We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down
Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same
We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Hey, look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down
Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same
You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love
( Rob Thomas - "Ever the same")
Have been listening to this while writing, over and over again like a psychotic maniac. It's simply beautiful, and it fits so well. Please read it. It's so so beautiful... I almost cried while listening to these lyrics. Call me mushy... If you will.
Chapter 16 – Breathe in
His face was a mask of desperation and hopelessness. He held on to her unmoving body as she grew colder and colder into his quivering arms. Her breath had dimmed into a light flow of cool air upon his beautiful pained face, threatening to disappear just as sudden as in came onto this world. Her chest wasn't moving up and down anymore, and he was desperately hanging on to the sight of her pale parted lips, which still fought to draw in air to her lungs.
"You cannot die." He whispered, as everyone stared at them, not daring to say a word or to move a muscle. Five feet from where they were seated on the ground, Inuyasha showed a similar posture, holding Kagome in his arms.
Kaede looked from one couple to another, oblivious as to what she could do to bring the girls back to their senses.
Inuyasha stared at his brother for a few seconds, almost not being able to recognize him. He was frowning into an expression of guilt and demise, anger and loss that completely threw the hanyou off. Sesshoumaru really loved this little human girl.
Inuyasha's eyes then focused on Kagome's pale face, and he passed his clawed fingers over her face and neck, kissing her forehead carefully.
She was breathing normally, her chest raising and falling back repeatedly. He held her close trying to warm up her body. She was still limp, but the color gradually returned to her skin, and Inuyasha could finally breathe easy when she fluttered her eyes open and looked up at him with blurred vision.
He let out a fast breath and pulled her head to rest on his chest, kissing her hair.
She put her arm around him and held back her tears as she recalled Rin's broken body. She'd failed, and the girl had been hurt, maybe even fatally.
Kagome slowly parted from Inuyasha to look him in the eye. The uneven purple marks were still staining his cheeks. She frowned and touched his face.
"Thank you." She said slowly, and he took her fingers into his hand, still staring into her eyes.
"Are you…" he began, and she nodded, looking to Sesshoumaru and Rin.
He didn't know what to do. He felt her life slipping away, between his fingers and far from his reach. It was only then that he saw the white hair the purple markings on her face, her claws. He touched each of the proofs her body displayed in regard to her new nature, and felt a sting in his throat.
"What is the use? For this… I have sacrificed your life." He whispered into her silvery hair, the rumble inside his chest becoming harder and harder to control. He felt like coughing, like letting out the pain inside his heart. He wanted time to stop and freeze her like this, almost dead in his arms. Because almost dead was not yet dead, and the fear within him was not yes desperation.
He was afraid even to squeeze her body against his, afraid that the slightest motion may cease her shallow breath and she would be gone forever.
"Why did you have to do this, Rin?" his low voice was uneven and ill paced, and his eyes opened widely as he no longer felt the petty blow of her breath against his skin.
Sesshoumaru whimpered, his hand trembling as he passed his fingers over her soft mouth. Her eyes were almost completely closed, but he could see the watery shade of death grow inside their depths, and his heart stopped beating for a second. He wanted to go with her, and dreaded his heartbeat resuming its usual motion, even if it was painfully hitting his chest from the inside.
Her skin was now cold, and he was the same. He could feel every piece of kindness and love drain from his body and heart; he could feel his feelings wither in her absence and emptiness filling him entirely. What was the use to holding them, if she was no longer there to see it? What was the use of searching for love if it only defeated her? In that very moment, Sesshoumaru cursed the day he'd let her know he loved her, cursed the day he'd allowed this child to become a woman beside him. He should have sent her away from him. He should have known better.
His eyes rested hollowly upon her still face and he raised his voice just a notch.
"I've killed her." His voice was as steel, and Kagome breathed in and out a few times, violently. She stood up from Inuyasha's embrace, and unsteadily advanced towards Sesshoumaru, kneeling beside him.
"Are you giving up, then?" she asked, and Sesshoumaru frowned.
"What's the use? She is gone."
