chair, and the young woman knew she was to receive instructions that she must follow to the letter, or else Rin's life would be lost.

"Kagome, this is very dangerous, as I've told you all before. Your purpose here is to make up for the fact that Rin has no youkai blood whatsoever. The magic within the Shikon no Tama will compensate, but you must be the guide for Sesshoumaru's blood inside this child."

"Guide?" Kagome focused her attention to understand Kaede's words.

"The blood bond requests, beside the exchange of blood, a merge of life too. Two lives become one. You must make sure that the stronger life force unites with the weaker one, not consume it. Sesshoumaru is a full youkai, and a very powerful one, maybe the most powerful I have ever encountered. His life force is considerably stronger that a human, even Rin's. It doesn't matter that she is who she is. She's still human, and her blood is too weak for her to make it on her own. You must pass Sesshoumaru's life force through yourself and the jewel, and then channel it to Rin."

"How can I do that? I'm human too, isn't it the same thing?" Kaede shook her head and narrowed her eyes.

"You are a miko and no ordinary one either. Kagome, you have the power to heal, you still hold purity, and grow stronger every day. You can handle it. Haven't you connected to Sesshoumaru when you shot your power through his body? Didn't you feel him inside you?"

Kagome widened her eyes. She had felt him, but dared not say anything about it. She thought it was something to intimate to tell. The way Sesshoumaru simply spread inside her in that moment had been overwhelming. Such an intense force, that it made her stop thinking. He was strong, and he could manage the force he had, that was more important. Kagome began to trust in their chances of success.

Kaede nodded.

"That is what I mean. You know him now, you've seen him from inside, when you collided your power with his. This will help you a great deal, and will make things somewhat easier. If you hadn't been here, the child wouldn't stand any chance."

Kagome understood what she had to do, and understood what was the danger Rin faced.

"So, do you mean to say that if this doesn't work, it will be Sesshoumaru who kills her?" Roughly put, that was the truth. His blood would consume hers, and she would die.

Kaede didn't answer, but she didn't have to. Kagome looked to the ground, and felt sorry for the taiyoukai.

If this were to fail, he would not only have to live with the loss of his loved one, but with the guilt of being the one who killed her. Horrible fate.

Kagome swore she would do the impossible to see her through safely, and bring Rin out alive. She had to. Otherwise, what would all her power be worth?

:---:

A.N.

Yeah, I know, I'm late with this one. Gomen… I have no excuse. I just hope you like it, cuz I'm not that thrilled with how it turned out. Next one will be intensely worked on, because it's the Blood Bond thingy, and it has to go Oh so well as it were.

Thank you all for your reviews, I love love love them all, and you guys as well!

ITADAKIMASU to all future reviews, and see ya later on…

Bye Bye!

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