"You still have…"
"Tenseiga may only save a life once." He said, bitterly. "Bokusenou told me this yesterday, when I went to see him. She is gone forever."
Kagome frowned.
"No. Try it, Sesshoumaru. Just…" she refused to believe Rin was gone. Not like this, not now, it was to painful to accept her death. She was so young, and full of life, she was Sesshoumaru's heart, and with her gone, the demon would freeze hopelessly for an eternity.
"I don't want to hear you anymore. Stop." He said, and Kagome's voice was cut abruptly by the resent in his words. He didn't only hate her, he hated everyone. Everything.
Kagome's eyes filled with tears, and she reached for Rin, but Sesshoumaru angrily shot his eyes at her which caused Kagome to stop just before touching the girl.
"You can't give up, not if you love her, Sesshoumaru."
"Can you not you see that there is no one left for me to love? She is dead!" his voice was husky and his eyes swam in unreleased tears. Kagome was taken aback by the utter pain carved upon his face.
She shook her head.
"You're wrong." Sesshoumaru didn't move, but clenched his teeth, pulling Rin's body closer to his own in a possessive grip that reached even beyond death.
"Why do you still hold her body like that? Why are you so pained? Why, Sesshoumaru? Didn't your love die with her? Why do you still want her, then?" he words sunk into the depths of his brain and the demon began trembling lightly, mostly due to the tension in his jaws.
"She will not die if you still love her, Sesshoumaru." Kagome swallowed her tears and reached to his face. He backed a little, but allowed her to touch him. Kagome brushed his cheek with the tips of her fingers.
"Try." She said, then stood up and took a step back.
Sesshoumaru closed his eyes tightly, holding back his feelings. He felt like if he would let them take over he would be ripped apart, clawed into almost nothing, like his worst enemy would tear at his body.
He carefully placed Rin on her back in the high green grass, and looked up for a second.
'Help me, chichiue. Help us.' The Lord prayed, as she unsheathed Tenseiga. The blade rested coldly in his hand, glittering from the sunlight. Sesshoumaru swallowed and took in a deep breath. He could usually see the small creatures from the other world by the time Tessaiga was in fighting position. Rin's body was the same as it was w moment ago. He couldn't see anything, couldn't sense anything other than desperation.
He shook his head and held Tenseiga's handle tighter, focusing on Rin's face. He tilted his head and hovered above her like she was a surreal creature from heaven. She looked so beautiful, even with her pale skin and closed eyes. She was so pure and quiet, still and peaceful in her demise.
He felt like his courage crushed against a mountain and he could no longer stand. He fell to his knees, plunging the sword into the ground, then bending over and dragging Tenseiga's blade over Rin's chest, as he rested his head on the same spot. His entire body quivered, and he let out a small cry of release, then a raging howl which scared even Inuyasha.
He closed his eyes tight and no longer wished for himself to die with her, but for her to live forever with him. He would have given her his own life, if that would have made her come through. The thought froze inside his mind. Why hadn't he died until now? If the bond had worked, why wasn't he dead? Sesshoumaru figured there were more ways than one to die.
An immense wave on heat flooded his body and made him clench onto Rin's clothing as he frowned at the feeling. He could no longer hold back his emotion, and it poured out through his gold eyes in the form of two sparkling trails of salty water which trailed down his pale face. As they reached Tenseiga's cold shimmering blade, it lit up and surrounded the two with a light blue wave of sparkling energy. Sesshoumaru felt the powerful pulse of his sword and in the next second beat of Rin's heart against her chest.
His eyes widened and he raised his head to look at her, with his hand still on her chest, to make sure he wasn't imagining things.
Rin felt something rip through her and pain invading her body, as a strong grip forcefully dragged her back from her even flow towards… she didn't know towards what. She was pulled back, as if a swirl of wind was yanking her by somewhere inside her chest. She finally landed on a rough surface and squirmed in pain for a moment. It was horrible, she fought to stay awake, and not lose he consciousness from the strong violent that she was now receiving all through her body.
Eventually, she felt lighter, and realized that she was flowing upwards. She was being pulled up by this unseen force that soothed her ache. Soon enough, the soreness in her body began to drain and was gradually left behind. She wanted to surface the complete darkness in which she found herself, and she wanted to take in air. She realized she wasn't breathing at all, and this scared her. But with this realization came another sort of pain. Loss.
'Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru… I've left him all alone.' She reached her hands up and caught something she couldn't yet see. She wanted to breathe, her lungs hurt and her throat stung with thickness.
Sesshoumaru saw her mouth open rapidly, and heard her throat wheeze as it hungrily took in air. She repeated the movement until her throat didn't hurt anymore, and her heartbeat settled into an even pattern. Her body was sore still, but nothing compared to the pain she'd felt before breathing in.
She shot her eyes open and saw the worried face of the taiyoukai before her. He let out a fast whimper of relief, and smiled at her with the look of liberation waving over his features. Rin felt her eyes burn, and she blinked a few times to get accustomed to the light. Sesshoumaru was silent just above her, thankful to be looking in her beautiful avert eyes.
Rin saw something sparkling on his face and focused her sore eyes on the glittering trails of …
"Have you…" she begun, and felt her throat thick and stinging. Her voice seemed different, somehow. Sesshoumaru nodded slowly, and she smiled sadly, wiping the trails of tears off his face.
"Baka." She whispered as she put an arm on the back of his neck and pulled him to her. She placed a kiss on his dried lips, and Sesshoumaru held his breath as she moved her warm mouth over his. He shivered and closed his eyes submitting to her sweet kiss, and the relief of her being alive. His heart could beat again, he could breathe again, and he could live again. Rin was alive.
Kagome blushed as she caught a glimpse of their kiss, and then looked to the side. Inuyasha however didn't care to miss his brother's display of affection. It was a rare sight, and he wanted to enjoy it while he still could. Soon enough, his beloved brother would resume his obnoxious behavior. Or so he thought.
Sesshoumaru helped Rin up and she stumbled on her feet for a second, but regained her balance quickly. She took a look at Tenseiga, then at Kagome.
"You did it." She told the miko, but Kagome shook her head.
"I only helped do this." She walked to Rin and took a strand of white hair in her hand, bringing it before the girl's yes. Rin widened her yes, and brought her hair on her chest, staring at it in bewilderment. She breathed in deeply, and could distinguish some strange smells that she hadn't before. Her eyes focused as far as he could see, and she realized it was significantly further than she had been able to before.
She looked at the claws on her fingers, and pulled her sleeve up only to find a thin, wavering magenta bracelet on her wrist. She looked up at Kagome and opened her mouth to say something, but couldn't think of what she could say. It was simply unbelievable. She could hear the birds singing, far away from her, could hear the insects crawling in the grass, could feel Sesshoumaru's heartbeat just behind her, and smell his blood as it rushed through his veins.
She felt her cheeks, and thought that she must have stripes across them too. She smiled and turned to Sesshoumaru, who was just sheathing his sword.
"It worked. I'm…"
"Hanyou." Sesshoumaru said, and Rin put a hand over her mouth, smiling into her palm.
"It worked…" She rushed to embrace Kagome, who almost fell over from the hit. Rin didn't know her strength yet, and Kagome fought to stay up.
"Oh, gomen Kagome-chan. Arigato, domo arigato…" she mumbled and kissed both Kagome's cheeks, making her blush intensely."
"A-are you okay too?" she asked, and Kagome smiled affectionately at the younger girl.
"I'm so happy for you…" the miko said, not without emotion flooding her voice, looking from Rin to Sesshoumaru, who nodded towards her. The taiyoukai slowly advanced towards the young miko, and Rin stepped aside to allow him full sight of Kagome. The girl stood straight, looking into his gold eyes with calm in her heart.
Sesshoumaru was more grateful to her than he'd ever been to any other being in this world. This human had given him back his life, his Rin, and she was just standing there, looking like she didn't even make an effort. But she had, he knew it from the shadows under her dark eyes, and the pallor on her face.
Before Kagome's excessively wide eyes, Inuyasha's complete stun and Kaede's look of approval, Sesshoumaru bent on one knee and bowed to Kagome not saying a word. Kagome almost fell from her feet at the sight on the taiyoukai kneeling before her. She didn't know how to react. She wanted to raise him, but didn't dare touch him. After a few seconds, he stood up and looked her in the eye. Kagome felt gratitude flood her, and figured that must be what he was feeling.
His gold eyes lingered on hers, and then he turned to his brother. Inuyasha only nodded, wordlessly letting him know there was no need for thanking him. After all, his main concern had been Kagome, not Rin. The same scene as with Inuyasha was played with Kaede, who bowed to the demon Lord, and he did the same.
Sesshoumaru then eyed Rin, and he outstretched his hand for her to take. So she did, shyly smiling up at him. Kagome watched as they both walked away from her, and she finally turned and put her arms around Inuyasha's neck, breathing easy.
"And so it ends…" Inuyasha whispered.
Kagome smiled and backed to see his face.
"No. So it begins, Inuyasha." He smiled back and placed a soft kiss on her smooth lips. Kagome sighed in content, and she looked up at the perfect sky.
"I want an outdoor wedding, Inuyasha. Can you get me one of those nice foyers? We'll decorate it with some flowers, and maybe I can bring everyone from back home here, now that…" Kagome paused, and then realized that she didn't have the Shikon anymore.
"Where did I… Kaede?" The old woman looked at her attentively.
"I don't have the jewel anymore."
"Yes, you do." Kagome frowned.
"But… Where…" Then she realized that it was back inside her body again. She put a palm over her ribs, where it came out from in the first place, and raised her eyebrows.
"I don't think it has any more negative energy stored inside." Kagome said, and Kaede nodded.
"Most likely. It is pure now, with no option on tainting it anymore. You've won Midoriko's battle inside it."
Kagome smiled, and again turned to Inuyasha.
"How about that foyer?" He rolled his eyes back and swooped her up not saying a word.
"See ya, Kaede!" he threw over his shoulder, as he headed for the house. He wanted to show Kagome just how patiently he was going to wait for their wedding night…
:---:
"I feel so much… lighter now." Rin said later that evening, as she sat in the library, in front of Sesshoumaru's huge desk. She sat on a large chair, with her legs under her and an open book in her lap. He couldn't get enough of watching her. She looked slightly different, but she was exactly the same. He humor, her witty comebacks, her strange wordings were all still there, and he loved every bit of them. He was just staring at her, his eyes partially open though.
"Stop it with that look, Sesshoumaru, you're making me nervous. You've always made me nervous with it." He quirked an eyebrow, placing a palm under his chin while he leaned forward on the desk.
"That's not helping…" she smiled shyly, and tried to avoid looking into his eyes. Surely enough, it proved impossible. He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes in that curiosity look he sometimes gave her. Rin fussed in her seat, then gave up, and closed the book.
Sesshoumaru was simply devouring her with his gaze. She felt exposed, like he could see through her clothes, and went crimson at the thought. Her ears could pick up the low growl in his chest and throat, and her senses began pulling alarms at the scent that came from him. Rin didn't know how to interpret it though, but she definitely knew he was gonna explain it to her… one way or the other.
She heard his heartbeat pick up pace and his breath did the same, as he continued to silently look at her. The thing was, he wasn't looking at her body, but only into her eyes, and Rin felt pined to that chair.
She saw the same reaction in her body as in his, and began to understand. She froze when he stood up and went around the desk, hovering above her. He took her hand and led her up. She was still looking up at him, and he remembered her silly remark of how tall he was, earlier that day.
He wanted her so much, and he wasn't even sure why. That completely threw him off track. He couldn't clearly define his own reasons, couldn't separate the love from the lust, from the need to protect her… She raised so many feelings inside him that he decided to simply give up trying to analyze them, and just live them.
He raised her chin and captured her mouth in a breathtaking kiss which rapidly grew deeper and more intense. They were both pressing their bodies against each other, and Sesshoumaru felt the sudden need to have her urging him to skip the foreplay. But then, he discovered that he didn't only want to possess her, he wanted her to feel how much he loved her, he wanted her to feel the bliss of their union, and he wanted to discover every bit of her beautiful young body.
Rin completely abandoned herself into his embrace, as she felt hot flashes pass through her body at random intervals. She responded to his kiss, she wanted him closer and closer, but she felt a little scared by this need for him, by this insatiable desire to become his.
She'd known it for a long time that this time would come. She'd known it, and hoped for it. She wanted to be his in every way there was, and in this very moment his meant his mate. She blushed and opened her mouth to draw in air. She'd forgotten how to breathe. She climbed on the chair, and found that it was just as tall as she wanted it to be. Her chin was just above his head.
She put her hands on his shoulders and looked into his gold eyes as he lifted his head, asking her that unheard question she so longed to answer. She burnt him with her eyes, and nodded once. Sesshoumaru seemed to hesitate.
"I'm not afraid anymore." She whispered, and he rested his forehead on her chest for a second, before Rin felt her obi go down and her kimono part. She never wore much under her garments, but today she was almost completely naked. She only wore a pair of panties. She'd adopted Kagome's strange fashion, as she found it quite comfortable.
He was a little surprised to suddenly see her like that, before him and waiting. He looked at her smooth light skin as if it were the first and last thing his eyes were destined to see in this world, and his fingers ran over her body from her shoulders to her waist. She shivered at the light touch and rapidly let out air, almost going limp. He came closer and placed a burning kiss between her breasts, making her chest raise and fall fast a few times. Then he trailed down around them, and moved his lips over her sensitive skin, giving her the chills.
He smiled seeing her skin react to his light touch, as Rin got goose bumps. She was simply perfect. She stuck her hands in his silvery hair and slightly pulled his head closer to her body. Sesshoumaru pushed her kimono off her shoulders and trailed her back with his fingers, lightly pressing on her lower back with his palm, urging her closer.
Rin shivered at the contact, and felt like heaven had fallen on her. This feeling must be a sin, must be beyond reality, it couldn't possibly be real. She felt like she would melt into the palm of his hand. She threw her head back and closed her eyes, as Sesshoumaru licked her lower stomach, making her tense and quiver. His tongue ran over her bellybutton and slightly go inside it, and she opened her mouth to breathe rapidly, letting out a moan.
She clenched her fingers on his shoulders, and Sesshoumaru felt her claws pricking his flesh. It was only then that he remembered she wasn't human anymore. Human or not, she was still Rin, and she was still going to be his. His determination could be read in those gold eyes, as he looked up at her.
"Rin." He called her, and she met his gaze.
"I love you." He said, and Rin had a shiver.
"I love you too." She answered, and abandoned her innocence into his embrace.
No regrets, Sesshoumaru. Not with you.
:---:
AN: Yeah, I did it! I wrote this one faster! IT IS NOT THE LAST CHAPPY, do not despair! It'll come soon enough… I think 17 is the lucky no. here. May be the last. With great pain in my heart, I must end my first fic at chapter 17, because I don't think it'll turn out good if I keep dragging things along like that. It's possible that I write a sequel, though, as soon as I come up with some nice worthy plot for it.
Gomen, I didn't post the lemon, because I'm not sure FF would have allowed me to post it (I don't wanna get kicked out). It's not explicit or anything, nor is it vulgar, but it's… well… a lemon. Gesserit style, though. Mail me if you wanna read it, and I'll make sure to mail it to your account. If you wanna read it. K?
BTW, will you tell me, if and after you read the lemon, if it could have been posted without problems, cuz I wanna do one on my other fic, and it's gonna be in the same style as this one. I gotta know if it's too explicit, so that I don't get in trouble and get my profile deleted or anything… THANKS A LOT!
Kisses, and be patient for the next chappy, please, I don't know how long it'll take. No more that a week, though, I don't wanna get cursed and played voodoo magic on. Hehe…
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing, it's been super duper for me to have your appreciation all the way through, and I hope you'll be reading my other fics too. When I write them, cuz I have all sorts of ideas for new ones…
Bye-bye, and kisses again!